dunimous
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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.
> The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude,
> in a garden while a sexy, beautiful,
> big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small
> bell attached to his weenie and
> they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of
> them would not be ordained
> because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
>
> The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
> reactio n.
> She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the
> priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos.
> As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
> clattering across the ground and laid to
> rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where
> the bell came to rest and bent
> over to pick it up. Then all the other bells started to ring....
----------------------------------------
Guts or Balls?
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are
you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
----------------------------------------
A CHICKEN AND AN EGG ARE LYING IN BED. THE CHICKEN IS LEANING ON THE
HEAD BOARD SMOKING A CIGARETTE WITH A VERY SATISFIED LOOK ON ITS FACE.
THE EGG ROLLS OVER AND GRABS THE COVERS IN DISGUST AND SAYS "I GUESS
WE ANSWERED THAT QUESTION".
----------------------------------------
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said,
"NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and
played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END
----------------------------------------
I thought this was interesting. Can you read this?
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
----------------------------------------
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was friends."
----------------------------------------
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He
thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a
better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at
the deputy's expense...Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign .." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says,
"The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the
legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and
registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no
ticket." Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy
takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the
lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
----------------------------------------
"When a young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your
brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and
tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for
a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to
fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went
to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with
him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! " The boy then went to his brother
and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of
course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would
buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his
dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially
and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million
Dollars..............but Realistically,......... we're living with two Sluts
and a Queer.
> The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude,
> in a garden while a sexy, beautiful,
> big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small
> bell attached to his weenie and
> they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of
> them would not be ordained
> because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
>
> The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no
> reactio n.
> She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the
> priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos.
> As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
> clattering across the ground and laid to
> rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where
> the bell came to rest and bent
> over to pick it up. Then all the other bells started to ring....
----------------------------------------
Guts or Balls?
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are
you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.
----------------------------------------
A CHICKEN AND AN EGG ARE LYING IN BED. THE CHICKEN IS LEANING ON THE
HEAD BOARD SMOKING A CIGARETTE WITH A VERY SATISFIED LOOK ON ITS FACE.
THE EGG ROLLS OVER AND GRABS THE COVERS IN DISGUST AND SAYS "I GUESS
WE ANSWERED THAT QUESTION".
----------------------------------------
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said,
"NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and
played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
THE END
----------------------------------------
I thought this was interesting. Can you read this?
Olny srmat poelpe can.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
----------------------------------------
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind'a figured we was friends."
----------------------------------------
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He
thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a
better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at
the deputy's expense...Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign .." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says,
"The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the
legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and
registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no
ticket." Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy
takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the
lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
----------------------------------------
"When a young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your
brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and
tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for
a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to
fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!" The boy then went
to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with
him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! " The boy then went to his brother
and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of
course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would
buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his
dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially
and realistically?"
The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million
Dollars..............but Realistically,......... we're living with two Sluts
and a Queer.
