15 biblical ways to find a wife

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    15 biblical ways to find a wife


    Thought this was funny and interesting
    Top 15 Biblical Ways to Find a Wife | Catholic-Pages.com

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    Cut off 15 foreskins?! Blessed thou aren't!
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    Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
    -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

    If that's true, I should have three of them.

    Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
    -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

    That's a good idea, I'd buy that real estate girl I have met week ago.
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    LoL, good laughs. I liked:
    "Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
    -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)"

    and
    "Find a prostitute and marry her.
    -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)"
    note: I don't think it's a good idea to make a "ho a housewife" according to popular lore these days

    ManBeast
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    I like these biblical ways of getting ass. Much better than the currently socially acceptable way of dressing like your gay(metro) and doing feminized acctivities to get laid.
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    Quote Originally Posted by B4n3 0n3
    I like these biblical ways of getting ass. Much better than the currently socially acceptable way of dressing like your gay(metro) and doing feminized acctivities to get laid.
    ROFL gotta to love your attitude! But for real being married is all right, but no one tells you HOW MUCH GODDARNED WORK it is!!! If you u are not patient dont do it, if you have serious issues don't do it, and lastly and importantly if you are or your wife to be (in most cases) is INSECURE DONT DO IT!!!
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    not to hijack, but glad to see you back, and in green AZ. Lookin huge in the pic...
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    Quote Originally Posted by tattoopierced1
    not to hijack, but glad to see you back, and in green AZ. Lookin huge in the pic...

    Thank TAT, hows everything, I am trying to get heeyoge and with AX's help i am know it will happen!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apowerz6
    ROFL gotta to love your attitude! But for real being married is all right, but no one tells you HOW MUCH GODDARNED WORK it is!!! If you u are not patient dont do it, if you have serious issues don't do it, and lastly and importantly if you are or your wife to be (in most cases) is INSECURE DONT DO IT!!!

    If some of these Biblical ways still worked I would probly get married for real. I should take this list to a church that has some nice looking girls that attend and ask them if they believe in the Biblical ways to marry.
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    This HAS to be a joke, no way that list is real, lol.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CHAPS
    This HAS to be a joke, no way that list is real, lol.
    Well, its stories of how some characters in the bible got their wives, but its not how the bible commands people to find wives...still pretty funny.
  12. B4n3 0n3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burner
    Well, its stories of how some characters in the bible got their wives,
    Are they ways that God approved of?
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    Quote Originally Posted by B4n3 0n3
    Are they ways that God approved of?
    SOme of them are; some aren't. Hosea was COMMANDED by god to take a certain prostitute as a wife.

    The whole story (and book) of Ruth is basically one big love story. There was a LOT more to it than Boaz buying some land. In fact, Boaz was rich and already owned the land. Ruth and her mother-in-law (husband was dead) were poor peasants who went behind those reaping the fields and grabbed leftovers. Boaz saw them and felt compassion and told the workers to purposely leave some grain behind for them. Ruth eventually fell in love with Boaz yada, yada...

    King David saw the wife of one of his soldiers bathing and wanted her. So, he had the husband killed and married her. This was definitely NOT approved of by god and his eldest son by the woman was killed by god as punishment.

    It was (and still is) part of Jewish law that if your brother dies, you are required to care for his wife and family. In biblical times when multiple wives were common, this generally meant marrying your dead brother's wife.

    It was accepted in biblical times to carry away attractive women in war as part of the spoils of war. Yes, they often married them and yes, god specifically OK'd the practice provided they converted away from idol worship and underwent "purification" rituals.

    A few of the other methods mentioned are kind of hazy as to whether or not god approved but they did, in fact, happen in the Old Testament.
  14. B4n3 0n3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spidey2
    King David saw the wife of one of his soldiers bathing and wanted her. So, he had the husband killed and married her. This was definitely NOT approved of by god and his eldest son by the woman was killed by god as punishment.
    Yea I specificaly remmember this story and how it was a bad thing to do. That's why I asked.
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    The old testament was not exactly politcally correct. I tried to read all the way through one time. My favorite is the book of Psalms and proverbs and of course Daniel for its link to the end times.

    I will summarize Psalms for you.
    Please dear lord kill my enemies and destroy there faimlies and feed them to wild animals(a portion for foxes).

    Hey lord why haven't you killed my enemies yet! I'm waiting
    Hurry up

    Proverbs
    Don't marry a quarrelsome woman

    I'm kidding of course
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