Don't know what to do, in a rough spot, ladies & gentlemen..feel free to chime in
- 08-16-2006, 02:52 AM
Don't know what to do, in a rough spot, ladies & gentlemen..feel free to chime in
Ok, first of all I'd like to apologize for the length of this post. If it ends up being extremely long, keep in mind I had to shrink 2 & a half years into this post. I'll try my best to make it quick & painless for the readers so bare with me guys. Here we go.
I was with my ex gf for 2 & a half years. When we met everything was great (the honeymoon stage). We met right before I left to school at UF in Gainesville, FL. She's a year younger than me so she was satying in Miami, FL. We were together for 4 months before I left & everything was amazing. When we met & started talking she told me she had cheated on all her bf's before (I think it was 3 of them). Nothing really serious, just a kiss or scam or w/e with another guy while going out with her bf. I knew her most recent ex Carlos because he went to my high school. They were together for 10 months but when her & me got together, she hated him & told me about their relationship which made me hate him too (things like he almost hit her a few times etc). I went to UF, we stayed together & did the long distance hoping that when the time came she'd come up too. For a year I went up & down between Gainesville & Miami to be with her & spend weekends & stuff (I even missed the UF vs LSU game to surprise her for her birthday). I was seriously the "ideal" bf to this girl. I mean, even her friends told her, Lindsey, this kid is amazing, I wish I had a bf like that. She would always tell me how great of a bf I was, how much she loved me, how lucky she was, how I was her Noah (the guy from The Notebook), & all that kind of crap. I fell in love with her too, & loved & cared for her a hell of a lot. I considered her my best friend second to only my family then followed by my 2 best guy friends since I was 3 yrs old. She was with me through my dad's heart surgeries & mom's breast cancer & surgeries & I was with her through her mom's alcoholism & rehab. Basically, we were everything to each other. She felt like I was it, the one, the real deal & I felt like she was too. While we were apart, Carlos began telling her how much he had changed from when he was with her & how he wanted a friendship with her. I was against it but I told her it was her decision & that as soon as any funny business happened, it was over. They would talk & hang out occasionally & her & me fought a lot about him. She ended up calling it off cause it was getting to a point where she felt like she had to choose between him & me.
As luck would have it, she ended up going to Chicago instead of Gainesville. When she was leaving we decided to do the distance again. I was fine with it because to me its the same thing no matter where she is as long as its not where I am. To me, distance is distance. She was kind of nervous about it because now we wouldnt see each other for 2 months or so at a time. I was fine with it too cause if I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, this little time apart would be great. When she left, Carlos went to New Orleans & attempt number 2 at a friendship began. She justified it because they were in different parts of the country & wouldn't be seeing each other etc. I was fine with it. Then 1 week she tells me, "Hey, Carlos is coming up for a music club he's in at school." I said, "Fine, I don't care if you guys get together for lunch or w/e or go out in a big group to a club or w/e but I don't want you being alone with him or him going to your dorm or anything like that." She argued with me etc. I asked her what her friendship with him was like & she explained that they were just friends & she would talk to him about things, specially us like when we would fight she would go to him for advice & that he was always "on my side" so I shouldn't be worried. W/e I let this whole thing slide. When he's there, the first day actually, her & me are talking & I ask her what she's going to do that night. She says she's going out. I ask with who. She says the girls. I ask if any guys are going. She says yea. I ask if Carlos is going. She says she doesn't know yet. I tell her to text message me if he does just so i know & I don't get caught by surprise. She gets upset & tells me, "You know what, I'm going to bring him back to my room & **** him." I hung up on her (something I never do). She gets drunk & texts me & calls saying how much she loves me & bla bla bla. I refuse to talk to her for the rest of the weekend this kid is there. I also had the kid call me to talk to him man to man & get his side of this whole friendship (I forgot to mention he has a gf throughout all this). We talk & I cleared up that it wasn't him that I had a problem with but the fact that she was friends with an ex. It could be any guy & I'd still be upset, so it wasn't personal. He says he understands & that he would feel the same way & all this crap. I don't tell her I talked to him because I don't want to make it seem like I want brownie points. He leaves, she calls, we talk, she apologizes for what she said, everything is ok. The next weekend was Easter & we would be seeing each other so I dropped it. That Thursday before Easter weekend she lied to me about something else. We got in a fight again & she apologized when I got there & everything was cool. Then that Saturday we got in a fight about Carlos. I asked her what she was going to do about that because it was getting out of hand, specially with what she said. We got in a huge fight & ended up breaking up.
For a month or 2 I tried talking some sense into her & patching things up. Turns out Carlos ended his friendship with her because it was getting in the way of his relationship with his gf & all that. Convenient timing, right? I always told her that what this kid wanted was to break us up & that was it. That if he was ever in the same situation, he would never fight for the friendship as much as she did. We had a Disney trip planned for the beginning of summer, cancelled that. We didn't talk for the beginning of the Summer because I was in Gainesville & she was in Miami. I came down for the second half of the summer & we started bumping into each other out at clubs & stuff. We ended up starting to talk again & then eventually hanging out as friends, then it became more, but she wasn't sure if she'd want to get back in the Fall. We kept hanging out & eventually went to Disney together. We had a blast, everything was great. It was like we were together without the title. She was telling me she loved me & wanted to marry me & could see us coming to Disney with our kids & all that stuff. She talked to me about what she wanted to name our kids & everything was great. We got back to Miami, hung out some more.
Then 1 day when I was at her house, she told me she needed to sign up for a CPR class. I was going to take a CPR/AED certification class with the Red Cross so I told her about it & she said we should take it together. She gave me her laptop (a Mac) & told me to sign her up while she showered. I don't know my way around Mac's so I was clicking pretty much everything in that little toolbar trying to find the internet when I stumbled upon some saved AOL conversations. Some of which were with a guy named Eddie that goes to school with her in Chicago. She had asked me if anything had happened with me when we were apart & I told her the truth. I asked her & she said no. Turns out she had been with this kid while we were apart, so she lied to me abou that. I wasn't mad she had been with him, but that she lied to me about it & gave me **** about the people I had been with. Then I found a conversation with Carlos she had saved. In the conversation he asks he if she's going to tell me about what happened & she says no, & she doesn't plan on ever telling me. The conversation went on & he told her how she should be single & all this crap. Then he told her he loved her & she said she did too & that she couldn't wait to be with him in the future & have kids & all this crap & how she'd wait for him & how I was only temporary & so was his gf & all that. I of course was upset. I talked to her about it. She said nothing happened & that he manipulated her & took advantage of the fact that we were fighting so much & told her what she wanted to hear/was the way I was all fun & carefree & crazy even though hes not really liked that & pretty much tricked her into things & that she really regrets it all & that it was super stupid. Over the course of a few days I kept finding out more & more & she kept denying & denying. Finally, she tells me the truth. Here it is: He went to see her, not for school. They scammed. He said her loved her, she said she loved him. They held hands stuff like that. That's it. Same with Eddie except the emotional part, she admits he was a rebound.
We stop talking, she changed her number, etc. I said some very horrible things, even calling her a lying **** (I have never said this but between being super upset & the Sopranos it just came out). I apologized for everything & how I acted & what I said. I told her instead of letting my feelings get the best of me I should've just walked away & that was it. I apologized again & again & she said she was sorry about what happened & that she really regrets it & wishes it didn't happen & that I didn't deserve any of it, etc. She hasn't really done anything to make things better & by the looks of things, she doesn't plan to. It seems like she's planning on taking me out of her life & moving on. She says that she really felt the way she said at Disney for me & that everything with Carlos was built on a lie & his manipulations. She says it was her fault too because she should've listened to me & not have been friends with him in the first place. She says she didn't tell me cause she didn't want to hurt me & she didn't tell me about Eddie because she didn't want me to feel the way she does when I tell her about the people I've been with. She says not a day goes by that she doesn't think about me & that she doesn't regret what she's done.
Now, I don't know what to think. I don't know if the past 2 & a half years & Disney were a lie & the truth finally came out or if the past 2 & a half years & Disney were real & what happened was just a huge mistake. I don't know what to make of this anymore & I need help. I love the girl, I really do. I've always told myself though that I would never get back with a girl that cheated on me. I never, not once, cheated on her & believe me I had the chances. This girl really meant a lot to me & I really did love her with all I could. I don't know what else to say or do? What do you guys think? Sorry about the length. I'll add in later if there's anything I'm missing.
- 08-16-2006, 04:13 AM
ouch.... that's always hard bro. But i think that you took the right decision. If she really loves you, she'd do whatever she could to get back togheter. Changing her phone number does not prove it. And the whole "my ex brainwashed me" it's a bunch of crap. i've learned that most women are hos. I've had 4 long term relationships so far. All of them ended up cheating on me even though i didn't cheat on them. And i broke up with all of them. They all had pathetic excuses as "i'm sorry i had too much to drink" or "i just wasn't myself" or "I was just having fun and i didn't think it would get that far". I had one of them stalk me for weeks trying to get back togheter. F*ck that, once a whore always a whore.
I'm dating another girl now, for about 6 months now. So far she's been a non-whore. But for how much longer?
Man up bro, and forget about it. You're better off. Seemed like ther was a lot of drama anyways.
- 08-16-2006, 05:01 AM
She lies and cheats on you. Im sorry bro but how could you respect her after that. She's got zero integrity and zero respect for herself. IF you get back with her it will end up in another disaster, mark my words.
08-16-2006, 06:43 AM
Originally Posted by jminis
I agree 600%..... Just move on and learn from this, whatever you do don't go back to her she will just rip your heart out again than you will start thinking that every woman will do this to you and will be single forever!
08-16-2006, 12:01 PM
Yea I figured guys. But I don't know why even after all this I still love her? It's weird. It's like I have hope she'd change. I cheated on 1 of my gfs & never have again. I just don't know. It's hard to believe that for 2 & a half years she was just faking it, you know? I mean even the way she would look at me & act with me, it seemed like she was really in love, but just really immature. She's always been immature which leads her to make extra stupid decisions & she's always been a b itch. I just had hope that she'd realize all this & grow out of it, you know? I mean she can't be this way forever, can she?
I would definitely not get back with her anytime soon & I would definitely not lift a finger to make things between her & me better at all or to even keep in contact with her. If she wants to take me out of her life so she doesn't have to deal with how bad she messed up, fine. I won't lift a finger to stop her no matter how wrong I think it is. I will live my life & slang other girls. I'm just wondering if say, a year or 2 from now..or somewhere in the future down the line, she comes back. Then what should I do? If it's something like how she never knew what she had & she's changed & she knows she really loves me etc. Then what do i do? She's the type of girl that needs to touch the hot stove & keep her hand on it for a few minutes to realize it's hot. She won't listen to her if you tell her, she just has to get burned & bad.
As far as the cheating, I would've understood if we hadn't seen each other for 2 months & would've been fighting a lot due to no ones direct fault (just not getting along) & she got really drunk & kissed some guy at a club or something. As much as it shouldn't happen, I probs would eventually forgive her for something like that, but what she did was beyond just being a b itch. It was evil & malicious.
I have been with other girls since & all it does is make me think of her. I recently went to Disney again & it really messed with my head. I don't know what'll make this all pass? It's just a really ****ty situation. I don't know if I should look at this as a test to see how she really feels because I kind of think that if she really feels the way she says she does, she'll fight for this eventually & no matter how much I blow her off she'll keep fighting for it. Apparently, she's giving up & trying to take the easy way out by pushing this all as far out of her life as possible. I don't know if that'll work for her. It shouldn't if she really feels the way she said, which she said Disney was real & all that crap.
I'm just lost man.
08-16-2006, 12:07 PM
I didn't read the post and from the sounds of it I don't have it. I'm lazy. And, follow what this guy said.Originally Posted by jminis
08-16-2006, 12:09 PM
Also I don't think she's going to be able to just go cold turkey & not talk to me anymore, etc. After 2 & a half years & everything we've been through, who the hell could do that? I told her I could & would never be friends with her when we broke up because I didn't want to & didn't think there was a reason to. It would only mess with both of us & make things harder. There would always be feelings there so a real friendship could never exist between us & after what she did, I wouldn't even be able to trust her as a friend. The trust is MOST DEFINITELY shot. I have zero trust in her right now.
My dad told me 2 thingss when I was in high school, he said, "All girls are whores, even your mother, just don't ask your father that." & "Every girl is a b itch son, you just need to find the one that is the least b itch."
I guess he was right lol.
08-16-2006, 12:18 PM
Holy shet!!! I'm sure if FitnTrim reads that she will chime in her 2 cents lol..... I'm not going to comment on that one.Originally Posted by xxtruxx1
08-16-2006, 12:20 PM
Your Dad was definetely not right with all of that. But with that said, can you give us cliffs to the situation?
Basically someone you were with for a while cheated on you? F that broad. Move on with life, bro. The thing that is going to be important is if you can grow and learn from all of this.
08-16-2006, 12:49 PM
I met a girl, everything was amazing. We were together for 2 & a half years. She started being friends with her ex who she hated before. He's a douchebag. He was always trying to break us up, but she didn't think so. That friendship brought a lot of problems into the relationship. Her & me were long distance. He went to Chicago (where she goes to school) & used the fact that we were fighting about him & that I wasn't around to his advantage. He messed with her head, she fell for it. She cheated on me with him. Didn't tell me. We broke up. He told her he didn't want to be friends with her anymore after we broke up (go figure). Summer came & we're both in Miami. Things started up again. I found out by chance what happened. She denied it many times, then finally admitted it after my persistence. She said she regretted it & didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. Things are over.
I guess that pretty much covers it.
Supposedly we really loved each other, she thought I was the guy she was going to marry, she couldn't see herself without me, etc, etc. Now she changed her number (I wasn't even calling to begin with, but the day after she told me everything she changed it). I'm leaving back to Gainesville on Friday & she's leaving to Chicago soon too. She says she really regrets what happened & that it was stupid & she should've listened to me & never have been friends with him. She says that not a day goes by that she doesn't think of me & really, truly regret what happened.
08-16-2006, 01:40 PM
listen to jminis. I would have run for the hills in the first place if she admitted to cheating on past boyfriends...that is a tell tale sign right there.
08-16-2006, 01:47 PM
X man, this girl has no respect for you, herself, or a committed relationship. Usually (but not always) a woman that feels she needs to cheat is seeking out to fill the gaps of her insecurities. Now, some people might argue broads that cheat just "like ****" or are "whores" but I personally feel that insecurity and low-self-esteem will always be the culprit. She either feels she isn't good enough for her current BF and seeks to end it in the only way how, are she is to insecure to deal with her emotions and because she is emotionally immature branches out in this way. Either way you MUST get over the infatuation and move on because absolutely nothing good can be derived from this situation.
08-16-2006, 01:50 PM
I broke up with my girl of over 5 years and we don't speak or see each other. We had a mutual split and it wasn't like she cheated on me or anything. It's best to part ways so you both can get over each other. IF you have her in your life even as a friend you will never get her out of your head.
08-16-2006, 01:53 PM
Originally Posted by jminis
X50000000000. I agree and my philosophy is, once a cheater, always a cheater. Im sorry bro and im sure this breaks ur heart to here it man but stay away, be friends or what have you, but dont subject ur heart to anymore heartache or pain then what is needed bro.
E-Pharm Rep... PM me with any questions or concerns
08-16-2006, 02:13 PM
Mullet you f'in nailed it bro! Over the course of 2 years I noticed how insecure & emotionally immature this girl is. She is SUPER insecure to the point where she changes who she is depending on who she's with. She does things to make other ppl happy, but never stands up for herself & does what's best for her or makes her happy. For example, she picked up smoking cause her friends smoke (which I found to be the msot disgusting thing a girl could do). So insecurity is very true. As far as emotionally immature, this is also true. She runs from all her problems & tries to avoid confronting them as much as possible. She makes other ppl i.e. her friends & me (when we were together) deal with her problems. I'm sure she also feels that I'm too good for her. She broke down a few times & told me how she was scared because she felt this was the real thing & it really scared the **** out of her & she didn't know what to do because she knew she wasn't being what I deserved, but she was super scared to lose me.Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier
As far as those sayings, I don't really care/believe them you know? I never really thought girls were b itches or hoes or anything like that. They've always been just girls to me. I've always been a very honest, open, down to earth, trusting, genuine guy. I never really was 1 of those guys that looked at girls as just p ussy or anything. It just seems that being that way has come around to bite me in the ass.
As far as being friends with her..that's a definite no, no for me. I will never be friends with an ex I wouldn't want anything to do with in the future as far as a relationship. Too much bs involved & it just isn't worth it. I honestly don't plan on talking to her anymore whatsoever. I just can't wait until Friday when I head back to Gainesville so my distractions can begin & I can really move on & forget.
The only thing that I wonder about, is whether she'll ever change. But I'm not going to wait around for that. Not in a ****y way whatsoever, but I am a good, intelligent guy & there are plenty of girls out there that wouldn't mind having a bf like me. Good guys aren't too easy to find these days, specially in the college environment, heck even out of the college environment. They are rare. I only say this because if you guys knew the things I did for her & how easily I always put her before myself...how many guys are honestly like that?
08-16-2006, 02:16 PM
Life changes everyday.
Never ever EVER let one of your woman keep in touch with someone they used to date or anything like that. I'm so controlling when it comes to what males my woman deals with and I could care less what she thinks about it. I always make it clear to anyone that I meet that I will kill them if they mess with her (in not so many words). So basically, who cares if you look like a d!ck once in a while. You have to nkow your environment and the situation your in.
08-16-2006, 02:16 PM
If a girl EVER says that to you, the "you are too good for me" thing, then I hate to say this but you are. If she is blatantly telling you that she fears committment she has some deep-seeded insecurity issues that would have forever hindered your relationship had it continued.
08-16-2006, 02:21 PM
Well, her mom was an alcoholic & had to go to rehab while her & me were together. Her dad was threatening to leave her. I think this really messed with her. Besides that, she always had insecurity issues & was never very confident. She always cared way too much about what her friends & other ppl thought & she always did what everyone else wanted in order to keep them happy, but never what she wanted. She is VERY insecure. So insecure to the point that she doesn't even know who she is, because she is so used to conforming & molding herself depending on who she's with & what they want her to be.Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier
Do you think a girl could ever grow out of something like that?
08-16-2006, 02:55 PM
It's possible is she displayed the will to do so I may say yes, but in your case it looks to be no. I don't think it would be possible within the confines of your relationship because it would be you prodding her to change, and she may for a bit, but only as kind of a farce to appease you. That change would have to something she does on her own, and even then I am not sure if I would personally take her back after she cheated on me.Originally Posted by xxtruxx1
Getting over your first lovey-type-thing isn't easy. There is no magic formula, or certain way to think about it that will ease the sting of betrayal and hurt. You just have to deal with it honestly within yourself and move on at whatever pace is neccessary. Best advice would not to jump right into another relationship as the problems from this one that you would regress by doing so would do nothing but come up.
08-16-2006, 03:43 PM
Xman ....Look at it this way...SO many woman on this planet and so little time!Move on my man!TRUST ME!....ageless
08-16-2006, 06:12 PM
Kick her to the curb bro. The love your feeling is just withdrawl from chemicals in your brain that necessitate the bonding instinct. Once she's out of the picture and you've been with a couple girls hotter than her, you'll forget she even existed.
08-16-2006, 08:25 PM
First off, Ageless, you're the man bro! lol.
The thing is I have been with girls hotter than her..somethings always missing.Originally Posted by BigVrunga
I would never go back to her after all that's happened. I just feel like ****, you know? 2 & a half years of my life man & during the most crucial time too. I just don't know what to make of what happened? I wish some girls would chime in cause everything you guys have said is EXACTLY, word for word, how I feel. The majority of me is saying, "Bro, F uck that girl, you could do waaaaaaayyyy better." Only about 1/10th is saying, "Hey, but you love her." Then reality comes into play & *****slaps that 1/10th lol.
I just can't wait to go back to school. All those poor, helpless freshmen. I'll showem their way around, lol. It just sucks I lost something I cared for so much.
08-16-2006, 08:48 PM
Some advice a friend gave me,,RUN!!! dont look back, she isent ready and you are, find someone who is ready....life is to short.....
Be happy with somone who is worth it
RIP Ryan, :(
08-16-2006, 09:30 PM
Yup exactly! Also bro just think of all the hotttttt women that will be in your line of sight when school starts!!!Originally Posted by toughchick401
E-Pharm Rep... PM me with any questions or concerns
08-16-2006, 09:37 PM
I'll be brief:
1. She cheated on you. You know about some things she did. I'm guessing there is a great deal more you do not know about, and you do not want to.
2. She has a track record of cheating. You know that. Enough said. She lived up to her reputation.
3. She is a liar. Therefore, you cannot afford to trust ANYTHING she has said or done.
4. She has proven that she has no integrity whatsoever.
5. She is either a BS artist, or frighteningly delusional with no sense of reality. That crap about having kids and going back to Disney as a family - especially after your breakup/ hiatus - is lunacy. What a load.
6. I’ll guess that she needs constant attention of some type from someone. I’ll go out on a limb and guess she has a crappy relationship with her Dad – and is seeking all the male attention she can muster.
7. The comments about “whores”, etc. is jaded, and extreme. Some are, some aren’t, and a select few are the type you really want to keep in your life. No different than guys – they come in all shapes and sizes, and with a vast range of motives.
Cut to the chase: You are lucky to get rid of her before she gave you an STD. Regardless of what you felt – all that was in the past and she it is gone. She very well may only have been an illusion of what you thought she was, and she may be lacking a good deal of important attributes.
Based on what you’ve said, I wouldn’t be surprised if a strong wind blew while she was wearing a short skirt – you would likely hear a whistling sound.
08-16-2006, 09:47 PM
Dude - I'll go as far as to say that I think she was cheating on you MOST of the time you were together.
Find some Gainesville hottie. I know they are everywhere over there.
(I can't believe I'm giving advice to a Gator fan that grew up in Miami...)
08-16-2006, 11:24 PM
I am in the same situation as you; I just broke up with my GF of 5 years. I would do anything for this girl, but the evolution of her personality made life very difficult. I can't explain it exactly, but I think I know why I kept trying so hard to make the relationship work. I believe that it was the romantic idea of rekindling the initial feelings that you had and loving someone so much that the struggle is part of what makes her so enticing. I don't talk to my ex-GF, but I think about her often and, considering I was with her from the time I was 17, I find myself searching to find who I am again. I used to not have any problem with my identity, but for 5 years I felt as though I was part of her and vice-versa.
The main thing that I have learned is that there are some things in life that, no matter how badly you want it, cannot be reconciled. I still have my memories of the love that we had together, but they are a thing of the past. It is very hard for me not to talk to her because she was the best friend that I ever had. In a way, I have a sense of rebirth from the break-up because I felt somewhat stagnant emotionally, but I cannot and will not say that I hate her. Even now, if she needed anything, I would be there in a heartbeat, but I finally accepting the end of us.
Keep your head up bro, we learn more from our losses than our victories. The best thing is to grieve and take your time to emotionally recover.
08-17-2006, 01:21 AM
I think that is definitely what it is. The girl is crazy. She has extreme insecurity issues & doesn't know how to deal with her emotions in any way. This was something I noticed as I grew & matured during the relationship & she stayed the same/worsened as things got more & more serious. Like I said, she was so insecure where she didn't even know who she was because she was so used to conforming to what people wanted her to be. As far as her needing constant attention, she does. I always had to be behind her giving her attention & affection or else she would be insecure about how I felt about her. Doing long distance this was VERY hard. Even when everything was fine between us, she would do something that would get me upset or start a fight just to see if I cared. She knew if I got upset, I loved her. So she would start a fight, I'd get upset & try to talk to her about it, etc. & she would get her reassurance & know I loved her. Pretty f'ed up, huh? She didn't believe me when I would tell her I loved her & she always thought that as soon as I met someone in Gainesville I'd leave her. She always felt that I was too good for her & she didn't deserve me. Hell, I felt that too but I was willing to stick around & give her a shot. I wanted what was best for her, not me so I kept pushing her to do her best to grow up, be secure, & keep me around. I got tired of that pretty quick because I was playing more the role of her dad than her bf. I was always looking out for her & having the "don't touch that stove, it's hot" attitude. She pretty much made me into someone I wasn't. I'm a very laid back, nonchalant guy. I love to have fun & I'm pretty crazy. Bottom line, she had me so wound up that it was wrecking my life.Originally Posted by Beau
LOL! Bro, I was a Cane fan most of my life (my dad went to UM) & kind of still am (as long as they don't play my Gators). Being that I go to UF, it's my colors, I gotta lovem. Still have love for the Canes though. In other words, if I didn't go to UF, I wouldn't be a gator fan. Who knows, maybe if I went to FIU I'd be a Golden Panther LOL!Originally Posted by jmh80
As far as this whole situation guys, I don't really regret it. The past 2 & a half years, whatever they were, to me weren't really a waste. I learned a lot & no girl would ever do something like this to me again. Not only that, but I would never put myself in a long distance relationship again either. I don't want to make it seem like it was all bad either. The majority of the time was great. The funny part is that I'm not even upset that she cheated, but that she fought with me about things after she did & gave me **** about people I had been with while we were apart, & that she lied. Overall, I feel I have become a better person & I am more ready to deal with this kind of thing in the future. I really believe that I will never, ever put up with this kind of crap from any girl ever again. I thank her for that because now, the second the games & bs start, I'm sending the girl to hell. She also made me more confident despite her efforts to put me down. For example, when I started lifting & got big, she told me she liked me better skinny & that she didn't like my body as much now. Everyone else was telling me how good I looked & how great my body had gotten. I knew she was just insecure about us being apart & me upping my stock %25. Throughout the relationship I learned what I was worth & now I know to never settle for less. You guys are all definitely right, there is no going back here, no matter what. As blind as love is, this is just a push too far in the wrong direction. There is an endless number of girls out there & I am very young still. I have no doubt I can & will do better for myself. Either way, for now I want to take a break from relationships for a while & just slang lol.
You guys & girl were all right though, even if she ever comes back in the future & has learned her lesson & changed, I wouldn't take her back. She f'ed things up so bad that there is no repair & no amount of makeup sex could ever take away what she did.
08-17-2006, 01:31 AM
She actually just text messaged me right now saying "I look at the pics from Disney all the time. It was real. Just to let you know."
I had asked her a while ago if when we went to Disney, if any of it, the way she was with me/the things she said was real & she said yea. It's pretty random to get this text from her now. Whatever, it shouldn't & doesn't mean ish to me.
08-17-2006, 04:42 AM
Here was my response to the text, it was a mix of everything you guys have said. I emailed her back with it.
I got your text tonight. I don't know whether Disney was real or not, you say it was, but by the looks of things (not just what happened before), it wasn't. If you feel/felt that way, things would be different. Either way, letting me know does nothing. I'm not the one that needs to know whether it was real or not.
Lind***, I love you, I really do & I care about you, but just like I told you when we broke up in the Fall, you aren't ready for this (& might never be) & I am, but I'm not going to wait because you might never be. I'm not putting you down at all, believe me, but you have no respect for yourself, me, or a committed relationship as well as no integrity. I think what happened was a result of your insecurities, low self-esteem, & emotional immaturity. You either thought you weren't good enough for/didn't deserve me (which you've told me before) & ended it the only way you knew how or you were too insecure & immature to deal with your own emotions & branched out this way. I think it's a mix of both. Your fear of commitment is due to your insecurity & I guess cheating on me was your way out & now you're dealing with it the only way you know how. I can't & won't be in a relationship where I'm constantly getting hurt due to someone's insecurities & immaturity while they refuse to do anything about it. This time you pushed too far.
We leave soon. You changed your number, I get the message. Take care kid.
08-17-2006, 12:16 PM
Good healthy response.
I well-intendedly you suggest you not respond at all should she try to contact you again.
Think of it this way: Right now it is a tennis match. She hit one over the fense, and you returned it. If she serves the ball again, and you choose not to respond, eventually she will get tired of playing tennis by herself. And .... your failure to respond will eat her up, because you have discarded her. You have control. You win.
Remember - she is looking at the pics (or telling you she is doing so) either to (1) manipulate you into thinking she loves you (but remember Carlos and those who preceeded him, and any others who may be waiting in line at the free clinic to find out why it now hurts when they urinate), or (2) she realizes her games worked against her and she is alone. You do not deserve to be her "out of the bullpen" boyfriend.
08-17-2006, 01:33 PM
This was her response: You got me all figured out. Good for you. Have a good school year man. Peace.
To which I responded: If it wasn't that then what was it Lind***? Why'd you do it & why have you done it with every guy you've been with? If Disney was so real & you really, truly felt the way you were saying then why would you change your number now? You say you feel a certain way, if you feel that way, why would you be taking me out of your life? You would be trying to keep me in, not force/push me out like you are doing. You've made it clear that you aren't & probably won't do anything for there to be an us again, yet Disney was real. If it was, things would be different.
Yes I think it was the things I said in the last email are why it's this way now. Every time we've had a serious problem & our ****ty communication has been because of that. That's why things are always good for us when we get back for a short while, then go right back to how it is. Because for that little while, you hide it. Read the email I wrote you in the Fall, it says the same thing & we've talked about it before. Remember that night this summer in the car in front of your house, when Jorge dropped you off, where I told you how you were super insecure, didn't know who you really were or what you wanted, change who you are depending on who you're with, how you always try to make everyone happy, do what everyone wants you to do, & how you picked up smoking cause your friends do it? You broke down & told me how I was right, how you were getting better about it & trying to change, & how you were super scared about our relationship because you thought it was the real thing. You act like you're this super independent, secure girl & the truth is, you're not. You say you don't need a support guy & the truth is, you do. You were telling me how you just wanted to be single & not be with anyone while you were with Eddie. You always need someone there. Another thing is that you constantly require attention, & I, as much as I try, can't give you that specially in the situation we're in.
It's not the distance either, I think this would've happened either way. There are issues that need to be dealt with before you & me could ever really be together, & I'm not sure they will be. Things wouldn't work even if we were in the same place. This is going to keep happening to you in your relationships until you decide to figure out why it happens & do something about it. Lind***, I really do love you very much & I would love to be with you & things work, but I just think nothing's going to change as far as your insecurity & immaturity, it hasn't these past 2 years, at least not with me. It's just not fair to me to keep going through what I go through cause of that.
I'm done with this, this girl is obviously not for me.
08-17-2006, 04:39 PM
So much easier said than done, if i can leave you with a little hint, to drive her a little nutty,.....have the last word, send a txt something and when she responds, dont respond..EVER.....trust me,....drives some girls nutty.....
And be done, move on.....have a great school year and know that it was real to you, and that;s all that counts.....
RIP Ryan, :(
08-17-2006, 04:50 PM
Urghh..No more texting. None, by responding to her you are just perpetuating this bull****. Literally pretend like she does not exist, not emotionally because you need to face that to heal, but in a physical sense. Have her number blocked if you need to.
08-17-2006, 04:52 PM
I agree 100%.Originally Posted by toughchick401
BTW - toughchick401 are those your eyes in the avatar?
08-17-2006, 05:04 PM
You are young and have life ahead of you. While you may not see it now, everyone else does and in the future you will see the mistake that this relationship is/was.
Move forward with life as life is far too short and precious to waste time with such an individual.
08-17-2006, 05:38 PM
Here was her response & where it ends:
oomi**** (4:21:08 PM): read that email.
oomi**** (4:21:15 PM): it was very nice
oomi**** (4:25:34 PM): i just want you to know im sorry. it doesnt matter if im immature or w/e. when i say im sorry i mean it. im not ready and you are, just like you said. have a good drive up. take care of yourself.
Mullet, I did have her number blocked, but she text messaged me from her little brother's phone. I recently blocked his too. She says she changed her number now. I don't know her new 1 so I can't block it yet. Looks like I'll be screening unkown calls for a while & once I get it, blocked.
Size, you much like everyone else on the board is right. I'm a super young guy & there are so many other girls out there. There is no sense in being tied down in this kind of relationship when I deserve & can easily find something less dramatic & overall better with less bs to deal with. I don't really feel it was a mistake because I learned a lot from it & to say the least, no girl will ever pull this with me again. Instead of trying to reason with them & get them to see what they are doing/did wrong, I will simply walk away & waste no time.
You're right, bro. I don't need a person like that in my life. It only attracts negativity.
08-17-2006, 05:42 PM
Feel confident - you are doing the right thing. I would use the answering machine to field all land line calls, allow all cell calls to roll to voicemail and just dump text messages.
08-17-2006, 10:03 PM
my last gf cheated on me. I thought she was my true love and planned to marry her. Instead, i found out she's a two-faced whore who was accepting gifts from me and another guy. Her other bf didn't know about me, because she lied to him, too. I found out his email addy and was gonna tell him about me, but decided not to because I found out he's also cheating on her. lol. What goes around comes around. So I let them be. They deserve each other.
It's hard to let someone go. This girl was gorgeous, smart, and had a great personality. I matched up with her better than any person I've ever met. But I knew she had no character, and there was no future for us.
If a girl says she has a lot of guy friends, RUN FOR COVER.
08-17-2006, 10:13 PM
Heh, I believe that we've all been there... Run away man, far and fast. It's not worth the aggravation.
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