[Brian5225]

Originally Posted by LilPsychotic

Yeah, I work with a woman who is in here 60's, rapidly approaching retirement age, and her POS freeloading drunk husband wants a freaking divorce, after 30 something years of marriage. Glad that isn't you.

( I apologize now for not using multiple quotes, for some reason it's not working today for me) Yeah, so am I. And thats pretty low especially doing that to someone so close to retirement age, when it's time to settle down and enjoy what little time you have left... Low man, really low...

[Mulletsoldier]

Women are being portrayed somewhat unfairly here, but it is understandable. However, when you put our social actions back within a biological context, what happened in this situation and many others does not seem callous, but expected. Think of the roles of males and females in terms of species survival (both in other species, and others):

Males - procreate as much as possible, with multiple partners, in order to ensure the succession of genes. Protect pack, and assert dominance over other males in order to gain prominent mating role (alpha-male). In other words, quantity of offspring/genes.

Females - ensure mating with only the most dominant males. Entrusted with the gestation and care of offspring, so mate choice becomes highly dependent on survival value. This is where the dominant male is appealing. Here, quality of genes is important.

Social mating in a contemporary sense gets pretty tricky, as these instinctual and neural-hormonal reflexes get muddied with social constructs such as love and gender roles. You have to understand, whether she knows it or not your girl (and everybody else's girl for that matter) is constantly reassessing the value you pose to her in terms of her survival, and the survival of her potential offspring. This may seem callous, but callous implies conscious intent, and this is primarily biological. If your girl cheated on you with another man 3 years into a relationship, it's because the survival value you once posed to her (which can be in terms of power, trustworthiness, dominance, leadership, respect, friendship) seemed lesser compared to the value of another.

All this heartache is avoided simply by being the person your girlfriend wants and needs; I'm not telling you to change yourself, but simply to project the best self possible, to be the cliche 'alpha-male'. Whether we males like it or not, WE are burdened with the responsibility of attraction and care, that is simply the way it is. You will always have to work to attract them and keep them, this is the way we have become the earth's dominant species. Rather than fight biology and instinct, and ascribe intention to actions, work within it. Realize what you have to do to the cliche 'alpha-male' and you'll avoid a lot of heartache.

An 'alpha-male' doesn't mean being misogynistic and rude, either. It means caring for your partner in the highest capacity possible, while still being assertive and true to yourself. Also, if you remit all assertiveness and dominance within a relationship, she will assume you're weak, thereby decreasing your value and moving on.

EDIT:

As an example, have you ever seen some hideous dude with a beautiful woman and thought "what the hell?". This cannot simply be ascribed to money, but at times it is the underpinning of high capital -power. By whatever means, that hideous male has projected a powerful, confident, and dominant self to that female, thereby convincing her that her chances of survival and reproduction are high with this male. This can be done by something as easy as a girl watching you protect a friend, pay a bill for a buddy, or speak to her friends dead-on to disarm them.

[Hurleyboy05]

Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier

Women are being portrayed somewhat unfairly here, but it is understandable. However, when you put our social actions back within a biological context, what happened in this situation and many others does not seem callous, but expected. Think of the roles of males and females in terms of species survival (both in other species, and others):

Males - procreate as much as possible, with multiple partners, in order to ensure the succession of genes. Protect pack, and assert dominance over other males in order to gain prominent mating role (alpha-male). In other words, quantity of offspring/genes.

Females - ensure mating with only the most dominant males. Entrusted with the gestation and care of offspring, so mate choice becomes highly dependent on survival value. This is where the dominant male is appealing. Here, quality of genes is important.

Social mating in a contemporary sense gets pretty tricky, as these instinctual and neural-hormonal reflexes get muddied with social constructs such as love and gender roles. You have to understand, whether she knows it or not your girl (and everybody else's girl for that matter) is constantly reassessing the value you pose to her in terms of her survival, and the survival of her potential offspring. This may seem callous, but callous implies conscious intent, and this is primarily biological. If your girl cheated on you with another man 3 years into a relationship, it's because the survival value you once posed to her (which can be in terms of power, trustworthiness, dominance, leadership, respect, friendship) seemed lesser compared to the value of another.

All this heartache is avoided simply by being the person your girlfriend wants and needs; I'm not telling you to change yourself, but simply to project the best self possible, to be the cliche 'alpha-male'. Whether we males like it or not, WE are burdened with the responsibility of attraction and care, that is simply the way it is. You will always have to work to attract them and keep them, this is the way we have become the earth's dominant species. Rather than fight biology and instinct, and ascribe intention to actions, work within it. Realize what you have to do to the cliche 'alpha-male' and you'll avoid a lot of heartache.

An 'alpha-male' doesn't mean being misogynistic and rude, either. It means caring for your partner in the highest capacity possible, while still being assertive and true to yourself. Also, if you remit all assertiveness and dominance within a relationship, she will assume you're weak, thereby decreasing your value and moving on.

EDIT:

As an example, have you ever seen some hideous dude with a beautiful woman and thought "what the hell?". This cannot simply be ascribed to money, but at times it is the underpinning of high capital -power. By whatever means, that hideous male has projected a powerful, confident, and dominant self to that female, thereby convincing her that her chances of survival and reproduction are high with this male. This can be done by something as easy as a girl watching you protect a friend, pay a bill for a buddy, or speak to her friends dead-on to disarm them.

We have all just been officially owned!!

Just playin' Mullet. I agree, and if I came across as blaming my ex that was not my intention. I know I have to do my part to make myself appealing, but must also maintain that image if I want to be what a girl is looking for. It's really just a mindset IMO, like bodybuilding - it's only gonna work if you take the time to learn about it, practice hard at it, and give it all 100% of your effort. Otherwise you end up wasting not only your time and hers, but you may also bring unneeded emotional stress upon yourself at the same time. Eh... now I'm getting depressed.

Seems like the only REALLY easy thing is life is getting fat. Everything else is just another freakin' job!

[motiv8er]

Originally Posted by Brian5225

So this is wonderful... I've been planning a H-drol and PP bridge cycle for quite some time. I'm supposed to hit it early April. So the fiance and 2 1/2 year girlfriend tells me last night that she is afraid to marry me, and is afraid that she might not be happy. She thinks that she didnt get a chance to be in a serious relationship with someone else besides me to be sure that she's happy. So I'm not too motivated right now and I kinda feel wishywashy with me emotions right now. Think I should abandon the cycle or postpone it, or just go ahead?

I read your first two posts.

The fact she wants to stay with you is a big plus, it just means she may be feeling pressure. Who you marry is the biggest decision you ever make. Tell her you are also scared, and you understand her fear; as you are scared also.

Tell her how much you love her and how much you want to support her in any decision she makes. Let her know, unless she is sure and satisfied; you wont be either.

Tell her being married is a team thing, and you want her on your team, but not to the point that it hurts her in any way. Just give her worries your full attention and time and listen. She may be telling you what she needs to hear.

Dont rush her and support her and if it is meant to be; cool.

As far as the cycle goes, I might hold off just a little while to make sure everything is cool in your heart as I can get emotional ON or in PCT.

Just be good to her. Best of luck

[BodyWizard]

Originally Posted by Brian5225

( I apologize now for not using multiple quotes, for some reason it's not working today for me) Yeah, so am I. And thats pretty low especially doing that to someone so close to retirement age, when it's time to settle down and enjoy what little time you have left... Low man, really low...

Your heart speaks well for you, but consider: if he's the free-loading POS drunkard that's reported, this may be the best possible thing he could do for her (not saying that's how HE thinks about it, just sayin').

[Hurleyboy05]

Originally Posted by BodyWizard

Your heart speaks well for you, but consider: if he's the free-loading POS drunkard that's reported, this may be the best possible thing he could do for her (not saying that's how HE thinks about it, just sayin').

Glass half full kinda guy, eh?

[EasyEJL]

does it hurt more to keep slowly pull off a bandaid or to just yank it off? different kinds of pains...

[Hurleyboy05]

Originally Posted by EasyEJL

does it hurt more to keep slowly pull off a bandaid or to just yank it off? different kinds of pains...

Pshht! Who uses bandaids anymore. You're so oldskool Easy. These days its super glue and duct tape if you're a REAL man!

[Brian5225]

Thats kinda funny because of the use of that product Newskin. Anyways, yeah I'm pretty sure mullet pwned us all. Regardless, I spoke to her and I told her I didn't want us to make that kind of commitment unless both of us were sure. I also said that if she isn't going to be happy, then I don't want the commitment because she's sparing my feelings. I told her that I'll be here when she needs me, and that I understand. We discussed a break and said it's the best, but honestly I don't know if I'll go back to her after this all. I will probably be a friend and try to help her with other stuff, but I don't want to get involved again with her. I want someone who won't get bored with me, especially with how well I've treated her and disregarded my own feelings and needs. Maybe I'm just not ready for this kind of commitment yet. But hell Mullet, sounds like you've done a little research yourself.

[EasyEJL]

I dunno tho, if you take mullet's point of view then at the same time all women should expect their men to be screwing anything that moves and spreading the seed all around. It also means we are all just animals, and have no conscious choice over how we act....

I'll continue to take the viewpoint of both men and women having conscious control of what they do, and of managing their relationships. And of not wanting to be in a long term relationship with someone who cant do the same.

[ITHURTZ]

I didnt read past the first page, but your engaged and DONT live with her? Arent you supposed to date move in and piss each other off to the max and if shes still there THEN marry her?

[Xodus]

Originally Posted by ITHURTZ

I didnt read past the first page, but your engaged and DONT live with her? Arent you supposed to date move in and piss each other off to the max and if shes still there THEN marry her?

Best advice yet.

[Brian5225]

No, I take a christian standpoint and dont believe we should move in until marriage. Please don't criticize me for this standpoint but it's both of our beliefs. She's never lived with a guy, and I haven't lived with another woman (that I was dating). Seems old fashioned i know.

[BodyWizard]

Originally Posted by Hurleyboy05

Glass half full kinda guy, eh?

...just slow to jump to conclusions: things have a way of working out, despite our feelings about how that happens. Things like this are difficult enough without extra baggage - taking them personally never helps.

I *do* try to keep a positive outlook, though. Makes the day-to-day less grinding.