The Neck
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So you want to get bigger? No problem. You can’t figure it out on your own? Also not a problem. That’s what I’m here for! This is a short two part series to start off the New Year and will guarantee a huge 2011. There’s no science, no calorie counting, no complicated training stuff, just a basic plan that works. Since diet is the most important factor in pretty much anything, we’ll start there.
I suck at counting calories. To be honest, I really can’t be bothered. It’s not because I don’t have the time either, I don’t make excuses, it’s because I won’t make the time – there’s a subtle difference, and that difference is simply not caring. If you don’t mind counting calories and whatnot all the power to you, most of this post won’t apply to you but it might be a good read anyway.
Still, even though I’m absolutely terrible at diet management I’ve never had trouble bulking up, its all about knowing your body, knowing what you usually eat, and adjusting a few things when you don’t see the scales changing or you notice you’ve gotten rid of all your mirrors.
There’s a lot of chatter about clean bulking on the net and in the fitness mags, but I can tell you right now that it’s a bunch of crap. To bulk (put on mass) you need to eat more than your body currently requires. There’s just no getting around that fact and here’s why.
Right now your body is used to being the same size, it’s used to your current activity levels inside and outside of the gym, and it even knows when you usually take your meals and when you wake up and go to sleep. All in all your body is pretty damned good at staying the same – it’s this efficiency that’s allowed us to survive as a species so long when conditions may have killed a less versatile creature. After all, it’s going to take a lot less effort to stay the same than to get bigger - you’ll require less energy, less food, and fewer resources to keep alive. Ten thousand years ago this was a good thing.
But no longer!
To get bigger you need to FORCE your body to do so. A clean bulk is a huge oxymoron; the two words just can’t co-exist unless you’re running a cycle of ”special vitamins” a friend of a friend got from Mexico. You know what I mean. If you’re eating more food than you need to stay the same you’re going to put on weight, and if you want to get any sort of appreciable results at the end of it get ready to get a little smoother around the edges for a while.
The critical step in bulking for idiots is to dispense with the bull**** and start some serious eating. Not 100-200 calories more, add another zero and you’re about right. Once you get that into your head (and the fact that you can just cut all that fat away later on, so why worry?) the rest is easy. Here are a few simple food choices that make bulking a piece of cake. In fact, cake could probably be one of them.
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Milk. Milk is the most obvious secret in the iron game and has been for the last 60 years. Its cheap, it’s full of carbs, protein, and fat, and it’s available pretty much everywhere. It’s the poor-mans mass gainer, and in my opinion it’s streets ahead of all of them. 100ml of whole milk has about 65 calories in it, a massive 370 calories per pint. If you eat three meals a day and have a pint of milk on the side instead of water that’s over 1100 calories extra every day! This is almost too easy. Milk is also great source of calcium and some B vitamins too, both essential nutrients in sports performance.
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Next up, nuts. 100g of nuts is a sizable handful and can contain anywhere between 500 and 700 calories! If you split that into 4 small snacks throughout the day you’ll barely notice you’re eating anything extra, but with the milk we’re already up to about 1800 extra calories. For some people this may have even doubled their total intake – how the hell these people think they’re going to get anywhere is beyond me. Nuts are also a fantastic source of mono- and poly-unsaturated fatty acids which can help maintain a healthy cardiovascular system, and can boost natural testosterone production.
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Finally, olive oil. This is great if you’re feeling full at this point and just need to get your calories in and go to bed, and at 135 calories per tablespoon it’s a god-send. I like to mix a few tablespoons in with my daily fruit smoothie for an extra 260 calories and some more of those healthy fats. I think that brings us over 2000 calories now, too.
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If you haven’t been keeping track, here’s a simple summary (you really are lazy, do you even go to the gym at all?):
Eat more, gain weight. If you eat enough to put on some fat you’ve probably put on twice as much muscle. If you can’t put up with this have fun staying small.
Drink a pint of milk with every major meal for an extra 1100 calories or more, and some useful nutrients.
100g of nuts throughout the day as snacks will give you an extra 700 calories and some hormone-boosting fats.
Finish up your day with a fruit smoothie containing a few tablespoons of olive oil. You’ll barely notice it and it should bring your running total of bulking calories over 2000.
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All told you should now have no trouble eating upwards of 4000 calories and you didn’t even have to count them. This is more than enough to pack on solid slabs of muscle over the next few months of training. It’s not easy, and most days you’ll go to sleep feeling fit to burst, but stick with it.
I’d also like to point out that just because you’re bulking it’s not an excuse to skimp on the vegetables. Clean bulking is stupid, but healthy bulking should be common sense – get plenty of fruit, vegetables, fish, chicken, whole grains, cereals, and other healthy foods in your main meals and let the milk, nuts, and olive oil take care of your bulking.
Next time we’ll look at the training side of things and what it takes to actually turn all that food into muscle.
Start eating……NOW.
getlifting.info Bulking for Idiots and Lazy People: Part I (Diet)
