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RenegadeRows

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:whiner:

So I met my girlfriend about 4 years ago. I really liked her. I was at the point of my life where I had alot of friends, but most of them were bad influences on me. I was drinking, smoking weed, and not working. I was a total loser.

My girl kinda changed that. You know if you like someone enough, you want to change for them. Especially if your doing things that arent good for you to begin with. She put up with my bull**** and I did change gradually. I quit smoking, and partying. But that meant I had to drop my friends too. When I did hang out with them, I would end up falling down again, and giving into temptations. It'd cause us to fight, and since i liked her i didn't want to fight.

Fast forward 4 years. i'm working and i'm clean. i dont drink or smoke. for a while, she was all i needed and vice versa. we got very close. my outlets were lifting and training.

well i'm stilll training, but here's the kicker. my girl goes out with her friends alot. they are a mixed bunch, guys and girls alike. she's invited me out to chill with them, but they're her friends you know. a couple should have their own groups of friends, IE 'guys night', 'girls night'

So she goes out on a friday night and has a blast, and I'm stuck at home. At first I didn't mind it, I'd watch movies and chill out. Train, surf the net.

But it's really starting to get to me. The friends I had, were like my bros. Half of them are addicts, in jail. I'll pray for them. The other half I don't even know how to reach, because it's been so long. Friends aren't like a deck of cards, to put down and pick up at a later time. I think they felt I turned my back on em.

Well here i am whining. But it's gotten to the point where I don't know what to do with myself. I've gotten very depressed. I want friends to confide in, to chill with on a guys night. She goes out with a big group and has fun, and I sit on my ass and feel sorry for myself. She's invited me out but I would feel very awkward, I don't know any of her friends and they aren't really my type of people.

I have one or two people I still keep in touch with, but they have families and careers and little or no time to hang out.

I know it's kind of a stupid topic, there are much more serious things in the world. But i feel really cut off and lonely. I was just wondering if anybody had any ideas or experiences like me.

It hasn't been a problem until lately, she's been hanging out with her friends more, and less of me. Perfectly healthy for a couple to do, but hard for me. i feel disconnected

Any ideas?
 
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Alexander

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Not a stupid topic at all. Nothing is more important than friends, relationships are what life is all about. Go find your old friends or make some new ones. It might seem far away now, but if you make the effort I'm sure it won't take long. I'm a bit of a loner, but even I need friends. I don't like having a ton of friends, because I feel that most of them just drag me down in one way or another, but having a few very good friends is priceless. Chances are some of your old friends have changed just like you. Go find your friends.
 
WeakPoint

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I wouldn't worry to much about it. Friends come and friends go. I only have about 3-4 good friends like people I can confide with and what not. Try to get into a hobby maybe some sort of martial arts or a sport. Your girlfriend probably wants you to get to know her group of friends as well. A little bit of awkwardness at first could turn into something good, try to hang out with them and see how that works out.
 
Xodus

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How apropos this post is.

Been battling some depression myself since I moved across the country to where I knew no one. Seems to get pretty dark in my head sometimes, with cycles of recklessness. I'm not the sort of person that makes friends very easily and I usually have only one or two at a time. Right now, I have no friends, only 'familiars' as I call them. You occasionally get together, but its not really a friendship. Certainly not the types you confide in. Good time people, scarce when sh!t hits the fan.

Getting older it is definitely harder to make friends, or to be able to hang out with people as they all have commitments (family, SO's, etc.) F*ck, I don't blame them, I would spend all my time with my family and lover too.

Do NOT start drinking. I know that I am being hypocritical here, but I've been climbing in and out of that hole myself from time to time. I've wasted a lot of my life riding a barstool alone than I care to admit. Do not start down that path.

My loneliness has pretty much just cost me a relationship with a great girl, as I started to get too 'needy' for her liking. Sort of a downward spiral, craving her friendship enough to drive her away.

As far as ideas/suggestions. Go out with her and her friends, have a little fun once and awhile. Talk to her about and tell her how it makes you feel, maybe she will cut back. Volunteer for something the nights she goes out.

Not sure how old you are, or if it would even matter, but if you need to talk, PM me for IM/email info, I'm online all the time <unfortunately>...
 
Red Dog

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I have an extremely similar personality to the one you just described -- probably worse. One thing that always makes me feel better is my family. Just spending time with my brother or parents makes me feel 100 times better, do you have any family you can get together with?

Friends are important, I agree, but not everything -- atleast in my opinion. I think those raised very focused on family values view family as the most important -- those with distant parents value friends as most important..

I can relate to your girl situation as well, as I know what that feels like when they go out with their own little group of friends and you feel obligated to decline. In all honesty, its a problem I've never gotten around.. But my friends abandoned me, so I'm kinda backwards on that issue..

But have you told her it's bothering you? Maybe she doesn't realize that it's on your mind, and if you've been with her for 4+ years it makes me think that she will be more than willing to work with you to make things comfortable for the both of you.. I would just bring it up in a non-threatening manner when you guys are at home and maybe suggest you spend a little time together..

I think thats your best option, as those who love you are bound to care about you, and those who care about you are bound to listen and help..

I hope you work it out either way RR, good luck with this!
 
SilentBob187

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to quote Doc Holliday, I'm your Huckleberry. But seriously, I know how you feel bro, kinda in the same situation but without a girlfriend. I agree with Weakpoint though, try hanging out with your girl's friends sometime. Could be fun.
 
crader

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I agree with trying to go out with your girls friends. I don't know where she goes with them, but maybe while you are out you will meet someone you would like as a friend.

If nothing else it will give you a little bit of time with your girlfriend.

I feel for you. I lost all my friends when I married.
 
MuscleGuyinNY

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My ex, aka my son's mother, had her own friends. I hardly knew any of them. Several of them were constantly drunk, high, and getting around with a new guy every week. I worried about my ex and feared for our relationship, but I tried trusting her the best that I could. She'd go off with her friends a lot. But that was okay. Whenever I went out with my friends, she'd end up calling friends of hers, have them follow me, she'd constantly call my cell phone, text me, threaten to leave me, accuse me of cheating, etc. So, it was okay for her to go out, ignore my calls, and make me worry, but I couldn't even go to the gym with a friend! It was ridiculous.

Don't dwell over this. Tell her how you feel. Sit down with her and talk. Hopefully she listens. Hear each other out.
 
T-Bone

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I'm a hermit myself. Who needs friends anyway?. Offer to take your girl out alone and do something with her and not her friends. Also if she is young and in her 20's, it is something she will probally grow out of.
 
Alexander

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Yeah, I definitely agree with going out with your girls friends. I have a feeling you and I might have somewhat similar personality's. I hate awkward crap that you're pretty sure will never amount to anything good. So this might be a little case of do as I say not as I do, but I'm trying too. Just go out, put up with a little bit of bullsh*t, brush it off, see if it works out. Worst case you don't enjoy their company, but make your girl happy by making the effort. Best case you make some good friends and make her happy. A lot of cliques are unaccepting of the "new guy", brush it off and understand that's just how people are. They'll end up liking you, they're just testing you.
 
dsade

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It hasn't been a problem until lately, she's been hanging out with her friends more, and less of me. Perfectly healthy for a couple to do, but hard for me. i feel disconnected
You sure about that?

I think there might be underlying issues.

What do you share interest in? Does she share your love of working out? Does she resent it?
 
Iron Warrior

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Do some community service that's related to your hobbies and you'll be more likely to meet your type of people. If you feel disconnected from your significant other then you might want to have a serious talk to see what's going on.

You can try hanging out with her friends. Give it some time and you might find some things in common. Heck, they might even know people who'd make good friends with you and you can also play that angle.
 
RenegadeRows

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Just wanted to thank everybody for their opinions and thoughts. Never knew it was that common among people! She's invited me out, but like I said they are her friends not mine ... it's not people I can confide in you know? But perhaps I will go out and socialize, just to get out even
 
Distilled Water

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I dont have many freinds anymore either. Between the misses, a 3year old and baseball its amzeing you'll find out who your "true" friends are. Either way I think the wifey kinda feels like you do because she's started to make a huge deal. So maybe I can help from my aspect, as if I was your gf?

1.) Lose any sterotypes of her friends. Even if you dont want to really hang out with them because of what they do or you dont know them. JUST DO IT!!! remember she's your gf so they can't be too bad :D

2.) Bring up how you feel to her but try to keep it as low key as possible. Dont get workd up about it. If your gf is like me I'd love for you to come out and hang with my freinds.

3.) Maybe try and get your few good friends to come out with you and your gf freinds. I tell the misses to do that and she's 50/50 about it. Hey maybe your freinds and her freinds can entertain a crazt night :stick:

When we first started dateing I didn't really want to hang out with her friends because they're all about 4-5 years older than me but I did anways and now I actaully hang out with some of her friends if it's a "guy's" or "girls" night.

Hope that helps a little.
 

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How apropos this post is.

Been battling some depression myself since I moved across the country to where I knew no one. Seems to get pretty dark in my head sometimes, with cycles of recklessness. I'm not the sort of person that makes friends very easily and I usually have only one or two at a time. Right now, I have no friends, only 'familiars' as I call them. You occasionally get together, but its not really a friendship. Certainly not the types you confide in. Good time people, scarce when sh!t hits the fan.

Getting older it is definitely harder to make friends, or to be able to hang out with people as they all have commitments (family, SO's, etc.) F*ck, I don't blame them, I would spend all my time with my family and lover too.

Do NOT start drinking. I know that I am being hypocritical here, but I've been climbing in and out of that hole myself from time to time. I've wasted a lot of my life riding a barstool alone than I care to admit. Do not start down that path.

My loneliness has pretty much just cost me a relationship with a great girl, as I started to get too 'needy' for her liking. Sort of a downward spiral, craving her friendship enough to drive her away.

As far as ideas/suggestions. Go out with her and her friends, have a little fun once and awhile. Talk to her about and tell her how it makes you feel, maybe she will cut back. Volunteer for something the nights she goes out.

Not sure how old you are, or if it would even matter, but if you need to talk, PM me for IM/email info, I'm online all the time <unfortunately>...
How long were you dating this girl before she ended up moving on ?
 
machine528

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You are in the same exact boat that i am in. Everynow and then i will try to go out with my old friends and its honestly weird, all they ever want to do is go out and drink... its like the only way they know how to function is at a bar. I hate bars, i hate smoke, i hate bar crowds and i really dont drink anymore. Ive been with my girl for almost the same amount of time and the same thing has happened. I have no doubt my friends feel like i turned my back on them. Ive tried going out with " New Friends" but even thats strange. As i grow older im definatly starting to realize the importance of family, no matter what i always enjoy spending time with my brothers.
 
Mulletsoldier

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"Heaven isn't something someone else can give, it's all inside of me" - Eyedea.

You need to find outlets (i.e., friends) to have confidence in, to speak to, to have fun with, or eventually, it will drag down your relationship as well. It takes two happy individuals to create a happy relationship, and sooner or later this may create some friction between you. Don't be afraid to be social, there are more people whom think, act, speak, walk, and laugh like you than you assume - go meet them.

You'll probably find that as you yourself begin to reassemble your relationship will become brighter; oddly enough, I've noticed, one of the fundamentals of a fruitful romantic relationship, is being completely happy within yourself first.
 

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Not sure if this was mentioned already or not, but you could try to get your girlfriend to invite her friends who also have boyfriends out and have a multi-couple group date at a place where its easy to be social (ie NOT the movies). In my experience it's inevitable that every now and then the girls start talking and chilling with each other and the guys do the same, just make sure you don't ignore your girlfriend as well :lol:. It's how I've met a few of my good friends.
 

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I can relate to your situation. I have a lot of friends from High School and college who have gone in a number of different directions from addiction, to families, to busy careers. Unfortunately most of my good friends aren't around geographically or are too busy with gf's. I have been staying in contact with one of my best friends who I lived with for the past 5 years by playing golf on sundays. I think it's easier if you have something weekly planned that you gf would approve of. If there is something you could do with your old friends without getting into trouble and pissing off your gf that would be best. I know my old friends are my best friends because they grew up with me and know me better then anyone. It is really hard to be comfortable with your gf's friends especially if you are from different backgrounds and have had really different experiences. I would give anything to have the group of friends i had a couple of years ago. Sometimes you can't go home again though. Good Luck.
 

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suck it up and go out with her when she invites you. I used to be the same way but recently started going out with friends of friends and have met alot of cool people. The more people you know the better I say, you can be introduced to alot of different people through people. So even though you may not get close to one of her friends, they may have a friend that is out on an invite and you may hit it off...
 
Xodus

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How long were you dating this girl before she ended up moving on ?
We started seeing each other back at the end of June. We had a very 'fiery' relationship, texts to come home for 'nooners', camping trips every weekend, music festivals around the state, baseball and football games, lots and lots of 'together time'. Things were moving very fast and good.

She has personal demons that she is working on as well as a lot of 'life' things going on. In October I started to sense that the problems were bigger than I thought and mentioned it. She burst into tears and refused to talk.

I got a call from her neighbor the next day saying that she checked herself into a 28 day treatment facility. That she really valued our relationship and was going to work on herself because it was a concern of mine.

We talked occasionally on the phone while she was there, I sent her favorite flowers (yellow tulips are a ***** to find in Oct.), and was very supportive. Anxious to talk with her, as she did not know about my own similar issues.

When she got out, she was a different person, a little raw, confused, etc. which I fully expected. We hooked up a few times since, but it was very 'distant', like we didn't want to talk about 'it'. I think we've seen each other only 5-6 times since the beginning of the year. I gave her a ride to the airport, dinner out once, etc.

Last Saturday I was in a pretty down mood and decided to swing by to talk to her. She is an ER nurse that works swing shifts, so 'off days' are hit or miss. She happened to be there with one of her girl friends (her B-Day) and they invited me to a friends house hoping to 'cheer' me up. I should not have gone, as I didn't really want to be around people at that moment, ended up leaving the party and walking ~7 miles in a T-shirt back to my car.

She has a ton of things that she is trying to work on and my frequent requests to get together for a movie or something started to piss her off. She wants a relationship with me, but needs to get her sh!t straight first, which I completely understand, having been in the same situation myself <minus treatment>. I'm not sure what shape or form that relationship will take when its all said and done, even if at all, but I'm agreeing to give her time and really would love to 'start again' but I find it hard to give up so easily. During our 'dating' period, I told her that I wished I had actually written down my mental list of my 'ideal' partner, as she truly matched 95% of it, probably more as time went on and we learned more about one another. After that conversation, she reached into her purse and pulled out her written list that she actually wrote down, just a week prior to meeting me. Just about everything was checked off as well.

I find it hard it hard to go out and meet someone new, knowing that I feel I found the one I want to be with. You are depressed as sh!t and even just a 'distraction' would help, but I'm not in the best of moods or frame of mind to even do that. Sort of a catch 22.

Winters are definitely hardest for me. In the spring/summer/fall I've got a lot of social activities with 'familiars', softball, kickball, motorcycle rides, etc. But the winters I feel like a shut in, completely disconnected. Working out obviously helps, as this angst feeds the fire, but unfortunately you can't do that 6 hours a day, every day.

Anyway, I've said too much in a thread that isn't mine.

Thanks for letting me vent a little RR, chin up, take everyone's great suggestions here and it will get better.
 
EasyEJL

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neither my wife or I do anything with anyone outside of family more than maybe once a month at most, if that often. Probably less than 6 times a year. So I understand what you mean tho, its hard. My wife went to a "candle party" thing friday night with the girls from work, and my parents had the kids. I had nada to do. So watching episodes of Drawn Together, and playing Halo 3 was it
 
SFRANGER

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"Heaven isn't something someone else can give, it's all inside of me" - Eyedea.

You need to find outlets (i.e., friends) to have confidence in, to speak to, to have fun with, or eventually, it will drag down your relationship as well. It takes two happy individuals to create a happy relationship, and sooner or later this may create some friction between you. Don't be afraid to be social, there are more people whom think, act, speak, walk, and laugh like you than you assume - go meet them.

You'll probably find that as you yourself begin to reassemble your relationship will become brighter; oddly enough, I've noticed, one of the fundamentals of a fruitful romantic relationship, is being completely happy within yourself first.
This sounds so cliche that it's easy to miss the truth in it - but the above paragraph is the best advice man.

I don't have many friends left either, and most of my social interactions are with my girlfriend and her friends - so I know how you feel. I finally hung around them enough that I feel like they are 'our friends' and not just 'her friends'. Give it a shot.

Go out and socialize with her friends - if you make a big deal out of her going out alone after she has invited you to come out with her...man, its going to push her away.
 
Xodus

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This sounds so cliche that it's easy to miss the truth in it - but the above paragraph is the best advice man.
I repped Mullet for that post. Constant affirmations to finding happiness within is a good thing and something to be learned and re-learned often.
 

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Isolation strengthens the will, hardens the interior, and tells you everything you'll ever need to know about yourself. Imbrase the darkness that surround you my friend because in the end that is all there is.
The only constant in life is inside your head. People come, people go, people die, such is life. How you deal with that is what separates the strong from the weak.
 
Mulletsoldier

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This sounds so cliche that it's easy to miss the truth in it - but the above paragraph is the best advice man.

I don't have many friends left either, and most of my social interactions are with my girlfriend and her friends - so I know how you feel. I finally hung around them enough that I feel like they are 'our friends' and not just 'her friends'. Give it a shot.

Go out and socialize with her friends - if you make a big deal out of her going out alone after she has invited you to come out with her...man, its going to push her away.
I repped Mullet for that post. Constant affirmations to finding happiness within is a good thing and something to be learned and re-learned often.
Most definitely. I always see people characterize a relationship as 'two becoming one'. Well, if either of the 'ones' is incomplete, the 'two' will fall and crumble. I think too often assume happiness can be found solely in another person, but it can't. It has to be created from within first, and shared with another person.

Another thing I think is ironic, is the difference in how men and women fall in love. Women will fall quicker and more often, which is how they are consistently burned by 'players'. Oddly though, men will always fall harder and deeper in the end. In my experience, your girl will never love you as deeply and as sincerely as you do her, which isn't her fault, it's her programming.

Whether we realize it or not, women are attracted to us for various convoluted reasons that inevitably lead to an evaluation of our social value. This comes through in our kindness, humor, whatever specific means, but this attraction is built by an initial value assessment. In falling quicker, women become immediately infatuated and reinforce the traits in us that initially attracted them. The problem with this, is we become complacent, and assume that our completely natural and comfortable reaction is enough to hold most women - it isn't. Women are naturally programmed to assess and reassess the value (mostly in power, status, and security) you pose to them, and we do not. So, in other words, once the relationship is on the roles reverse - you are free to fall in love and become comfortable, while she is constantly reevaluating you. This is why you constantly hear stories of females canning guys after years of a relationship, with them seemingly unwitting in the process. We then call them heartless, cold and b!tches, though, really, it's just a difference in programming.

Now, RR, I'm not saying your girl is 100% like this, but, as a female, she is probably naturally inclined to react in such a manner. In other words, ensure you keep displaying that same social value that initially attracted her to you in the first place. Your inclination to be overly social projected your social value through the roof - isolation may reverse that and she may eventually find this value in another.

Unfortunately, young females are simply inclined to do this. I've seen even my most 'adept', 'player-type' friends be burned after years, and I mean 5-7 years, with a female simply because they stopped displaying the traits which initially attracted the female.

Just go out, and be yourself again. Before you create some resentment, jealousy and indecisiveness that is like cancer to a relationship.
 
Mulletsoldier

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Isolation strengthens the will, hardens the interior, and tells you everything you'll ever need to know about yourself. Imbrase the darkness that surround you my friend because in the end that is all there is.
The only constant in life is inside your head. People come, people go, people die, such is life. How you deal with that is what separates the strong from the weak.
Respectfully Schism, I don't think I could disagree with one statement any more than I disagree with this one. If you were completely isolated from birth, do you think 'the darkness' would take any role in imparting onto you the fundamental characteristics of humanity? I don't think so.

Other people make us who we are, whether we like it or not.
 
EasyEJL

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As much as I hate to say it, mullet is right. But remember too that the community that is this forum also counts as friends....
 
Xodus

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Most definitely. I always see people characterize a relationship as 'two becoming one'. Well, if either of the 'ones' is incomplete, the 'two' will fall and crumble. I think too often assume happiness can be found solely in another person, but it can't. It has to be created from within first, and shared with another person.

Another thing I think is ironic, is the difference in how men and women fall in love. Women will fall quicker and more often, which is how they are consistently burned by 'players'. Oddly though, men will always fall harder and deeper in the end. In my experience, your girl will never love you as deeply and as sincerely as you do her, which isn't her fault, it's her programming.

Whether we realize it or not, women are attracted to us for various convoluted reasons that inevitably lead to an evaluation of our social value. This comes through in our kindness, humor, whatever specific means, but this attraction is built by an initial value assessment. In falling quicker, women become immediately infatuated and reinforce the traits in us that initially attracted them. The problem with this, is we become complacent, and assume that our completely natural and comfortable reaction is enough to hold most women - it isn't. Women are naturally programmed to assess and reassess the value (mostly in power, status, and security) you pose to them, and we do not. So, in other words, once the relationship is on the roles reverse - you are free to fall in love and become comfortable, while she is constantly reevaluating you. This is why you constantly hear stories of females canning guys after years of a relationship, with them seemingly unwitting in the process. We then call them heartless, cold and b!tches, though, really, it's just a difference in programming.

Now, RR, I'm not saying your girl is 100% like this, but, as a female, she is probably naturally inclined to react in such a manner. In other words, ensure you keep displaying that same social value that initially attracted her to you in the first place. Your inclination to be overly social projected your social value through the roof - isolation may reverse that and she may eventually find this value in another.

Unfortunately, young females are simply inclined to do this. I've seen even my most 'adept', 'player-type' friends be burned after years, and I mean 5-7 years, with a female simply because they stopped displaying the traits which initially attracted the female.

Just go out, and be yourself again. Before you create some resentment, jealousy and indecisiveness that is like cancer to a relationship.
You are wise beyond your years.
 
RenegadeRows

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Good point mullet. Thank you for your post. It is very wise.

I had a girl leave me once because i became complacent. I figured "Shes not going anywhere, we've been together for a long time." I stopped doing the romantic stuff, trying like I did at the beginning of the relationship. then boom, came outta nowhere.

I've decided to do a couple things to remedy my situation.

1.) Try to socialize with her friends from time to time.
2.) Increase the level of my training, both martial arts and weights, so that my confidence level goes up, enabling me to socialize more, and to kill time on my own.
3.) Find things to do on my own, when she has her girls night. That way, she won't think I'm just a loser sitting at home. I'll be a loser roaming the city streets or bookstores, lol.
4.) Try and get some solid friendships on my own going. (hard to do once your a certain age... not to mention a male.) I find females make friends very easily. Guys dont
 

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Respectfully Schism, I don't think I could disagree with one statement any more than I disagree with this one. If you were completely isolated from birth, do you think 'the darkness' would take any role in imparting onto you the fundamental characteristics of humanity? I don't think so.

Other people make us who we are, whether we like it or not.
The things I've seen through my own eyes and the experiences I've had in my own life is what has assembled the man I am today. Not other people. People came, people went, people died, the one constant is myself. I am left here when everyone is gone and as such must find ways to rely on myself for survival, not others.
Your opinion has merit and I feel you might have misunderstood what I was trying to convey. Which is you cannot afford to base your happiness on the doings of others. You must learn to rely on yourself, because when everything else is stripped away that is who you are left to deal with.
 
Mulletsoldier

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The things I've seen through my own eyes and the experiances I've had in my own life is what has asembled the man I am today. Not other people. People came, people went, people died, the one constant is myself. I am left here when everyone is gone and as such must find ways to relly on myself for survival, not others.
I think your missing the point, and taking this to a far and away extreme dude. This isn't about survival, just keeping a girl happy ;)

You missed my point a little too. I was making the point that if you would have received absolutely no human contact from the time you were born, you wouldn't know how to eat, how to speak, how to think, you would literally have no concept of self. Same goes for now, to less of a degree. We rely on role enforcement to tell us who we are, and then internalize that and make it our own.
 

Schism

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I think your missing the point, and taking this to a far and away extreme dude. This isn't about survival, just keeping a girl happy ;)

You missed my point a little too. I was making the point that if you would have received absolutely no human contact from the time you were born, you wouldn't know how to eat, how to speak, how to think, you would literally have no concept of self. Same goes for now, to less of a degree. We rely on role enforcement to tell us who we are, and then internalize that and make it our own.
Wow, your hired, can you shrink my head mulletsoldier ? lol...
As far as keeping girls happy I will do the poster a favour and not respond as I have had no luck with that one!:nono:
 
Iron Warrior

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Mullet, I'll need your advice the next time I have mental issues :D

RR: Mullet brought up a great point about women. If you have changed the way you are with your lady then she'll find you less attractive and be more likely to say "maybe we should just be friends".

Other things you can do to keep 'em happy are
1) Shock therapy, aka The Shocker
2) Wild sex
3) New adventures
4) Using that tongue

One thing that worked for me in the past was sex coupons. I got them at Barnes and Noble and this adds a new sense of adventure to a relationship.
 

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Haha,that's great brother.
Don't forget the world renowned Donkey punch..lol...
 
sf9ersfan8

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same boat 2. if i didnt know better i'd say i started this thread(lol). i stay busy, school & work full time, but last summer was baddddddd. i mean a real slump, if i can offer any advice it would be to stay busy, it keeps my mind off it, i think maybe when i get out of school and move on with myself things will change. but who knows, i feel the same way as you man, best of luck.
 
Mrs. Gimpy!

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I always see people characterize a relationship as 'two becoming one'. Well, if either of the 'ones' is incomplete, the 'two' will fall and crumble. I think too often assume happiness can be found solely in another person, but it can't. It has to be created from within first, and shared with another person.
I could not agree with this statement more. ditto. Becoming "co-dependent" is never ever a good thing and most people are co-dependent without realizing it.

Women will fall quicker and more often, which is how they are consistently burned by 'players'. Oddly though, men will always fall harder and deeper in the end.
I could do not agree with this statement at all. I think that it is fairly equal in on both sides as to who is the player, falls faster in love, etc...
In my experience, your girl will never love you as deeply and as sincerely as you do her, which isn't her fault, it's her programming.
That is terrible. A horrible statement. Makes me embarrassed to be a woman if that were a true fact.

Women are naturally programmed to assess and reassess the value (mostly in power, status, and security) you pose to them, and we do not.
i love it this. I don't even really know what to say about this one. Men and women each individually assess their spouse, or significant other at all times, about all sorts of issues. Its unfair to say that men never assess their female companions. We all have expectations, and everyone's expectations are different. For example, some women want their men to make a certain amount of money, well, some men want to come home to a clean house.


Just go out, and be yourself again. Before you create some resentment, jealousy and indecisiveness that is like cancer to a relationship.
definitely. But as others have mentioned on this thread, some people are more social than others. I am more social than my fiance, and hence, I go out more than he does, while hes honestly content with seeing his best friends once every 3 months or so and being on the forums dailly (quite a few times a day). Its all about finding YOUR perfect balance that makes you happy, because as mullet implies, one can not bring happiness to the other if they themselves are not happy (if that is not your implication mullet, than i apologize ahead of time :) ).
 
Mrs. Gimpy!

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The things I've seen through my own eyes and the experiences I've had in my own life is what has assembled the man I am today. Not other people. People came, people went, people died, the one constant is myself. I am left here when everyone is gone and as such must find ways to rely on myself for survival, not others.
Your opinion has merit and I feel you might have misunderstood what I was trying to convey. Which is you cannot afford to base your happiness on the doings of others. You must learn to rely on yourself, because when everything else is stripped away that is who you are left to deal with.
100% agreed. If I wasn't engaged, I would have sworn that you are my long lost other half :) . A realist after my own heart.
 
typeOnegative

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your troubles are ringing an all too familiar bell for me... just do NOT make my same mistake by becoming too complacent within your relationship with her... go out with her and her friends (at least try to have a good time knowing she is having a good time)... just maybe there will be some surprises or worthwhile friendships forged
 
LilPsychotic

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Yeah, I was in a similar situation. Friends were all a bunch of heads, doing what ever. She put up with it for a while, until I did some real stupid sh*t that nearly ruined our relationship. So I liked her enough that I got clean, quit smoking and quit drinking. This was a couple years ago, and have been pretty clean since, except for a cycle here or there, but I don't consider that partying. Anyways, she got back into her friends at this point, and it was like the same thing, because I pretty much realized that to be sober I had to drop the old friends. So to make a long story short, the thing that got her away from her friends was getting pregnant. Now, neither one of us have any time for anything, and life is really stressful. So, your definately not alone. I think many of us came from situations like that. Just try to find others who train as seriously as you do, because they'll probrably be into other things than partying all the time. Just keep taking your aggression out at the gym, and take up another hobby or something.
 
crader

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You know you could always look into being a personal trainer. They get to talk to a large amount of people a day. My trainer makes 25 an hr session and trains over 60 people a day.

Anyway it seems like a great way to meet and help people. And who knows, maybe find friends in the process, hopefully fitness not party oriented.
 
ITHURTZ

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I hate people who drop there friends for there lover. If a girl ever told me I couldnt hang out with my friends or had to go where I went, or always texted/called to see what I was doing I would drop her ass so fast.

I know summer flings dont count, but during the summer I had a fling with this girl at the gym. There was no texting/calling etc etc. It was like a dream. Did what I do, she did what she did, trained together at the gym hung out a few times a week outside the gym and that was that.
 
Iron Warrior

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I hate people who drop there friends for there lover. If a girl ever told me I couldnt hang out with my friends or had to go where I went, or always texted/called to see what I was doing I would drop her ass so fast.
Ditto that. A relationship with a woman may not last that long so it makes no sense to drop your friends. Those chicks aren't worth the headache after a few rounds of action.
 
WeakPoint

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Another thing there renegade, I'm guessing you work? Why not find friends that you work with?

It's really hard for me to keep a relationship because I work out of town and I'm only here 6 months of the time. I met a girl I really like but I'm leaving beginning of April so I don't know what to do. If I should just kinda stop talking to her or if I should try to keep it going knowing that I won't be here during the whole summer. It's a weird situation when your with someone but you know deep down that its really not going to work out, even when you want it to work. Oh well enough of my sob story lawlz.
 
SFRANGER

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Life is... very complicated. And generally, the parts that suck the most will eventually be topped by something that sucks more.

(My deep piece of advice)
 
EasyEJL

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Another thing there renegade, I'm guessing you work? Why not find friends that you work with?

It's really hard for me to keep a relationship because I work out of town and I'm only here 6 months of the time. I met a girl I really like but I'm leaving beginning of April so I don't know what to do. If I should just kinda stop talking to her or if I should try to keep it going knowing that I won't be here during the whole summer. It's a weird situation when your with someone but you know deep down that its really not going to work out, even when you want it to work. Oh well enough of my sob story lawlz.
hey, if its good enough to be something permanent, then maybe its good enough to be worth switching jobs.
 
RenegadeRows

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The reason why I had to 'drop' my friends at the beginning of our relationship was not to make her happy.

Anybody who has been a drug addict and recovered ... loses all of their friends. There's no way around it. It's an unfortunate side effect of "cleaning up your life".

We're doing better now.

I beleive I'm a loner of sorts in the long run. With friends there tends to be alot of drama and bull**** involved. Even the few friends I have now tend to blow me off. Yes, social interaction is very important but I think the fellow who said to be alone is to be strong has a point. After all, the only one in this world you have for sure is yourself.

The people I work with however are friendly and I am greatful for that. Not so much outside of work relationships, but the contact and bonding we do in work counts for a lot.

Thanks for all the input guys. I didn't know so many people had the same issues I do. I hope we can keep this thread going because there is some great wisdom being provided.
 

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