exit interview Part 2

[nightshift]

A few days ago I started a thread seeking advise for my upcoming exit interview. Thank you for all of the great responses. The plot has thickened considerably since then. Part of the reason for me leaving my current job is family time issues. 12 hour mid day shifts play hell on your family life. Long story short, Friday morning my wife of 18 years tells me the job change doesn't matter and that she has taken a lease on an apartment. She needs to get away and is leaving the kids (daughter, 14 and son ,9) with me. I damn near had a panic attack. The new job will allow me to be home with the kids, but WTF!! What do I do now? I do not like bringing others into my personal life, but I needed an outlet. Any words of wisdom out there? Thanks

 

[DmitryWI]

****, man, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sounds like sh!t hit the fan. I don't know what to tell you right now, may be when I'll sober up tomorrow I'll come up with something, but damn, this is sucks.

 

[GymRat5972]

Damn Night sorry to hear that bro. I know about shoft work. i work 12 hour shifts... get this schedule 4am to 4pm... M-t-w-th-f days, off 7 days, 4pm to 4am f-s-su-m, off 3,3 days off 1 3 nights off 3 back to 4 days off 7. It sucks bad. in your case have you guys been having problems??? shift work takes a toll on people, im fortunate to have a wife that does not mind me doing this. Bro i would find a babysitter , take the wife out and try talking to her, what went wrong? was it the job? was it (me)you? what can we (you guys) do to get this back on track. wish you the best bro. keep us posted

 

[Ripped1]

damn bro that is crazy

I am glad to hear you that have your kids though. I can not tell you anything that will make you feel better about your wife. We are hear for you and just try and stay focused. Hit the gym and stay focused for your kids. They can help you thru this

 

[nightshift]

There has been problems over the years, but as far as I knew they were related to my working horrible hours. I have never been unfaithful or any thing like that. What is most discouraging is that she has had many health issues from day one, and I have cared for her every step of the way. She is in relatively good health now. I got her back in the gym and got her diet on track which helped her loose 35lbs. She feels good about herself and the way she looks. I guess I just feel betrayed. And Ripped, you are correct. My kids are my joy and the gym my outlet. Thanks

 

[Chad]

give her some space. this has prob been a long time coming and its not your fault but she is most likely taking out her anger on you for "not being there".
its fcuked up bro. but things should work out when she figurs out how much she misses you and the kids.

 

[tattoopierced1]

good luck man.. i had some stuff spring up on me suddenly as well.. be strong for your kids, and be glad she is leaving them with you.. it could be worse, she could have taken the kids.

 

[AnonyMoose]

There has been problems over the years, but as far as I knew they were related to my working horrible hours. I have never been unfaithful or any thing like that. What is most discouraging is that she has had many health issues from day one, and I have cared for her every step of the way. She is in relatively good health now. I got her back in the gym and got her diet on track which helped her loose 35lbs. She feels good about herself and the way she looks. I guess I just feel betrayed. And Ripped, you are correct. My kids are my joy and the gym my outlet. Thanks

right - as far as you know. do we ever get the real picture/story at a time like this? not all the time.

if you still love her, be there for her. if she is just taking a break, maybe she needs separation time to straighten her head.

i find it very odd she didn't take the kids. were her health problems physical or emotional in the past? i think this can give you real clues to what the outcome here is going to be now to act on accordingly to take care of yourself for your kids sakes.

hang tight

 

[nightshift]

The problems were both physical and emotional. There is a pretty strong history of emotional problems in her family and unfortunately, she has followed suit. Her way of handling tough situations is by self medicating or running away. Maybe she does need some time and space to work things out. This is weighing very heavily on me, but as always, I hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

 

[tattoopierced1]

not to sound bad, but document everything.. document her leaving, specific dates, leaving you with the children. If things come down to getting lawyers involved, a log will help you out greatly. Again, not trying to be the rain on the parade, but you do have to watch out for what is best for you and most importantly, your children.

 

[matthew76]

I'm not rying to be a d!ck, but do you think that there's another man involved?

I feel for you; stay strong.

 

[AnonyMoose]

yeah - document especially the kid part. make sure that a lawyer or some official knows this. it needs to be more than your notes and make sure others who know you both can speak on behalf of this fact.

matt could be onto something. i've seen that as one of the main reasons that could bring her to abandon her kids before in the past.

 

[nightshift]

Naturally she flat out denies that there is anyone else involved. There has been some red flags for me though and I am in the process of going over records, bills, etc... to see if I can figure this out. Maybe I won't like what I find or maybe it's all benign. Either way I need some answers. As a precautionary step, I have contacted legal counsel in case this thing goes bad. Thanks for all of your input.

 

[GymRat5972]

if she has a cell phone, call the provider and have them send you a detailed bill to your work address. Also call the phone company and have them send the detailed bill to your work.

 

[AnonyMoose]

Naturally she flat out denies that there is anyone else involved. There has been some red flags for me though and I am in the process of going over records, bills, etc... to see if I can figure this out. Maybe I won't like what I find or maybe it's all benign. Either way I need some answers. As a precautionary step, I have contacted legal counsel in case this thing goes bad. Thanks for all of your input.

smart move!