[B5150]

Originally Posted by bioman

In the home, an hour before bed with some deep stretching and meditating thrown in..ahh, those were the days.

Can we have a sleep over at your place.

[B5150]

My wife has on many occasions tried to persuade me to self medicate with MJ. It is the one self medication that really has worked for me. The issue with me is that a pinch becomes a 1/4 L B in a flash. Then the addict and my propensity to abuse take over.

[bioman]

I smoke it if I got it...if I don't, I honestly don't think about it for many months at a time until it comes my way again.

I'll smoke enough to get sleepy and high, but I rarely ever use it during the daytime unless I am sick or injured. Then it helps me to stay in bed where I should be instead of finding projects to do.

It keeps a lot of ambient tension and anxiety at bay which eases my more aggressive impulses. I have anger and depression issues that are linked. It works for me and all stigmas aside, I think I manage myself pretty well. I am actually terrified to get caught and be forced into taking some godawful prescription drug instead.

But yes, it qualifies as a habit for me...but nothing like coffee. I will literally lose my marbles if deprived of coffee for 2 or more days. The migraine-nausea agony is the worst thing I have ever felt, lol. Succession of pot use simply means maybe one sleepless night, a grumpy day or two..then everything's back to normal with the exception of a higher level of stress. It's really no big deal at all.

[B5150]

Originally Posted by bioman

I have anger and depression issues that are linked.

Fun times ain't it?

[Jayhawkk]

Now i'm starting to wonder how many of us fall into this category. Over the years i've looked at B as someone who has had somewhat a 180% life experience but with almost all the same undertones as the end result. hard to explain.

Pot is one of the few drugs I can actually sway a bit on when listening to to arguments for it but to just up and legalize everything isn't.

[B5150]

Originally Posted by Jayhawkk

Now i'm starting to wonder how many of us fall into this category.

I would imagine a lot. For me, I know that unresolved issues stuffed down ferment below the surface. As children we have the ability to stuff these things down deep. But there is a battle going on in the subconscious. Something about the id the ego and the super-ego. Freud has presented theories on this and it has been a while since I delved into it. Nor do I really even try to pass my self off as knowing an form psychology by any means.

Id, ego, and super-ego - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Over the years i've looked at B as someone who has had somewhat a 180% life experience but with almost all the same undertones as the end result. hard to explain.

Do you mean a 180° life experience. I think you do. Undertones? Explain if you can.

Let me tell you it is NO party. Cause there's one road in and one road out. You need to do a 180° to get out. But this means you have to travel back that same road that you took to get in. There is a lot of wreckage and debris scatter on that road. Also the journey out can be as long or longer than the ride in. Things repressed and faded in the rear mirror now need to be viewed sober and directly in you windshield. Of course I am using a metaphor but I know you get the picture.

I constantly struggle with issues. Sobriety has confirmed for me that my substance abuse was symptom. I am just as ****ed up today as I ever was. I was blessed by the grace of God to be delivered from my self destructive behaviors of substance abuse (for today) which leaves me a bare naked and scared child having to rely on a relationship with a higher power, whom I call God, to get me through most days. You can imagine how that must be with the father figure issues that I deal with. Like most independent children, most days I go it on my own until I am broken again. Ironically when I am broken, fallen, face down on my knees, is when I look up for His help, rather than when I am walking upright looking for His instruction and direction.

Maybe these will touch you like they touch me. I think they will.
EXTREME LYRICS - Our Father
EXTREME LYRICS - Am I Ever Gonna Change

Sometimes I listen to them and weep like a baby.

Anyway. Here's a big hug and a man kiss square on the mouth for you my brother.

[Jayhawkk]

180 degrees...Yeah.

I mean, from all the talks we've had I know we come from two different worlds and while I haven't experienced the drugs/alcohol side like you have I have had parallel experiences with almost the exact turn out, in the end...Or in the current, I guess I should say. Although different baggage on the surface it resulted in us making almost the same decisions to survive our own demons.

While many of the demons have been forced upon us through circumstance we also have many we placed on ourselves. Different but the same.

I'm tired of being me,
and I don't like what I see,
I'm not who I appear to be
So I start off every day,
down on my knees I will pray,
for a change in any way
But as the day goes by,
I live through another lie,
if it's any wonder why

I don't think anything recently has hit me like that just did. Since my dad died I never thought I would make it past the age he died and this year is the year where i'll pass his age and as nuts as it sounds it's a deep fear.

I know we've spoke many times through PM's and other private means B, but I have no shame in thanking you for all the help and advice you have given me when I had doubts anyone else had been 'there'. Anyone able to call you friend would be considered lucky and blessed in my book and I thank you for being mine.

[CDB]

Originally Posted by Jayhawkk

Now i'm starting to wonder how many of us fall into this category. Over the years i've looked at B as someone who has had somewhat a 180% life experience but with almost all the same undertones as the end result. hard to explain.

A lot. Which is why I think mental illness is an attempt to explain away the uncertainties of normal lives that at one time people just learned how to deal with naturally. The trick about beating depression is to know one thing about it: it always ends. Once you get through one you learn to recognize the thought patterns and, even if you can't stop it, you can deal with it for the most part. Having friends who understand the issue helps a lot.

Some chicks dig the brooding thing too.

[Jayhawkk]

it turns my wife on

[CDB]

Originally Posted by B5150

Maybe these will touch you like they touch me. I think they will.
EXTREME LYRICS - Our Father
EXTREME LYRICS - Am I Ever Gonna Change

Sometimes I listen to them and weep like a baby.

Anyway. Here's a big hug and a man kiss square on the mouth for you my brother.

Those are insightful, but a tad depressing, no? I find listening to that type of music sometimes gives me a empathetic feeling. It's cool to know someone out there has had the same feelings. But it also has the possibility to fuel the negative. I prefer Corey Hart.

"SO IF YOU'RE LOST AND ON YOUR OWN
YOU CAN NEVER SURRENDER
AND IF YOU'RE PATH WON'T LEAD YOU HOME
YOU CAN NEVER SURRENDER
AND WHEN THE NIGHT IS COLD AND DARK
YOU CAN SEE YOU CAN SEE LIGHT
CAUSE NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHT
TO FIGHT AND TO NEVER SURRENDER"

And Billy Joel.

"This life isn't fair
It's gonna get dark, it's gonna get cold
You've got to be tough, but that ain't enough
It's all about soul

"It's all about soul
It's all about joy that comes out of sorrow
It's all about soul
Who's standing now and who's standing tomorrow
You've got to be hard
Hard as the rock in that old rock 'n' roll song
But that's only part, you know in your heart
It's all about soul "

[B5150]

Originally Posted by CDB

The trick about beating depression is to know one thing about it: it always ends. Once you get through one you learn to recognize the thought patterns and, even if you can't stop it, you can deal with it for the most part.

Absolutely and completely agree! It is what it is and it's going to run it's course with my permission or not. Know it, recognize it, embrace it and minimize the collateral damage.

[Jayhawkk]

It's recognizing it before it sets in too much so the collateral damage is minimal. My problem usually is just that. I don't pick up on it soon enough.

[B5150]