And so it begins
Q: What's the difference between a carp and a Michigan football player?
A: One's a stinky, slimy, low-down, good for nothing, bottom-feeding, ****-eater and the other is a fish.
Little Johnny is from Michigan. One day at the mall shopping for Christmas presents with his family he runs across an Ohio State jersey. He asks his sister for the jersey for Christmas and she promptly slaps him on the head and says go talk to mom. So he finds his mom and asks his mom "Can I please have this Ohio State jersey for Christmas?" she slaps him across the head and says go talk to your father! He goes to his dad and says "Dad, I'd really like this jersey for Christmas!" His father chews him out and says no son of his will ever wear Ohio State anything. So on the way home from the mall Johnny's father looks at him in the rear view mirror and ask, "So have we learned anything today?" Johnny replies, "Yeah. I've only been a Buckeye fan for 2 hours and I already hate you Michigan bastards!"
Q: What do you call a _ichigan cheerleader with two brain cells?
Q: Why doesn't _ichigan have ice on the sidelines during games?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.
Q: Why do the University of _ichigan grads hang their diplomas from the rearview mirror?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces.
Q: Why hasn't Ohio fallen into Kentucky?
A: Because _ichigan sucks.
Q: What is the difference between _ichigan and Cheerios?
A: Cheerios know what to do in a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between _ichigan stadium and a porcupine?
A: The porcupine has over 100,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.
Q: Why are there no Nativity scenes on the Michigan campus at Christmas?
A: Because they cant find three wise men and a virgin.
Lloyd Carr, clearly upset about the Michigan Wolverine's loss to the Minnesota, decides to find out from Jim Tressel what his winning secret is. Carr travels to an OSU practice and asks Tressel, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?" Tressel, trying to be helpful, responds by calling AJ Hawk over and asks him, "AJ, who's your father's brother's nephew? Hawk answers, "Why coach, that's easy. It's me." Tressel turns to Carr and says, "See, that's the secret, Lloyd. Smart Players. You've got to have smart players!"
Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Carr returns to Michigan and the Wolverine workout. He promptly calls over Chad Henne. "Hey, Henne! Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Chad looks perplexed, thinks a bit and says, "Coach, I'll have to get back to you after practice on that, okay?" Carr, disgusted, says okay.
During practice, Henne calls over Mike Hart. "Hey, Mike, Coach just asked me the weirdest question: "Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Hart answers, "Duh! That's pretty simple! It's me!" After practice, Henne catches up with Carr and says, "Hey, Coach, I have the answer to your question! My father's brother's nephew is Mike Hart!" Carr (very angry with Henne) says, "No, No, No! You idiot! It's AJ Hawk!!!"
Q. What's the difference between a bucket of @#%$ and a Michigan fan?
A. The bucket.