1000th post - w00t

[ItsHectic]

I think I will celebrate my 1000th post with some funny jokes.

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun."


"As he neared a lake, he came across a large beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang.'"

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead."

"Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old man said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."



---------------

A mother and her young son are on a Qantas flight. The boy says, “Mummy, if big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The kid’s mother can’t think of an answer, so she tells her son to ask the hostie. So the boy goes tottering down the aisle and asks the hostie the same question. The flight attendant smiles and says, “Did your Mum tell you to ask me that?”
“Yes, she did.”
“Well go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Qantas always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you.”

 

[PumpingIron]

Nice..."have her explain that to you."

:toofunny:

 

[Jayhawkk]

So...1000 eh?

 

[Jayhawkk]

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered yes.

Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

 

[bpmartyr]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so

he fixed it up nice -- picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple

and peach trees.



One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he

hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon

bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a

bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.



He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep

end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you

leave!"



The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim

naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he

said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."



Some old men can still think fast.

 

[CNizz]

way to post 1000 with a bang, congrats Hectic

 

[ItsHectic]

Thanks.
This can be a jokes thread I might add some more later if I cbf.

So...1000 eh?

Try compete with your 8000th post thread