Loss of My Friend
- 05-10-2006, 12:15 PM
Loss of My Friend
I just wanted to post this up because I have found writing about life events here, good and bad, have helped me a great deal. I know I haven't been around the board much as of late, but it was for good reason. A lot has been going on in my life and I have found myself very busy.
Yesterday, my closest and dearest friend left this world for a better place. This was a person who I could call for a favor, and at a drop of a hat, no matter what else was going on he would be there for me, no questions asked, and I in return for him. I have had the priveledge of knowing this person for over 24 years. We considered ourselves brothers, even though not by blood. Hell, most people thought we were because of our close resemblance, looks and builds.
5 years ago my friend fought a rare cancer and beat it. During routine check-ups, they discovered a spot on is lung. After a biopsy, they found the cancer had gone from his ankle, to his lung. My friend called me at 3:30 am with this news. It was the first time I ever witnessed him to be scared of anything. He went in for treatment, chemo, etc. They removed a portion of his lung, and went in and made sure the cancer had not returned in his ankle. Well, due to the radiation treatments he went through on his ankle previously, it had killed the flesh in this area. Therefore, it was not healing. So, they went in to do a muscle and skin graft. However, they found blood clots below his knee and it was not allowing the muscle to take. The doctors decided to forego the muscle and just do the skin graft. He was healing up well, and in a wheelchair to keep his leg elevated for 4 weeks. He was then given permission to get up and use crutches to get around the house. He started to suffer small bouts of asthma when he would get up, but it would subside. He had asthma prior to this.
My friend was due back at his treatment center this week to begin his last bout of chemo. Everything was looking good, doctors were optomistic. Monday night he went to bed, but woke up an hour later telling his wife he could not breath. After going in and out of conciousness, he was on the way to the hospital. Less than an hour later, he was gone. It's believed he suffered a blood clot that traveled to his lung that took his life.
One thing for certain, my friend always said he would not let cancer kill him, and that he did. It took a blood clot to travel to his lung and deplete his oxygen to take him. He was a true fighter from the beginning to the end, both times.
It going to be strange not being able to pick up the phone and call him, or stop by his house to see him. He was a person who was always there. He left behind a beautiful family, wife, 12 yr. old son, and 9 yr. old daughter. He was 39.
My best friend is gone, but will never be forgotten.....
- 05-10-2006, 12:27 PM
- 05-10-2006, 12:50 PM
05-10-2006, 12:52 PM
Sounds like he was an amazing friend, and a blessing in your life.
Very sorry to hear, my condolensces to you and his family.
05-10-2006, 12:58 PM
I was just missing you yesterday. The Spirit moves in mysterious ways.
Prayers for peace and comfort for Berni's family and friends.
The fool says in his heart “There is no God."
I vehemently support your right to take offense to anything I post.
05-10-2006, 01:02 PM
It was sad to read your post, and sad to read the comments from your online friends.
I haven't been here long but had to respond with my grief at your loss.
I'm immobilized with the thoughts of loved ones and the pain such a tragedy would bring into our lives. Strangely it's thanks to this post on a fitness forum that gives me pause to think of them.
Thoughts go to you and the family left behind.
05-10-2006, 01:03 PM
sorry for your loss, but i am glad you got to be so close to a true friend for so long...some people never find a real friend like that ever in life.
05-10-2006, 01:05 PM
Sorry to hear that, Cuffs. Your friend is in the better place right now. My thoughts and prayers to his family.
05-10-2006, 01:08 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this Cuffs. It sounds like he was an awesome person to have as a friend. Hang in there man.
05-10-2006, 01:15 PM
05-10-2006, 01:33 PM
Bro, so sorry for your loss man. Live everyday like you were dieing.
My brother was the guy that everyone called when you had a question about how to fix something around the house. He was a very good handman type of guy, a few weeks after he passed away I picked up the phone and started to call him with a question about my dryer that I was working on. I dialed 6 of his numbers and then realised what I was doing and just lost it.Originally Posted by Cuffs
I feel ya man!
05-10-2006, 02:11 PM
I know what it is like to lose someone that you are extremely close to; I feel for your loss Cuffs.
The thing that I learned from the whole experience is to appreciate everday that we wake up and never let small things discourage us. He sounds like an amazing guy and I wish everyone had the opportunity to have that kind of relationship in their life. There is nothing better than to have someone that you can rely on for anything.
05-10-2006, 02:25 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that cuffs, at least he is not in pain anymore. Just remember hes still with you in spirit everywhere you go now. Just keep your head up and remember all the good memories you had with him.
05-10-2006, 02:28 PM
Thoughts and prayers with you and his family bro.
In nomine Patris + et Filii + et Spiritus + Sancti. Amen.
05-10-2006, 03:09 PM
Peace be with you and his family Cuffs. All parties involved in this will be in my prayers. I know optimism is far from where you are right now, but I'd will try and share my thought: Cuffs- Berni needs you to love his family right now. And perhaps for a good while. Please don't see it just as the loss of your brother, but the chance to inherit his family. You can never be Berni, but you can continue to love him through your efforts in helping his family. You know he'd do it for you.
Best wishes man-
My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
05-10-2006, 03:25 PM
05-10-2006, 05:22 PM
Thanks for the words everyone. They really mean a lot.
I can go on-and-on about my friend, but my words don't do him the justice he deserves.
Motiv8er...you are right about being there for his family. That's what I intend to do, because he would have done the same for me.
Pittbull...exactly what I was thinking last night. His spirit will be with me. If I was able to pick my guardian angle, it would be him.
Jonesers...his fighting spirit will live on in me. We were so similar in many ways. I only hope I am as brave and strong as he is when my time comes.
Tattoo...I do feel truly fortunate for having the opportunity of having a "true friend". That is something every person should be able to experience.
Friday will be his funeral. He was a police officer and will be buried in his SWAT uniform. I talked to his wife and it was decided that was what he would have wanted, as that was what he was most proud of.
I sat in his garage yesterday crying and looking upon his Harley, Road King Custom, that he loved so much. All he wanted to do was get better so he could ride to Sturgis next year. He was trying to talk me into buying another bike so we could ride back together. His wife is already talking about selling the bike, his truck and gun collection. I understand this is a process that one goes through when they lose a loved one. I told her to slow down and let things settle for a while before making such decisions. A lot of the items will mean much to his son when he gets older and they can be passed down to him.
05-10-2006, 06:49 PM
Cuffs you seem to be in the right frame of mind and thats great because I'm sure he would want that. Just stay strong buddy I lost my grandfather last year at this time and it was hard, but I know he wanted me to move on as fast as I could.... EZer said than done I know, just try to stay strong for his family and him!!!! Remember if you ever just need to vent theres always people here on AM for you bud good luck, everything will workout I promise!
05-10-2006, 11:39 PM
Sorry to hear about your friend….Originally Posted by Cuffs
Have you considered buying the bike?
Something to remember him by.
05-11-2006, 12:45 AM
05-11-2006, 01:06 AM
I just don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. I am sitting here stunned. I have been working minimum 16 hours a day 7 days a week, going to bed at 4 AM and getting up at 8 AM for a while with the new business. Reading your post just made me think of all the people I should be calling/visiting etc.
Thank you for a much needed wake up call. We never know when our time is up. You and your friends family will be in my prayers.
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05-11-2006, 01:12 AM
05-11-2006, 01:43 AM
Your friend sounded like a great guy.. Always had your back.. Well, now you have a guardian angel watching over you when you need him most. They say "the good die young" - and why not? Shouldn't they make it to Heaven first?
This life can be like a constant battle. You're either losing somebody or losing your own life, struggling, struggling, struggling.. Sometimes I think the least time spent here before eternal life, the better...
05-11-2006, 02:36 AM
im very sorry cuffs. they always say that good people die young. a better place indeed. my thoughts go out to you
05-11-2006, 11:40 AM
I have considered buying the bike, but I'm not sure if I can swing the money right now. I lost a crap load in Vegas last month and with the divorce . I didn't want to bring it up on the day he passed. Last Fall, he let me ride the bike. I was the only person other than him to ride it, and he made sure to let me know that...lol. He told me then that the bike was mine if anything ever happened to him. It was just dude talk. I don't think he shared that info with anyone else and he never made out a will. I don't want to bring that up to his wife either. I don't want to look like I'm greedy and couldn't wait for him to pass so I could get my hands on the bike. However, I am going to talk to her this weekend about possibly purchasing it.Originally Posted by James
05-11-2006, 11:55 AM
05-11-2006, 02:06 PM
Perhaps another good way to help her would be to ask how are your finances right now, is there any decisions I can help you with? I am sure she is having to make some big desicions; just knowing she can pull some help from you in that department would be re-assuring. I am sure she is feeling overwhelmed, just give her support in every department you can will help her a lot. Besides that there is just prayer and hope. Take care,Originally Posted by Cuffs
My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
05-11-2006, 08:22 PM
I am so sorry for your loss, nothing anyone can say can help, but know that your in our thoughts.....
RIP Ryan, :(
05-12-2006, 03:05 PM
All that can be said about this situation has been said cuffs, still I hate to hear news like this and I know you'll do the right thing for both you friends honor and the lives of his loved ones.
I extend this to you and anyone else reading for that matter I'm not a preacher, or a therapist, or maybe even that smart a person. However, if you ever feel the need to pm me to ask me about anything training, supplements, gear, diet, life, death or anything in between go right ahead man :-)
05-15-2006, 02:56 AM
I can feel you cuffs, i've lost two of my best friends during university years. I'm Very sorry for your loss, Condolences to you and his family, i felt like i knew him
May his soul rest in peace,
05-22-2006, 02:45 PM
Thanks for the responses everyone. I haven't been able to log on to this site for the last week due to an unknown problem, but it's all fixed.
Last Thursday, I attended my friend's viewing. It was hard to see him laying there, however, he did look at peace with his usual smirk on his face. I sat next to his wife, consolling her, and we talked for 2 hours about old times and shared funny stories. She was taking it hard, but as a trooper none-the-less. His police motorcycle was set up next to his casket with the gloves he wore resting on its seat.
Last Friday, I attended the funeral. Hundreds of people filled the church, officers, friends, and family. During the service, one of my frined's SWAT partners gave a prepared speech about Berni. After the words, the preacher, who my friend and I went to school with, asked if anyone else had anything to say about Berni. I stood up and took the microphone. I hadn't prepared anything to say, and didn't expect I would be doing this, but I couldn't let the moment go by without saying something about my best friend. I talked a little about his character, and his dreams he shared with me. I then passed along some stories of events that only he and I knew of and could laugh about. You know, those embarrassing moments you don't want others to know about for fear of being teased. Well, the stories were a hit and I had the entire 400-500 people laughing outloud. Afterwards, I was approached by several persons thanking me for sharing the stories. I sat with many others, sharing other stories for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I'm doing good with it all. I know my friend is in a better place looking upon me. I can feel it. Oh, and I was hit on by a hot chick that was there as a friend-of-a-friend. LOL...I know he had something to do with that as well. My main concern is his family. Now that everything has settled, I'm sure they are feeling it more. I know it will take time, and my friend knows I'm there for them
05-22-2006, 07:34 PM
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