Are Humans (Men) Meant to be Monogamous?

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    Are Humans (Men) Meant to be Monogamous?


    I was always a believer in love. I never had a truly loving relationship until recently, I've been with my girl for 2 years now. I can say for certain that I do love her.

    It's been long distant for a few months now. I see her every couple of months, and it has been going suprisingly well.

    Problem is that I wanna date (nail) about 60% of the girls I see or talk to. I'm not even on cycle yet. I'm good looking, have a nice car, money in my pockets, etc. I get looks and talk to really hot girls all the time, but I can't (don't) act on it.

    Maybe I'm too young to be in such a commited relationship... Maybe I'm really not with the right girl... Maybe I'm just fickle... Maybe I'm just a MAN

    What are your guys' thoughts?

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    i believe in love too but i dont believe love is forever. i think two people can have amazingly strong feeling for each other on day and then want to be with someone else the next. i also think its the way people see love while they are growing up. if mom and dad dont have a good relationship then baby boy/girl will grow up thinking thats how love works. but to hit right at the heart of your question- men have something inside them that wants to be the ALPHA male and have all the pretty girls want him and have the fastest car and deadlift the most, ect, ect................or man you`re JUST a man.
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    Let's not confuse being "Male" with being a "Man."

    Males:

    Led by instincts (lust, anger)
    Concerned about self.
    Flees responsibility-denial is a way of life
    Constantly proves himself macho
    Loves conditionally
    Independent, isolated-loner
    Seeks control-power
    Empty talker-boastfull
    Primarily a talker
    Inconsistent in morals and ethics...

    Man:

    Develops self-control
    Concerned about others
    Accepts responsibility
    Secure enough to be gentle
    Loves unconditionally
    Team Player
    Leads fairly and justly
    Man of Action
    Giver
    Holds to a standard of conviction.

    You're a "Male" by birth... you have to choose to be a "Man"

    -TT
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    Biologically speaking..no, I don't think humans were really meant for monogamy at all. Various social systems have evolved faster than our biological systems to limit humans to fewer partners.

    This creates a conflict in which one has a choice to either ignore the social system (ie monogamy) or the biological system (the overwhelming desire to breed).

    Alternative relationship arrangments such as swinging or polyamory are ways in which couples can circumvent strict monogamy in an open and consensual manner. This takes enormous dedication to honesty, sensitivity and open lines of communication and therefore most people cannot handle it.
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    What was it that Frank Barone said on everybody loves Raymond.

    Men are like farmers that sow the fields

    Women are supposed to limit themselves to one farmer.
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    I do get the urge but I don't really cheat on women out of respect. OTOH. I gotta admit I'm always looking for a better deal at all times and this is probably why my farts last longer then my relationships LOL.
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    1 EGG - 1 BILLION SPERM next question!

    Seriously, monogamy is a personal choice often influenced by society . I think its like not eating meat, what may be best for one person could be a health risk for another!

    Just don't hate yourself either way!!!
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    I like Toads answer. We have a lot of built in urges but as a society we have learned to control them. Most men are jealous as well so I can see how screwing anything and everything and then beating any other male up in the area would be a nice reality TV show but otherwise I don't see anything good from it.

    Perhaps when population and life expectancy was low and surviving child rates were also few and far between; nailing everything in your sight was beneficial and a built in genetic trait.
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    How old are you? I always wonder how people handle a LD relationship esp if you're young and active
    I think that's why most LD relationships fail, someone ends up cheating.
    S*x is very important part of a relationship esp for men


    Quote Originally Posted by Roidberg View Post
    I was always a believer in love. I never had a truly loving relationship until recently, I've been with my girl for 2 years now. I can say for certain that I do love her.

    It's been long distant for a few months now. I see her every couple of months, and it has been going suprisingly well.

    Problem is that I wanna date (nail) about 60% of the girls I see or talk to. I'm not even on cycle yet. I'm good looking, have a nice car, money in my pockets, etc. I get looks and talk to really hot girls all the time, but I can't (don't) act on it.

    Maybe I'm too young to be in such a commited relationship... Maybe I'm really not with the right girl... Maybe I'm just fickle... Maybe I'm just a MAN

    What are your guys' thoughts?
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    Quote Originally Posted by TINYTOAD View Post
    Let's not confuse being "Male" with being a "Man."

    Males:

    Led by instincts (lust, anger)
    Concerned about self.
    Flees responsibility-denial is a way of life
    Constantly proves himself macho
    Loves conditionally
    Independent, isolated-loner
    Seeks control-power
    Empty talker-boastfull
    Primarily a talker
    Inconsistent in morals and ethics...

    Man:

    Develops self-control
    Concerned about others
    Accepts responsibility
    Secure enough to be gentle
    Loves unconditionally
    Team Player
    Leads fairly and justly
    Man of Action
    Giver
    Holds to a standard of conviction.

    You're a "Male" by birth... you have to choose to be a "Man"

    -TT
    Thirded...

    Decide for yourself what you want. Are males also "meant" to lie, cheat, steal, murder? Meant by whom? Drives are drives that can either be harnessed are redirected rationally towards goals..or you can be a slave to them, pushed this way and that way not having a clue why you find yourself left with NOTHING of value in the long run.

    Do you want a companion to love you, a family, a great career...the ability to look other people in the eyes and look yourSELF in the mirror? Do you think you can screw around and have that?

    Once you take the burden off of simply giving in to biological urges and choose to become a MAN, then it is quite easy to see the proper way to act to achieve your goals and retain your morality/integrity.
    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iron Warrior View Post
    I do get the urge but I don't really cheat on women out of respect. OTOH. I gotta admit I'm always looking for a better deal at all times and this is probably why my farts last longer then my relationships LOL.
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    I'm 24 and in college. I see and talk to a ton of hot girls every day. Like any guy I assume (know) that they all want a piece. Like I said, I do love my gf. But I have different thoughts all the time about my life situation...

    I love her, but could I love some other girl more? When I think about that, the answer is probably yes. It is sad but true to think that a huge part of me staying in this is to not completely break her heart. Not to say that I would not hurt too, and always wonder if I made a big mistake, but not to nearly the same degree.

    I'm young. There are many people my age or even younger that are married, with or without kids, but do I want that right now? Because that is surely where it is headed and it scares me sh1tless.

    Do you guys know how hard it is to go to college and not get lots and lots (and lots) of p****? And I'm talking solid 8+'s frequently, easy if I put half a thought into it.:chick:

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    ROIDBERG: If you're scared sh!tless of getting in a serious relationship then don't. The women I've had serious relationships think I owed them something because they thought they were investing their emotions and love on me but I wasn't investing my love and emotions at the rate they wanted, I just faked I did, kinda like how they periodically faked orgams.

    Just because other young people are getting married and having kids doesn't mean you should bro, so don't stress about it. Not having kids isn't the worst thing in the world either, JMO.

    It's okay to think with the little head when you're in college IMO
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    Wow.

    So this guy joined JUST to tell us how much poon he could get?
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    Monagomous...in the literal sense, yes. People inherently form strong bonds just as many other animals do.

    But, I'd also argue that it is unnatural in the common sense where one sexual partner is the only partner they have for the rest of their lives. That's a cultural / religious thing.

    I'd actually argue that many culturally "taboo" things wouldn't be offensive or damaging in the least were some of these cultural taboos not taught.

    So, here is how you get around it. Find a good bi-chick who knows you're not leaving her for the poon-tang you two just slammed
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    Smile


    Quote Originally Posted by Roidberg View Post
    I'm 24 and in college. I see and talk to a ton of hot girls every day. Like any guy I assume (know) that they all want a piece. Like I said, I do love my gf. But I have different thoughts all the time about my life situation...

    I love her, but could I love some other girl more? When I think about that, the answer is probably yes. It is sad but true to think that a huge part of me staying in this is to not completely break her heart. Not to say that I would not hurt too, and always wonder if I made a big mistake, but not to nearly the same degree.

    I'm young. There are many people my age or even younger that are married, with or without kids, but do I want that right now? Because that is surely where it is headed and it scares me sh1tless.

    Do you guys know how hard it is to go to college and not get lots and lots (and lots) of p****? And I'm talking solid 8+'s frequently, easy if I put half a thought into it.:chick:

    Ahh college life!!! My favorite pick up line in college was something like," Hey, aren't you in my psych-class, I thought so, you wanna F**k?"

    or " How about another Jell-o shot?"
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    Man...you pimps. All I ever hear from the ladies is "quit killing the curve motherfwcker!".
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mega NRG Man View Post
    Wow.

    So this guy joined JUST to tell us how much poon he could get?
    yeah what a tool!! i see no other posts by him. take your as$ to e harmony. com hoe!!!
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    Okay bros, I actually registered for another username because my real handle may have been compromised by my gf. My real handle has close to 2,000 posts. Most of you know me...

    I broke up with my girlfriend just recently. After thinking about everything over and over, and over again, I've decided that it had to be done. I really do love her, there are just things that we can't (or won't) change about ourselves. Basically it's like this...

    We're long distant, largely because I left. I have a real good situation where I am now. I don't wanna disclose too many details because I'm kinda paranoid... but anyway. She wants me to go back and live where she is, and I don't want to. I can either stay here and live a fairly easy life in a nicer area, go to school, etc.; or go there and bust my ass just to get by.

    I love her to death. It breaks my heart to hurt her so much, and as much as it hurts me I know that she is hurting 10 times as much. I could honestly see myself marrying her and having a family with her, and being happy to some degree. But I am not at a point in my life where I'm ready for all that.

    I worry that I will realize that I made the wrong decision... That nobody will ever love me like she does... That maybe her life will take a turn for the worse because of me...

    I've never had to break somebody's heart before.

    Have any of you ever had to make a decision like this? Does the pain go away? Do you ever stop wondering if you made the right choice?
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    Being ready shouldn't be your main priority.

    Some things you never get a second shot at, and sometimes those things are too good to pass up.

    I wasn't planning on getting involved in a serious relationship at my age. Hell, I didn't want to be in one. But, I found myself with someone I knew I'd be an idiot to let go of and would hate myself for it later.

    Imagine how life will be growing old with a woman you wish was someone else. It would suck. That's what you're risking. A few more years of fun for the rest of your life wishing you were with someone else who you let go of.
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    It's not just a few more years of fun.

    She lives in a completely different part of the country. I lived there for several years, and hated it until I met her, then I tolerated it. As happy as I am with her, I don't feel like I can be truly happy living there for the rest of my days. And that's the way it has to be for us to stay together.

    Is that kwick talking, or Mrs. Gimpy being too lazy to log kwick out again?
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00 View Post
    Being ready shouldn't be your main priority.

    Some things you never get a second shot at, and sometimes those things are too good to pass up.

    I wasn't planning on getting involved in a serious relationship at my age. Hell, I didn't want to be in one. But, I found myself with someone I knew I'd be an idiot to let go of and would hate myself for it later.

    Imagine how life will be growing old with a woman you wish was someone else. It would suck. That's what you're risking. A few more years of fun for the rest of your life wishing you were with someone else who you let go of.
    aww

    good relationships are based on good compromising skills. if someone can't compromise, its not going to be fun....
    Last edited by Mrs. Gimpy!; 05-01-2007 at 10:17 PM. Reason: forgot stuff
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roidberg View Post
    It's not just a few more years of fun.

    She lives in a completely different part of the country. I lived there for several years, and hated it until I met her, then I tolerated it. As happy as I am with her, I don't feel like I can be truly happy living there for the rest of my days. And that's the way it has to be for us to stay together.

    Is that kwick talking, or Mrs. Gimpy being too lazy to log kwick out again?
    Its kwyckemynd00

    Make her ass move over where you live
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    Red face


    Quote Originally Posted by TINYTOAD View Post
    Let's not confuse being "Male" with being a "Man."

    Males:

    Led by instincts (lust, anger)
    Concerned about self.
    Flees responsibility-denial is a way of life
    Constantly proves himself macho
    Loves conditionally
    Independent, isolated-loner
    Seeks control-power
    Empty talker-boastfull
    Primarily a talker
    Inconsistent in morals and ethics...

    Man:

    Develops self-control
    Concerned about others
    Accepts responsibility
    Secure enough to be gentle
    Loves unconditionally
    Team Player
    Leads fairly and justly
    Man of Action
    Giver
    Holds to a standard of conviction.

    You're a "Male" by birth... you have to choose to be a "Man"

    -TT
    Great post REPS
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    Quote Originally Posted by bioman View Post
    Biologically speaking..no, I don't think humans were really meant for monogamy at all. Various social systems have evolved faster than our biological systems to limit humans to fewer partners.

    This creates a conflict in which one has a choice to either ignore the social system (ie monogamy) or the biological system (the overwhelming desire to breed).

    Alternative relationship arrangments such as swinging or polyamory are ways in which couples can circumvent strict monogamy in an open and consensual manner. This takes enormous dedication to honesty, sensitivity and open lines of communication and therefore most people cannot handle it.
    AGREED!!
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    Havent read the whole thread so dunno if this has been mentioned, but theres a lot of female animal species which are monogamous, something to do with sperm competition.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00 View Post
    Being ready shouldn't be your main priority.

    Some things you never get a second shot at, and sometimes those things are too good to pass up.

    I wasn't planning on getting involved in a serious relationship at my age. Hell, I didn't want to be in one. But, I found myself with someone I knew I'd be an idiot to let go of and would hate myself for it later.

    Imagine how life will be growing old with a woman you wish was someone else. It would suck. That's what you're risking. A few more years of fun for the rest of your life wishing you were with someone else who you let go of.
    But the difference is you know Mrs. Gimpy is the one, Roidberg doesn't, he thinks so but not 100% sure.
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    Nobody every knows anything 100%.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoidBerg
    I love her to death. It breaks my heart to hurt her so much, and as much as it hurts me I know that she is hurting 10 times as much. I could honestly see myself marrying her and having a family with her, and being happy to some degree. But I am not at a point in my life where I'm ready for all that.
    I was kidding around in this thread until he said this.

    Some people don't every get "that" in a relationship. When you do, it can be pretty damn hard to forgive yourself for letting it go, too.

    But, meh.

    The original topic and the topic we're on now are a bit different though
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsHectic View Post
    Havent read the whole thread so dunno if this has been mentioned, but theres a lot of female animal species which are monogamous, something to do with sperm competition.
    Yes and no.

    Sperm competition is basically sperm from different males trying to occupy the egg first. There are lots of behavioral ways in which males try to be first in line, inseminate and then try to exclude other males from getting their sperm into the female.

    From the purely evolutionary standpoint, females have a drive to mate with the fittest males and sometimes this is determined by whomever survives the gauntlet of competing males and ends up getting to copulate with the female first and or the most often.

    Though there are many species that mate for life..birds in particular...there are many many more that have adapted to sow thier oats as far and wide as they can. Both systems work, but it is the latter that gives better genetic variation and thus a higher probability to survive.
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    Quote Originally Posted by bioman View Post
    Yes and no.

    Sperm competition is basically sperm from different males trying to occupy the egg first. There are lots of behavioral ways in which males try to be first in line, inseminate and then try to exclude other males from getting their sperm into the female.

    From the purely evolutionary standpoint, females have a drive to mate with the fittest males and sometimes this is determined by whomever survives the gauntlet of competing males and ends up getting to copulate with the female first and or the most often.

    Though there are many species that mate for life..birds in particular...there are many many more that have adapted to sow thier oats as far and wide as they can. Both systems work, but it is the latter that gives better genetic variation and thus a higher probability to survive.
    I was just watching something on the Disc Ch about birds. Even with them there seemed to be a lot of screwing around by the females. Though they appeared to have one partner for life, they were having more than one sexual partner.
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    Happens in a lot of what we "thought" were monogamous systems. Lots of the birds will fool around on the side if the female deems the new suiter to be genetically better.

    Apes and simians are pretty much all "cheaters" so to speak and some have evolved elaborate polygamous mating systems often that are based more on the thrill of cheating than choosing genetically superior mates.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CRUNCH View Post
    I was just watching something on the Disc Ch about birds. Even with them there seemed to be a lot of screwing around by the females. Though they appeared to have one partner for life, they were having more than one sexual partner.
    Avian-hoe-bags!

    Monogomy and staying with one person for life need to be differentiated here.

    Some people can dedicate their lives to one person, but still have "friends" come over- even with permission. Totally separate issues IMHO.
    :bb3:
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00 View Post
    Avian-hoe-bags!

    Monogomy and staying with one person for life need to be differentiated here.

    Some people can dedicate their lives to one person, but still have "friends" come over- even with permission. Totally separate issues IMHO.
    :bb3:
    YES! It is possible to seperate love and sex.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CRUNCH View Post
    I was just watching something on the Disc Ch about birds. Even with them there seemed to be a lot of screwing around by the females. Though they appeared to have one partner for life, they were having more than one sexual partner.
    freaking sluty birds!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chad View Post
    freaking sluty birds!!!
    They're little, feathery swingers!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chad View Post
    freaking sluty birds!!!
    And they don't have to worry about AIDS, herpes, & genetial warts LOL.
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    Just Bird Flu.
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