The Perfect Diet

[gdbear65]

I was in Costco buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I was in the hospital because I'd been poisoned.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

 

[Squeaks4ver]

i swear to god if that was me, i would dump my fiance and go out with you. that is exactly the type of humor i look for. thats so great!!!! lol

 

[PumpingIron]

That is absolutely hilarious.

 

[xjsynx]

Teh funny. Too bad it wasn't video taped, but you know what I read this on the Internet before. Some cat did this blog and said the same thing...

 

[xjsynx]

The Purina Diet

Category: Idiot

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A friend of mine has a huge Labrador Retriever. It eats a lot, and we went to the store to buy a large bag of dog food. We were in line to check out and a woman behind him asked if he had a dog.

The "what a moron!" look on my buddy's face was priceless, and I knew what it meant: he was going to toy with her. He told her that no, he was starting The Purina Diet again although he probably shouldn't -- he said he had ended up in the hospital last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.

He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. He said that the food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with his story, particularly a big tall guy who was behind the woman.

Horrified, she asked why he ended up in the hospital -- had the Purina made him sick? He told her no; he'd been sitting in the middle of the street licking his balls and a car hit him.

The woman turned fire-engine red, and I helped the tall guy up off the floor.

Posted August 3, 2006 8:00 AM

Linkage

 

[xjsynx]

i swear to god if that was me, i would dump my fiance and go out with you. that is exactly the type of humor i look for. thats so great!!!! lol

Don't dump him too fast :lol:

 

[PumpingIron]

It's better in the first person narrative...

 

[gdbear65]

i swear to god if that was me, i would dump my fiance and go out with you. that is exactly the type of humor i look for. thats so great!!!! lol

I wish I could take credit for it, but I do have a similar sense of humor:

At one my various contract jobs a fellow employee gave me **** one day for doing something wrong - at the end of his lecture he says to me "Now I suppose you don't like me anymore?" To which I retorted "You're assuming I liked you in the first place!" :lol: