For once I have a serious problem!

revodrew

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Alright here we go. Two weekends ago I was coaching at a youth wrestling tournament. My son who is pretty good, was out on the mat and all of a sudden started to cry and yell at me "I cant do it". My boy has wrestled in 13 matches this year and won 11 up to that point. He lost 2 on the first day of the season. He has never done this before. He actually just stopped wrestling, yelling he couldnt do it and gave up. So I get a little upset and pull him aside and tell him, " you never give up, you never know what could happen. " The next day he is sick. I kind of let it go, chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. That next week he misses Mon, Tues, and Wed of school, go to practice on Thursday, he start crying, and says, " I cant do it" while wrestling some who he usually pounds on a normal basis. Now I am confused, frustrated and Pissed (a little). Again, I have the no giving up talk, and again express that it doesnt matter if you win or lose, just as long as you try. Well, last night at practice, wrestling the same kids he thumps 3 weeks ago, he starts again. " I cant" rolls to his back and just crys. I am not sure if he is still sick, doesnt seem like it. I ask him, "If you dont want to wrestle anymore, then just let me know and then you dont have to." He says, I want to keep going. I like to do wrestle. So what do I do to get him to understand that quiting during a match is not an option?
 

max-rot98

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If he wants to wrestle don't let him. Help him to understand unless he is very seriously hurt there is no place for crying in this sport. Neither does any real winner give up. When he realizes he'll tell you. Than give him another chance. How old we talkin here drew?
 
revodrew

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Alright, well I know this is gonna get me in trouble but he is only 6. I know, I know, that is young. And I understand that. My problem is not with loosing, or not knowing moves, or anything on that line. It is with giving up. When I was younger, my mom would whoop my ass if I had ever quit in a match and I dont really think that is the way to do it. But I am really lost here. I have no clue how to make him understand at such a young age. This is a terrible habit to get into and I will not let it happen.
 
JonesersRX7

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Then I would 2nd something like Max suggested. Don't let him wrestle until he commits and becomes his word that he will not quit and put a 100% effort into it.


This thread is making me realize of what's to come for me.....
 
revodrew

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My wife says that he still isnt feeling good. I have to disagree because when he is beating the kid, he just keeps on going. As soon as the kid gets away or whatever, on come the water works. The only thing is, he didnt do it until he got sick. That was 2 weeks ago. Do you think it could still be affecting him in that way?
 

max-rot98

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I don't think thats so bad bro. My dad was hard on me as well even at that age. Yelling at him, grounding him, hitting him all pretty much cross the line. Sitting him out for a while just making him watch could really help. That way while he's sitting he has time to think if he really wants it. If he does he'll do what it takes ( not quitting, crying, etc.) to keep wrestling. If he really doesn't want to wrestle than don't make him.

I think your lucky you caught the problem this early instead of a couple years down the road. Maybe you should yell at his mother. He must have gotten those genes from her:thumbsup:
 

max-rot98

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My wife says that he still isnt feeling good. I have to disagree because when he is beating the kid, he just keeps on going. As soon as the kid gets away or whatever, on come the water works. The only thing is, he didnt do it until he got sick. That was 2 weeks ago. Do you think it could still be affecting him in that way?
If being sick really is the problem a little time out would still be good for him. He'll let you know when he wants to get back in there.
 
JonesersRX7

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My wife says that he still isnt feeling good. I have to disagree because when he is beating the kid, he just keeps on going. As soon as the kid gets away or whatever, on come the water works. The only thing is, he didnt do it until he got sick. That was 2 weeks ago. Do you think it could still be affecting him in that way?
If he is quiting after he loses control... sounds more like a psych prob then a physical problem. Meaning he is frustrated with something else and just gives up.

I'm not a psych but I think that's what I would do with my child, hopefully son! Find out in a little more than 6 weeks!
 
revodrew

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If being sick really is the problem a little time out would still be good for him. He'll let you know when he wants to get back in there.

Thats part of the problem. Before we go to practice, he is all about it. After about 30 mins, I think it starts up. I hve decided against coaching him anymore after this season but I cant quit on the rest of the team now. That would be messed up. He has a tourny on Sat and practice this thursday, if he sits out, he will most likely get a good whooping in saturday cause he hasnt had a good practice for a couple of weeks.
 

max-rot98

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He has a tourny on Sat and practice this thursday, if he sits out, he will most likely get a good whooping in saturday cause he hasnt had a good practice for a couple of weeks.
Well then maybe tell him if you give up in practice or at the tournament or ever again for that matter I will sit you out the rest of the year, but still make you go to the practices and the matches. He has got to learn that giving up is not an option.

I still think sitting him out a couple of times might be what he needs no matter how psyched he gets before the matches. It obviously isn't enough to keep him going. It might be hard but it probably is what he needs to understand how important this is.
 
revodrew

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So you think that on thursday(next practice) I just keep him in street clothes and make him watch! Not a bad idea. Now what if he says, dad I want to wrestle. Do I let him? If so and he does it again. Just sit him out of the rest of practice right?
 
revodrew

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The bad thing is, I am actually losing sleep over this. :yawn:
 

max-rot98

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So you think that on thursday(next practice) I just keep him in street clothes and make him watch! Not a bad idea. Now what if he says, dad I want to wrestle. Do I let him? If so and he does it again. Just sit him out of the rest of practice right?
Up to you. I would sit him out of practice regardless. Then later on that day/night I would explain why. Have a good talk with him and let him know that it won't be tolerated and if it ever happens again he is done wrestling for a good long while.
 
revodrew

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After practice last night, we talked for about an hour. He stated to cry again. It is really strange cause he is not a crier by any means. It takes alot to get him all worked up like this. He even said to me, I had a really bad day? I was like wtf, how could eating candy at a VD party be a bad day, oh the coloring must have gotten to him. I actually had to hold back some laughing when he said that. He must have heard his mom say something of the sort. But after the talk is when he told me that he wanted to do it still. I guess I will bring his gear and not tell him. Keep him in street clothes and if he comes up to me and says that he wants to get out there, I will let him. OHHH, damn this is getting to me.:frustrate
 
CROWLER

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Drew,

By any chance do you have an assistant coach? If so perhaps it is best that your son is diciplined by an outside person rather than his father.

I like the idea of having him sit for quiting. Then let him practice the next day telling him anytime he quits he has to sit out.

BTW 6 years old LOL that is weird, cute and hard core all in one.



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max-rot98

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After practice last night, we talked for about an hour. He stated to cry again. It is really strange cause he is not a crier by any means. It takes alot to get him all worked up like this. He even said to me, I had a really bad day? I was like wtf, how could eating candy at a VD party be a bad day, oh the coloring must have gotten to him. I actually had to hold back some laughing when he said that. He must have heard his mom say something of the sort. But after the talk is when he told me that he wanted to do it still. I guess I will bring his gear and not tell him. Keep him in street clothes and if he comes up to me and says that he wants to get out there, I will let him. OHHH, damn this is getting to me.:frustrate
That is strange bro. Sounds like something might be going on you don't know about. Maybe someone that actually has kids would be better off figuring this out. Now I am stumped. Either way try to cool down a bit. Being angry/frustrated won't help. Why not ask your own dad what he thinks. He must have some suggestion for you.
 
revodrew

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Drew,

By any chance do you have an assistant coach? If so perhaps it is best that your son is diciplined by an outside person rather than his father.

I like the idea of having him sit for quiting. Then let him practice the next day telling him anytime he quits he has to sit out.

BTW 6 years old LOL that is weird, cute and hard core all in one.



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I was wondering when you were gonna post, I saw that you were viewing for a little while. LOL. Yeah, get this, my assistant is my brother in-law =ing his uncle. The other assistant is my best friend who is always over the house. Isnt that some crazy ****. Between the 3 of us we have just under 300 career wins in high school but cant figure out how to get my son to not quit. We are all stumped by this cause he is so technical for his age. He does moves that some kids dont do until high school. It nutz, he sees it one time and he knows it good enough to do in a match. I got some pics I will post from my personal computer.
 

max-rot98

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I was wondering when you were gonna post, I saw that you were viewing for a little while. LOL. Yeah, get this, my assistant is my brother in-law =ing his uncle. The other assistant is my best friend who is always over the house. Isnt that some crazy ****. Between the 3 of us we have just under 300 career wins in high school but cant figure out how to get my son to not quit. We are all stumped by this cause he is so technical for his age. He does moves that some kids dont do until high school. It nutz, he sees it one time and he knows it good enough to do in a match. I got some pics I will post from my personal computer.
Do you say this stuff in front of him. You might have built him up so much the fear of losing because someone is better than him is too much for him to handle. So maybe he feels giving up is better than actually losing.
 

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Hey Rev, I have a 5yr old son. I coached his soccer team last year and in the first few games he wanted to quit b/c he was not as fast as everybody else. I constantly told him that I don't care how good he is but that he has to try his hardest. He still didn't want to play so I finally told him if he didn't go out there and give it his all, I wouldn't let him play anymore. He decided that he would rather play than not play. We are currently doing indoor soccer and he is one of the top 3 players on the team now. I taught him how to take pursuit angles to cut off the fast kids. I agree with the ones that said to sit him out. If he thinks he wants to quit, show him what it feels like.
 
revodrew

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Do you say this stuff in front of him. You might have built him up so much the fear of losing because someone is better than him is too much for him to handle. So maybe he feels giving up is better than actually losing.

NO way, I know better then that. I mean I am a little hard on him. I never get on him for not winning, just not trying. Last year he won like 5 out of 15 or so, not a good year as far as winning was concearned but he went out and gave it his all, every time. That is what I am looking for, the rest will fall into place.
 
BingeAndPurge

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It's a shocker, isn't it rev? They have a toddler basketball thing on post here that we signed my 3yo up for. He was all about it until the first practice came. He freaked out and wouldn't let go of my leg and screamed to go home. I freaked out because he was the only kid not out there playing. It was all just so strange to me the way he reacted and I wanted to cry. I finally got him to just sit and watch, and every now and then he would go out and try once, but then ran right back to the bleachers. I just figured he wasn't ready and we stopped going, but I know some of it has to do with me not wanting to feel embarassed again.

I think your case just might be a phase. I remember going through it, and from that I think making him sit and watch is a good idea. If he wants to jump in, he will hate sitting, if he really wants to quit he will.
 
revodrew

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Forgot to mention this, I tape all his matches. When we watch this one match where he gave up, he covers his eyes. So I know that he knows, that is not the right way to do thing.s I am going crazy, thats it 2000 push ups for him tonight. Just kidding. Maybe we will watch him again tonight.
 
MaDmaN

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Tough call here,he is only 6 and im sure he is not a quitter but at the same time he does not want to dissapoint you.

The crying sounds like frustration on his part maybe he feels pressure to win.May be a good idea to tell him have fun try your best and take some pressure off...your the dad you know best but its hard to remove yourself when it's your own kid..Good luck
 
CROWLER

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I was wondering when you were gonna post, I saw that you were viewing for a little while. LOL. Yeah, get this, my assistant is my brother in-law =ing his uncle. The other assistant is my best friend who is always over the house. Isnt that some crazy ****. Between the 3 of us we have just under 300 career wins in high school but cant figure out how to get my son to not quit. We are all stumped by this cause he is so technical for his age. He does moves that some kids dont do until high school. It nutz, he sees it one time and he knows it good enough to do in a match. I got some pics I will post from my personal computer.

LOL

Actually I wanted to post something intelligent to help you but I couldn't think of anything but I posted anyways :icon_lol:

Maybe this will add some insight. Wont help anymore and maybe confuse you more but when I was 6 years old I BEGGED my mother to sign me up for baseball. Well about the second game I did NOT want to go to the games any more. I remember being NERVOUS as hell. I don't know why because I sucked so bad that even in a league for 6 year old they wouldn't play me :blink:

Well my mom said NOPE you are going to EVERY game. When the year ends then you are done. So I go to every game and HATE having to leave the house when it came time to go. Next year I BEG her til she signs me up. Same thing happens EVERY freaking game.

Bro I kid you not this went on for 5 more FREAKING years. I still don't know what the hell was wrong with me. Maybe that is why I now try to make up for it with competing in triathlons and getting as big as I can LOL

So there you go no help but an embarressing story about me lol

I am looking forward to getting my grandson involved in sports. He is a little too young. He is -2 weeks meaning he isn't born yet but his mom is about to burst open so :woohoo:


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revodrew

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Atleast you dont have to worry about him crying during the match/game yet!
 

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I feel for you, it is one of the hardest things as a parent to watch your kids cry for no real reason.

My daughter did it at drama club every week, I had to pry her off my leg every Saturday for 6 months to get her to rehearsals, but then she performed in front of 600 people in a theatre and loved it. She never went back though, the fear of underperforming was too much for her and she focussed on other things instead.

My son plays soccer and is a damn good player now, but he took 2 years to fully get involved and enjoy every game - win or lose.

Do you do other things with your son, one on one? He's only 6 but you obviously have a lot of history with wrestling and he will have picked up on that through you and your family. Skip training the squad for a couple of weeks, take him bowling, fishing or just hang out in the park. Then tell him you are going back to coach the team and if he wants to come he has to do it for himself and the team, not you or what he thinks you want him to do.

You are right, don't go soft and let him quit for no good reason or without another sport or hobby to do. But he is 6 and at that age favorite colours can change 3 times a week, so cut a bit of slack and enjoy being a dad what ever happens.

Sorry it's long and you don't know me from Adam, so hope it helps.

Ian
 
jmh80

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I'm never having kids.

"There's no crying in baseball!!!"
 

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I'm a middle school coach and I really can't offer advice. Make him sit out and yet tell him losing isn't that big of a deal. One of the parents helps me out and his son when he loses crys like a baby and won't listen to his dad. I have to be the one to tell him to knock it off. His dad never sat him out when he acted like that now the problem has gotten real bad. Be firm now.
 
revodrew

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I think I have a plan, well actually 2 of them and I need help deciding which route to go here. I have thought up two plans of action for tonight.

1~ Take him to practice in street clothes with wrestling stuff packed up and him not knowing it. Tell him that he has to sit there because if he is going to quit, he has decide if "HE" wants to continue and if he does, quiting and crying is not an option.

2~ Take him to practice and let him wrestle and see what the outcome is.

I myself am leaning towards option number one because once he gets worked up, sitting out, is most likely what he would want. But if he watches from the start, then he will be all antsy to get out there.

Here is my other problem. What if he watches and then decides that he wants to get out there, then starts the crying and yelling that he cant do it?
 

max-rot98

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option 1. Option two, well we already have a good idea what the outcome would be. Sit him out and don't let him whether he wants to or not. It seems harsh to you (being his father and all) but be strong. Remember he is what you raise him to be. But he will never be strong if you aren't yourself. Not saying your not drew but you get my point. Let him sit and tell him he needs to watch. Then if he wants let him in Saturday and see the outcome. Make sure you emphasize after practice tonight quitting is not an option. And that it WILL NOT happen again or wrestling is over for a while.
 
revodrew

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I know I sound weak here but my main concearn about not wreslting tonight is that, he hasnt for awhile and if he goes out on saturday all rusty and stuff. If he gets decked quick or loses really bad, dont you think that will be a crushing blow to the confidance agian. I know that is the problem here. He has lost it all and I need to figure out a way to get it back up.
 

max-rot98

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You don't sound weak bro, you sound like a parent concerned for their kid. That is a tough one. Maybe sit out today, if you talk later and he shows he really wants to wrestle maybe tomorrow night you two can practice together. Just you two, spending time with him alone and showing him some things yourself could really be helpful me thinks. Plus after wrestling with you going up against a little six year old should be cake. Just a thought.
 
CROWLER

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What happened is you are a post whore lol j/k


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I say this same thing happen decades ago in MA this dad forced his kid to do it. Later on in life the kid grew up to be a resentful loser and caused many problems for his parents. Your child may be more intelligent than you know and continueing on may cause severe psychological damage, intense negative emotions will warp a mind. If he is not a jock, he is not a jock! JMO
 

max-rot98

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I say this same thing happen decades ago in MA this dad forced his kid to do it. Later on in life the kid grew up to be a resentful loser and caused many problems for his parents. Your child may be more intelligent than you know and continueing on may cause severe psychological damage, intense negative emotions will warp a mind. If he is not a jock, he is not a jock! JMO
I'm not sure but I don't think this is the problem here. It sounds like his son likes the sport just not losing. I think he'll be just fine. Drew is not making his kid do anything. He is trying to teach him something that he needs to learn which will make him a better person.
 
CROWLER

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I'm not sure but I don't think this is the problem here. It sounds like his son likes the sport just not losing. I think he'll be just fine. Drew is not making his kid do anything. He is trying to teach him something that he needs to learn which will make him a better person.
Agree 100%. Yea Drew I just thought. If you could think back and figure out what made him want to wrestle so much in the first place and recreate that.

For me when I was competing in sport the better I got the better I thought I had to be. Maybe because he has done so well, going undefeated after the first 3 matches of the season, he is feeling like there is no place to go but down.

Maybe some how show him a gracious loser. I know you probably don't wrestle anymore but what about some of the highschool or college wrestlers. Or a coach you know who still wrestles. Kids of any age look up to older bigger guys and often are impressed by them.

Introduce him to the two wrestlers before the match then show him how a good sport acts when they are losing. They keep trying and do not give up. Just make sure it is a controlled atmosphere so you KNOW the person who loses will be gracious in defeat.

Just a thought.


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max-rot98

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Agree 100%. Yea Drew I just thought. If you could think back and figure out what made him want to wrestle so much in the first place and recreate that.

For me when I was competing in sport the better I got the better I thought I had to be. Maybe because he has done so well, going undefeated after the first 3 matches of the season, he is feeling like there is no place to go but down.

Maybe some how show him a gracious loser. I know you probably don't wrestle anymore but what about some of the highschool or college wrestlers. Or a coach you know who still wrestles. Kids of any age look up to older bigger guys and often are impressed by them.

Introduce him to the two wrestlers before the match then show him how a good sport acts when they are losing. They keep trying and do not give up. Just make sure it is a controlled atmosphere so you KNOW the person who loses will be gracious in defeat.

Just a thought.


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:clap2:
 
revodrew

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I take him to every high school match in the area. He loves to go and watch. He even does moves at home and says, so and so does this one. Or, I want to be able to jump rope like so and so. I know he likes the sport and wants to do it, but, he is feeling a little down on himself right now.

My plan for this evening is to take him, get him dressed and ready to go, put him in the bleachers and tell him, when you are ready and if you want to wrestle without crying and quiting then go ahead and come down here. If you dont want to, that is ok. If he decideds to come down and do it, then that is a choice that he made, and was not forced into it. I will update later this evening with the results.
Drew

Thanks for the help guys!
 
revodrew

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First off~ Thank you to everyone who has replied to this thread. I have used a little bit of what everyone said and my own little twist and we have overcome the problem.

Tonight at practice, I had him sit out and told him when he was ready to let me know so I could suit him and get him out there.

About 30mins in I asked him how he liked watching and he said it sucked. I then said, well lets go put your shoes on and you can get out there. I matched him up with a kid who he wrestled alot last year and he can handle him ok. He will usually take 3 out of 5 from this kid, so it is pretty even. My son was balls out the whole time and just whipped the other kids ass for about 20 mins before I pulled the old switch-a-roo on him..

We do a drill where the guy on top where a blind fold and has to wrestle off instinct and the sound of the whistle. Well when he was getting top I put in the kid who was kicking his ass last practice where he started to cry. The whistle blew and my boy broke him down, pinned him and then took off the blindfold and just started to laugh. I said, so are you scared of him anymore? Nope, then he jumped right up in it for another round.

I think he is just finally feeling a little better, putting some weight back on.
When he was sick he lost 4 lbs in 7 days. Not alot to you or I but when you are only 44lbs to start, it is enough to make you feel shitty. Anyways, he ate some pizza and fell asleep early with no school tommorrow so I think all is good. I will post some pics from the tourny on Saturday if I can control myself enough to calm my hands to take some.

Thanks again: Max-rot, crowler,jonsesrx and everyone else who posted. It helped alot, (well, minus the guy who thought he would go crazy and kill people in 15 years lol!)

Thanks guys,
Drew
 
CROWLER

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WOW


I am VERY psyhed for you bro. You GOTTA feel freaking great. I almost got chills reading your posts. Very happy now man. :)

BTW 6years old and 45 sounds big. Heck I was in high school and only weighed 55lbs more YIKES>




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CROWLER

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We do a drill where the guy on top where a blind fold and has to wrestle off instinct and the sound of the whistle.

ahhhhhh ok Dr. Frankenstein nice thing to do to the 6 year olds. Why not just have the rest of the team 'jump em in' :icon_lol:


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revodrew

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WOW


I am VERY psyhed for you bro. You GOTTA feel freaking great. I almost got chills reading your posts. Very happy now man. :)

BTW 6years old and 45 sounds big. Heck I was in high school and only weighed 55lbs more YIKES>
crowler"


Actually, 45lbs is the second lightest weight class. He is one of the smaller kids on the team. You must be a naturally small guy to only weigh 100lbs in high school. I was, I wrestled 112lbs my soph year. That was tiny.:burger:
 
CROWLER

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Yea do you believe I tried to play HS football at 105 lbs BWAHAHAH

I wonder how many guys who bodybuild now were the smallest or one of the smallest as they were growing up as I was.

Yea now I weigh 235 :)


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JonesersRX7

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Awesome Drew!

We all knew he would be okay, just he had to make the decision.

Story about the blind folded drill reminds me of Jr. High and High school.. makes me realize how much fun that was.
 

max-rot98

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Sounds like you did a great job Drew. It shows how much your child means to you and how good of a parent you are. We need more parents especially fathers like that in the world. Congrats bro.

BTW 4 lbs is alot of weight. **** if I lose four pounds I feel like an anorexic bitch, and I weigh 230lbs. Damn bigorexia.
 

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Sorry revodrew, I think you read more into my opinion than intended, any way sounds like things are working out for you. I hope things improve on a daily basis.
 

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