Rugger
Well-known member
- Awards
- 1
An American Democrat
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.
An American Republican
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
Socialist
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
Communist
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
Capitalism, American style
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Democracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your' government.
Bureaucracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
Democracy, American style
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"
Feudalism
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk
Pure socialism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need
Bureaucratic socialism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure communism
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Russian communism
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk
Dictatorship
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you
Singaporean democracy
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment
Militarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you
Pure democracy
You have two cows.
Your neighbors decide who gets the milk
Repreresentative democracy
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk
British democracy
You have two cows.
You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows
Anarchy
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows
Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull
Hong Kong capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
Environmentalism
You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them
Feminism
You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf
Tolatarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned
Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.
Counter Culture
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.
Surrealism
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
An American Corporation
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
A British Corporation
You have two cows.
They are mad.
They die.
Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
French Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.
Japanese Corporation
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
German Corporation
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves..
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
Italian Corporation
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
Russian Corporation
You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
Taliban Corporation
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
Polish Corporation
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
Florida Corporation
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A Brazilian Corporation
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
An Indian Corporation
You have two cows.
You worship both of them.
A Chinese Corporation
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
An Israeli Corporation
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
An Arkansas Corporation
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous and Barbara Streisand sings for you.
An American Republican
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
Socialist
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
Communist
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
Capitalism, American style
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
Democracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your' government.
Bureaucracy, American style
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
Democracy, American style
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "Cowgate"
Feudalism
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk
Pure socialism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
You have to take care of all the cows.
The government gives you as much milk as you need
Bureaucratic socialism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows.
They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers.
The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pure communism
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
Russian communism
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk
Dictatorship
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you
Singaporean democracy
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment
Militarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you
Pure democracy
You have two cows.
Your neighbors decide who gets the milk
Repreresentative democracy
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk
British democracy
You have two cows.
You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad.
The government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.
Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows
Anarchy
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows
Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull
Hong Kong capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
Environmentalism
You have two cows.
The government bans you from milking or killing them
Feminism
You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf
Tolatarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned
Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified gender.
Counter Culture
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
You got to have some of this milk.
Surrealism
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
An American Corporation
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
A British Corporation
You have two cows.
They are mad.
They die.
Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
French Corporation
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.
Japanese Corporation
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
German Corporation
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves..
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
Italian Corporation
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
Russian Corporation
You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
Taliban Corporation
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
Polish Corporation
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
Florida Corporation
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
A Swiss Corporation
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A Brazilian Corporation
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.
Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
An Indian Corporation
You have two cows.
You worship both of them.
A Chinese Corporation
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
An Israeli Corporation
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
An Arkansas Corporation
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute.
