Bungloid48
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Hi everyone,
I am at the lowest point in my life right now and yet not long ago it wasn't the case at all.
It is a very long story but I'll keep it as brief as possible.
I am 20 years old, and last December I started on TRT (100mg T enanthate a week) for low-normal T levels.
I didn't feel *much* of a difference but things seemed to be a bit better mood-wise (I wasn't having problems with libido... just mood and fatigue). I added .25mg Adex 2x week in March and felt a real difference at that point, everything went into overdrive.
Suddenly in May, I became progressively hypomanic. Almost infinite amounts of energy, creative potential, etc. I was talking all the time and always keeping myself busy. My social life was amazing. I felt a highly spiritual "connection" like I was some sort of chosen one. Basically, all the signs of hypomania were there. Zero depression and zero anxiety. Libido was in overdrive. I was in a constant state of euphoria and I loved it.
At the time I did not suspect anything was wrong because finally everything in my life was going just the way I wanted it. I just figured that TRT had completely solved all my problems and I was beginning my "real life" for once.
I was in this sort of state up until the end of August (so it lasted about 3 months), when my endo decided to cut my TRT out of the blue. I had not seen him for months so he just sort of left me to my own devices.
I figured I was feeling so good at that point that it wouldn't matter if I had to discontinue TRT... I would be able to pull through.
Near the end of August, in a matter of weeks I turned from hypomanic to suicidally depressed for absolutely no reason (3-4 weeks without TRT at this point). I had to quit work because of it.
I feared it was because I stopped the TRT, so I explained the whole thing to my p-doc and got him to prescribe the T again.
But it did nothing... even after 4 weeks of being back on TRT, I am still suffering from the worst depression of my life. I am literally either crying or sleeping or trying not to have a panic attack. I have never had a depression this severe in my life before.
I reluctantly went to a psychiatrist and the diagnosis was Bipolar type II.
I have absolutely no family history of bipolar or mental illnesses so I was astounded.
Unfortunately after doing the research for myself, I fit the Bipolar II criteria to a T.
Could TRT have triggered some kind of "overload" in my brain that caused this? It's not like I was doing some kind of cycle. I followed the 100mg a week protocol for the entire duration so none of this makes any sense.
I am wondering if I should quit TRT and consider a restart or something? I have really no idea what to do at this point. Was stopping the T for the 4 weeks that I did damage something permanently? Was it because I started TRT at souch a young age? Was it a coincidence that everything turned around 360 when I stopped the T and didn't get any better when I restarted it?
My mind is just swimming with questions one after another and I am stuck in this damn thing with no way out. The depression has only gotten worse with time and there is absolutely nothing that will lift it. I feel like I just got a labotomy because I have not felt this awful in my entire life. I've been suicidally depressed since the beginning of September.
I know this is a really complicated situation, but perhaps some of you can chime in some light.
I am at the lowest point in my life right now and yet not long ago it wasn't the case at all.
It is a very long story but I'll keep it as brief as possible.
I am 20 years old, and last December I started on TRT (100mg T enanthate a week) for low-normal T levels.
I didn't feel *much* of a difference but things seemed to be a bit better mood-wise (I wasn't having problems with libido... just mood and fatigue). I added .25mg Adex 2x week in March and felt a real difference at that point, everything went into overdrive.
Suddenly in May, I became progressively hypomanic. Almost infinite amounts of energy, creative potential, etc. I was talking all the time and always keeping myself busy. My social life was amazing. I felt a highly spiritual "connection" like I was some sort of chosen one. Basically, all the signs of hypomania were there. Zero depression and zero anxiety. Libido was in overdrive. I was in a constant state of euphoria and I loved it.
At the time I did not suspect anything was wrong because finally everything in my life was going just the way I wanted it. I just figured that TRT had completely solved all my problems and I was beginning my "real life" for once.
I was in this sort of state up until the end of August (so it lasted about 3 months), when my endo decided to cut my TRT out of the blue. I had not seen him for months so he just sort of left me to my own devices.
I figured I was feeling so good at that point that it wouldn't matter if I had to discontinue TRT... I would be able to pull through.
Near the end of August, in a matter of weeks I turned from hypomanic to suicidally depressed for absolutely no reason (3-4 weeks without TRT at this point). I had to quit work because of it.
I feared it was because I stopped the TRT, so I explained the whole thing to my p-doc and got him to prescribe the T again.
But it did nothing... even after 4 weeks of being back on TRT, I am still suffering from the worst depression of my life. I am literally either crying or sleeping or trying not to have a panic attack. I have never had a depression this severe in my life before.
I reluctantly went to a psychiatrist and the diagnosis was Bipolar type II.
I have absolutely no family history of bipolar or mental illnesses so I was astounded.
Unfortunately after doing the research for myself, I fit the Bipolar II criteria to a T.
Could TRT have triggered some kind of "overload" in my brain that caused this? It's not like I was doing some kind of cycle. I followed the 100mg a week protocol for the entire duration so none of this makes any sense.
I am wondering if I should quit TRT and consider a restart or something? I have really no idea what to do at this point. Was stopping the T for the 4 weeks that I did damage something permanently? Was it because I started TRT at souch a young age? Was it a coincidence that everything turned around 360 when I stopped the T and didn't get any better when I restarted it?
My mind is just swimming with questions one after another and I am stuck in this damn thing with no way out. The depression has only gotten worse with time and there is absolutely nothing that will lift it. I feel like I just got a labotomy because I have not felt this awful in my entire life. I've been suicidally depressed since the beginning of September.
I know this is a really complicated situation, but perhaps some of you can chime in some light.