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The Darwin Awards

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    The Darwin Awards


    Not sure if this was this year's or not. Saw it on another board.

    It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These
    awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
    individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the
    most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

    5th RUNNER-UP Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he
    hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down
    the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced
    dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about
    3a.m.,the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his
    friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and
    undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.Mike
    Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used
    to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used
    the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower.
    It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was
    the one with its pad removed.

    4th RUNNER-UP Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
    disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call
    the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and
    walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of
    the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat
    where it had choked him to death.

    3rd RUNNER-UP Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a
    stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
    instantly when it fell on him.

    2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
    party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas
    who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
    popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an
    explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer,
    24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party
    late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
    "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was
    trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
    show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and
    it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said.
    Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
    facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area
    Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
    that," Payne said.

    1st RUNNER-UP Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
    man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive
    and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost
    his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting
    club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain
    Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a
    beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.
    Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
    major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died
    instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University
    Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
    brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
    managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had
    Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
    killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends
    had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb
    about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County
    district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
    investigation.

    Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
    (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of
    the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica
    concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
    (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be
    easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They
    pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.
    Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop the
    fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late)
    Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
    fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through
    a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his
    arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
    the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below
    him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed
    his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
    himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
    bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without
    the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
    To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
    thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and
    agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to
    the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken
    haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the
    fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find
    the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck,
    and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving
    the truck, they found John under it, half-naked, scratches on his
    body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
    shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.

    Congratulations gentlemen, you win...

  2. Diamond Member
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    OMG, the winner was definitely the Winner, hands down
    •   
       

  4. Diamond Member
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    Or ass up ,as it were.
  5. Elite Member
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    Pretty good on the # of real ones.

    I wouldn't wish that last one on anyone.
    Well - maybe Jay....
  6. Diamond Member
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    ...Damn, I have a hate club and now jmh turns on me!
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    Get a better av - and I'll reconsider...
  8. Registered User
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    LoL, hadn't seen these!
  9. New Member
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    Too bad for all of them. Me, I'd like to die from a heart attack after having xxx
  10. Binging on Pure ****ing Rage
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    Saluu should be on here.
  11. Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jayhawkk
    Or ass up ,as it were.
    Damn I go away for a week and there is 7000 posts and a "COWBOY FAN" is red... did you find some long lost pics of the ClOWN!
  

  
 

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