ItsHectic
Registered User
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "got any grapes?"
"Er, No." replies the bartender in a puzzled manner.
"Got any grapes?" the duck asks again. "No, this is a bar. We don't have grapes." the bartender says. "Got any grapes?" asks the duck for a third time.
The bartner loses it. "Listen we dont have any ****ing grapes! Now get out of here, and if you come back again I'll nail your friggin' webbed feet to the floor!".
The duck seems to consider this a moment before saying to the bartender "Got any nails?". "No" he replies.
The duck perks up. "Good, got any grapes?"
A burglar broke into a house one night. As he picked up a CD player to place in his backpack a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.
"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
"Er, No." replies the bartender in a puzzled manner.
"Got any grapes?" the duck asks again. "No, this is a bar. We don't have grapes." the bartender says. "Got any grapes?" asks the duck for a third time.
The bartner loses it. "Listen we dont have any ****ing grapes! Now get out of here, and if you come back again I'll nail your friggin' webbed feet to the floor!".
The duck seems to consider this a moment before saying to the bartender "Got any nails?". "No" he replies.
The duck perks up. "Good, got any grapes?"
A burglar broke into a house one night. As he picked up a CD player to place in his backpack a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.
"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."
