serious relationship question

[Cold]

Hey guys, I have a serious question. How did you guys know when you found the one? The reason I'm asking is because I just recently got out of a serious relationship. I broke it off with her because she revealed to me that she wasn't happy for nearly 3 months. Now, just about two weeks later she's with another guy.

I've talked with her a couple of times, and she said that she's confused. She hasn't fully gotten over me (I haven't either). Now she's unsure of what she wants. It seems she's debating on whether to give that new guy a chance, or take some more time to get over me.

For over a year, I thought she was the one. But she changed. For awhile there, all we ever wanted to do was spend time with each other. Before we got together, she was a big time rebel. She was always partying, and doing some dumb ****. But she calmed down when we got together. In fact, she didn't party for almost a year. Now, she's getting back into that lifestyle.

I've tried to get back with her, but it seems like we can only be friends. So my question is how did you guys know when you met your significant other? I thought she was mine because the second I met her, we had a connection, and I just felt like there will be something much more than just friendship between us. Also, do you guys have any advice for my situation?

 

[fatbasturd]

i was dumped hard once with a girl i spent 4 years with!!

it hurts because you feel there was gonna be more to it!
take your time and meet other girls, see how you connect with them but don't compare them with her.

some girls you never get over

it definately sounds like she needed some space possibly some time on her own.

take care man

 

[Jayhawkk]

Hard to say man...Feelings are your number one betrayer. I assume sh'es young like you so there's a problem as well. Going from one lifestyle to another can make people feel like they are being forcefully changed and will start to resent their partner.

Give it time but I don't think anyone knows. They think they know and only time will tell.

 

[Cold]

Hey fatbasturd, that really sucks man. Four years? Wow! That must have really been hard on you.

Hey Jayhawwk, yeah she's young. I've been told hundreds of times that young women go through a change. I'm hoping that's what this is. I've also been told that if it's meant to be, then she'd come back to me. Well, things aren't looking to great.

 

[Jayhawkk]

Look at it as a positive man. That frees you up to find someone who realizes you're someone to hang on to.(not hitting on ya but saying this is the mind set you should have about yourself). Don't focus on how you can change yourself or you screwed up.

 

[Beau]

Hey fatbasturd, that really sucks man. Four years? Wow! That must have really been hard on you.

Hey Jayhawwk, yeah she's young. I've been told hundreds of times that young women go through a change. I'm hoping that's what this is. I've also been told that if it's meant to be, then she'd come back to me. Well, things aren't looking to great.

Everyone goes through changes; and ongoing growth/change is a given. People do not go through a change; but rather a process of change as long as they live.

A married couple really has to recognize that and decide, regardless, that they will work to grow together, and work not to grow apart. Not so for a dating couple. That is why it is so essential that we make our "mistakes" prior to making our marriage commitment.

How do you know if he/she is the one? The ability to answer that question will make someone wealthy.

I think this a good starting point. Understand yourself and your motivation. Figure out how you are wired and if you are the person you want to be. Work on those parts of yourself you want to change; regardless of what is driving that desire to change. Do not expect someone else to make you "whole" - you have to be whole; someone else cannot ever do that.

Look for someone who shares your core beliefs. Look for someone who is only willing to do the right thing, regardless of the cost of doing so. Look for someone you can really trust.

Tell that person what you are looking for in a partner (cautioned by a heavy dose of the right timing). Ask for and listen to what they are looking for, and see if that is consistent with who you REALLY ARE.

Then wait and see if each of you are "as advertised".

 

[Mulletsoldier]

I don't think there is a way. Possibly the closest answer would be to consider the true reality of your relationship, not the infatuation-romantic love, yet the companionship love. If you truly consider that, and still wish to be with that person for the rest of your life, she might be the one, or I might just be reading a Hallmark card.

Oddly enough I am in a very serious relationship now, yet we never had that instant fast burn connection. We just began hanging out and never stopped. Slowly but surely I began to realize this girl was amazing.

 

[somewhatgifted]

dude we all have the capacity to see something special in someone. We all have the ability to sleep around and we all have the ability to break up and see other people. If you broke up and she moved on so quickly its hard to say that shes the one for you. For a great relationship theres two sides you and her if they are not equal it wont work. there is a rediculous amount of people who like you dont know what the future holds but dont get caught up on this one girl when the horizon holds wonders untold and beaver applenty.

 

[DmitryWI]

You are only 21, enjoy your life for a bit before you'll consider serious relationship.
How does someone know if he/she is the one? There is no simple answer, but in my understanding if you have one single doubt about her, most likely she's not the one. And it's easy to confuse attraction with real connection.
Good luck, man.

 

[Cold]

Hey Beau, that's a great post man. What kind of person do I want to be? Well, all I know is that I don't want to be the type of person that ****s around on his/her spouse. I don't want to be so much of a partier, but still be socialable.

somewhatgifted, she told me that she's not fully over me. In fact, she called me up lastnight saying that she felt really bad for starting another relationship with another guy. I told her to make a decision so she can be happy. From what I was told by her friends, they said she was happy that she can do whatever she wants, without me being concerned. But from what she told me, she isn't happy.

 

[Jayhawkk]

she may be just wanting to string you along in case this new venture fails,

 

[Cold]

You are only 21, enjoy your life for a bit before you'll consider serious relationship.
How does someone know if he/she is the one? There is no simple answer, but in my understanding if you have one single doubt about her, most likely she's not the one. And it's easy to confuse attraction with real connection.
Good luck, man.

Bro, I may be different from most 21 year olds. I want a serious relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. I don't want flings. Don't all couples have a few doubts about each others spouse? Oh yeah, here's why I believe we had some kind of connection. I've always been very introverted. I rarely went out of my way to get to know anyone. But for some reason, I felt so comfortable around her. The both of us immediately hit it off from the start. Here's something else that really made us think we were right for eachother. She always dated *******s that used her for sex. She never dated a nice guy. For the most part of our relationship, she told me that she was never happier. I felt the exact same way.

 

[Beau]

Sometimes people have a hard time managing confrontations and so they say things they don't really mean. They do so because that is generally much easier than having to deal with/confront the aftermath of being honest. Think about the infamous statement: "no really, it isn't you, it is me". Meaning - you've not done anything, it is my problem. While clearly being a crock, it avoids confrontation.

That may be the case here (maybe not). Regardless, ask yourself this question: If you were not her "right one" two days/weeks/months ago, why is she now telling you she is having second thoughts? What are you doing now that is so markedly different from what you did and who you were for the last several years? I would guess nothing. I would guess you are the same person. I would guess that isn't a bad thing.

I would also guess; however, that your now still being in contention is the result of the other guy's failure. Me; I wouldn't want someone to come back to me fueled only by the realization being with me isn't as bad as being with the other guy.

That may sound really harsh, but I would be cautious of her motives.

Date others.

You will find the right person, and have some fun until you do. When you have found the right person and spent enough real time with them (meaning good, bad, sick, through adversity, etc. - the whole gambit), you'll probably both come to the same conclusion.

Ideally marriage lasts for the rest of your life; better to make sure the person has exactly the right character.

And a final note: Many of the things we initially find attractive change (or our perception of them changes) over time. For example, the perception of the "outgoing" girl over time may change; migrating away from outgoing to "self-centered". So too with physical attributes - busts, wastes and hips can all change over time. If one is fixated on a certain body part (most are to some extent), and too much of your relationship is based on physical attributes, how would "you" feel about the other person if "it" changed (in some case, a lot)?

 

[somewhatgifted]

Bro, I may be different from most 21 year olds. I want a serious relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. I don't want flings. Don't all couples have a few doubts about each others spouse? Oh yeah, here's why I believe we had some kind of connection. I've always been very introverted. I rarely went out of my way to get to know anyone. But for some reason, I felt so comfortable around her. The both of us immediately hit it off from the start. Here's something else that really made us think we were right for eachother. She always dated *******s that used her for sex. She never dated a nice guy. For the most part of our relationship, she told me that she was never happier. I felt the exact same way.

I see you are sincere in wanting to give her something she hasnt had before. The problem with this is some woman and men seek out a certain type of partner for themselves based upon thier own self perception. If she looks down on herself and thinks she a loser nobody, then shes going to either consciously or subconsciouly find someone to validate her own self perception. Regaurdless of what others think you are going to find some one who values you if you value yourself. You ever know a girl who no matter what always finds a way to find an a-hole who treats her like garbage, your thinking why cant she just date a decent guy. Or some guy who always dates women who control him, This is because no matter what we may know is good for us we want some one to reciprocate our opinions of ourselves. SO until she realises shes a good person with a good heart, stops self destructing with drinking and partying, shell never be ready for a decent guy like yourself. She needs to work somethings out or she'll never be happy and you my friend are just going to fall by the wayside of a woman whos lost, hurt and honestly oblivious to her own plight. Can love someone unless you love yourself, cant see the sun from under the covers, and cant marry a nice guy if you wanna be treated like crap. good luck i hope you find truth in this matter.

 

[jmh80]

I'm with Jay (did I just say that????) - she's stringing you along.

 

[BigCasino]

I've tried to get back with her, but it seems like we can only be friends. So my question is how did you guys know when you met your significant other? I thought she was mine because the second I met her, we had a connection, and I just felt like there will be something much more than just friendship between us. Also, do you guys have any advice for my situation?

Believe it or not I know how you feel, and the truth is it will probably become more painful before it gets better.

You can't control her feelings, but as you said if it was meant to be she will come back to you. However, there is a difference between her going through some soul searching / new phase of her life, and realizing she misses you, versus her using you as a backup plan. I have seen it all too many times, do NOT let her string you along and use you as a parachute when her new ******* bf screws her over.

Also, two weeks and she is already with another guy? That my friend is a big red warning sign. She is either playing you (whether aware of it or not), or she really has no clue w-t-f she is doing

 

[Cold]

Beau- I honestly don't know why she's having second thoughts. I just don't know her like I used to. It used to be we were more than a couple, we were best friends too. What did I do differently now? I grew up. She thinks its ok to get drunk with other guys, smoke like a chimney, and spend just about all her time with another guy. (I just don't think that's appropriate, especially when you've been with somebody for awhile, and thinking about marriage) Now more than likely if the scenario was switched, she wouldn't have been too happy with me.

somewhatgifted- The both of us have a lot of insecurities. Because of these, we both brought each other down plenty of times. But I'd like to think that we'd both bring each other back up. She told me recently that she thinks she's a bad person for starting another relationship before getting over me completely. While I do agree this isn't right, I told her to do what she thinks will make her happy. Even if it means breaking my heart even more, or breaking the other guys heart. Oh just so you know, this other guy isn't an ******* like the other guys.

BigCasino- I understand what you are saying. But I really doubt that she would have me as a backup. She's never done that before, and she just doesn't seem like the type to do so. Also, she's told me that she doesn't know what she's doing, like you said.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

For me, I know because we have the besrt time doing the most stupid stuff. E.G. shopping for food, driving in the car, going to pet stores, blowing our noses on each other (haha), etc.

No fighting, no distrust, and no need to spend a trillion dollars or get intoxicated with a trillion people to have fun.

That was it for me.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

BigCasino- I understand what you are saying. But I really doubt that she would have me as a backup. She's never done that before, and she just doesn't seem like the type to do so. Also, she's told me that she doesn't know what she's doing, like you said.

the backup thing isnt' intenetional...its the insecure girl not wanting to let go b/c she's afraid to be alone and needs someone with her all the time. you're "unintentionally" a backup, but its all teh same.

 

[Cold]

Kyck-That was exactly how we used to be. Shopping, driving together, and sitting around watching movies without anyone was always a great time. For awhile there, that's all we needed to have fun. Just being with eachother was fun enough for the both of us. There was very little fighting, and no distrust at all.

As for the backup thing. She told me that she's more independant than I am. I don't see how though because she always had that other guy there with her if I wasn't. And a lot of the time, he was there even if I was there. I think I'm the one that's having a harder time letting go, not her.

 

[NickyNoNames]

well let me tell you something about women i figured out..... i cant figure them out for ****.

ill tell you a story.. about 6 months ago i started hangin out with some new girl at work.. she was amazing to me in EVERY way, inside and out. She used to call me up all the time tellin me things like "i miss you, lets get married... i think your the one..." all this stuff of course made me fall deeper for her... how could someone not... well a few months went by things just got better, i treated the girl like gold.. fell deeper for her... then all of a sudden BOOM the phone calls stopped the amazing things she used to say to me stopped.. all of a sudden im not the one for her and she cant be in a relationship.. now i know it had nothing to do with another guy cause still to this day i work wit her (which ****ing sucks let me tell you) and she still dont have a man, but she wont even consider me in the slightest, im just another "friend at work"... dont ask man, i did absolutely nothing to stear this girl away.... like seriously the only thing i could think of is she always said she hates deisel guys, and i met her when i was at my usual skinny phase (met her around december) then when spring came around i started using again like i usually do and became all jacke dup again... thats when it started... but A. she had no idea i was using. B. Cant believe there are girls out there who really find skinny guys more atractive... Now shes all inlove with some other prick at work and he is a fat duffy bastard who still lives with his babies mother.. and i just dont get it cause i was nothing but gold to her. eh so like i said... just dont get em. best bet is to bet the best with the hands we get.

 

[Cold]

Hey Nick, that sucks man. I had a similiar situation that happened with the same chick. During the school year I had bulked up to 190 lbs. Now at 5'4", that's pretty big in my opinion. Well then not to long afterwards, she revealed to me that she didn't like really big, bulky guys. I was planning on cutting, so I decided to start a little early. So far, I'm down to about 175.

But anyways, the funny thing is now, the guy she's with now is like 5'8", and weighing around 230 of lard. Yeah, I really don't understand women, especially the one I used to be with.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Insecurity is usually the culprit. If they think you can leave them, they'll do it first b/c they can't take the hurt that way. Who better than some fat guy to not worry about ever leaving?

 

[Cold]

She knew that I would never leave her because of my insecurites. I let her go because she wasn't happy, and her guy friend(who's now her bf) was doing a better job than me. The fat guy won't leave her, that is until he has to when school starts. She's going to the university that I'm going to next year.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

No, her insecurity Not yours.

 

[bluegirl78]

Cold - From a female perspective, it sounds as though she just isn't ready for a serious relationship, but doesn't want to be completely alone either. This other guy is safe because he already knows and cares for her, and there is very little risk of her heart getting broken. None of this means that she didn't/doesn't have feelings for you. 21 is very, very young to be making this kind of committment to someone. If you are ready for it, then you are the exception. Holding onto someone who can't decide if she wants you is only keeping you from meeting the girl who would commit to you, and offer the kind of relationship you want. It isn't easy to accept that someone you saw a future with doesn't want you (or isn't sure, which as far as I am concerned is the same thing). But you will be happier if you let her go. Going through the storm sucks, but experiencing the rainbow afterwards is so worth it.

 

[Cold]

It's funny that you say that because yesterday, she told me that she could've seen us married someday. But like you said, I think she realized that she's not ready for the commitment. I sacrificied the time I could be with my friends, just so I can spend it with her. I expected the same from her, but that never happened. Although, when we first got together, and for the first 1.5 years, she was just as committed as I was. I'm still trying like hell to let her go. But the good times we had together keep playing over and over in my head. Last year, we went and saw a fireworks show. Well this year, I wasn't with her. Made me feel lonely, and like complete ****.

Cold - From a female perspective, it sounds as though she just isn't ready for a serious relationship, but doesn't want to be completely alone either. This other guy is safe because he already knows and cares for her, and there is very little risk of her heart getting broken. None of this means that she didn't/doesn't have feelings for you. 21 is very, very young to be making this kind of committment to someone. If you are ready for it, then you are the exception. Holding onto someone who can't decide if she wants you is only keeping you from meeting the girl who would commit to you, and offer the kind of relationship you want. It isn't easy to accept that someone you saw a future with doesn't want you (or isn't sure, which as far as I am concerned is the same thing). But you will be happier if you let her go. Going through the storm sucks, but experiencing the rainbow afterwards is so worth it.

 

[WhatsaRoid?]

Wow, I have the same prob man..what I did was cry for about a week, then said forget her and found someone better. But you see the thing was she started dating this other guy and he treated her like a dog. They broke up she started getting loney once I stoped caring now she is all over me trying to make things work again. She is 22 now and says she is ready for the long run, but I doubt it. Give it a try let all your feelings out, then suck it up and find someone better. Next thing you know she will be all over you wanting you back. Think about it man not to many guys are going to go all out for a girl...

 

[NickyNoNames]

Hey Nick, that sucks man. I had a similiar situation that happened with the same chick. During the school year I had bulked up to 190 lbs. Now at 5'4", that's pretty big in my opinion. Well then not to long afterwards, she revealed to me that she didn't like really big, bulky guys. I was planning on cutting, so I decided to start a little early. So far, I'm down to about 175.

But anyways, the funny thing is now, the guy she's with now is like 5'8", and weighing around 230 of lard. Yeah, I really don't understand women, especially the one I used to be with.

yuip, crazy right... women ehh! but like kwyckemynd00 said its probably the whole insecurity thing, quess i should get fat if i wanna be wit her

 

[Cold]

Wow, I have the same prob man..what I did was cry for about a week, then said forget her and found someone better. But you see the thing was she started dating this other guy and he treated her like a dog. They broke up she started getting loney once I stoped caring now she is all over me trying to make things work again. She is 22 now and says she is ready for the long run, but I doubt it. Give it a try let all your feelings out, then suck it up and find someone better. Next thing you know she will be all over you wanting you back. Think about it man not to many guys are going to go all out for a girl...

Here's the thing bro, this guy was friends with her even before we got together. I know for a fact that he's not treating her like a dog.

Well anyways, I called her last night at 1:00 am. She was asleep which came as a suprpise to me, I thought she'd be out partying. I said that I hope you had a good Fourth of July, and I wish I could have spent it with you. I also added that I'm glad you are happy. She said, Cold, you have no grounds to say that on, we aren't together, and she hung up.

 

[James]

I said that I hope you had a good Fourth of July, and I wish I could have spent it with you. I also added that I'm glad you are happy. She said, Cold, you have no grounds to say that on, we aren't together, and she hung up.

Its time to move on….. I would tough it out and end all contact.

 

[Cold]

It's hard man. Especially since I used to talk to her everyday. We used to leave voicemails just to say that we loved each other, and that we were really looking foward to spending time with eachother. I used to talk with her everynight when I got off work. Now, I don't really have too many people to talk to. I talk with friends, but it's so much different than talking with someone that you love more than anything.

I thought I'd add something else. Before we got together, I didn't believe in love, I never wanted to get married, and I never wanted kids. But she changed me. I now believe in love, I want to get married, and I do want kids eventually.

 

[bluegirl78]

You have to look at it as a learning experience. It's great that this relationship made you want something meaningful, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she is one to have it with.

James is right. Cut your losses and move on.

 

[jmh80]

Yup.
No point in sticking around.
When a woman has made her mind up that you are no longer in her dating pool - there ain't no chaging it bro.

 

[Cold]

You guys and girls are right. As each day passes, the pain disipates more and more. Just a quick question though. Do you guys/girls think I did the right thing by breaking it off wither her? The reason I broke it off was because she hasn't been happy for nearly three months. It seemed to me that her current boyfriend, who at the time was her close friend, was making her happy.

 

[Beau]

Yes. If she wanted out (was unhappy) and has since been behaving as you've described - consider yourself fortunate to have seen this now, and not stumbled across this after you made a life-long commitment.

 

[James]

The reason I broke it off was because she hasn't been happy for nearly three months. It seemed to me that her current boyfriend, who at the time was her close friend, was making her happy.

Ahh… but she said he’s just a friend….. love those girls with their *guy* friends.

 

[Cold]

Yeah man. She told me countless times that she would never date him. He told me that he wanted nothing more than a friendship with her. I can't believe I actually believed them at one point. That's it! New words to live by..Trust no one!!!! Except the bros and girls from AM.

 

[jmh80]

Yeah - she would have left on her own accord, shortly I think.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

You guys and girls are right. As each day passes, the pain disipates more and more. Just a quick question though. Do you guys/girls think I did the right thing by breaking it off wither her? The reason I broke it off was because she hasn't been happy for nearly three months. It seemed to me that her current boyfriend, who at the time was her close friend, was making her happy.

of course you did the right thing. by the way shes acting, its just not emotionally beneficial for you to have stayed with her anyways. yes you two had your fair share of great times, everyone does, but was the entire relationship perfect? as you've mentioned before, if things were meant to work out, they will, if they dont, youll find someone better. to me you know that the one you are with is the one that leaves no doubt in your mind when you ask yourself "can i be even happier with someone/anyone else?" if that question is not a 100% no, then maybe there is someone evwn more perfect for you out there. finding "the one" usually takes decades, if you are lucky, only a matter of months. i wish you the best. keep your head up. connections are only skin deep

 

[Cold]

of course you did the right thing. by the way shes acting, its just not emotionally beneficial for you to have stayed with her anyways. yes you two had your fair share of great times, everyone does, but was the entire relationship perfect? as you've mentioned before, if things were meant to work out, they will, if they dont, youll find someone better. to me you know that the one you are with is the one that leaves no doubt in your mind when you ask yourself "can i be even happier with someone/anyone else?" if that question is not a 100% no, then maybe there is someone evwn more perfect for you out there. finding "the one" usually takes decades, if you are lucky, only a matter of months. i wish you the best. keep your head up. connections are only skin deep

Thanks for the input Mrs. Gimpy. At first, I would say yes, our relationship was nearly perfect. The only thing that wasn't perfect, was that I was spending so much time with her that my workouts and nutrition were interefered with. At the time, I was fine with this because I was never happier. Also, she gave up her crazy lifestyle of partying, at least for awhile.

During our relationship, I did ask myself the question "can I be be happier with somone/anyone else?" My answer was always 100% no. Now, I can honestly say that there may be someone out there that's better for the both of us.

 

[Cold]

I thought I'd give an update. She sent me a message over facebook saying to quit talking with her friends. That kinda pissed me off because they are my friends too, and I haven't talked with them in a little while. This may have been a mistake but I sent her a message back. I said that I talked with them to get over her, and for the most part it worked.

My aunt fell for a guy, and it took her 10 years to get over him. She even married another guy, and during that 29 year marriage, 10 of those years she was still in love with the other guy. It was all because she didn't talk it out, like how I was always doing. I explained that to her too. I also mentioned that all I want is her friendship now.

Anyways, what do you guys think? Did I screw up again by sending her that message?

 

[DmitryWI]

YOU DO NOT WANT HER FRIENDSHIP!
Unless you plan on getting over her for next 10 years.
Cut all contacts and move on. I know it's not easy, but it will take a lot less time getting over her.

 

[Cold]

This may sound a little cheesey to some of you, but I have to say that this has really brought me closer to God. Just the fact of knowing He's there, watching, listening, and already having made me a path to take in life is really helping me move on. Sure there are bumps along the way, but I've come to realize that it's just one of the many lessons to be learned in life.

 

[DmitryWI]

There you go. I'm glad you are feeling that way. I just was gonna tell you to take it as a life lesson.
I've been in love only once, got my heart broken last february, so I know how you feel. We all do... And this is your choice how long it will take you to get over someone. Few months or 10 years.
You weren't ment to be together, so ask God to bring you your perfect love and as soon as you are ready it will happen.

 

[Cold]

You're right DmitryWI. I'm sorry to hear about your loss man. Btw, thanks for the reps.

I can't tell all of you how much I appreciate all the help. This board and it's members are definetly the best.

 

[Nitrox]

Cold - From a female perspective, it sounds as though she just isn't ready for a serious relationship, but doesn't want to be completely alone either. This other guy is safe because he already knows and cares for her, and there is very little risk of her heart getting broken. None of this means that she didn't/doesn't have feelings for you. 21 is very, very young to be making this kind of committment to someone. If you are ready for it, then you are the exception. Holding onto someone who can't decide if she wants you is only keeping you from meeting the girl who would commit to you, and offer the kind of relationship you want. It isn't easy to accept that someone you saw a future with doesn't want you (or isn't sure, which as far as I am concerned is the same thing). But you will be happier if you let her go. Going through the storm sucks, but experiencing the rainbow afterwards is so worth it.

Some great insight and advice there Cold.

I'll just echo what many here have said. Cut the lines of communication (completely) and move on. Ironically it will be best for both of you. It will get you off the roller coaster, even if it is at the bottom. She will realize that relationships are a two-way street; down the road she may appreciate what she had.

Stay busy to keep your mind off things: get back in the gym, hang with friends, join a club, talk to god, whatever... In time it will become clear. I look back on a certain past relationship in which I just got demolished and actually sigh with relief that it didnt last.

 

[toughchick401]

you sent her the message, NO MORE!!!! cut all ties, dont respond to any more messages, ignore her.....Move on, we all do things we regret, question, because we can't see clearly, that's why we have good friends,AM and family to help us and think clearly for us

Good luck

 

[Cold]

I thought I'd give an update. I'm over her for the most part. Last week, while I was studying for a test, she called me. I picked up the phone not even paying attention to who it was(yeah, big screw up there I know), and she said that she heard I may be moving, and that she thought it was sad. We chatted for a little bit, I asked her how her and her bf are doing, she said that she didn't feel comfortable talking to me about him. I have no idea what she meant by that. I'm at the point now that talking with her doesn't bother me anymore.

I talked with a buddy of mine that works with her. He said that she's not happy. She knows that she's digging herself into a hole. But she's at the point where she doesn't care, or whatever.

As for me, I'm doing fine. I went out with my friends for the first time in a long time. I got drunk, smoked a bunch of cigarettes(not doing that again), and dirty danced with some girls. It was definetly a good time.

 

[moklepaul]

Don't ask her about her bf, it won't help either of you.

I see no problem answering her calls, if they're few and far between. No need to be an ass. Just don't initiate the conversation with her.

If you're the one directing the conversation, the one ending it, keep it short and quick. You'll eventually not really care about them or feel obligated to talk to her.

I went through a similar situation recently. My only contact with her in the last 2 months was a quick sms congratulating her on her new job.