Messed Up Situation... Dont know what to do
- 04-30-2006, 04:30 PM
Messed Up Situation... Dont know what to do
Alright, I need to post this to get it off my back because its eating me alive right now. I've been with girl for about a year a half now, and I love her to death, and she means everything to me. She's my first love, and i'd do anything for her.
Well around christmas time she moved away to another state with her family (shes one year younger than me and has a year left of high school), and since then we've been in a long distance relationship. This whole time i haven't even thought of messing around or anything like that because I love her, and she loves me. Everythings been going fine until a couple weeks ago she started acting really strange and didnt call as much. So i asked her what was up, and she finally fessed up. She's friends witha couple girls up here who are psychotic *****es. And these girls like me for god knows what reason. I never see these girls, and the last time I saw them was at high school, over a year ago. They've apparently been telling her on a consisten basis that I'm cheating on her, and have "multiple girlfriends". These are obvious lies. She said she didnt believe them, but I know she probably does because she can be very naieve.
So now a week ago, she kind of just stopped talking to me, except for an occasional letter, and said "we need a break from talking to each other... but were still together". Whatever the hell that means. So now i'm in a juxtaposition. I just bought a plane ticket to go see her in June a couple weeks ago, and now our relationship seems to be crumbling. I'm pretty heartbroken right now, and have no idea what will happen next. But I know I can definetly not put up with her acting like this. Part of me wants to just stop talking to her forever and forget everything about her, but the other part of me knows I have this really deep love for her and I want to be with her. Alright, sorry for the rant.
- 04-30-2006, 04:32 PM
(((((((((hugz))))))))) love hurts no question there, call her, if you love her don't let her go with out a damn good fightRIP Ryan, :(
04-30-2006, 04:37 PM
You cant just stop talkin to her bro because the what ifs will come up and eat you alive.
If i were you id call her and if she answers ask her to bring up some stuff that they've said and prove to her that you werent there or that you were doin somethin else.
Highschool drama is rediculous but it always seems to come up. Give it time bro and hopefully it will pass!
E-Pharm Rep... PM me with any questions or concerns
04-30-2006, 04:57 PM
Yeah, thats what I'm going to do. I'm a freshman in college, and thought i was done with this high school drama... Unfortunatley i was wrong.Originally Posted by 3clipseGT
04-30-2006, 05:58 PM
Drama doesn't end in h.s., bro. Annoying, isn't it :
I can't fathom anything you can do to prove your innocence. Be consistent and straight-forward about your innocence, and she'll eventually understand or it will be the end.
04-30-2006, 06:21 PM
Join the ****ty love club! Sorry about your luck. If you want someone, show you care by fighting for her!
04-30-2006, 06:25 PM
Yeah, I have been fighting for her as hard as I can. Believe me. I'm just getting fed up. She's the one thats attempted to stop talking to me, and said maybe we should "be friends for awhile".
04-30-2006, 06:34 PM
this probably isn't what you want to hear, but its been my experience that fighting hard and pushing just often leads the other to pull further away
the best thing really might be to stop things for a bit BUT do it yourself .. let her see you're strong and independent without her .. let her mull that over
of course that might not work, but if that's the case maybe it just isn't the right situation for either of you right now
i really hope this doesn't come across as harsh because i certainly don't mean it as such
04-30-2006, 06:49 PM
No, your not coming across as harsh. I know exactly what your saying and appreciate the advice. That actually might be the best thing I can do right now.Originally Posted by glenihan
04-30-2006, 06:53 PM
I Lost my first marriage due to this sort of situation. Never even thought of cheating on her but a few of her friends talking and an accident that left a bruise on my neck was all it took. If she's worth it, then fly out there and let her know the deal. Long distance relationships usually die because of the constant worrying of the other person cheating.
Better to try and fail then to always wonder what if...in my opinion.
04-30-2006, 07:17 PM
I agree with Glen on this one.
Or she might be the one who's seeing someone else and makes **** up about you. But please don't take offence as well, it's just an idea.
04-30-2006, 07:19 PM
04-30-2006, 07:21 PM
04-30-2006, 07:38 PM
This situation sounds familiar as I have been through many. I think all who have contributed to this thread have good points. My advice,brother, is to definately let her know that you care for her. I would also make clear to her that you want to remain friends. Give her a call or drop her a letter once every few months which shouldn't come across as overbearing. I also agree that too much too soon could damage your relationship with her. Time is your best ally. Don't forget that there are thousands of other girls out there that can make you feel just as special as she does. Hold your head up and drive forward. Peace.
04-30-2006, 07:43 PM
Long distance relationships suck and are rarely easy. The ages of both of you make it even more difficult, as both your hormones are kicking in high and you're both looking at your future lives.
You mentioned that she's in another state for high school. Do you know what her plans are after she graduates? If she will be moving back close to you to go to university, you may have a shot. I really do wish you the best of luck if that's the case. Everyone is different, and I won't pretend to know either one of you - but, it is unfortunetely common for people to "change" once they are on their own and start university. It's a time where life changing choices are made, and a time where some people start "seeing" more opportunities for themselves (both academically and relationship-wise).
I guess what I'm trying to say is protect yourself. While few people ever regret trying to save a relationship (whether they save it or not), some people may regret things if they feel like they were played a fool in the end.
A friend of mine gave me advice when I was young: "Girls are smarter than guys when it comes to relationships. They have most things planned out ahead of time. When they say they are confused, this is usually not the case. It's more the case of they know exactly what they want, but are unsure of how to get it."
So I don't think you'll regret flying to see her. If it works - great! If it doesn't, it's only money that you wasted, nothing more. "Do not regret failures, only regret the risks you did not take." But do not close yourself off to any other "opportunities". I'm not saying go out and try to meet people, but just in case things do not work out to your liking, things will be easier for you emotionally if you have connections to "future prospects".
But if she's not planning on moving after she graduates, and you're not planning on moving anytime soon, and we're talking about a 3-year long distance thing - I'll just say that the odds are more than stacked against success.
I won't tell you what I think that means, and I'm going to give you some advice that I don't think will be popular with everyone here. Not necessarily advice, but more of a reminder - you can talk, visit, socialize with other girls and still be together in your long-distance relationship. There's no need to hide your relationship. You should be honest about it (for many reasons). But I am encouraging you to meet other people, other people who may be interested in you, but do know that you are currently off-limits."we need a break from talking to each other... but were still together"
Take this with a grain of salt, as it's coming from a love-sick romantic that had his heart broken too many times and only wished I had done these things in the past. Your first love break-up is the hardest...I'm not saying they get easier later on, but the first is...just make sure you have a good support system.
Either way, good-luck.
04-30-2006, 09:22 PM
It's been my observation that long distance relationships don't work.
I'll take what Sunder said a step further - if she's not going to move back relatively close for college (or whatever) forget it.
Also in my experience, once a woman has made up her mind that you are in the friends category, you will NOT change her mind. No matter what. And pushing hard to changer her mind only makes her push further away from you.
Adding the distance on top of what you've told me tells me that this is pretty much over.
I think it's still cool to keep in touch with her or whatever, but don't let it consume you.
Believe me, I've been down the path of forgetting school work because of a girl that said some pretty eerily similar stuff to me (to the point that I damn near lost my 4.0).
Get out there there and meet some freshman hotties!
04-30-2006, 10:17 PM
def. made some good comments and i totally agree with them. i'm a senior in college, had a serious relationship w/ a girl freshman year, broke up, we tried round 2 this semester, didn't work. i know that heart-broken feeling. def. in the same boat with ya to some extent, and if you ever need a friend to talk to, i'm here.Originally Posted by jmh80
i just wish my ex- twice removed now, didn't do right when finals are coming up. not that's just being a biatch.
"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most." -George Bernard Shaw
04-30-2006, 11:07 PM
Long distance relationships only work when there is an end in sight. If there are questions as to when and how you will be together, the relationship will remain in question.
I've been there and done that and I don't envy your situation. Both of you are still growing and developing as adults and have life lessons yet to learn. My first love gave me a line similar when she was at Purdue and I was back in Milwaukee still. Turns out she got some bad advice from a guy who was a "friend." I don't know why she listened to someone who ironed a shirt he was wearing, thus badly burning himself, but that's another story.
It can work if you communicate and make sure each of you is clear with the other. Do your thing and allow her to do hers. If she truly loves you for you, things will fall into place.
05-01-2006, 02:07 AM
05-01-2006, 06:58 AM
I agree with James. Let it go.
If you stay with this girl you will be kicking yourself 10 years from now for failing to date other girls. You are in the prime of your life young man. Don't hang your head...just start dating and having fun.
05-01-2006, 07:31 AM
Even though you are going to do what you want...
I'll throw in what advise I have. Well long distance dont work. If she is blaming you for something you didnt do, usually it means she did something, and is trying to make her self feel better by trying to find **** about you.
Women are a differnet breed... and I advise you to leave it... PLENTY of other women out there willing to take care of you. And trust me on this one... I just went through this EXACT same damn thing.
Mull it over in your head.... if you do break it... GET RID of ANYTHING that reminds you of her.. .block her from your email... yadda yadda yadda.. or you will get the what ifs.
The Historic PES Legend
05-01-2006, 12:48 PM
Bro, and I feel I can call you Bro... MOVE ON!!! Long distance relationships do not work, I only know of one, and guess what they are not together right now!!! Anywho you are young, and full of cum, enjoy life, and do not limit yourself, or the experiences you will have (I am not saying be a man whore) but I am saying do not keep wanting sand at the beach...
05-01-2006, 03:40 PM
Its always tough for the one who made the first move, she did in your case and shes probably guilty about something.....
Her friends want another girl to join them on there partying escapades and if she stays home bc of a long distance bf then they ill put that to an end. To me women and men are like cats and dogs, now lets put that into perspective. If you were dying in the desert a dog would die beside you loyal friend indeed, a cat would try to kill you to survive. Your mind probably races a mile a minute thinking about the posibilities, but friend in reality she is just a pull out on the highway to happiness, you spend some time there but ultimately move on.
You will one day find a mature woman that you consider your equal, now in the mean time hit some hotties cause it dont happen when your 40 most guys are done at 25. Unless your refried. lol
05-01-2006, 03:51 PM
Well, she called about 5 times yesterday, telling me how much she loves me or whatever. There's alot more to the situation then I've let on and its kind of hard to explain. We have communication problems alot, because she's russian, and sometimes she still doesn't understand what I say. Alot of times she gets mad at me just because she doesn't understand me. She's not the type that would mess around, i'm not worried about that. I'm just going to go see her in a couple weeks, and i'll decide what to do from there. I will at least see her this last time to decide what to do. At this point, I'm not even stressing about it. If we break up, we break up, I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm young and have a full life ahead of me, and this will pass just like everything else if it happens. Thanks to everyone for their input.
05-01-2006, 04:36 PM
05-02-2006, 04:08 AM
I've been in your EXACT situation.. though she was not russian... just she didnt understand me. You have "Love Blinders" on. And it making you see things in a fisheye way "Warped". When you say that your not stressing it... that if you break up you break up... your only kidding yourself. You are trying to save face, But WHEN (And it will) happens... you are going to feel like total ****. It your call... BUT if you are not proactive, and you end up reactive... its going to eat you from the inside.Originally Posted by fbxdan
The Historic PES Legend
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