Life threw my some lemons
- 10-17-2006, 08:35 PM
Life threw my some lemons
Okay guys, I'm 22 years old and I'm still a virgin. Is that even normal? I'm a nice guy. But I'm only 5' 6 1/2" I don't think I look too bad. Been working out for about a year, 4 times a week. I go to a community college. Even so, I can't meet anybody. I joined a few clubs but there's no one I like. I connect very well with overweight people though. Moreso than skinnier ones and I'm only 155lbs myself. Some of the big girls have crushes on me but the feelings not mutual. How can I attract the kind of people that I am attracted to?? Or should I roll with the punches and hope that something can come from a chance encounter??
- 10-17-2006, 08:56 PM
22 year old virgin isn't something to be ashamed of. You may have to look at your priorities and standards if having sex is something you're after but not getting.
- 10-17-2006, 08:58 PM
Its really not that its a problem ( trust me in this ) Having sex with the wrong person will lead to more problems whether its physical,emotional,financial or just spiritual there will be more negatives than the seemingly positives.
So let me encourage you in the fact that the right one is out there so just be yourself and go with your heart.Others can tell you who they think is right for you but you have to live with the choices you make.
Ive had enough experience through life and its tragedies to know that a beautiful heart and sweet disposition beat out beauty and shallowness every time.So stay true to yourself and in time ( maybe sooner than you think ) the one true love you were meant to have will find you!!!
So hang in there youll find the right one until then eat,lift, and sleep and soon youll achieve your goals and as a side note 200lbs on a 5'6" frame looks MASSIVE.I know you can do it!!!!!!
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths . Proverbs 3:5-6
10-17-2006, 09:22 PM
I was a virgin until I was 18....I got to college and wanted to get laid ASAP...so I settled and F'd a drunken fat chick just to get it over with....totally regretted it dude!
It will be worth it when you find someone special.
I wish I had waited...not just for myself but to avoid the nightmare that ensued!
10-17-2006, 09:39 PM
Ask yourself this one question... Why do the hottest girls you know date a*******?
The answer is confidence. We see them as pricks, they see them as confident. (Men have better vision than women, but thats another story) Everyone likes to be around confident people.
I know you're good at something, be it math, science, or even working out. Use that confidence to your advantage. Confidence is the greatest aphrodisiac! Find what it is you're good at and strive to be the best at it.
Jayhawkk is right. Don't be ashamed. Plenty of girls I know prefer it because they say they are the only ones who remember what foreplay is (I have no clue what they're talking about ).
So bottom line is relax. "A watched pot never boils." You are at an important part of your life. Use this time to lay the foundation for the person you ultimately want to be. Spend your time using your strengths to bolster your weaknesses and make you the best you can be. Women will come...I promise.
10-17-2006, 11:40 PM
Listen to the TarHeel. I waited until I was 18 too & my first was with my ex of 2.5 years (it had only been 5 months at the time). Haven't regretted it since (even though I now realize she isn't the one for me). Wait bro, don't settle.Originally Posted by TarHeelTrainer
And believe it or not, CONFIDENCE is key, not cockiness, by confidence. Know what you're worth & never settle for less.
10-18-2006, 07:27 AM
listen to these guys about the confidence thing. Once you have that, you'll be a magnet. Just be careful not to confuse confidence with arrogance.
10-18-2006, 08:42 AM
10-18-2006, 08:57 AM
Here's a trick you can try to boost confidence around hot women: pretend they are fat. The reason the fat girls you know have crushes on you is indirectly because you aren't interested in them. You see, because you aren't interested, you talk to them however you want. You aren't in the least bit afraid. You exude confidence around them. Why? Because you aren't thinking about what your saying; you aren't worried you'll "screw up your chances".
I know how you're feeling to a degree. While I wasn't a virgin in college, for almost the first half of my college career I couldn't seem to land a relationship. It didn't dawn on me what I was doing wrong until I was at a party one night and I was too nervous to talk to some hot girl I was eyeballing so I just decided to talk to someone I wasn't interested in to fill the time. The next day, that girl's boyfriend (I knew the guy, but didn't know who he was dating) asked me why I was hitting on his girlfriend. I told him I wasn't. Then it dawned on me, that a lot of girls seem to immediately assume you're hitting on them if you just talk to them out of the blue as a stranger at a party.
So, the next party I was at, I saw a girl I thought looked like a pretty cool person and just struck up a conversation. I just talked ot her like I would one of my friends. That's all it took. Dated her for like a year and a half. Mind you she turned out to be psycho, but that isn't really the point.
10-18-2006, 10:46 AM
Nillifidian's advice is the best advice you will ever get!
Think about it...everyone wants what they THINK they cannot have.
Big girls want you because they think you are out of their league. You want beautiful women but think they are out of your league...but they're not. If you ever listen to an interview with a supermodel they will say they have the hardest time dating because guys are too scared to approach them. Find what you're good at and build up your confidence. It will make every facet of your life stronger. Who cares if a hot girl rejects you? Have you ever attempted a max lift and not made it? I bet it didn't stop you from trying it again!
If you approach women with sincere confidence and the mindset that you bring something valuable to the table the rest will take care of itself. Your brain controls the outcome, not her. If you feel you will fail, you will. If you feel success is possible (and probable) then the sky is the limit, my friend.
P.S. always be nice to big girls...they have the hottest friends and will be your best wing-men in the dating scene.
10-18-2006, 11:17 AM
10-18-2006, 11:31 AM
This is part of your problem(your attitude about your height). You feel that your height causes an issue with women. Consequently, when any interaction starts with a woman you are already discounting yourself due to your negative impression about your height. I am not tall or even average. However, I have dated women that where over 6feet without heels on. (I like long legs )Originally Posted by DazzlinJack
Admittedly, some women will immedaitely reject due to height but this is no different for you. As i assume you would immediately reject a woman you are not attracted to. If this is the case, simply move on to others. However, I honestly beleive that a confident man looks much taller than the physically taller confidence lacking man.
Instead of being concerned about things you cannot change(such as your height) concern yourself with the things you can change. Your top priority should be your confidence.
Last edited by size; 10-18-2006 at 05:38 PM.
10-18-2006, 03:02 PM
Yup I think it is your height that is the problem you are just too short. But maybe you could flip the script like play alot of Too Short's CD's and try to make it cool to be short.
I am not a virgin but I am having the same problem lately myself I ain't getting no action. Well maybe it would help if I went out to a bar but I prefer to stay at home and shoot steroids and workout. I have thought about joining a gym to meet hot chicks that have my same interest(working out) but isn't it a no no to go to a gym to hit on chicks.
10-18-2006, 03:22 PM
all good advice, good luck and confidence, is key...well a fine line, not to cocky, not to insecure..
RIP Ryan, :(
10-18-2006, 03:47 PM
That is some solid advice.Originally Posted by TarHeelTrainer
Look at the + and - in your life, personality, etc and try to eliminate the -. Try finding a social network of friends that have the same goals as you (getting laid, weightlifting etc...). Join clubs that have some of these people in them and that your interested in.
Also, if you can find a friend thats a player that can help you tremendously. Look at him when he's talking to girls notice his body language and voice tonality. Mimmick his actions, to a degree, until you can form your own style.
10-18-2006, 04:16 PM
I disagree compleatly. Never duplicate. You have to do you, don't do someone else.Originally Posted by Bigballa
10-18-2006, 08:06 PM
BINGO ! Talk the way you normally would because otherwise people will have a false illusion of what type of person you are. The confidence is a big factor. If I were drafting 2 players of pretty equal talent I would take the one who has more confidence any day of the week, that's why women will ALWAYS go with the more confident guy. A lot of women can be easily BS'ed/sold (no pun intended) because they're more emotional then men IMO.Originally Posted by Nullifidian
10-18-2006, 10:22 PM
Originally Posted by size
Here's a perfect example of height NOT being an issue.
One of my sister-in-law's friends is extremely hot and has probably the largest natural breasts I've ever seen, along with being really trim (GOOD genetics). She always used to go for the same type of guy; 6'2" underwear model types.
Well, she just got engaged. Wanna know how tall her fiance is? 5'5"
If you just don't care how things go, and talk to everyone like you do with your friends, anything can happen.
10-19-2006, 12:15 AM
Wow thanks for all the replies guys! Ahh, I was mulling over these posts yesterday and guess what? Today I went to the gym and this 5' 11" chick was having some trouble undoing the calipers that hold the weight plates down on the barbells. So instead of walking by thinking that she's gonna diss me or something because she's a whole head taller than me, I was like,"I'll help ya out with this one" And I undo the clasp and she says to me,"Thanks. You're a nice guy." And leaves. Huh?!?! Was I supposed to do more like, say, continue talking to her after helping her out? I'll probably never see her again because I don't usually workout at that particular time. And there won't be another moment where I'll help her undo any more clasps!!
10-19-2006, 12:28 AM
Hard for me to say since I wasn't there to see her body language.
But - seems as if she walked away then probably best just to move on with your workout.
10-19-2006, 12:44 AM
10-19-2006, 12:51 AM
What you did was perfect! Now you see what we're talking about. You approached her. Not bad for your first time out!
Meeting women at the gym is a difficult beast to tame so be careful. Many women (especially your age!) feel that people are judging their appearance or technique, staring/over-sexualizing them, or feel their are invading the space "where only men should be" and put up walls to protect themself. So don't worry about this one. If by chance you see her in the gym later and you happen to catch eye contact just smile and get back to your workout. She probably just thought you were insinuating that she couldn't handle it herself. No big deal, it happens all the time. Just keep smiling and she'll figure out you only had good intentions.
Great job though! Keep up the good work.
10-19-2006, 01:07 AM
Match.com is your friend no joke.
Also I can feel your pain, I was alone when I lost my virginity lol
Seriously though match.com is a great place IMO Just be honest what you are looking for and what you can offer. Then don't waste time with people who do not meet what you are looking for or you just hurt yourself and them.
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10-19-2006, 07:14 AM
Talking to women at the start like they are friends/just another person works. All the girls I have dated have always been friends first then without noticing it we are dating. This is except for the few times Iíve been asked out by the person herself Earlier on in my teens I had one person tell me for a friend that she was interested in me. I took this as the person teasing/making fun of me because I liked her as well. Well this girl DID like me and wanted to go out which I found out much later and thatís where the confidence would have helped.
10-19-2006, 12:40 PM
Which is why I included the statement "to a degree". I agree you should never be exactly like someone else. It's more of getting an idea of how to act around women and then tailoring it to your own personality.Originally Posted by B4n3 0n3
10-19-2006, 03:24 PM
10-19-2006, 03:38 PM
Hey buddy altleat theres no califlower on your junk, and no kids calling you dad. being a virgin doesnt matter. I think to get laid alot you need to say to yourself, and believe it " I am who i am take it or leave it, if you dont like me and you tell me alteast i didnt have to waste either of our time" like the boys said confidence. How can anyone like you for you if you dont like you for you?
10-20-2006, 09:50 PM
Thanks for the encouragement guys! These are good tips I hope I can employ for my future exploits in the dating game uh, if I ever get into the game.
Crowler- I wanted to try those dating sites but when I put up 5' 6" in the height menu, those girls are gonna X me out quicker than a hungry guy on AI's cookie mix.
And SWG- I really am glad I don't have any of those STD's but isn't it better to be loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
I got this weird void here. I don't know why I gotta feel this. Working out kinda solves the problem, puts my mind at ease. But the thoughts of getting someone keep popping in my head like I'm an addict or something. Hey, should I just turn to smoking or what?
10-21-2006, 01:37 AM
no buddy, smoking is an expensive death sentence crap shoot with 50/50 odds of survival. women are a 10 to 1.
10-21-2006, 06:18 AM
Originally Posted by DazzlinJack
I had an uncle about your height that women threw themselves at. He carried himself well, was personable and worked out somewhat. There are alot of hot women your height and shorter. Dont be in a hurry just to get laid. Girls up pick up on desperation...then their big girlfriends start kock blocking you so you dont take advantage of their friend!(I gotta change my avatar, Im starting to sound like Saluu)
I lost my virginity to a girl I did not really care for when I was 18. Her name was Gidget, she poured beer all over herself and me. Funny when I think back about it...but kind of weird and a little to kinky for me being a virgin. My friends found out about it and I was "Budman" for about half a year. Her boyfriend called a little bit later...thats another story. Memorable..but not in a good way.
Not sure what you meant about the smoking thing. But defenitely a stupid habit to start. I lost my grandfather to lung cancer because he had a hard time quitting. Funny thing is when you go into the hospital to die they dont let you smoke. So in the end he ended up quitting anyway but it was too late.
As far as STDs they have a thing called a condom that has saved I dont know how many lives.
10-21-2006, 06:55 AM
Originally Posted by DazzlinJack
There's a pretty big difference between being loved and having sex. IMO, people shouldn't feel pressured to give in to meaningless sex.
10-21-2006, 08:49 AM
DJ, DJ, DJ....... there you go with the height thing again. Worried about it on a dating site no less. Remember that the primary reason for some of these sites is for the process of elimination, so you shouldn't really care about that thing. Sometimes it pays to grow the gonads and just to do certain things, and this would only require growing one. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!
I have a feeling that you give yourself way to much self introspection. Some can be good, but to much can be detrimental to your health. I know because in many ways I use to be a lot like you. You knit pick all these things about yourself until you reach a point where you start placing every pretty girl you talk to into a league that is just out of your reach, when in fact it's the farthest thing from the truth. Love and relationships don't have a minor league and a major league, everybody plays on the same field. All you have to do is loose the fear of putting yourself into the game.
This void that your feeling is a completely normal thing. It's experienced by all of us who miss something that we see so much of in everyday life. I broke up with my long time girlfriend almost 2yrs ago, and you can bet your a$$ that I felt a black hole that would scare the pants off of captain Kirk. I looked at it as the equivilant of a swift kick in the balls, the same scenario applies. You fall to your knees, your eyes start to water, you wanted to throw up, and you find it difficult to breath. The void was that bad. In the end it serves to show us that where all still human, and that we want the completeness that a relationship offers to us. I wouldn't worry about having that feeling, in fact be glad that you have. Who knows what type of person you would be if you didn't.
~ Nothing can kill the Grimace!!
10-21-2006, 09:08 AM
10-23-2006, 09:33 PM
I have felt like you do before.. All through highschool I felt that way..Not good enough for girls.etc.etc.. I ended up on drugs but thats a whole different story..
When I got my head on straight and started to just be myself, girls started appearing..not out of thin air but you get the picture..
In your life there are going to be MANY MANY women come and go...Some will break your heart..Some you will break their heart... believe it or not sometimes you will wish you DIDNT EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND..yes..I said that..
My point is that everything will come in time..If your looking for A GIRL its sends out the signal.."IM DESPERATE"
Stop looking..when the time is right..There she will be...Just make sure to get her to sign a pre-nuptial..
10-23-2006, 11:19 PM
Oh, a little advice about the dating sites.
Add 2 inches to your height. Why? Because girls already assume you are.
Anyway, if you put in 5'6", they'll think you are 5'4". So put in 5'8" if you really are 5'6".
On the subject of standard things people consistantly lie about on dating sites, what's with fat chicks calling themselves "average." It's not like you can't see they are fat in their pictures. Seriously, I can't tell you how many women who look about 5'2", 180 pounds from their pictures and say they are "average." Dude, if that's average the human race is in BAAAAAAAAAD shape.
Oh and if you're wondering how I know about dating sites, it's because that's where I met my wife. The woman perfect for me couldn't be found ina bar or club. My luck, she happened to be using Yahoo personals.
10-23-2006, 11:52 PM
Your main problem is your too focused on it man.
When its there itll be there, you cant force **** to happen
and when you do your always sorry you did.
Sex is fun yeah but an orgasm isnt the end all be all answer brotha.
Find a chick that you actually like talking to and hanging out with, when your ready youll get to that point with her. but constantly looking at girls just for this reason wont get you very far.
10-24-2006, 12:35 AM
Im going to use this joke i once heard as an example of how people think and how some can misconcieve.
if i can remember it anyway.....
womans diary entry.
Today i woke up and got the feeling that he didnt want me around him so i gave him some space before we shared breakfast. We said our usuall pleasantries and he seemed diastant as if he may be thinking about someone else. I need to spice things up to keep him intereseted, maybe tonight ill make reservations at a nice restaurant to re kindle our romance. When he came home i told him and he barely seemed excited almost like he didnt want to let me down so now hes doing things out of pity for me what have i become. when we got to the restaurant he didnt say much just ate and stared into oblivion, I cant belive this i think hes cheating on me, when were together hes thinking about her, hes been so different lately. Ill get close to him tonight to see if i can keep him , i love him so much i cant lose him now. we made love and he did seem interested fro awhile but when i wanted to tell him i love him he had already rolled over and fell asleep, i guess he didnt want to cuddle because im worthless and hes not in love with me anymore. I dont know what to do, i stayed up all night quietly weeping hoping hed wake up and tell me everything is going to be ok, but he didnt i guess i dont deserve it.
Man's diary entry.
The oilers lost.... atleast i went out for dinner and got laid.
"fear causes hesitation, and hesitiation causes your worst fears to come true."
10-25-2006, 01:22 PM
I was just like you at 5'5-5'6. I lost my virginity my freshman year of college when I was 17 and about 135 lbs. I lost it to the roommate of this girl I liked. Basically after I got home from a party I gave her a call and told her to come over and even though I could finally brag about not being a virgin, it wasn't all I thought it would be. Yeah the girl still likes me, but I regret having sex with her. Since then I've been with a fair share. but seemingly the more weight I gained maxed at 175 the more cocky I was and the less women I got. but I must say, one of those girls looked amazing at 6'1 and when we'd go out, she'd wear stilettos. WHOA look out. She had to bend over to give me hugs and kisses or else I'd get a very nice pair of 36Cs in my face, not that I cared but... Anyways moving on. haha. I wrecked my motorcycle back in april or may of this year and hurt my back, its feeling better now, thanks for asking, but I lost a good 25-28lbs and I'm not so much cocky as I am confident now. And in the months since the wreck, I've had sex with probably 8 or 9 girls. One thing that I highly recommend is get a myspace acct and put up your most flattering pictures cause there are girls on there that are horny and simply looking for a guy for a couple nights of fun. I know because I'd received messages from girls who are in town visiting and their friend is at work and they wanna "watch a movie". I've had other girls from myspace naked within 10 minutes of walking through their door. and I didn't even have to encourage them. All I'm saying is, Yeah, girls say they want a 6' guy. but I think they're retarded and dont really know what they want. Come off as cool, calm, and collected, and (cliche) confident. You'll be amazed at what a simple arm around the shoulder (im comforting you) gesture will get you. I know cause last night I met up with a girl I've only seen once and that was a year ago, she rested her head on my shoulder and It went from there, it doesn't hurt that I flipped through the channels and for a second she saw porn on HBO. but the point is, just be yourself and be confident. Some girls think its hot/cute for a guy to be shorter. Its whatever though. Listen to the guys here since they have a lot more knowledge than me. And no, I've never played a girl, they've all known my position and where I'm coming from. Girls in the gym are sometimes harder to approach simply because they have a barriers to entry. I recommend you DONT go up to a girl on the thigh adductor machine though, maybe its the abductor. They'll definitely get the wrong impression and you might not look them in the eye while you're talking.
10-25-2006, 04:34 PM
I have always thought that meeting chicks on the net was one of the biggest no no's there was. Because it is a sign that you are a loser if you use the net to hit on chicks. Maybe you could link us to your myspace page and then we could see what you are talking about.Originally Posted by xtremethickness
10-25-2006, 06:05 PM
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