Broke up with my girl today

[mattikus]

After alot of debate, I decided to break up with my girlfriend today. I am 27 yrs old and definitely not ready to settle down. I tried to let her off easy, but she took it very hard. I do think I made the right decision, but man I feel like sh*t. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I think if we would have stayed together it would be worse later, but who knows. I do love her, but I am not really very attracted to her. How does one deal with that? Anyway, go ahead, tell me I did the right thing or tell me I'm an a$$hole, I just had to get that off my chest. The gym and this forum are kinda like a twisted therapy for me.

 

[sogone2day]

Hahaa

I'm in the same boat buddy broke up last friday after 1 year. But for every action theres a reaction and now i'm in the gym 5 days a week i'll show her.

 

[Rodja]

If you weren't attracted to her, tehn why did you date here? Not being a wise-ass, just curious.

 

[Cellardude]

If you weren't attracted to her, tehn why did you date here? Not being a wise-ass, just curious.

word.

 

[mattikus]

If you weren't attracted to her, tehn why did you date here? Not being a wise-ass, just curious.

That's a good question, and the answer is a little complicated. Started out as a fling (met in a bar) and we stared hanging out more and more. I was somewhat attracted I suppose. On my 1-10 scale I suppose she would be a six. Well, she was fun, cool, and loaded (not really a factor but it was nice). I found myself liking her but holding back because the physical attraction wasn't really there. So, I thought that I was doing a good thing by saying to myself that "looks don't matter" and "I shouldn't be so shallow." A couple of years back the thought would not have even crossed my mind. So we slowly started making it exclusive, but the physical thing has been eating at me the whole time. Of course, there were other differences too. She also showed some emotional issues about 4 months into it, which make things a little more complicated too.

 

[sogone2day]

If you weren't attracted to her, tehn why did you date here? Not being a wise-ass, just curious.

just for sex is my guess

 

[mattikus]

just for sex is my guess

Wasn't just for sex, but she was alot of fun.

 

[Rodja]

That's a good question, and the answer is a little complicated. Started out as a fling (met in a bar) and we stared hanging out more and more. I was somewhat attracted I suppose. On my 1-10 scale I suppose she would be a six. Well, she was fun, cool, and loaded (not really a factor but it was nice). I found myself liking her but holding back because the physical attraction wasn't really there. So, I thought that I was doing a good thing by saying to myself that "looks don't matter" and "I shouldn't be so shallow." A couple of years back the thought would not have even crossed my mind. So we slowly started making it exclusive, but the physical thing has been eating at me the whole time. Of course, there were other differences too. She also showed some emotional issues about 4 months into it, which make things a little more complicated too.

Sounds similar to one of my relationships. Unfortunately, this is a situation where you are not in a good situation. You called it off before it got too serious, but not early enough to where emotions weren't involved. Do you have an addiction to relationships/emotional attachments? This is something that makes you prone to entering relationships even when there really is nothing there, but the alternative is worse.

 

[ReaperX]

Well, no matter how you feel you still did the right thing.

I mean what's the alternative ? You lie to her and do things behind her back ?


Sometimes life's choices are not 'good' and 'bad'.


Many times it is picking the lesser of 2 evils.

 

[Cellardude]

Well, no matter how you feel you still did the right thing.

I mean what's the alternative ? You lie to her and do things behind her back ?


Sometimes life's choices are not 'good' and 'bad'.


Many times it is picking the lesser of 2 evils.

I agree.

The first girl I dated (keep in mind Im YOUNG.)

Anyhow, I dated this girl and I wasnt attracted to her AT ALL. Maybe the first time I saw her I was like oh crap, but that was barely a 5 minute thing. She kept pushing up on it and I was like ah wth why not. I broke up with her after 3 weeks and even at that I would have said I stalled it too long.

Everytime I see her I was like ugggggggggggggggg. Even now when I see pictures i get freaked out like crazy. Jeez such a dumb kid back in the day. But seriously holding back just makes things worst. I should have said it the very next say saying listen, this is a mistake.

 

[mattikus]

Do you have an addiction to relationships/emotional attachments?

I do not believe so, because before this I avoided any feelings like the plague. I was single for five years before this girl. That may be partly why this is so rough right now, because I am not used to this at all.

Well, no matter how you feel you still did the right thing.

I mean what's the alternative ? You lie to her and do things behind her back ?

Sometimes life's choices are not 'good' and 'bad'.

Many times it is picking the lesser of 2 evils.

Thanks.
The right thing is hard to see sometimes.

The alternative you mentioned is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I believe it is better to be honest, but damn, it is not easy.

 

[Rodja]

I do not believe so, because before this I avoided any feelings like the plague. I was single for five years before this girl. That may be partly why this is so rough right now, because I am not used to this at all.

Thanks.
The right thing is hard to see sometimes.

The alternative you mentioned is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I believe it is better to be honest, but damn, it is not easy.

It's maturity; you should feel something in a situation like this. If you didn't, then you would be a huge pr!ck. It's going to take time, but you will emerge with invaluable knowledge.

 

[mattikus]

I agree.

The first girl I dated (keep in mind Im YOUNG.)

Anyhow, I dated this girl and I wasnt attracted to her AT ALL. Maybe the first time I saw her I was like oh crap, but that was barely a 5 minute thing. She kept pushing up on it and I was like ah wth why not. I broke up with her after 3 weeks and even at that I would have said I stalled it too long.

Everytime I see her I was like ugggggggggggggggg. Even now when I see pictures i get freaked out like crazy. Jeez such a dumb kid back in the day. But seriously holding back just makes things worst. I should have said it the very next say saying listen, this is a mistake.

Lol. This girl never made me go uggggggggggg. If I looked at her without knowing her I would probably not even consider it. Not good or bad. She is seven years older than me as well, I forgot to mention.

 

[ReaperX]

I've been in both situations. It is easier being the one to drop the other person vs. the other way around. Looking back on it, it is painful either way, however more so for the person being dropped. Looking at it from a different point of view, you still had the respect to leave her and with some dignity.


This is why some ppl cheat on each other. It is easier to do something behind someone's back rather than be mature enough to let someone go to their face.

She may not like it, but some other guys in the same situation would have avoided it all together and just went along with their own agenda, thus making the situation worse.

 

[Cellardude]

Lol. This girl never made me go uggggggggggg. If I looked at her without knowing her I would probably not even consider it. Not good or bad. She is seven years older than me as well, I forgot to mention.

Also I might add its always better to end it off first if you have some doubt in your mind. My last girlfriend I was attracted to unlike the first. **** happens though when your both busy as hell. Attraction and fights/fits started to occur. Towards the end I thought about breaking it off (keep in mind I was attracted to her but just tired of **** in general) but I never did. In the end she did the bidding and ended it. Its always good to land the first blow when you seriously have your doubts. Youll end up feeling better about it eventually. Heck that twisted breakup is what lead me here to you crazy guys!

We spent so much time eatting and crap that I got out of shape and sort of let myself go. After that I met you crazy nuts. But in all seriousness youd probably feel better ending it now than lets say 5-6 years down the road. Having the other person end it when you had your doubts really gives a huge blow to your ego/pride.

It's hard to explain because the first girl when I had my doubts I broke it off with, felt fine.

The second when I had my doubts but was still attracted and got shot down its like wow. For some reason to this day I still think about it sometimes and how/what would have happened if I broke it up or if everything was okay.

Not sure if what im getting at is understandable.

 

[Cellardude]

I've been in both situations. It is easier being the one to drop the other person vs. the other way around. Looking back on it, it is painful either way, however more so for the person being dropped. Looking at it from a different point of view, you still had the respect to leave her and with some dignity.


This is why some ppl cheat on each other. It is easier to do something behind someone's back rather than be mature enough to let someone go to their face.

She may not like it, but some other guys in the same situation would have avoided it all together and just went along with their own agenda, thus making the situation worse.

holy **** reaper you stole the words out of my mouth!

Thats exactly what I was trying to get at. Assuming both of you doubt each other and then the other ends up breaking it off. You yourself would end up hating yourself for all the doubts down the line. I still wonder to this day what would have happened in I didnt have my doubts and everything was ok. I guess it bugs me that much that it leads to that. Im sure it would have worked the same way if I did the breaking and she was the one to have doubts as well.

 

[DreamOfWeight]

i dono if ur religious or not... but i like to just say fu*k it.... Its in Gods hands... i did what i could... i didnt wana ruin her chances of finding someone else..so i let her go. ..KARMA POINTS!!!!... ive broken up with girls for little reasons, as well as been broken up with for big reason.... when it all boils down... we just got to say FU*k it! . just worry about yourself... and God will make crooked roads straigt..just trust, then forget! it will all be good!

and if its takes a while..... then Fu&k it!....it is what it is! relationships are like Bodybuilding... it takes alot of different routines, and a lifetime of trial and error.!!

 

[mattikus]

Lol thanks DOW. I like your analogy. The only thing that I feel bad about is hurting her, but I see it as the right thing to do. Hopefully she will realize that someday.

 

[DreamOfWeight]

Lol thanks DOW. I like your analogy. The only thing that I feel bad about is hurting her, but I see it as the right thing to do. Hopefully she will realize that someday.

yessss sir!!! keep ur head up, and go with the flow.. things have a way of working themselves out.... and dont look at this situation as if it happened for her.... think of it as someting u did for yourself and ur future. just make sure to distance yourself from her so time can heal yall

 

[toughchick401]

Just remember someone had to get hurt in this, hence why relationships are hard work......the more i hear, the more i am happy doing my thing, single solo

Good luck to you, move on,

TC

 

[DreamOfWeight]

Just remember someone had to get hurt in this, hence why relationships are hard work......the more i hear, the more i am happy doing my thing, single solo

Good luck to you, move on,

TC

but thinking like that isnt gunna help the cause... in my opinion u have to worry about urself and KNOW that someone perfect will cross paths with u.. if u stay closed minded, and happy in neutral... than it is alot harder for things to change for the better.

 

[toughchick401]

but thinking like that isnt gunna help the cause... in my opinion u have to worry about urself and KNOW that someone perfect will cross paths with u.. if u stay closed minded, and happy in neutral... than it is alot harder for things to change for the better.

Perhaps I didnt say it right, at this point in MY life I dont have the time, nor the energy to pursue anything, a date here and there,ok....Anything more, no thanks............Not to say in the future, but for now, and my goals, nope...
TC

 

[DreamOfWeight]

Perhaps I didnt say it right, at this point in MY life I dont have the time, nor the energy to pursue anything, a date here and there,ok....Anything more, no thanks............Not to say in the future, but for now, and my goals, nope...
TC

.....ok..... thats cool.... we coulda been great.....but now ull never know.......lol

 

[beefcake12901]

I feel there needs to be some sort of physical attraction between 2 people in order for their to be sexual attraction, which of course goes great with an attractive personality as well.

You probably shouldn't have dragged it out for so long, but other than that, I don't really see anything else wrong with what you did. You let her down easy and didn't let it go on any further, which was good of you. It'll take her some time to get over this, but she'll make it. I can't imagine what it's like to breakup with someone. I never have. I've had to turn girls down though and felt like such an ass doing so.

 

[jmh80]

but thinking like that isnt gunna help the cause... in my opinion u have to worry about urself and KNOW that someone perfect will cross paths with u.. if u stay closed minded, and happy in neutral... than it is alot harder for things to change for the better.

It's a bit different for her than us guys. We can't be in that mindset and have any success with women.

She could meet a guy that she's attracted to on an emotional level and away it goes.



Anyway - hope all is well, TC. Been a while since I've seen you on here.

 

[toughchick401]

It's a bit different for her than us guys. We can't be in that mindset and have any success with women.

She could meet a guy that she's attracted to on an emotional level and away it goes.



Anyway - hope all is well, TC. Been a while since I've seen you on here.

Alot going on, don't have the free time I once had!!!!!Hope all is well with you

TC

 

[pistonpump]

It's a bit different for her than us guys. We can't be in that mindset and have any success with women.

She could meet a guy that she's attracted to on an emotional level and away it goes.



Anyway - hope all is well, TC. Been a while since I've seen you on here.

im sorry im kinda getting your point but im kinda not lol. care to elaborate a lil more?

 

[warbird01]

After alot of debate, I decided to break up with my girlfriend today. I am 27 yrs old and definitely not ready to settle down. I tried to let her off easy, but she took it very hard. I do think I made the right decision, but man I feel like sh*t. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I think if we would have stayed together it would be worse later, but who knows. I do love her, but I am not really very attracted to her. How does one deal with that? Anyway, go ahead, tell me I did the right thing or tell me I'm an a$$hole, I just had to get that off my chest. The gym and this forum are kinda like a twisted therapy for me.

dude i had the same problem wiht my ex gf. I loved her but wasnt attracted to her phyisically any more. I was when we started dating 2 years before but it just faaded although i still loved hanging out with her and as a person!

 

[warbird01]

Sounds similar to one of my relationships. Unfortunately, this is a situation where you are not in a good situation. You called it off before it got too serious, but not early enough to where emotions weren't involved. Do you have an addiction to relationships/emotional attachments? This is something that makes you prone to entering relationships even when there really is nothing there, but the alternative is worse.

Dude, i have never heard of "addictions to relationships" but i have it!! ive always wondered why i always had to have a gf...fuuuck

thanks

 

[pistonpump]

dude i had the same problem wiht my ex gf. I loved her but wasnt attracted to her phyisically any more. I was when we started dating 2 years before but it just faaded although i still loved hanging out with her and as a person!

how did it end?

 

[warbird01]

how did it end?

well i broke up with her 2 or 3 times then she broke up with me, then tried to get back with me and by the time she tried i was with a new chick (yes addicted to relationships)

 

[jmh80]

im sorry im kinda getting your point but im kinda not lol. care to elaborate a lil more?

She's a she. The game is set up that we have to chase. Women can just choose.

They respond more to emotional connections.

Lastly - I think if a guy went around with the mindset of "I don't want a relationship" he will project that and end up not attracting anyone. (Apart from a one off here and there.)

 

[pistonpump]

She's a she. The game is set up that we have to chase. Women can just choose.

They respond more to emotional connections.

Lastly - I think if a guy went around with the mindset of "I don't want a relationship" he will project that and end up not attracting anyone. (Apart from a one off here and there.)

okay thats what i thought you meant.

 

[mattikus]

I made the mistake of calling her the other day to see how she was doing. It was pretty awkward. She was fine at first, then started crying and asked me not to call anymore. Made me feel bad. Anyway I hope she is well. Now I gotta figure out how to return all her stuff..

 

[ReaperX]

I made the mistake of calling her the other day to see how she was doing. It was pretty awkward. She was fine at first, then started crying and asked me not to call anymore. Made me feel bad. Anyway I hope she is well. Now I gotta figure out how to return all her stuff..

I was thinking about this last night, and I may be wrong, but you said she is 7 years older than you right ? If you are 27, then that would make her 34.


For a woman being 34, she was possibly thinking about settling down and getting married, the whole nine yards. Being single for a woman at 34 isn't common, unless she's a lesbian or been divorced. That might be the reason why she is taking it so hard. Just a thought.

 

[toughchick401]

I was thinking about this last night, and I may be wrong, but you said she is 7 years older than you right ? If you are 27, then that would make her 34.


For a woman being 34, she was possibly thinking about settling down and getting married, the whole nine yards. Being single for a woman at 34 isn't common, unless she's a lesbian or been divorced. That might be the reason why she is taking it so hard. Just a thought.

I have to disagree, I am a woman in my 30's who is focused on other things besides a relationship....I want to stand on my own 2 feet, i have a teaching degree going for my RN and I also have a CDL, and I bartend....I want options, dosent mean I don't want a GOOD relationship, just focused on me right now...Never been married and i am not a lesbian.......Just ok being single now It's a common thing these days for woman to be focused on a career...........

Anyway off to the hospital ................

TC

 

[DreamOfWeight]

She's a she. The game is set up that we have to chase. Women can just choose.

They respond more to emotional connections.

Lastly - I think if a guy went around with the mindset of "I don't want a relationship" he will project that and end up not attracting anyone. (Apart from a one off here and there.)

If ur chasing girls then u project that ur lost and ur looking for someone.... If u know in ur mind that you will find that perfect someone... U will... u don't have to look... Just keep ur eyes open.. She will find u.... And all girls arnt gunna just pick a guy who is running around looking for whoever just because of "emotions"... Its my understanding that girls like a man with direction... But whatever works for u.... My game plan is proven..

and i agree with u about walking around thinking "im not looking".,......i think everyone should be oen to new ppl and experiances...but whn ur walking around looking at every girl.. ur thoughts are all focused on finding a girl...id rather be thinking of what i have to do that day to make it productive. but once that cute girl comes around ur way... u have to be ready to be aggressive and start a conversation, which most guys wont.

 

[mattikus]

I was thinking about this last night, and I may be wrong, but you said she is 7 years older than you right ? If you are 27, then that would make her 34.


For a woman being 34, she was possibly thinking about settling down and getting married, the whole nine yards. Being single for a woman at 34 isn't common, unless she's a lesbian or been divorced. That might be the reason why she is taking it so hard. Just a thought.

Yeah she is 34. She said she was not looking for the whole nine, but it sure felt that way. That scared the crap outta me. Here in NYC being a 34 yr old single female is fairly common. With the Sex and the City movie premiering this weekend, they were everywhere.

 

[pistonpump]

i got girls my age wanting to have my kids and get married....

 

[DreamOfWeight]

i got girls my age wanting to have my kids and get married....

lol... where i live its hard to find a girl my age that doesent have kids..

 

[warbird01]

how did it end?

She broke up with me. I had broke up wiht her a couple times because i just wanst really attracted to her but would always get back but after she did it i i moved onto a new girl and she tried to get me back but it was too late