handzilla
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Prologue
http://anabolicminds.com/forum/anabolics/34728-ending-cycle-early-various-reasons.html
Well here I am 5 months later in heartbreak. 2 weeks ago from now, my girlfriend decided to call it quits on me. I had felt her slipping away and even had a dream about her having the talk with me.
Weak 1
It was a Saturday night after I had taken her out on a pretty expensive date. We were sitting on the couch and she kept on staring at me and asked me what I was thinking about. Then she asked me what I thought about us, I said that I was happy. She said she was too. But I sensed deceit. She then began to go on and say how she had a lotta things on her plate between her lease expiring, having to find a new place, not knowing if she was moving away or not, and trying to find a real job. I asked her if it was breakup talk. She said no. We went to bed and I brought it up again next morning. She then started to cry and I asked her if all the aforementioned meant that we shouldn't be together and she said until she figures things out. I asked her many questions trying to determine what was going on and most of her answers were "I don't know." I asked if I should take my sleeping shorts with me and she said no. I asked her if she wasn't facing these problems if we would still be having this talk. She said yes, because she also wants to figure out where we're going. I asked her if she felt like something was missing between us she said "herself". Also the fact that we didn't really have any serious talks. She also stated how she felt bad for acting *****y towards me as of lately. I noticed that she was having more mood swings than usual but ignored that. I was also feeling taken for granted at times in the past few weeks and I did feel her pushing me away at times. I kind of ignored those things as she would go back to her sweet self. She said that she cared about me so much and didn't want to treat mistreat me after I was so good to her. I asked her if she loves me. She said that she never told anyone that before I told her to email me and hoping that she would be able to explain better. She said she would and that she would call me also. I felt so sad and wondered why someone would kill something that was so beautiful. Those feelings turned to anger days later. I felt frustrated and confused.
I didn't hear from her until Wed. She told me she missed me and that we would get together and talk over the weekend. She sent me text messages afterwards and all seemed to be on the up and up. She called me back on Friday and asked me if it was okay to talk when she gets off of work that night. I also received her email. It was just a few pictures that she took of me and one of me and her together. All seemed good. She called me about 1:30am, I went over there and we hugged for about 5 minutes. I then tried to sat her on the couch and asked her if she was ready to talk. She tried to avoid it and kept cuddling on me. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk then. So we had sex. The next morning she finally brought us up again in the same fashion and stated how she hasn't been too happy lately, and that she didn't know why. She said that sometimes she felt that she wanted to move forward with us and other times she didn't know. Said how she was going to ask me if I wanted to move in but doesn't know anymore. I asked her if she was afraid of being hurt and if she was hurt in the past and she said "a little". She said that she still didn't know about us and I left it at that and went home. Normally I would have seen her that night and went home and slept with her after she got off work. But I decided to leave her alone.
Weak 2
I didn't hear from her at all. No text no call no emails. I did a lot of thinking during that time and realized a few things:
1. That our communication was kind of weak. I never asked her those burning questions that couples should ask each other b/c I was afraid of the answers.
2. That it was not all her fault. And took some of the blame for this. I knew it was my fault for letting too much slide (i.e. her ridiculous flirting when we were out), in order to avoid conflict.
3. Maybe it was my turn to take control of the situation and do my part to help repair and salvage this thing of ours.
With those three things in mind I decided that the game was over that it was time to lay my cards down and show them. Thinking that if I did my part that she would come around...
Thursday morning I paid her an unexpected visit and awakened her with a kiss. She embraced me, and I felt the loving vibes. I then told her that I came by b/c I cared about her and didn't want things to get worse. I also told her that I wanted to talk more this weekend. She said that she had the weekend off and told me to call her.
I called her Friday evening and she told me that she had plans to go out with her friends. I told her to call me later when she was out.
I went out at a club with my friends that night and was having a blast and then she showed up out of nowhere and the night took a very emotional turn. We hugged and small talked a bit. She said she was going to the bathroom. Then her friend and her boyfriend stated that the 2 of them were leaving. I assumed that she was going with them and thought that she had left w/o saying bye. I talked with some acquaintances about it and they offered me a sympathy shot. Then there she was again at the bar. I felt relieved and we began to play the boyfriend/girlfriend role again but there was a very emotional tension in the air. She pointed out that I was drinking again and asked why. I told her that she knows why. Finally I looked in her eyes and asked her "What happened?" That's when she began to whimper and said "don't do this in front of all these people" and then she started crying and ran off. I went around the club looking for her. Then I left and went to another place looking. I couldn't find her and she wouldn't answer her phone. Then finally she did answer. We went back to her place and that's when it happened. Both of us in tears. I asked her "what happened" and she said "I don't know". I asked "why?". Finally she told me that she felt like she really didn't know me since she didn't know about my past relationships. She also stated that she felt like I was hiding her since she had never met my parents, and she said that she didn't ever want to bring that up because she didn't think it was something she should have to ask. After telling her my thoughts about us and everything that I was afraid to tell her, I thought that was it and figured I would now be able to salvage our relationship, and asked her how she felt about it. She said the she felt like so much of herself has been wasted. That's when I finally got her to tell me that she is attracted to and now has feelings for a 38 year old man who frequents the restaurant that she works at. She's 22 She told me that she kissed him Monday night. I began to ask for specific details but that only made it worse. I still couldn't believe it. This is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me before. I told her that that this man didn't really effect how I felt about her, and that I wanted her back in my life. I told her that I loved her for the 1st time before we fell asleep. I didn't expect her to say it back, but after talking to her about why she's never said to anyone, she basically explained how she feels the same way but just doesn't want to say it.
The next morning we spoke on out communication issues and they seemed to be much better. I asked her if she was scared to talk to me about or ask me anything now. She said she wasn't. So that seemed like a step towards repair. After we got everything off of our chests I asked her if she felt that it was too late. She said that she hopes not. I spent the day talking to her and being close to her. Before I left I told her that I wanted to stay with her again. She replied "we'll see". I asked her if she'd call me later. She replied if I want her too. And then she said she would. I looked her in the eyes and told her I love her again for about the 5th time, and left.
She never called. But last night was basically a less touching version of the previous night. We bumped heads at the same place in the same manner. I asked her why she never called and she said that she didn't know. She told me that she was going to after hours, and that it wasn't a good idea to stay with her until she figures out what she wants to do. Meanwhile she has plans with her "new friend" on Monday night after work. I told her I wanted to see her that night. She told me that was her time with her new friend and said that she didn't know what they were going to do. I told her that I didn't want them seeing each other. I tried to talk to her but she was telling me not to start a scene. She told me she would call me. I asked her when, she repeated herself. She left the club and I left behind her. She was a few yards in front of me with one of her girlfriends. I stopped her and asked her if how she would feel if I was doing the same thing. She said not that good. Then she mentioned that she can't get seriously involved with him because of something (I didn't exactly hear her). I asked her to repeat what she said and she wouldn't. She went back to her "Don't do this now, don't start a scene" and then walked away from me. That was it.
Weak 3
Here I am torn apart and sleep deprived. Once again waiting on her call that might never come. Knowing tomorrow night that she will be spending time with someone else. I feel like going up there and and finding them and stepping in but would just make the situation worse. I really want to know who this guy is. He must be well off if he eats at this restaurant by the way.
I've done all that I could do within reason and now the ball is in her court. I feel her slipping away little by little now, and I feel helpless and empty.
I probably left some details out. But that's most of the important stuff. This is real pain. I hope this doesn't get any worse.
And now I'm spilling my heart out in front of the world.
http://anabolicminds.com/forum/anabolics/34728-ending-cycle-early-various-reasons.html
Well here I am 5 months later in heartbreak. 2 weeks ago from now, my girlfriend decided to call it quits on me. I had felt her slipping away and even had a dream about her having the talk with me.
Weak 1
It was a Saturday night after I had taken her out on a pretty expensive date. We were sitting on the couch and she kept on staring at me and asked me what I was thinking about. Then she asked me what I thought about us, I said that I was happy. She said she was too. But I sensed deceit. She then began to go on and say how she had a lotta things on her plate between her lease expiring, having to find a new place, not knowing if she was moving away or not, and trying to find a real job. I asked her if it was breakup talk. She said no. We went to bed and I brought it up again next morning. She then started to cry and I asked her if all the aforementioned meant that we shouldn't be together and she said until she figures things out. I asked her many questions trying to determine what was going on and most of her answers were "I don't know." I asked if I should take my sleeping shorts with me and she said no. I asked her if she wasn't facing these problems if we would still be having this talk. She said yes, because she also wants to figure out where we're going. I asked her if she felt like something was missing between us she said "herself". Also the fact that we didn't really have any serious talks. She also stated how she felt bad for acting *****y towards me as of lately. I noticed that she was having more mood swings than usual but ignored that. I was also feeling taken for granted at times in the past few weeks and I did feel her pushing me away at times. I kind of ignored those things as she would go back to her sweet self. She said that she cared about me so much and didn't want to treat mistreat me after I was so good to her. I asked her if she loves me. She said that she never told anyone that before I told her to email me and hoping that she would be able to explain better. She said she would and that she would call me also. I felt so sad and wondered why someone would kill something that was so beautiful. Those feelings turned to anger days later. I felt frustrated and confused.
I didn't hear from her until Wed. She told me she missed me and that we would get together and talk over the weekend. She sent me text messages afterwards and all seemed to be on the up and up. She called me back on Friday and asked me if it was okay to talk when she gets off of work that night. I also received her email. It was just a few pictures that she took of me and one of me and her together. All seemed good. She called me about 1:30am, I went over there and we hugged for about 5 minutes. I then tried to sat her on the couch and asked her if she was ready to talk. She tried to avoid it and kept cuddling on me. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk then. So we had sex. The next morning she finally brought us up again in the same fashion and stated how she hasn't been too happy lately, and that she didn't know why. She said that sometimes she felt that she wanted to move forward with us and other times she didn't know. Said how she was going to ask me if I wanted to move in but doesn't know anymore. I asked her if she was afraid of being hurt and if she was hurt in the past and she said "a little". She said that she still didn't know about us and I left it at that and went home. Normally I would have seen her that night and went home and slept with her after she got off work. But I decided to leave her alone.
Weak 2
I didn't hear from her at all. No text no call no emails. I did a lot of thinking during that time and realized a few things:
1. That our communication was kind of weak. I never asked her those burning questions that couples should ask each other b/c I was afraid of the answers.
2. That it was not all her fault. And took some of the blame for this. I knew it was my fault for letting too much slide (i.e. her ridiculous flirting when we were out), in order to avoid conflict.
3. Maybe it was my turn to take control of the situation and do my part to help repair and salvage this thing of ours.
With those three things in mind I decided that the game was over that it was time to lay my cards down and show them. Thinking that if I did my part that she would come around...
Thursday morning I paid her an unexpected visit and awakened her with a kiss. She embraced me, and I felt the loving vibes. I then told her that I came by b/c I cared about her and didn't want things to get worse. I also told her that I wanted to talk more this weekend. She said that she had the weekend off and told me to call her.
I called her Friday evening and she told me that she had plans to go out with her friends. I told her to call me later when she was out.
I went out at a club with my friends that night and was having a blast and then she showed up out of nowhere and the night took a very emotional turn. We hugged and small talked a bit. She said she was going to the bathroom. Then her friend and her boyfriend stated that the 2 of them were leaving. I assumed that she was going with them and thought that she had left w/o saying bye. I talked with some acquaintances about it and they offered me a sympathy shot. Then there she was again at the bar. I felt relieved and we began to play the boyfriend/girlfriend role again but there was a very emotional tension in the air. She pointed out that I was drinking again and asked why. I told her that she knows why. Finally I looked in her eyes and asked her "What happened?" That's when she began to whimper and said "don't do this in front of all these people" and then she started crying and ran off. I went around the club looking for her. Then I left and went to another place looking. I couldn't find her and she wouldn't answer her phone. Then finally she did answer. We went back to her place and that's when it happened. Both of us in tears. I asked her "what happened" and she said "I don't know". I asked "why?". Finally she told me that she felt like she really didn't know me since she didn't know about my past relationships. She also stated that she felt like I was hiding her since she had never met my parents, and she said that she didn't ever want to bring that up because she didn't think it was something she should have to ask. After telling her my thoughts about us and everything that I was afraid to tell her, I thought that was it and figured I would now be able to salvage our relationship, and asked her how she felt about it. She said the she felt like so much of herself has been wasted. That's when I finally got her to tell me that she is attracted to and now has feelings for a 38 year old man who frequents the restaurant that she works at. She's 22 She told me that she kissed him Monday night. I began to ask for specific details but that only made it worse. I still couldn't believe it. This is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me before. I told her that that this man didn't really effect how I felt about her, and that I wanted her back in my life. I told her that I loved her for the 1st time before we fell asleep. I didn't expect her to say it back, but after talking to her about why she's never said to anyone, she basically explained how she feels the same way but just doesn't want to say it.
The next morning we spoke on out communication issues and they seemed to be much better. I asked her if she was scared to talk to me about or ask me anything now. She said she wasn't. So that seemed like a step towards repair. After we got everything off of our chests I asked her if she felt that it was too late. She said that she hopes not. I spent the day talking to her and being close to her. Before I left I told her that I wanted to stay with her again. She replied "we'll see". I asked her if she'd call me later. She replied if I want her too. And then she said she would. I looked her in the eyes and told her I love her again for about the 5th time, and left.
She never called. But last night was basically a less touching version of the previous night. We bumped heads at the same place in the same manner. I asked her why she never called and she said that she didn't know. She told me that she was going to after hours, and that it wasn't a good idea to stay with her until she figures out what she wants to do. Meanwhile she has plans with her "new friend" on Monday night after work. I told her I wanted to see her that night. She told me that was her time with her new friend and said that she didn't know what they were going to do. I told her that I didn't want them seeing each other. I tried to talk to her but she was telling me not to start a scene. She told me she would call me. I asked her when, she repeated herself. She left the club and I left behind her. She was a few yards in front of me with one of her girlfriends. I stopped her and asked her if how she would feel if I was doing the same thing. She said not that good. Then she mentioned that she can't get seriously involved with him because of something (I didn't exactly hear her). I asked her to repeat what she said and she wouldn't. She went back to her "Don't do this now, don't start a scene" and then walked away from me. That was it.
Weak 3
Here I am torn apart and sleep deprived. Once again waiting on her call that might never come. Knowing tomorrow night that she will be spending time with someone else. I feel like going up there and and finding them and stepping in but would just make the situation worse. I really want to know who this guy is. He must be well off if he eats at this restaurant by the way.
I've done all that I could do within reason and now the ball is in her court. I feel her slipping away little by little now, and I feel helpless and empty.
I probably left some details out. But that's most of the important stuff. This is real pain. I hope this doesn't get any worse.
And now I'm spilling my heart out in front of the world.
. keep your head up.
