- 08-21-2006, 11:48 PM
Ok guys i need some relationship advice here. I met this cute girl in school. We worked on a project together, hanged out, and asked here to out, and we did. After the first date i asked here if she wants to go out again, and she said yes, but she said she nneds to check here schedule and give me answer, but she never did. I asked here again and she never answered me.
After that i figured out she is not interested, and i tried to ignore here, she also kinda ignored me. Problem is that we work in same research lab, and i see here often. Last month she went for a vication for a mounth, and when she came back she was all friendly again. And im like a sucker i tried very hard to nice with here.
She was trying to find a job, and i actuly helped here to get an interview in the place im working at.
Now i still have feeling to here, and i dont know if she just want to be friends or she still like me. I just need to know, should i ask here before she starts working with me. I dont want to apear deperate, and at same im dying to know. At least if just want to be friends i can move on.
- 08-22-2006, 01:13 AM
IMHO the best way to deal with this X muscle is to play it cool. When she said 'i have to check my schedule' she's putting the ball in her court so to speak...be the sounds of it she may have liked you but the initial attraction wasnt strong enough for her to 'not' want to remain in control.
Best thing is to not ignore her, but just be yourself. Be friendly, make her laugh etc just like you were - but just stop giving a **** if she likes you or not. Just stop thinking about her as anything other than friend. If she doesnt like you romantically then she'll still be a friend...and chicks have more chick friends. And if she does like you, she'll eventually give you a signal then its up to you to respond, and the pain in the ass dating game can continue, only this time with you calling the shots.
08-22-2006, 08:25 AM
Big V is a ladies man, you should listen to him. Just be friendly, kind, courteous, and funny with her. Let the dice fall where they will. If she gets to know you and develops an attraction, then it's all good. If she doesn't develop an attraction, at least you will have a friend at work/school. You should NOT ask her what's up though, as it might put pressure on her and make being around her semi-awkward. Just play it cool bro, and let nature take its course
08-22-2006, 08:32 AM
Just incase anyone else was confused... Here=Her.
I say be polite but don't go out of your way to help this girl.
08-22-2006, 08:36 AM
that is all good advice X take it. the thing is most if not all girls want a challenge so dont be a puppy drooling begging for food be the big dog ready to pounce on a ***** if she shows signs of heat! lol
08-22-2006, 12:09 PM
Remember the whole Political correctness/sexual harrassment thing. If she is working with you now it could bite you big time if you pursue her. Remember harrassment is in the eyes of the alleged person being harrassed not yours so just take your time, be cool, an occasional lunch with others present etc.
At some point you will know if it is safe to move to a date or just be friends. Until then she's just someone you know better than most.
08-22-2006, 05:41 PM
Chances are bro after that first date she put you into the "lets just be friends category" for whatever reason.
BigV and the others gave you some soild advice of what to do. Be nice but don't go out of your way to be nice to her. Showing her any kind of needines from you will be a definate turn off and will ruin any chances you hope to have with her. Also, don't text or call her a lot (I wouldn't call her let her make the next move).
Other than that just play it cool. Don't get stuck on this one chick and always be on the look out for other girls.
08-22-2006, 10:06 PM
I think she's using you for the interview (although your writing isn't exactly clear - so I could have misunderstood).
08-23-2006, 12:56 AM
No doubt, move on. If she wants you let her come to you. You asked her out and tried to keep something going and she basically sent you packing without your knowing it. If I am wrong then good for you if not you will end up looking like your pawning after her.
Be strong and pay it no attention. If she wants you let her come and ask.
08-23-2006, 01:09 AM
08-23-2006, 01:14 AM
Probably a good idea. Iíve been married for over 20 years and forgot how to play this game. Hope my wife never leaves me cuz I would be lost.Originally Posted by yeahright
08-23-2006, 01:24 AM
08-23-2006, 02:01 AM
Listen to Big V and jmh, she wants to be your friend because she wants the job. Do your fishing in another pond
08-23-2006, 03:11 AM
BigV advice seems most reasonable. But I regret helping her getting the interview, because if she got the job she will be around me most of the time, I have to act professionally around her, and its really hard for me to be friend or co-worker with some one i have feeling to. I just want to forget about here and move on, but now I feel that it will be kinda hard.
08-23-2006, 11:03 AM
Just focus on diverting that "I like this girl" energy somewhere else bro. Its hard to shut off such a basic drive, much easier to channel those feelings into some other activity, IMO. Sounds like hocus pocus new age mumbo jumbo, but give it a try it'll work. Kind of like the 'energy can not be created or destroyed' rule in physics - "feelings for a chick cannot be created or destroyed" , you have to convert them into something more productive.
From a player's perspective, the best thing to do would be to start hanging out with another girl in the same class that's just as good or better looking than her. If she has any feelings for you at all, just that will engage her jealousy response and you'll notice renewed interest right away. Something happens to a guy when he knows he's got a girl interested in him(maybe its pheramones, confidence, or both)...ever notice you get hit on the most when you've already got a steady chick and/or girlfriend?
08-23-2006, 03:32 PM
Good advice again Big V and exactly what I would do.Originally Posted by BigVrunga
If you do this right you will see a definate shift in power. From my experience, the original girl would constantly look at me and the new girl doing stuff even when she was with another guy. Then when the new girl would go away for whatever reason (bathroom, etc..) the original girl would ask me who is that? are ya'll just friends? etc...
What BigV is talking about is social proof. It's just like if you go to a club with a couple of attractive friends (really doesn't matter if their guys or girls but girls do work better imo) the women subconsciously value you higher than the average guys coming in with a load of his buds.
08-24-2006, 12:07 PM
this sounds horrible, but the truth is she will be more attracted to you if she sees you as some what "unattainable" like if you ignore her
08-24-2006, 05:18 PM
08-25-2006, 03:17 AM
Ignore? No. That won't work.Originally Posted by glenihan
What you need to do though IS make yourself appear unattainable. I would advise you begin flirting or at least showing attraction to someone else instead. In the meantime, continue to hang out with this girl and talk to her as you would a friend who you wouldn't get involved with romantically.
This will serve 2 purposes. 1) You will appear unattainable 2) She will get to know you (if you are the type of guy she likes this is a plus, otherwise ... well, it wouldn't work anyway) and 3) You won't come off as a total jerk (which flat out ignoring her WOULD do).
08-25-2006, 01:23 PM
The easist way to discern if she just wants to be friends is to see how her actions differ from yours. You didn't only want to be her friend, so you made a move. If she feels likewise, she'll act as expected. Otherwise, just be a friend. Maybe she wants to test the waters before she jumps in, so to speak. As Glen said, make yourself more attractive/desirable by being somewhat unavailable. Don't make it obvious that you're so attracted to her, but don't completely ignore her either. Just be a friend and be patient.Originally Posted by x_muscle
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