how about some advice....???!!!

[michaeljannis]

i realize that there are two sides to ever story, but all your going to get is mine, and I hope everyone knows it's the absolute truth as I can understand it.

I have been with my girl for two and a half years. I'm 27 y/o - and I care for her dearly, but man it seems that all we do these days is fight. We ALWAYS ALWAYS fight about MY past. She is constantly bringing up girls I have slept with in the past, and this one particular girl that i was with before she and I got together. (I lived with said girl - she has a huge problem with this)

Me and my current g/f do not live together, her home is about 45min away - close to my home town. But we see each other all the time, cuz she goes to school here.

Anyway, I just seriously don't know what to do anymore, I can't get it through her damn head that I don't care about those girls anymore, and that she needs to let it go. She is seriously fighting with a memory-----one that is mine. I didn't even know her when I was with the others) I don't care about them, I don't talk to them, I don't want to.

All I want is for us to be OK, and not fight about things I can't change nor can she.

But what can I do? We have been fighting monthly now for almost 8 months. We will make up, then again have the same fight again in a few weeks. Right now she is up in my bed, sleeping, not talking to me.

I know this sounds like I'm saying it's all her, and not my fault, but you know, she has a past too, and I don't throw that in her face. The way I look at it is, you are with me, and I am with you, and no one else should matter. Especially, if they aren't in our lives now.!!!!

Am I wrong? Lay it on me guys!!!!!

:sad: :frustrate

 

[mattikus]

Yeah this is a tough one. The only thing you can really do is reassure that she is the only one you care about, and do the special things that show her you care. She really should not let it get to her, but what can ya do? I never fully reveal my past history to girls, as it can be a problem.

 

[rhodesman]

i realize that there are two sides to ever story, but all your going to get is mine, and I hope everyone knows it's the absolute truth as I can understand it.

I have been with my girl for two and a half years. I'm 27 y/o - and I care for her dearly, but man it seems that all we do these days is fight. We ALWAYS ALWAYS fight about MY past. She is constantly bringing up girls I have slept with in the past, and this one particular girl that i was with before she and I got together. (I lived with said girl - she has a huge problem with this)

Me and my current g/f do not live together, her home is about 45min away - close to my home town. But we see each other all the time, cuz she goes to school here.

Anyway, I just seriously don't know what to do anymore, I can't get it through her damn head that I don't care about those girls anymore, and that she needs to let it go. She is seriously fighting with a memory-----one that is mine. I didn't even know her when I was with the others) I don't care about them, I don't talk to them, I don't want to.

All I want is for us to be OK, and not fight about things I can't change nor can she.

But what can I do? We have been fighting monthly now for almost 8 months. We will make up, then again have the same fight again in a few weeks. Right now she is up in my bed, sleeping, not talking to me.

I know this sounds like I'm saying it's all her, and not my fault, but you know, she has a past too, and I don't throw that in her face. The way I look at it is, you are with me, and I am with you, and no one else should matter. Especially, if they aren't in our lives now.!!!!

Am I wrong? Lay it on me guys!!!!!

:sad: :frustrate

If you figure this one out let me know,please. Let me just that marriage fixes nothing in a relationship. Ive been married for 8yrsand still go thru the same thing. :frustrate

 

[michaeljannis]

If you figure this one out let me know,please. Let me just that marriage fixes nothing in a relationship. Ive been married for 8yrsand still go thru the same thing. :frustrate

Oh man, your better than me. I know that going through this while dating makes me miserable, I know I could never make it married......

 

[rhodesman]

Oh man, your better than me. I know that going through this while dating makes me miserable, I know I could never make it married......

Better? Doubtful. LOL I like this thread. I hope someone can give us both some useful insight.

 

[Squeaks4ver]

Have you ever cheated on her, or have you ever had any sort of communication with other girls that might be seen as being " almost cheating" if so... then you have to lay in the bed you made.. and it will never be forgotten... if not.. and you were nothing but the best bf ever.... drop her.. sorry.. even a wedding ring wont break that jealousy...

 

[Squeaks4ver]

wait.. how old is she?

 

[rhodesman]

Have you ever cheated on her, or have you ever had any sort of communication with other girls that might be seen as being " almost cheating" if so... then you have to lay in the bed you made.. and it will never be forgotten... if not.. and you were nothing but the best bf ever.... drop her.. sorry.. even a wedding ring wont break that jealousy...

Actually, yes I did. Which is why Ive chosen the "accept it" route. Ill take the punishment 4ever. I have 2 kids. It would be worse to not see them everyday than to accept my punishment. Oh well, maybe MJ has a better result. Dont ever cheat on, or hurt someone you love.

 

[DmitryWI]

Was she a virgin when you met her, does she have her own past? Did you give her any kind of reason to be jealous? Why is she so insecure in herself?

 

[FcuktheFDA]

Did she give herself up to you? How old is she? Has she been in serious relationships before? What is she insecure about? Why is she insecure? Are you a cheater? Do you have a lot of female friends? Have you ever lied to your girlfriend? Have you ever given her reasons to not trust you?

I've been through this type of situation, but you need to ask and answer different questions before you can figure out how to go about handling the situation.

 

[michaeljannis]

I'll go ahead and answer the questions the best I can....they all seem to be the same.

NO I have never cheated on her. The last communication I had with the exes is the one I lived with, call me and told me to come and pick up some things I had left at her place. It was about a 5min meeting at the parking lot of her job. and that was it. no hugs, no kisses, no long stairs nothing. it was Hi, thanks, and bye.

She will be 21 in August, and NO I didn't take her virginity.

I would never call her insecure to her face, nor in a fight or anything, she knows she has some security issues within herself, but I didn't ever think I had treated her in a way that I may have made her feel like less of a g/f. IDK who the **** knows....

On a side note... I know that fighting with her, give me THE BEST FREAKING WORKOUT....

 

[Usf97j4x4]

I feel you on this one. I had a girl move in across the street when I was 11 years old (she was 9, lol) and we really grew up together - attached at the hip so to say. When we got a little older we tried dating but her father was very much against it so it ended up fizzling out. The feelings we had towards eachother were definitely there and I was closer to her than i'd ever been to anyone.

Well, when I went to college (she was in HS) we sort of lost touch. 3 years later I began dating the girl who I ended up marrying. Well naturally I told my wife about the girl across the street growing up and that we were very close, etc... big mistake.

Now it seems like everytime my wife and I start fighting and not getting along my wife will say something like "Why dont you go find that girl who lived across the street from you and marry her, she would make you happier... or you guys got along so great, etc." or something to that nature.

Its like WTF can I say to that?

To the OP - Sadly it may be something you'll either have to live with or you may need to find someone else. I've been having this problem for 3 years and I don't see it changing. Luckily the good outweighs the bad in our relationship. I think thats the way you need to look at it..

 

[michaeljannis]

Now it seems like everytime my wife and I start fighting and not getting along my wife will say something like "Why dont you go find that girl who lived across the street from you and marry her, she would make you happier... or you guys got along so great, etc." or something to that nature.

Man, you sure we are not dating the same girl!! :fool2:

 

[Squeaks4ver]

Well I wish I can say this is simple.. each time i read a thread like this I have to think back to how I was at that age. And to be honest.. even though it was only about 4 years ago.. there is still a big difference.

First off.. being she is 21.. and i think you said she is going to college.. she should be finishing up college. This is a very messed up point where you are totally unsure on what the hell you are going to do. Right now she is flip flopping in her mind on if she wants to be with you, hell, if she wants to marry you. Its not that she doesn't think she made a wrong choice, but is she really ready to put her childish things away and become an adult.

At 21.. i went thru a big freaking life change. I was with a guy i thought i would marry, my dad wanted me to marry, and my mom i think slept with.. but anyway.. he went away for 3 weeks ( just three weeks) and i started to cheat on him with this 35 year old... in less than 4 months.. i said yes to marry this 35 year old... long story short... i woke up.. and dropped him like like a 45pound plate. ( like my lifting joke?)

anywoo. when all was said and done, I was 23.. and everything started to become clear. I was out of college ( even though i was right smack into my masters work full time) but i had a better handle on my emotional life... what I really would have loved to have when I was going thru that 21-22 year old period was some to say....

Lauren, I don't know exactly what you are feeling.. and I am sorry if my actions either knowingly or unknowingly cause you any further stress. I love you very much and I want you to know that I will always stay by your side if you ever need to just talk. I may not be able to answer you back with some questions.. but i will always be here to listen.. because more than my GF.. you are my one and only best friend.


if i heard that.. i think i would have not even gotten involved with 35 yo ( who worked at one of those stands at the mall that sold blinking lights for cell phones......) ya... i sucked at life then.

 

[ReaperX]

Well I wish I can say this is simple.. each time i read a thread like this I have to think back to how I was at that age. And to be honest.. even though it was only about 4 years ago.. there is still a big difference.

First off.. being she is 21.. and i think you said she is going to college.. she should be finishing up college. This is a very messed up point where you are totally unsure on what the hell you are going to do. Right now she is flip flopping in her mind on if she wants to be with you, hell, if she wants to marry you. Its not that she doesn't think she made a wrong choice, but is she really ready to put her childish things away and become an adult.

At 21.. i went thru a big freaking life change. I was with a guy i thought i would marry, my dad wanted me to marry, and my mom i think slept with.. but anyway.. he went away for 3 weeks ( just three weeks) and i started to cheat on him with this 35 year old... in less than 4 months.. i said yes to marry this 35 year old... long story short... i woke up.. and dropped him like like a 45pound plate. ( like my lifting joke?)

anywoo. when all was said and done, I was 23.. and everything started to become clear. I was out of college ( even though i was right smack into my masters work full time) but i had a better handle on my emotional life... what I really would have loved to have when I was going thru that 21-22 year old period was some to say....

Lauren, I don't know exactly what you are feeling.. and I am sorry if my actions either knowingly or unknowingly cause you any further stress. I love you very much and I want you to know that I will always stay by your side if you ever need to just talk. I may not be able to answer you back with some questions.. but i will always be here to listen.. because more than my GF.. you are my one and only best friend.


if i heard that.. i think i would have not even gotten involved with 35 yo ( who worked at one of those stands at the mall that sold blinking lights for cell phones......) ya... i sucked at life then.

:think:

 

[maurice02]

Personally and honesty, I would say break it off now. 8 months of fighting...odds of fixing that is slim. Plus it is the same thing she can't get over, and more than likely, never will.

I wouldn't want someone in this situation thinking marriage is the correct way to go in hopes of fixing things......
and then things go bad again, so maybe children would fix it.......
and then things go wrong again...and then poof...divorce.

I would say cut if off at the head now...but it is your life, and your choice. Follow your heart but don't be stupid or naive...it might just not be met to work out.

 

[Manimalia]

her insecurities stem from something totally unrelated to this. you need to hop off of that subject, the subject of you, and onto her. you need to make her see she is being irrational and avoiding the real problem: HER problem.

if she chooses not to delve into the real problem area, there is nothing you can do. tell her you want to be alone. send her home and let her think about it. it's doing neither of you any good to go around in circles about something totally irrelevant to the real problem, again, her problem. all that is doing is distracting her from the deeper issue. it's a vice for her. break it. tell her to come back when she's ready to do that.

 

[DreamOfWeight]

its not always about someone being insecure....

she feels hurt, and wants satisfaction for the emotional stress she has been through. its natural!

as soon as she realizes that there is nothing in the world he can do to make up for the void he has created, she will either dump his ass, or choose to forgive.. one or the other... i chose to put it in Gods hands and say FU*K it! it is what it is... Karma is a bit*h!! LOOK AT ME NOW HOE! haha...im still venting.. lol jk

 

[AnonyMoose]

well this is pretty common in the early stages - though you two have been together for two and a half years - it looks like she could be testing you to see if you are the one. it also looks like maybe she has really fallen for you and she wants basic knowlegement to personally overcome her insecurities. but fighting to this degree - not good. maybe if you can figure out where she is comming from you'll know how to answer better and reassure her. . .

 

[michaeljannis]

its not always about someone being insecure....

she feels hurt, and wants satisfaction for the emotional stress she has been through. its natural!

as soon as she realizes that there is nothing in the world he can do to make up for the void he has created, she will either dump his ass, or choose to forgive.. one or the other... i chose to put it in Gods hands and say FU*K it! it is what it is... Karma is a bit*h!! LOOK AT ME NOW HOE! haha...im still venting.. lol jk

Feels hurt???? for what? Emotional strees she has been through???

man that sounds like some stuff she would say to me....and I would have to look at her with the most confused look ever...and in my heart i am doing this :aargh:

 

[DreamOfWeight]

wasent she fighting ur past....sorry if i miss interpreted it... i took it as u cheated on her, and now that u guys are past it, and she wont drop it..? and there is only one way to get over "emotional" stuff... cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.....my girl still gets mad at me for making out with her friend about 4 years ago... i just ignore her.. she ends up fighting with herself, then hangs up on me... after she realizes she is dumb she usually calls me back.

 

[michaeljannis]

wasent she fighting ur past....sorry if i miss interpreted it... i took it as u cheated on her, and now that u guys are past it, and she wont drop it..? and there is only one way to get over "emotional" stuff... cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.....my girl still gets mad at me for making out with her friend about 4 years ago... i just ignore her.. she ends up fighting with herself, then hangs up on me... after she realizes she is dumb she usually calls me back.

nah... it's cool. She is fighting my past before her. No I never cheated on her, its just that she has this obsession that I cared for my ex's more than her.

Stuff like that....

 

[toughchick401]

Some things you cant fix, either accept it and move on or choose to live your life this way...sorry if it sounds mean/rude...not meaning it to...............but it's how i see it.............

I would write more but off to the hospital......

Wish you the best

TC

 

[tattoopierced1]

she's 21. that answers the question right there. Once she hits about 25 things will change for her. Until then, PIITB