I'm just a couple of years older than you. However, I've always had anger issues, but they never begun showing up until I was in high school. It started with running my mouth, making threats, yelling, and whatnot. That all eventually led to me punching and throwing things, whether it be the wall, computer, or the remote for the tv.
I'm usually a very laid back and mellow person, but I also always try containing my anger. My main problem is, I bottle it up. That'll happen over time and I'll eventually just explode, which I always fear happening. I'm very, very protective of my family and my girlfriend. Even making a remark, such as 'your mother's a whore,' would be enough to set me off and bashing somebody's skull in. I tend to get mouthy before I ever get physical. To be honest, I hate fighting, especially physically. That's always my last resort, usually only for self-defense.
Last summer, my ex had cheated on me, meanwhile she was pregnant with our son. I literally could've killed the guy. Instead, I pound the piss out of him. I unleashed my anger like never before. I was punching his face in, choking him, and everything. I really felt like I wanted to kill him. I got in my ex's face and yelled at her. I called her a 'lying, cheating, fcuking whore,' and told her that, that's all she'd ever be. Believe it or not, I never got slapped with an assault charge, but almost got Assault 3rd. I ended up spending a night in the city jail, due to my situation being considered a domestic violence dispute. Two days before I caught the two of them hanging out, I went to Kmart and bought a metal baseball bat. The day after that, which was the day before this incident, I returned the baseball bat and got my money back. I believe everything happens for a reason. I'll admit that, if murder were legal, I would've killed the guy. But had I done so, my life wouldn't been ruined. I'm only 20. I have the rest of my life to turn things around. I have a newborn son. I need to be here for him. I have many job opportunities at my feet. I'm also seeing somebody new and I'm the happiest that I've ever been.
I now have 3 years of probation, for violating an Order For Protection. My situation is rather complicated, but I have a thread of my own in this same forum. You should check it out. One of my terms of probation is to attend VIP, which stands for the Violence Intervention Program. It teaches the same idea as anger management, but instead, it's called 'emotion management.' Anger is just one, of many, emotions that we feel. Many other emotions either stem away from that, or lead to it, such as jealousy, nervousness, desperation, feeling neglected, etc. At first, I really thought that the idea was a total waste of time. But I went and, believe it or not, I enjoyed it. We meet every Monday night from 7pm-9pm, for 34 weeks. I'm glad that it's a mandatory term of my probation. If it was voluntary, then I most likely never would've ended up registering myself. It gives all of us guys time to focus on ourselves. Our own feelings, thoughts, responsibilities, etc. We discuss all the relationships we've been in with family members and women. We get into very in-depth discussions and learn to be very open. If I hadn't spent the time that I have with the other male individuals in my group, then I'd most likely see them, judge them, and never associate with them. But I feel like I've known them forever. We've learned a lot about each other. We offer each other advice and we're there for one another. We discuss different topics as a group, watch videos, and listen, which is very important. The only downside is the fact that we have to pay $30 per week for the services, but it's well worth it. I've learned so much about myself. I never thought that I was emotionally or mentally abusive, but I've shown some of those signs in the past. That's actually even much more worse than physical abuse, which I've never resorted to. I would never, ever physically hurt any woman, or honestly, I would off myself. I had to grow up and see several of my mother's boyfriends beat on her. Occasionally, one of them would beat on me as well.
If you can get yourself into a group, then go for it. I have first-hand experience. It will make a difference. A very positive one. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. People should actually respect you for coming forward, admitting you have a problem, accepting resposibility for it, and proving that you wanna make a change.
One thing you must always do is, never show any signs of weakness. If you let certain people, especially anyone who'll instigate a situation or antagonize you, know what your weaknesses are, then that's what they'll go for if a conflict was to ever arise between you two. They'll push those buttons until you tick. Be strong.
Another thing you can do is, listen to angry music. I'll usually blare Bullet For My Valentine, Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, All That Remains, As I Lay Dying, etc. I'll occasionally listen to rap, but usually when I'm in the gym. You can get plenty of aggression out in the gym. It's amazing! The rush is great. You're helping yourself mentally and emotionally, but also physically. Anger makes for a good workout. You'll wanna bust your ass and lift heavy. You'll be able to tire yourself out.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. Things take time, but you can do it.
. I used to get my anger out during football season, but since im done for good im gonna have to find another way to get my anger out. I was also thinking about taking MMA, boxing or something of the combative nature too.
