The Dog Ate My Steroids

  1. Talking The Dog Ate My Steroids

    The Dog Ate My Steroids
    Why athletes fail drug tests, in their own words.

    By Josh Levin and Rachael Larimore

    Athletes don't take drugs. They ingest them, "unknowingly," "accidentally," and "unintentionally." Jaded fans can rest assured, it's never their fault.

    "How'd I test positive? I dunno."

    "I am here to make it very clear that I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period. … I am sure you will ask how I tested positive for a banned substance. As I look back, I don't have a specific answer to give. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to explain to the arbitrator how the banned substance entered my body."
    —Baltimore Orioles first baseman Rafael Palmeiro, Aug. 1, 2005

    "When [my trainer Greg Anderson] said it was flaxseed oil, I just said, 'Whatever.' … I had no doubt what he was giving me, because we were friends."
    —San Francisco Giants outfielder Barry Bonds, Dec. 4, 2003, testifying to the BALCO grand jury (via San Francisco Chronicle)

    The truth of the matter is [blood] can get there certainly from a fraternal twin who has a different genetic identity. … So that's the deal."
    —Dr. David Housman, who testified on cyclist Tyler Hamilton's behalf, on why tests at the Athens Olympics showed Hamilton had someone else's blood in his body (Los Angeles Times, April 17, 2005)

    "I was very surprised, because I didn't know I was taking anything on the ban list. … It's my mistake for not knowing what's on the ban list. … [From now on, you] won't even see me eat a PowerBar."
    —Seattle Mariners minor leaguer Ryan Christianson (Seattle Times, April 5, 2005)

    "I don't take steroids, period. I bought supplements. … [i] made a mistake trusting the label."
    —Seattle Mariners minor leaguer Damian Moss, who "would not name the supplements or the manufacturer, saying he didn't want to get any companies in trouble" (Seattle Times, April 5, 2005)

    "I don't want to make a big deal. We went out one night and had some fun and I tested positive. … We went out and partied and had what I thought was a good time."
    —Chicago Bears safety Damon Moore (Chicago Sun-Times, Sept. 11, 2002)

    "Of course I can't be 100% certain that anybody [spiked my drink] but I can't see any other way. … You can't lock [drinks] away every time you take a vault, so it's possible."
    —Pole-vaulter Janine Whitlock, July 19, 2002, after testing positive for steroids at the Commonwealth Games

    "He really doesn't understand why a test came out this way. He wants to explore that. He clearly has not intentionally taken anything to cause a positive test."
    —Mitch Frankel, agent for Cleveland Indians pitcher Rafael Betancourt (Cleveland Plain Dealer, July 10, 2005)

    "For many years, I've been taking this blood test and I've never had problems. I put it down to female physiology."
    —Cross-country skier Larissa Lazutina, after a test at the 2002 Winter Olympics revealed abnormal levels of hemoglobin (Washington Post, Feb. 25, 2002)

    "Nobody on the planet could say that I don't love my wife and I don't love my kids. … I have never in my life, nor would I ever, do anything to jeopardize their opinion of me. I don't know what has happened and I don't know how it has happened. I promise everybody I'm going to find out."
    —Shot-putter C.J. Hunter, Sept. 25, 2000, after failing four separate tests for anabolic steroids

    "I know I did nothing incorrect. ... I take stuff I buy over the counter. Multivitamins, protein shakes, muscle relaxants. That kind of stuff … I'm surprised because look at what kind of player I am. I'm a leadoff hitter. I never hit any home runs."
    —Then-Devil Rays outfielder Alex Sanchez, April 4, 2005

    "[My coach] had given me this pill and I had taken it. He told me it was not a steroid and that it would just keep you 'up' so you wouldn't be so fatigued."
    —Sprinter Calvin Harrison, after testing positive for the stimulant modafinil (Guardian, Oct. 27, 2003)

    "I never intentionally put anything in my body which I thought was illegal. … People think you sit around and stick needles in you, and it's not like that. Seventy percent of the stuff you get at [General Nutrition Center], you test positive for under the policy."
    —Cleveland Indians minor leaguer Darnell McDonald (Buffalo News, May 23, 2005)

    "She was bringing them from Lithuania for my mother-in-law."
    —Cyclist Raimondas Rumsas, July 30, 2002, after his wife was found with EPO and testosterone in the trunk of her car

    Related in Slate
    In February, Bryan Curtis reviewed Jose Canseco's steroid tell-all, Juiced and Justin Peters profiled John Bosley Ziegler, the "godfather of steroids." Daniel Engber explained how many middle-school girls were taking steroids in April. William Saletan remarked that, in football, diet can enhance performance as much as steroids and has wondered why LASIK surgery isn't considered cheating. Josh Levin covered the congressional hearings on baseball's steroid problems in March. In a December 2004 "Assessment," Bill Gifford examined who takes steroids and why. David Plotz studied the ethics of enhancement and more in his "Superman" series in March 2003. Charles P. Pierce mocked the media's obsession with steroids in November 2003 during the BALCO scandal.

    Josh Levin is a Slate assistant editor. You can e-mail him at [email protected].
    Rachael Larimore is a Slate copy editor.
    Photograph of Rafael Palmeiro by Paul J.Richards/AFP/Getty Images.

  2. It was interesting and some where funny, but I am still not sure the point of the article. Was it just to show dumb excuses to why people say it wasn't there fault? I expected an article after the quotes talking of why it was their fault or something. Either way, gotta love "She was brining it to my mother-in-law" (athletes wife who was caught with EPO and Testosterone in the trunk of her car, yea like thats a likely story!)

  3. When they have million dollar endorsements tied up, they'll say anything.

  4. I think the point of the article is to dismiss any lingering notion that fans should believe athletes when they claim to be playing by league rules and are victims of some mix-up.

  5. Daniel Engber explained how many middle-school girls were taking steroids in April.
    I still can't believe this douche said this....

    Thx for the article...

  6. The only guys I know have admitted to using banned substances are Julius Peppers and Jose Canseco. Peppers claimed he didn't know ephedra was illegal though.

    LMAO @ CJ Hunter. He tested positive 4 times and each time it was a supplements fault

  7. Quote Originally Posted by rrgg

    "I don't want to make a big deal. We went out one night and had some fun and I tested positive. … We went out and partied and had what I thought was a good time."
    —Chicago Bears safety Damon Moore (Chicago Sun-Times, Sept. 11, 2002)
    I thought I was the only one who threw injection parties

  8. Has anyone come out and said, "Yeah I use steroids, and I don't care if you like it or not"?

  9. I'm not surprised that they are denying since like someone said, millions of dollars tied up. But, I'd come out and say it, unless of course i was making millions, which then would be deicded on my usage.

    I love it when people ask me if i on steroids, or if i'll use them, and i instantly say yes in the future when im for them. i have no shame in that topic.

  10. true but with answers like that, you might find yourself behind bars if you are in the US

  11. Quote Originally Posted by Matthew D
    true but with answers like that, you might find yourself behind bars if you are in the US
    that is true also. lets all start smoking ciggerettes and become alcoholics and put all of our loved ones in danger, because we can get away with that.

  12. nah I will pass...

  13. Quote Originally Posted by Matthew D
    nah I will pass...
    me too. but that factor always pisses me off

  14. that's just a hail mary pass of an excuse...Please somebody believe this.


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