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NEW YORK, NY - A public school teacher was arrested today at
John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to
board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor,
a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who
has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',
but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the
Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three
sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
he would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the president.
John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to
board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor,
a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the
notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who
has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',
but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of
the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the
Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three
sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,
he would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the president.
