Matt Skiba
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You know this is really not something I can easily talk about in real life but since this is an anonymous forum I figure why the hell not. I also imagine that this is the sort of place where people will have strong feelings on this sort of subject.
Growing up and being a little kid, I've always wanted to play football, all the other kids were doing it, and I wanted to do it for acceptance, and competitive dominance among other things. Looking back it really would've been a good thing since
1. I was not small for my age by any means, I was tall and fit for a kid, I wasn't too tall or fat or anything, I was the type of dude that could've been a quarterback.
2. I really didn't get along with my peers. I would get into fights constantly, I figure that playing sports would be a way to get this aggression out in a much more productive way. Also a lot of the kids I'd be playing sports with I would presumably be going to school with so it would be a good thing socially.
When people think of bad parents they generally think of neglect, alcoholism, absenteeism, divorce, and being poor among many other things but I think there's other things that are less noticeable that can affect a child's well-being. I really hate to be the type of person who blames their parents for every misfortune that's happened to them but I can't help but feel that my parents have made a few critical errors and it has affected me adversely.
My parents grew up in a different country, in much less priveleged circumstances, so I guess it makes sense that they couldn't get everything right. When I asked them to sign me up for football when I was in 3rd grade, they replied by telling me things like "We don't want you playing that brutish American sport, you could get injnured.", "You don't get along with other kids" and even "You wear glasses".
Growing up I remember my parents did, and still do, have a lot of pride of the country of their origin. Because of this they have always had a certain "coldness" towards the whole American population around us. We never went to church or anything, so pretty much we were isolated from the whole community around us. My parents wouldn't even let me have or go over to a sleep-over at a friend's house because of how paranoid they were of other people. I guess maybe it has to do with how "loose" the whole American culture seems to people from elsewhere. Some of you may already have an idea of how strict a household is in a lot of other countries. Speaking of which, corporal punishment was something that took place where I grew up. In the Eastern European place where my parents are originally from, it is culturally accepted (as it is in many other countries). When I was in 3rd grade there was a kid who lived down the street who had the usual "perfectionist" sort of dad and he had like a million trophies in his room. In a typical childhood memory this little turd wouldn't let me play football with him and the other neighborhood kids and we eventually ended up getting into a lot of fights with each other. If in a different scenario I had been playing football and I was actually better than him, I would have probably been able to impress him and eventually make him my b!tch.
My parents did not lack love or finance. Although the finance part I actually feel was detrimental towards me. I moved 3 times by the time I was in high school, I even had a girlfriend the last time we moved which was right before high school. Reason for this was that my dad wanted a bigger and more expensive house. I told him I didn't want to move but he just didn't listen to me. He would also spend months away from home at a time on business trips. Reason for this he would say is "So I could have a better future and a priveleged upbringing".
It might also be important to state my parents were fairly old. My mom gave birth to me at age 40, and my dad was a few years younger than her. I think their age made them more out of touch with how things really are.
But really when it comes down to it my parents never signed me up for sports or any extra-curricular activity, and the other kids got to play football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, lacrosse, and pretty much everything else while I was just handed a Super Nintendo. The other kids pretty much had a social advantage handed to them, while around the time of puberty I was starting work up having a protruding gut. I got into some more "alternative" sort of activities on my own like skateboarding and playing the guitar. But eventually I also got into stuff like doing a lot of drugs. It just really, really, pisses me off that I had a disadvantage in the social pecking order of things mainly because of my parents. When I try to tell such things to my parents, it just doesn't seem to penetrate their skulls. I think it's really ironic how some people complain that their parents push sports on them too much.
Once again I'm really sorry if this just makes me sound like a whiny ***** but I really don't have anywhere I can talk about this to. I'd rather not see a therapist and get handed some pills either, in my current state I am by no means depressed or anything, maybe just slightly resentful. In the end though I feel I know a lot better what to do correctly if I am ever a parent myself.
Tell me what you guys think though, I'd be happy to hear from some older people here who are parents themselves or just anyone, I kinda originally meant this to be an overall general thread for parenting than me just venting... but oh well.
Growing up and being a little kid, I've always wanted to play football, all the other kids were doing it, and I wanted to do it for acceptance, and competitive dominance among other things. Looking back it really would've been a good thing since
1. I was not small for my age by any means, I was tall and fit for a kid, I wasn't too tall or fat or anything, I was the type of dude that could've been a quarterback.
2. I really didn't get along with my peers. I would get into fights constantly, I figure that playing sports would be a way to get this aggression out in a much more productive way. Also a lot of the kids I'd be playing sports with I would presumably be going to school with so it would be a good thing socially.
When people think of bad parents they generally think of neglect, alcoholism, absenteeism, divorce, and being poor among many other things but I think there's other things that are less noticeable that can affect a child's well-being. I really hate to be the type of person who blames their parents for every misfortune that's happened to them but I can't help but feel that my parents have made a few critical errors and it has affected me adversely.
My parents grew up in a different country, in much less priveleged circumstances, so I guess it makes sense that they couldn't get everything right. When I asked them to sign me up for football when I was in 3rd grade, they replied by telling me things like "We don't want you playing that brutish American sport, you could get injnured.", "You don't get along with other kids" and even "You wear glasses".
Growing up I remember my parents did, and still do, have a lot of pride of the country of their origin. Because of this they have always had a certain "coldness" towards the whole American population around us. We never went to church or anything, so pretty much we were isolated from the whole community around us. My parents wouldn't even let me have or go over to a sleep-over at a friend's house because of how paranoid they were of other people. I guess maybe it has to do with how "loose" the whole American culture seems to people from elsewhere. Some of you may already have an idea of how strict a household is in a lot of other countries. Speaking of which, corporal punishment was something that took place where I grew up. In the Eastern European place where my parents are originally from, it is culturally accepted (as it is in many other countries). When I was in 3rd grade there was a kid who lived down the street who had the usual "perfectionist" sort of dad and he had like a million trophies in his room. In a typical childhood memory this little turd wouldn't let me play football with him and the other neighborhood kids and we eventually ended up getting into a lot of fights with each other. If in a different scenario I had been playing football and I was actually better than him, I would have probably been able to impress him and eventually make him my b!tch.
My parents did not lack love or finance. Although the finance part I actually feel was detrimental towards me. I moved 3 times by the time I was in high school, I even had a girlfriend the last time we moved which was right before high school. Reason for this was that my dad wanted a bigger and more expensive house. I told him I didn't want to move but he just didn't listen to me. He would also spend months away from home at a time on business trips. Reason for this he would say is "So I could have a better future and a priveleged upbringing".
It might also be important to state my parents were fairly old. My mom gave birth to me at age 40, and my dad was a few years younger than her. I think their age made them more out of touch with how things really are.
But really when it comes down to it my parents never signed me up for sports or any extra-curricular activity, and the other kids got to play football, baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, lacrosse, and pretty much everything else while I was just handed a Super Nintendo. The other kids pretty much had a social advantage handed to them, while around the time of puberty I was starting work up having a protruding gut. I got into some more "alternative" sort of activities on my own like skateboarding and playing the guitar. But eventually I also got into stuff like doing a lot of drugs. It just really, really, pisses me off that I had a disadvantage in the social pecking order of things mainly because of my parents. When I try to tell such things to my parents, it just doesn't seem to penetrate their skulls. I think it's really ironic how some people complain that their parents push sports on them too much.
Once again I'm really sorry if this just makes me sound like a whiny ***** but I really don't have anywhere I can talk about this to. I'd rather not see a therapist and get handed some pills either, in my current state I am by no means depressed or anything, maybe just slightly resentful. In the end though I feel I know a lot better what to do correctly if I am ever a parent myself.
Tell me what you guys think though, I'd be happy to hear from some older people here who are parents themselves or just anyone, I kinda originally meant this to be an overall general thread for parenting than me just venting... but oh well.
