Don't know what to do, in a rough spot, ladies & gentlemen..feel free to chime in

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  1. Don't know what to do, in a rough spot, ladies & gentlemen..feel free to chime in


    Ok, first of all I'd like to apologize for the length of this post. If it ends up being extremely long, keep in mind I had to shrink 2 & a half years into this post. I'll try my best to make it quick & painless for the readers so bare with me guys. Here we go.

    I was with my ex gf for 2 & a half years. When we met everything was great (the honeymoon stage). We met right before I left to school at UF in Gainesville, FL. She's a year younger than me so she was satying in Miami, FL. We were together for 4 months before I left & everything was amazing. When we met & started talking she told me she had cheated on all her bf's before (I think it was 3 of them). Nothing really serious, just a kiss or scam or w/e with another guy while going out with her bf. I knew her most recent ex Carlos because he went to my high school. They were together for 10 months but when her & me got together, she hated him & told me about their relationship which made me hate him too (things like he almost hit her a few times etc). I went to UF, we stayed together & did the long distance hoping that when the time came she'd come up too. For a year I went up & down between Gainesville & Miami to be with her & spend weekends & stuff (I even missed the UF vs LSU game to surprise her for her birthday). I was seriously the "ideal" bf to this girl. I mean, even her friends told her, Lindsey, this kid is amazing, I wish I had a bf like that. She would always tell me how great of a bf I was, how much she loved me, how lucky she was, how I was her Noah (the guy from The Notebook), & all that kind of crap. I fell in love with her too, & loved & cared for her a hell of a lot. I considered her my best friend second to only my family then followed by my 2 best guy friends since I was 3 yrs old. She was with me through my dad's heart surgeries & mom's breast cancer & surgeries & I was with her through her mom's alcoholism & rehab. Basically, we were everything to each other. She felt like I was it, the one, the real deal & I felt like she was too. While we were apart, Carlos began telling her how much he had changed from when he was with her & how he wanted a friendship with her. I was against it but I told her it was her decision & that as soon as any funny business happened, it was over. They would talk & hang out occasionally & her & me fought a lot about him. She ended up calling it off cause it was getting to a point where she felt like she had to choose between him & me.

    As luck would have it, she ended up going to Chicago instead of Gainesville. When she was leaving we decided to do the distance again. I was fine with it because to me its the same thing no matter where she is as long as its not where I am. To me, distance is distance. She was kind of nervous about it because now we wouldnt see each other for 2 months or so at a time. I was fine with it too cause if I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, this little time apart would be great. When she left, Carlos went to New Orleans & attempt number 2 at a friendship began. She justified it because they were in different parts of the country & wouldn't be seeing each other etc. I was fine with it. Then 1 week she tells me, "Hey, Carlos is coming up for a music club he's in at school." I said, "Fine, I don't care if you guys get together for lunch or w/e or go out in a big group to a club or w/e but I don't want you being alone with him or him going to your dorm or anything like that." She argued with me etc. I asked her what her friendship with him was like & she explained that they were just friends & she would talk to him about things, specially us like when we would fight she would go to him for advice & that he was always "on my side" so I shouldn't be worried. W/e I let this whole thing slide. When he's there, the first day actually, her & me are talking & I ask her what she's going to do that night. She says she's going out. I ask with who. She says the girls. I ask if any guys are going. She says yea. I ask if Carlos is going. She says she doesn't know yet. I tell her to text message me if he does just so i know & I don't get caught by surprise. She gets upset & tells me, "You know what, I'm going to bring him back to my room & **** him." I hung up on her (something I never do). She gets drunk & texts me & calls saying how much she loves me & bla bla bla. I refuse to talk to her for the rest of the weekend this kid is there. I also had the kid call me to talk to him man to man & get his side of this whole friendship (I forgot to mention he has a gf throughout all this). We talk & I cleared up that it wasn't him that I had a problem with but the fact that she was friends with an ex. It could be any guy & I'd still be upset, so it wasn't personal. He says he understands & that he would feel the same way & all this crap. I don't tell her I talked to him because I don't want to make it seem like I want brownie points. He leaves, she calls, we talk, she apologizes for what she said, everything is ok. The next weekend was Easter & we would be seeing each other so I dropped it. That Thursday before Easter weekend she lied to me about something else. We got in a fight again & she apologized when I got there & everything was cool. Then that Saturday we got in a fight about Carlos. I asked her what she was going to do about that because it was getting out of hand, specially with what she said. We got in a huge fight & ended up breaking up.

    For a month or 2 I tried talking some sense into her & patching things up. Turns out Carlos ended his friendship with her because it was getting in the way of his relationship with his gf & all that. Convenient timing, right? I always told her that what this kid wanted was to break us up & that was it. That if he was ever in the same situation, he would never fight for the friendship as much as she did. We had a Disney trip planned for the beginning of summer, cancelled that. We didn't talk for the beginning of the Summer because I was in Gainesville & she was in Miami. I came down for the second half of the summer & we started bumping into each other out at clubs & stuff. We ended up starting to talk again & then eventually hanging out as friends, then it became more, but she wasn't sure if she'd want to get back in the Fall. We kept hanging out & eventually went to Disney together. We had a blast, everything was great. It was like we were together without the title. She was telling me she loved me & wanted to marry me & could see us coming to Disney with our kids & all that stuff. She talked to me about what she wanted to name our kids & everything was great. We got back to Miami, hung out some more.

    Then 1 day when I was at her house, she told me she needed to sign up for a CPR class. I was going to take a CPR/AED certification class with the Red Cross so I told her about it & she said we should take it together. She gave me her laptop (a Mac) & told me to sign her up while she showered. I don't know my way around Mac's so I was clicking pretty much everything in that little toolbar trying to find the internet when I stumbled upon some saved AOL conversations. Some of which were with a guy named Eddie that goes to school with her in Chicago. She had asked me if anything had happened with me when we were apart & I told her the truth. I asked her & she said no. Turns out she had been with this kid while we were apart, so she lied to me abou that. I wasn't mad she had been with him, but that she lied to me about it & gave me **** about the people I had been with. Then I found a conversation with Carlos she had saved. In the conversation he asks he if she's going to tell me about what happened & she says no, & she doesn't plan on ever telling me. The conversation went on & he told her how she should be single & all this crap. Then he told her he loved her & she said she did too & that she couldn't wait to be with him in the future & have kids & all this crap & how she'd wait for him & how I was only temporary & so was his gf & all that. I of course was upset. I talked to her about it. She said nothing happened & that he manipulated her & took advantage of the fact that we were fighting so much & told her what she wanted to hear/was the way I was all fun & carefree & crazy even though hes not really liked that & pretty much tricked her into things & that she really regrets it all & that it was super stupid. Over the course of a few days I kept finding out more & more & she kept denying & denying. Finally, she tells me the truth. Here it is: He went to see her, not for school. They scammed. He said her loved her, she said she loved him. They held hands stuff like that. That's it. Same with Eddie except the emotional part, she admits he was a rebound.

    We stop talking, she changed her number, etc. I said some very horrible things, even calling her a lying **** (I have never said this but between being super upset & the Sopranos it just came out). I apologized for everything & how I acted & what I said. I told her instead of letting my feelings get the best of me I should've just walked away & that was it. I apologized again & again & she said she was sorry about what happened & that she really regrets it & wishes it didn't happen & that I didn't deserve any of it, etc. She hasn't really done anything to make things better & by the looks of things, she doesn't plan to. It seems like she's planning on taking me out of her life & moving on. She says that she really felt the way she said at Disney for me & that everything with Carlos was built on a lie & his manipulations. She says it was her fault too because she should've listened to me & not have been friends with him in the first place. She says she didn't tell me cause she didn't want to hurt me & she didn't tell me about Eddie because she didn't want me to feel the way she does when I tell her about the people I've been with. She says not a day goes by that she doesn't think about me & that she doesn't regret what she's done.

    Now, I don't know what to think. I don't know if the past 2 & a half years & Disney were a lie & the truth finally came out or if the past 2 & a half years & Disney were real & what happened was just a huge mistake. I don't know what to make of this anymore & I need help. I love the girl, I really do. I've always told myself though that I would never get back with a girl that cheated on me. I never, not once, cheated on her & believe me I had the chances. This girl really meant a lot to me & I really did love her with all I could. I don't know what else to say or do? What do you guys think? Sorry about the length. I'll add in later if there's anything I'm missing.


  2. ouch.... that's always hard bro. But i think that you took the right decision. If she really loves you, she'd do whatever she could to get back togheter. Changing her phone number does not prove it. And the whole "my ex brainwashed me" it's a bunch of crap. i've learned that most women are hos. I've had 4 long term relationships so far. All of them ended up cheating on me even though i didn't cheat on them. And i broke up with all of them. They all had pathetic excuses as "i'm sorry i had too much to drink" or "i just wasn't myself" or "I was just having fun and i didn't think it would get that far". I had one of them stalk me for weeks trying to get back togheter. F*ck that, once a whore always a whore.
    I'm dating another girl now, for about 6 months now. So far she's been a non-whore. But for how much longer?
    Man up bro, and forget about it. You're better off. Seemed like ther was a lot of drama anyways.
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  3. She lies and cheats on you. Im sorry bro but how could you respect her after that. She's got zero integrity and zero respect for herself. IF you get back with her it will end up in another disaster, mark my words.

  4. Quote Originally Posted by jminis
    She lies and cheats on you. Im sorry bro but how could you respect her after that. She's got zero integrity and zero respect for herself. IF you get back with her it will end up in another disaster, mark my words.

    I agree 600%..... Just move on and learn from this, whatever you do don't go back to her she will just rip your heart out again than you will start thinking that every woman will do this to you and will be single forever!

  5. Yea I figured guys. But I don't know why even after all this I still love her? It's weird. It's like I have hope she'd change. I cheated on 1 of my gfs & never have again. I just don't know. It's hard to believe that for 2 & a half years she was just faking it, you know? I mean even the way she would look at me & act with me, it seemed like she was really in love, but just really immature. She's always been immature which leads her to make extra stupid decisions & she's always been a b itch. I just had hope that she'd realize all this & grow out of it, you know? I mean she can't be this way forever, can she?

    I would definitely not get back with her anytime soon & I would definitely not lift a finger to make things between her & me better at all or to even keep in contact with her. If she wants to take me out of her life so she doesn't have to deal with how bad she messed up, fine. I won't lift a finger to stop her no matter how wrong I think it is. I will live my life & slang other girls. I'm just wondering if say, a year or 2 from now..or somewhere in the future down the line, she comes back. Then what should I do? If it's something like how she never knew what she had & she's changed & she knows she really loves me etc. Then what do i do? She's the type of girl that needs to touch the hot stove & keep her hand on it for a few minutes to realize it's hot. She won't listen to her if you tell her, she just has to get burned & bad.

    As far as the cheating, I would've understood if we hadn't seen each other for 2 months & would've been fighting a lot due to no ones direct fault (just not getting along) & she got really drunk & kissed some guy at a club or something. As much as it shouldn't happen, I probs would eventually forgive her for something like that, but what she did was beyond just being a b itch. It was evil & malicious.

    I have been with other girls since & all it does is make me think of her. I recently went to Disney again & it really messed with my head. I don't know what'll make this all pass? It's just a really ****ty situation. I don't know if I should look at this as a test to see how she really feels because I kind of think that if she really feels the way she says she does, she'll fight for this eventually & no matter how much I blow her off she'll keep fighting for it. Apparently, she's giving up & trying to take the easy way out by pushing this all as far out of her life as possible. I don't know if that'll work for her. It shouldn't if she really feels the way she said, which she said Disney was real & all that crap.

    I'm just lost man.
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  6. Quote Originally Posted by jminis
    She lies and cheats on you. Im sorry bro but how could you respect her after that. She's got zero integrity and zero respect for herself. IF you get back with her it will end up in another disaster, mark my words.
    I didn't read the post and from the sounds of it I don't have it. I'm lazy. And, follow what this guy said.

  7. Also I don't think she's going to be able to just go cold turkey & not talk to me anymore, etc. After 2 & a half years & everything we've been through, who the hell could do that? I told her I could & would never be friends with her when we broke up because I didn't want to & didn't think there was a reason to. It would only mess with both of us & make things harder. There would always be feelings there so a real friendship could never exist between us & after what she did, I wouldn't even be able to trust her as a friend. The trust is MOST DEFINITELY shot. I have zero trust in her right now.

    My dad told me 2 thingss when I was in high school, he said, "All girls are whores, even your mother, just don't ask your father that." & "Every girl is a b itch son, you just need to find the one that is the least b itch."

    I guess he was right lol.

  8. Quote Originally Posted by xxtruxx1

    My dad told me 2 thingss when I was in high school, he said, "All girls are whores, even your mother, just don't ask your father that." & "Every girl is a b itch son, you just need to find the one that is the least b itch."

    I guess he was right lol.
    Holy shet!!! I'm sure if FitnTrim reads that she will chime in her 2 cents lol..... I'm not going to comment on that one.

  9. Your Dad was definetely not right with all of that. But with that said, can you give us cliffs to the situation?

    Basically someone you were with for a while cheated on you? F that broad. Move on with life, bro. The thing that is going to be important is if you can grow and learn from all of this.

  10. Cliffs Notes:

    I met a girl, everything was amazing. We were together for 2 & a half years. She started being friends with her ex who she hated before. He's a douchebag. He was always trying to break us up, but she didn't think so. That friendship brought a lot of problems into the relationship. Her & me were long distance. He went to Chicago (where she goes to school) & used the fact that we were fighting about him & that I wasn't around to his advantage. He messed with her head, she fell for it. She cheated on me with him. Didn't tell me. We broke up. He told her he didn't want to be friends with her anymore after we broke up (go figure). Summer came & we're both in Miami. Things started up again. I found out by chance what happened. She denied it many times, then finally admitted it after my persistence. She said she regretted it & didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. Things are over.

    I guess that pretty much covers it.

    Supposedly we really loved each other, she thought I was the guy she was going to marry, she couldn't see herself without me, etc, etc. Now she changed her number (I wasn't even calling to begin with, but the day after she told me everything she changed it). I'm leaving back to Gainesville on Friday & she's leaving to Chicago soon too. She says she really regrets what happened & that it was stupid & she should've listened to me & never have been friends with him. She says that not a day goes by that she doesn't think of me & really, truly regret what happened.
  11. tattoopierced1
    tattoopierced1's Avatar

    listen to jminis. I would have run for the hills in the first place if she admitted to cheating on past boyfriends...that is a tell tale sign right there.

  12. X man, this girl has no respect for you, herself, or a committed relationship. Usually (but not always) a woman that feels she needs to cheat is seeking out to fill the gaps of her insecurities. Now, some people might argue broads that cheat just "like ****" or are "whores" but I personally feel that insecurity and low-self-esteem will always be the culprit. She either feels she isn't good enough for her current BF and seeks to end it in the only way how, are she is to insecure to deal with her emotions and because she is emotionally immature branches out in this way. Either way you MUST get over the infatuation and move on because absolutely nothing good can be derived from this situation.

  13. I broke up with my girl of over 5 years and we don't speak or see each other. We had a mutual split and it wasn't like she cheated on me or anything. It's best to part ways so you both can get over each other. IF you have her in your life even as a friend you will never get her out of your head.

  14. Quote Originally Posted by jminis
    She lies and cheats on you. Im sorry bro but how could you respect her after that. She's got zero integrity and zero respect for herself. IF you get back with her it will end up in another disaster, mark my words.

    X50000000000. I agree and my philosophy is, once a cheater, always a cheater. Im sorry bro and im sure this breaks ur heart to here it man but stay away, be friends or what have you, but dont subject ur heart to anymore heartache or pain then what is needed bro.
    E-Pharm Rep... PM me with any questions or concerns

  15. Quote Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier
    X man, this girl has no respect for you, herself, or a committed relationship. Usually (but not always) a woman that feels she needs to cheat is seeking out to fill the gaps of her insecurities. Now, some people might argue broads that cheat just "like ****" or are "whores" but I personally feel that insecurity and low-self-esteem will always be the culprit. She either feels she isn't good enough for her current BF and seeks to end it in the only way how, are she is to insecure to deal with her emotions and because she is emotionally immature branches out in this way. Either way you MUST get over the infatuation and move on because absolutely nothing good can be derived from this situation.
    Mullet you f'in nailed it bro! Over the course of 2 years I noticed how insecure & emotionally immature this girl is. She is SUPER insecure to the point where she changes who she is depending on who she's with. She does things to make other ppl happy, but never stands up for herself & does what's best for her or makes her happy. For example, she picked up smoking cause her friends smoke (which I found to be the msot disgusting thing a girl could do). So insecurity is very true. As far as emotionally immature, this is also true. She runs from all her problems & tries to avoid confronting them as much as possible. She makes other ppl i.e. her friends & me (when we were together) deal with her problems. I'm sure she also feels that I'm too good for her. She broke down a few times & told me how she was scared because she felt this was the real thing & it really scared the **** out of her & she didn't know what to do because she knew she wasn't being what I deserved, but she was super scared to lose me.

    As far as those sayings, I don't really care/believe them you know? I never really thought girls were b itches or hoes or anything like that. They've always been just girls to me. I've always been a very honest, open, down to earth, trusting, genuine guy. I never really was 1 of those guys that looked at girls as just p ussy or anything. It just seems that being that way has come around to bite me in the ass.

    As far as being friends with her..that's a definite no, no for me. I will never be friends with an ex I wouldn't want anything to do with in the future as far as a relationship. Too much bs involved & it just isn't worth it. I honestly don't plan on talking to her anymore whatsoever. I just can't wait until Friday when I head back to Gainesville so my distractions can begin & I can really move on & forget.

    The only thing that I wonder about, is whether she'll ever change. But I'm not going to wait around for that. Not in a ****y way whatsoever, but I am a good, intelligent guy & there are plenty of girls out there that wouldn't mind having a bf like me. Good guys aren't too easy to find these days, specially in the college environment, heck even out of the college environment. They are rare. I only say this because if you guys knew the things I did for her & how easily I always put her before myself...how many guys are honestly like that?

  16. Life changes everyday.

    Never ever EVER let one of your woman keep in touch with someone they used to date or anything like that. I'm so controlling when it comes to what males my woman deals with and I could care less what she thinks about it. I always make it clear to anyone that I meet that I will kill them if they mess with her (in not so many words). So basically, who cares if you look like a d!ck once in a while. You have to nkow your environment and the situation your in.

  17. If a girl EVER says that to you, the "you are too good for me" thing, then I hate to say this but you are. If she is blatantly telling you that she fears committment she has some deep-seeded insecurity issues that would have forever hindered your relationship had it continued.

  18. Quote Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier
    If a girl EVER says that to you, the "you are too good for me" thing, then I hate to say this but you are. If she is blatantly telling you that she fears committment she has some deep-seeded insecurity issues that would have forever hindered your relationship had it continued.
    Well, her mom was an alcoholic & had to go to rehab while her & me were together. Her dad was threatening to leave her. I think this really messed with her. Besides that, she always had insecurity issues & was never very confident. She always cared way too much about what her friends & other ppl thought & she always did what everyone else wanted in order to keep them happy, but never what she wanted. She is VERY insecure. So insecure to the point that she doesn't even know who she is, because she is so used to conforming & molding herself depending on who she's with & what they want her to be.

    Do you think a girl could ever grow out of something like that?

  19. Quote Originally Posted by xxtruxx1
    So insecure to the point that she doesn't even know who she is, because she is so used to conforming & molding herself depending on who she's with & what they want her to be.

    Do you think a girl could ever grow out of something like that?
    It's possible is she displayed the will to do so I may say yes, but in your case it looks to be no. I don't think it would be possible within the confines of your relationship because it would be you prodding her to change, and she may for a bit, but only as kind of a farce to appease you. That change would have to something she does on her own, and even then I am not sure if I would personally take her back after she cheated on me.

    Getting over your first lovey-type-thing isn't easy. There is no magic formula, or certain way to think about it that will ease the sting of betrayal and hurt. You just have to deal with it honestly within yourself and move on at whatever pace is neccessary. Best advice would not to jump right into another relationship as the problems from this one that you would regress by doing so would do nothing but come up.

  20. Xman ....Look at it this way...SO many woman on this planet and so little time!Move on my man!TRUST ME!....ageless

  21. Kick her to the curb bro. The love your feeling is just withdrawl from chemicals in your brain that necessitate the bonding instinct. Once she's out of the picture and you've been with a couple girls hotter than her, you'll forget she even existed.

    BV

  22. First off, Ageless, you're the man bro! lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by BigVrunga
    Kick her to the curb bro. The love your feeling is just withdrawl from chemicals in your brain that necessitate the bonding instinct. Once she's out of the picture and you've been with a couple girls hotter than her, you'll forget she even existed.

    BV
    The thing is I have been with girls hotter than her..somethings always missing.

    I would never go back to her after all that's happened. I just feel like ****, you know? 2 & a half years of my life man & during the most crucial time too. I just don't know what to make of what happened? I wish some girls would chime in cause everything you guys have said is EXACTLY, word for word, how I feel. The majority of me is saying, "Bro, F uck that girl, you could do waaaaaaayyyy better." Only about 1/10th is saying, "Hey, but you love her." Then reality comes into play & *****slaps that 1/10th lol.

    I just can't wait to go back to school. All those poor, helpless freshmen. I'll showem their way around, lol. It just sucks I lost something I cared for so much.

  23. Some advice a friend gave me,,RUN!!! dont look back, she isent ready and you are, find someone who is ready....life is to short.....

    Be happy with somone who is worth it

    good luck
    RIP Ryan, :(

  24. Quote Originally Posted by toughchick401
    Some advice a friend gave me,,RUN!!! dont look back, she isent ready and you are, find someone who is ready....life is to short.....

    Be happy with somone who is worth it

    good luck
    Yup exactly! Also bro just think of all the hotttttt women that will be in your line of sight when school starts!!!
    E-Pharm Rep... PM me with any questions or concerns

  25. I'll be brief:

    1. She cheated on you. You know about some things she did. I'm guessing there is a great deal more you do not know about, and you do not want to.
    2. She has a track record of cheating. You know that. Enough said. She lived up to her reputation.
    3. She is a liar. Therefore, you cannot afford to trust ANYTHING she has said or done.
    4. She has proven that she has no integrity whatsoever.
    5. She is either a BS artist, or frighteningly delusional with no sense of reality. That crap about having kids and going back to Disney as a family - especially after your breakup/ hiatus - is lunacy. What a load.
    6. I’ll guess that she needs constant attention of some type from someone. I’ll go out on a limb and guess she has a crappy relationship with her Dad – and is seeking all the male attention she can muster.
    7. The comments about “whores”, etc. is jaded, and extreme. Some are, some aren’t, and a select few are the type you really want to keep in your life. No different than guys – they come in all shapes and sizes, and with a vast range of motives.

    Cut to the chase: You are lucky to get rid of her before she gave you an STD. Regardless of what you felt – all that was in the past and she it is gone. She very well may only have been an illusion of what you thought she was, and she may be lacking a good deal of important attributes.

    Based on what you’ve said, I wouldn’t be surprised if a strong wind blew while she was wearing a short skirt – you would likely hear a whistling sound.
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