I'm in my late 30s and have been playing with this stuff since about 2000. I've used nolv,clo, hcg, etc, and every method of coming off you'll ever read about on a board and I've never had a pleasant experience coming off. It always starts off ok but when I hope it's about over [2 months maybe] the major apathy, depression, sugar cravings, etc. set in. Frankly my brain goes very ADD and my energy level is like a flashlight that barely comes on. I can't keep a straight thought and want to sleep 24/7. One time I was in a math class and couldn't learn or retain anything at all for several weeks to the point I thought I was going to flunk out, I hit a cc of test and my thinking cleared right up to where I was ripping through material like I wrote it. Things like that started me in the direction of doing test maintenance as soon as the crash really started to hit hard, then I'd go back on a cycle and hope for a more opportune time to "deal with it" when life didn't demand high performance from me. That time never seemed to arrive. It was either school, relocation, new business or job, always something that did not lend itself to allowing me to become a whiny apathetic bitch. Last time I went all the way to full recovery it was after maybe 5-6 months of use and I was walking dead for 4 months. When it was over it was like waking up from a bad dream.
Well, currently I'm facing an upcoming crash that has me horrified. With the exception of a few months here and there, I've been on something for nearly 2 years. I feel like I trapped myself. I just ran out of stuff to maintain with, my long time hook up just got slammed by the dea, and after I run through 6 weeks of fina [tapering down to 50 or less eod,] it's cold turkey until I come out through the light at the end of the tunnel. In my experience it's better to come off something like fina because even though my test will go low, there will not be an estrogen spike along with it. I'm trying to view this inevitable crash in the best light but I'm concerned that I may not ever produce enough HCG to ever normalize. I can slam hcg and my balls are big, bad and rockin in a couple weeks, but without my own hcg to sustain it I'll just crash back down until my brain kicks in and finally takes over. Holy crap guys, I'm not looking forward to this. I feel like I painted myself in a corner. On the bright side I do believe that hard aerobic [like marathon running] does release enough endorphins to turbo charge your hormone system and help stimulate homeostasis, but it might be wishful thinking. My biggest fear is discovering that I've created a persistant endocrine imbalance and after 6 months of hell I realize that I need test maintanance forever. I love being the lean mean big bad 240 lb. animal I am, but the truth is that I was in pretty damn good shape when I started this quest for "arnold status" and am wondering if I should have been content with being a ripped 210 where I started.