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Friends with ex's

ReaperX

Well-known member
I was talking to someone who recently broke up with their g/f. This is a timeless question that i realize can go both ways. In your experience with previous relationships have you or have you NOT stayed friends with your ex's ?
 
Plutonic relationships can exist posthumously of a relationship, in and of themselves. However, the new partner's perception of this relationship is the determinant factor in its survival. There are not too many individuals, both male and female, who are secure enough in themselves to 'allow' such friendships to prosper. Theoretically they can occur; in practicality, however, no.

Satan loves you Reaper.
 
My ex is a stupid c*nt b*tch!!!!!!!!:aargh::aargh::aargh::aargh:
 
ReaperX said:
I take that as a 'not friends with ex.'
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That would be correct......perhaps the biggest hoe on the planet!!!.......thanks reaper now i'm all pissed off.....:)
 
I never really saw how ppl can be friends with ex's in general, even if it was not ended on bad terms.

Assuming you got to the point where you really cared about someone and loved them, how do you take a step down to 'just being a friend' ?
 
Absolutely positutely hell no. If you had a true emotional connection with them, it never works out to be "just friends" IMO
 
ReaperX said:
I never really saw how ppl can be friends with ex's in general, even if it was not ended on bad terms.

Assuming you got to the point where you really cared about someone and loved them, how do you take a step down to 'just being a friend' ?
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Usually you bang a few more times,and then get heated when you see eachother with someone else. She dam near flipped when she saw me at the beach with another chick....HAHAHAHA fukc the ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
i'd love to stab my ex in the throat with a dull steel rod...

other than that, its OK.
 
tattoopierced1 said:
i'd love to stab my ex in the throat with a dull steel rod...

other than that, its OK.
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hahaha, I think those were the words I was looking for.:thumbsup:
 
Gixxer82 said:
Actually, I just broke up with my girl 2 weeks ago and we are still friends. Still talk all the time..we have every intention of getting back together, just its not a good time for us to be together right now..so I don't know if this falls under the same category
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I'm kinda sorta in the same position. Who knows. The whole situation is weird.
 
Gixxer82 said:
Kinda like a booty call that you actually have feelings for :think:
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More complicated. lol. Ummmm she's with a guy in Boston. I'm in Cali. We talk about getting back together. When we see each other we hold hands, touch, massage, etc. Last year we did a few things...at the dude's house. The guy is a total douche. And I'm not just saying that because he's with my ex. He really is. We're great together and we never argue. I still can't understand why she broke up with me. Anyway, yeah, that's my story.
 
Mulletsoldier said:
Plutonic relationships can exist posthumously of a relationship, in and of themselves. However, the new partner's perception of this relationship is the determinant factor in its survival. There are not too many individuals, both male and female, who are secure enough in themselves to 'allow' such friendships to prosper. Theoretically they can occur; in practicality, however, no.
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I mostly agree with this. I have some that I get along with if we see each other but we don't call each other to talk.
 
crader said:
I mostly agree with this. I have some that I get along with if we see each other but we don't call each other to talk.
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Yeah. I have many ex-gfs whom I consider a 'friend', but we do not stay in contact. I think it's a respect thing for your partner as well.
 
My ex-wife and mother of my two oldest children is one of my best friends and is truly a sole mate. Next to my wife and mother she is the very next most important woman in my life. At times she rivals them because she shares an understanding of me in intimate parts of my life that neither my wife or mother have knowledge of. I have greater love, loyalty, respect and affection for her today than I ever had the capacity for at 22 years old.
 
I've had 1 very successful friendship after a breakup with a girlfriend (3 months). We've been very good friends ever since for many years.
I'm guessing the secret is that we never had sex.

(or was that the reason I broke up with her? LoL)

I broke up with my ex of 8 years in spring and we've remained "friends" since. We do not do things together, nor do we talk to each other much other than the odd email now and then. She lives in another city, so that helps. :) When she needed help, I was there for her, and I know she'd be there for me too. We also do not talk at about our post-breakup "relationship" things - that's key.

I think it really depends on the 2 people, what kind of relationship you had, and how the breakup happened. I guess I've been pretty lucky...
 
Gixxer82 said:
Actually, I just broke up with my girl 2 weeks ago and we are still friends. Still talk all the time..we have every intention of getting back together, just its not a good time for us to be together right now..so I don't know if this falls under the same category
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Similar situation for me. Time will tell if the hole "friends" idea will work out.
 
B5150 said:
My ex-wife and mother of my two oldest children is one of my best friends and is truly a sole mate. Next to my wife and mother she is the very next most important woman in my life. At times she rivals them because she shares an understanding of me in intimate parts of my life that neither my wife or mother have knowledge of. I have greater love, loyalty, respect and affection for her today than I ever had the capacity for at 22 years old.
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Most definitely, and your contemporary situation can be attributed to more than likely three predominant factors; your currents wife's security; your own wisdom; your ex-wife's security and appropriate handling of the situation. Unfortunately, different rubrics must be used when judging the actions of a 22 and 42 year old woman (or man, for that matter) as they are quite different entities. I harbor no ill-will towards any of my former partners, however, the determinant decision is not mine and mine alone (speaking both in specifics and generalizing for people my age).
 
I have one ex that I would love to dip in battery acid and another one that I still talk to on a somewhat consistent basis. It really depends, for me at least, on the context of the break-up. The first one cheated on me and was a liar and a cvnt; the second was because of theological differences. I can still see myself with the second one at some point in the future, but it is not something that I really am waiting to happen.
 
Thinking about my ex makes me wanna vomit. Not because shes unattractive in any way, its just the thought of so much time/effort/money/stress/etc... wasted on a relationship that went nowhere makes feel sorta used... we're not buddies
 
Well I gotta a lot of ex's (maybe that says something) but I am currently talking to and hanging wout with my most recent ex. We dated a LONG time and were very serious (almost popped the question).

After we broke up we didnt talk for a few months, then slowly started talking. Now we hang out. It is definitely hard. Its like a roller coaster ride of good times and bad. I'm not sure its healthy but I truly care for her so I dont see any point and completely eliminating her from my life.

Gawd I need some test...
 
Hurleyboy05 said:
Thinking about my ex makes me wanna vomit. Not because shes unattractive in any way, its just the thought of so much time/effort/money/stress/etc... wasted on a relationship that went nowhere makes feel sorta used... we're not buddies
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:hammer::goodpost::clap2::clap2:
 
Hurleyboy05 said:
Thinking about my ex makes me wanna vomit. Not because shes unattractive in any way, its just the thought of so much time/effort/money/stress/etc... wasted on a relationship that went nowhere makes feel sorta used... we're not buddies
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Don't you own any responsibility in the wasted time, effort, money and stress in that relationship? Did someone hold a gun to your head that forced you to be involved with this girl? Why did you just not drop her, or even get involved with her in the first place if she was so ill suited for you and your standards?
 
B5150 said:
Don't you own any responsibility in the wasted time, effort, money and stress in that relationship? Did someone hold a gun to your head that forced you to be involved with this girl? Why did you just not drop her, or even get involved with her in the first place if she was so ill suited for you and your standards?
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Well said, B.:clap2:

While I am the one that got screwed over in one of my previous relationships, I blame myself for letting it get to that point and for my subsequent actions. Getting heavily involved with someone means that you are in a place of comfortable vulnerability. It is wonderful when thinks are good, but it can also have terrible repercussions. It is just an inherent risk of a relationship.
 
B5150 said:
Don't you own any responsibility in the wasted time, effort, money and stress in that relationship? Did someone hold a gun to your head that forced you to be involved with this girl? Why did you just not drop her, or even get involved with her in the first place if she was so ill suited for you and your standards?
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I didn't say it was her fault that all of that happened, were that the case I would have said "SHE wasted my time/effort/money/stress/etc..." I felt used only because nothing came of it after all of that work. Kind of like working out with no results, even though you tried really hard and put a lot of effort into it. You USE a lot of energy and time (2 years), and without results, you'd probably be disappointed. I don't think that is too unusual - maybe I'm wrong.
 
Gixxer82 said:
Boston eh? I reside in boston. Any idea where this guy lives? :twisted:
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Haha. Want to do my dirty work? The guy is like 5'4", 160 pounds maybe. lol. I always make fun of how my ex was with me and is now, for whatever reason, with a little twerp like this guy. She just laughs it off.
 
natedogg said:
Haha. Want to do my dirty work? The guy is like 5'4", 160 pounds maybe. lol. I always make fun of how my ex was with me and is now, for whatever reason, with a little twerp like this guy. She just laughs it off.
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hahaha oh dam......let her be then....lol
 
:goodpost:
Hurleyboy05 said:
Thinking about my ex makes me wanna vomit. Not because shes unattractive in any way, its just the thought of so much time/effort/money/stress/etc... wasted on a relationship that went nowhere makes feel sorta used... we're not buddies
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Thats real talk!
 
natedogg said:
Rebounds are a b!tch. I told her, I tried warning her. Now she's with a guy she doesn't even know if she wants to be with. Your mistake woman.
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OH dam i agree with you all the way bro!!!!! Fukc them!!!!
 
i like to keep things civil. Ill stay friends but its not like im gonna be hanging out with the ex. If one of us has problems and needs advice or help then i hope we can do that for each other, If it was a truly good relationship to begin with then you should be able to still care for each other as friends would..even if a new partner exists. This is not always the case tho as most of the time someone will still have feelings or view the other as "theirs".
 
Usually when ex's become friends, the majority of the time it results in one of the individuals not being 'completely' done with the other person.
 
Eh, I'm still friends with most of my ex's. Now the one when we initially broke up (she was a cheating, lying, wh0re) weren't friends, but we are now that I've gotten used to the fact that it wasn't meant to be. I think it depends on how badly you/she got hurt, and how willing to move on you both are. If you are both mature enough to move past the situation and can still hang out without harboring feelings of resentment towards each other than you're fine.
 
personally i think there are no set rules as each relationship has it's own unique factors esp when love is involved

in the perfect world we'd all be friends but in the real world of emotion anything can happen

just my 2 cents worth

:thumbsup:
 
I've stayed friends with most ex's after break ups...except that one crazy ***** that made my life hell the year after we broke up...but that's a completely different thread, lol!

My wife is the complete opposite so I don't push the subject b/c she means more to me than any other previous women in my life. Out of respect for my wife I no longer talk to my ex's although I truly couldn't care less who she talks to on the phone or online.
 
Hurleyboy05 said:
I didn't say it was her fault that all of that happened, were that the case I would have said "SHE wasted my time/effort/money/stress/etc..." I felt used only because nothing came of it after all of that work. Kind of like working out with no results, even though you tried really hard and put a lot of effort into it. You USE a lot of energy and time (2 years), and without results, you'd probably be disappointed. I don't think that is too unusual - maybe I'm wrong.
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The term used sort of implies that someone took advantage of you or misused you. Maybe, instead, you should consider that YOU misappropriated YOUR resources into a fruitless investment.

There were results. Everything has a result. Doing nothing has a result. The result in this case should be that in the future YOU recognize when YOU misappropriate YOUR resources into another fruitless relationship, without it needing to take two years to figure out.

Unless at 19 years old you are marriage minded and have determined that this is what both of you have in mind and desire for your future together then the result of having a girl friend should or could be just to enjoy each other for a time and a season. How else do you learn about mature relationships without having actually had one.

What you experienced is not unusual and it is not wrong.
 
I think it truly depends on how serious the relationship was, and how bitter the split was. I was very good friends with an ex for years, but we ended up drifiting apart. It is too dependant on the individual
 
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