help with explosive anger problems
- 02-07-2008, 05:14 PM
help with explosive anger problems
Hey everyone, i knew to the forum, but have been reading through some threads for some time now and was wondering if anyone had any insight to this problem i keep having.
This is unrelated to bodybuilding or anything, but for a long time (more then 4 years) i've had trouble controlling my aggression. Well, its like this, im kind of a angry person, but sometimes for no reason i just snap and get so mad its hard for me to control myself. Its kind of scary because im not sure when its going to happen and my mood swings so fast that i dont have time to rethink what im mad about or try to control my anger. Usually when i get mad i get really violent (i.e. fights, fists through doors, walls, etc..) I also have times where i will wake up in the morning and just be pissed, not at a thing or a person just mad. Any thoughts?
- 02-07-2008, 05:17 PM
- 02-07-2008, 05:19 PM
i just turned 18. And depression, i would regretfully say yes, maybe not full blown i need meds or anything like that, but periods of depression, yes. O and in case this comes up too, i have never used anything hormonal or steriodal in nature.
02-07-2008, 05:27 PM
Is it like sometimes just simple ordinary things make you really mad? Not like it's built up per say, but you just occasionally will get pissed?
Serious Nutrition Solutions Representative
02-07-2008, 05:32 PM
Have you sought any sort of professional help regarding this?
"I am legally blind and if I can Squat,deadlift and over all get myself to the gym then anyone can get their a$$ in gear and get strong!!" - malleus25
02-07-2008, 05:39 PM
And no to the other question.
Edit: O and it is usually the stupid sh*t that makes me mad the most.
02-07-2008, 05:40 PM
Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
02-07-2008, 05:47 PM
Like trauma said as I have gotten older I have learned to control this and am at a total 180 form where I was a few years ago. Now if it comes over me or I can feel it getting to me I will just sit close my eyes and tell myself to cool it, its not a big deal and its usually fine.
Serious Nutrition Solutions Representative
02-07-2008, 06:13 PM
I'm just a couple of years older than you. However, I've always had anger issues, but they never begun showing up until I was in high school. It started with running my mouth, making threats, yelling, and whatnot. That all eventually led to me punching and throwing things, whether it be the wall, computer, or the remote for the tv.
I'm usually a very laid back and mellow person, but I also always try containing my anger. My main problem is, I bottle it up. That'll happen over time and I'll eventually just explode, which I always fear happening. I'm very, very protective of my family and my girlfriend. Even making a remark, such as 'your mother's a whore,' would be enough to set me off and bashing somebody's skull in. I tend to get mouthy before I ever get physical. To be honest, I hate fighting, especially physically. That's always my last resort, usually only for self-defense.
Last summer, my ex had cheated on me, meanwhile she was pregnant with our son. I literally could've killed the guy. Instead, I pound the piss out of him. I unleashed my anger like never before. I was punching his face in, choking him, and everything. I really felt like I wanted to kill him. I got in my ex's face and yelled at her. I called her a 'lying, cheating, fcuking whore,' and told her that, that's all she'd ever be. Believe it or not, I never got slapped with an assault charge, but almost got Assault 3rd. I ended up spending a night in the city jail, due to my situation being considered a domestic violence dispute. Two days before I caught the two of them hanging out, I went to Kmart and bought a metal baseball bat. The day after that, which was the day before this incident, I returned the baseball bat and got my money back. I believe everything happens for a reason. I'll admit that, if murder were legal, I would've killed the guy. But had I done so, my life wouldn't been ruined. I'm only 20. I have the rest of my life to turn things around. I have a newborn son. I need to be here for him. I have many job opportunities at my feet. I'm also seeing somebody new and I'm the happiest that I've ever been.
I now have 3 years of probation, for violating an Order For Protection. My situation is rather complicated, but I have a thread of my own in this same forum. You should check it out. One of my terms of probation is to attend VIP, which stands for the Violence Intervention Program. It teaches the same idea as anger management, but instead, it's called 'emotion management.' Anger is just one, of many, emotions that we feel. Many other emotions either stem away from that, or lead to it, such as jealousy, nervousness, desperation, feeling neglected, etc. At first, I really thought that the idea was a total waste of time. But I went and, believe it or not, I enjoyed it. We meet every Monday night from 7pm-9pm, for 34 weeks. I'm glad that it's a mandatory term of my probation. If it was voluntary, then I most likely never would've ended up registering myself. It gives all of us guys time to focus on ourselves. Our own feelings, thoughts, responsibilities, etc. We discuss all the relationships we've been in with family members and women. We get into very in-depth discussions and learn to be very open. If I hadn't spent the time that I have with the other male individuals in my group, then I'd most likely see them, judge them, and never associate with them. But I feel like I've known them forever. We've learned a lot about each other. We offer each other advice and we're there for one another. We discuss different topics as a group, watch videos, and listen, which is very important. The only downside is the fact that we have to pay $30 per week for the services, but it's well worth it. I've learned so much about myself. I never thought that I was emotionally or mentally abusive, but I've shown some of those signs in the past. That's actually even much more worse than physical abuse, which I've never resorted to. I would never, ever physically hurt any woman, or honestly, I would off myself. I had to grow up and see several of my mother's boyfriends beat on her. Occasionally, one of them would beat on me as well.
If you can get yourself into a group, then go for it. I have first-hand experience. It will make a difference. A very positive one. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. People should actually respect you for coming forward, admitting you have a problem, accepting resposibility for it, and proving that you wanna make a change.
One thing you must always do is, never show any signs of weakness. If you let certain people, especially anyone who'll instigate a situation or antagonize you, know what your weaknesses are, then that's what they'll go for if a conflict was to ever arise between you two. They'll push those buttons until you tick. Be strong.
Another thing you can do is, listen to angry music. I'll usually blare Bullet For My Valentine, Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, All That Remains, As I Lay Dying, etc. I'll occasionally listen to rap, but usually when I'm in the gym. You can get plenty of aggression out in the gym. It's amazing! The rush is great. You're helping yourself mentally and emotionally, but also physically. Anger makes for a good workout. You'll wanna bust your ass and lift heavy. You'll be able to tire yourself out.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. Things take time, but you can do it.
02-07-2008, 06:23 PM
All said is fine and dandy unless you have had a abusive/traumatic childhood. Explosive disorder is a real condition. Kind of like post traumatic stress disorder. You get put into a fight or flight state of being when presented with similar, or perceived similar, situations. Therapy can be very helpful when/if you find you cannot resolve this character flaw unaided.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for life. Lao Tse 6th century BC
02-07-2008, 09:03 PM
i cant thank you guys enough for all of the help.
Muscle Guy, i think i might be doing something similar to what you used to be like, but sort of the opposite, i usually tend to get physical before i start talking trash or anything like that. I have also thought about what would happen if i did beat the **** out of someone and you cleared that up for me nicely. Since i'm 18 now i can be tried as an adult and was not sure about assault charges and what not. I think i also have a tendency to bottle up my anger to the point where it builds up for a while so when i do snap its pretty bad.
I also forgot to mention how i started considering i had anger problems . It happened about a year ago around this time and i was in the field house at my high school (a field house is just a indoor basketball court and track) and me and this kid had an "altercation". Well, it starts off i was talking to one of my friends and this kid bumps into me from behind. i didnt see what happened, so i turned around and gave the kid a lil shove. well he dumps his gatorade on me and punches me in the head (at the time i was trying to recover from a couple of concussions so my head was vulnerable). Then, it was pretty much a blur but i overpower the kid get him pinned on some chairs against the wall and start wailing on him. I swear if i teacher had not physically pulled me off him i would have made him a bloody mess. Well, long story short i end up getting suspended for 10 school days (school policy).
EDIT: My mom found the thread and thought i should talk to someone, either an endocrinologist or psychologist or something like that. thoughts on who to see first?
02-08-2008, 12:33 AM
From now on, think before you act. It'll save you a lot of trouble and time. Did I mention that the long-term consequences can get rather expensive? I never had to pay any medical bills or anything, but I did have to pay a fine of $160. My bail was $500 cash or $1000 bond. Probation charges me $10 per drug test and $30 per month, for supervision fees. I also have to pay $15 per week, for the services that VIP provides. Over the course of 3 years (that is, if I have to serve the full sentence), I will be paying a total of $1,800. Crazy, huh!? My ex and the other a$$hole helped contribute to all of this madness, but I did as well. I've accepted responsibility. I definitely do regret it. I've learned two things from this situation; 1) be careful who I trust and 2) think before I act. That's what we all have a brain for.
I feel that a group would be much more beneficial, especially since you're so young. I'm the youngest in my group. The second youngest guy is probably about 25 or 26. You hear about what the other guys have been through, how they handled it, what they could've done differently, etc. They'll offer you advice. You'll get opinions from everyone and each person sees things differently. That's opposed to seeing a counselor, whom will only listen and give you just one person's view, their own.
02-08-2008, 01:14 AM
02-08-2008, 01:18 AM
02-08-2008, 01:20 AM
02-08-2008, 07:35 PM
It seems like alot of people have the same problem. I was a maniac when i was about 16-20 years old. I definatly think it was hormones. As i got older i definatly have calmed down alot. There were times i did very foolish things because of my temper and im grateful nothing every came of it. What helped me out was working out and keeping myself busy. I also identified that getting angry was my reaction to stress, when i was overwhelmed i would get angry, not nervous or stressed out.
02-08-2008, 08:03 PM
02-08-2008, 08:29 PM
02-09-2008, 12:38 AM
The only reason why i didnt think that it was just hormones at first is because its hard to think of anyone more violent then me at my age. Some of my friends have actually seen me go nuts and now call me "the hulk" and sh*t like that, thats why i thought maybe there was something else behind it. But, thats for all the support!
Chad: If it wasnt for me being 18 it would be Tren all the way. Also, i dont like drinking either because that makes my short temper even shorter and god knows what i would do if i had poor judgment on top of that.
02-09-2008, 02:52 AM
I'm mellow when I drink, but that's until someone says or does something to piss me off. The alcohol does end up making my anger a lot worse, but I also drink a lot. I haven't in months, but when I drink, I usually get sh*tfaced. I'm easy to get along with, but if you disrespect my girlfriend, just randomly start running your mouth, or start trouble with one of my friends that I'm with, then you're starting with me. Especially if you insult my family. I don't just go ahead and get pissed off for no good reason whatsoever. I always have a reason for getting pissed off.
02-09-2008, 10:30 AM
try some sort of martial arts or get into MMA (you dont have to fight, just take some MMA classes). This has helped me get through my divorce and help keep me sane while giving me an outlet to express my anger and not get into trouble.
02-09-2008, 11:12 AM
02-09-2008, 11:29 AM
02-09-2008, 11:32 AM
I have an opportunity to go into Corrections in August. Once I turn 21, due to New York State law. I recently got my test score and found out that I pretty much aced the exam, so I'm on the list. Probation is expecting me to turn this opportunity down. I sat there, looked my PO dead in the eyes, and told her, "Whether you people like it or not, I am going into Corrections in August. Nobody is stopping me. I'm not giving up this opportunity for you, or anybody else." All she said was we'd discuss it when the time comes. It's only because 1) I have to go to Albany, which is about 2 hours away and where the Academy is located 2) after leaving the Academy, I'll be assigned to either Hudson, Riker's, or Sing-Sing, for at least 3-6 months before working at our local state prison and 3) at the Academy, they teach you how to use almost every firearm humanly possibly, in case you're ever on guardtower duty. I should be finishing my VIP course by sometime in June or July, so I'm gonna try getting my case expunged and closed. I'm sick and tired of all this already.
02-09-2008, 11:39 AM
02-09-2008, 11:42 AM
02-09-2008, 11:52 AM
02-09-2008, 11:58 AM
Learn how to meditate, start doing it every day for few weeks, you might be surprised what it can do for you.
02-09-2008, 12:06 PM
02-09-2008, 02:55 PM
02-14-2008, 06:47 PM
just thought i would give you guys a little update. My mom got me an appointment with some psychologist or anger management lady next monday. I hope this goes well....
02-14-2008, 07:00 PM
I have anger problems as well.
Here's the secret - self control. You are in control of your emotions, not the other way around
02-17-2008, 03:11 PM
That is why something small like getting the wrong order at a fast food joint or something equally small could lead to a huge blowup. It's not that the incident itself was so bad, but that it was just enough to scratch the surface and unleash years of pain and so forth.
This may not be the case with you, but it was the case with me.
02-17-2008, 03:27 PM
A big shout out to freaks for trying to better himself. It will work if you allow it. Also, a big shout out to MGINY for helping freaks with his story. Good luck to you all.
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