Men Vs. Women

[Beelzebub]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feellike it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled
look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do
for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them
all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a
pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so
excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when
she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop
when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?!"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

 

[DarkAnimal73]

Now that is how Chuck Norris would do it......except he would roundhouse her at the end



Fuckin Classic:bow28:

 

[delta314]

Gotta love the way he gets even at the end:twisted:

 

[ryano]

:jaw: Probably not for the next year!



Thats f'ing hilarious!

 

[DmitryWI]

Gotta love the way he gets even at the end:twisted:

Say what? LOL He got even? The guy screwed, he'll be sleeping on the couch for next 6 months. But it was worse it.:icon_lol:

 

[revodrew]

:head: :box:

 

[toughchick401]

i have to laugh at this one...

 

[jonny21]

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?!"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

You didn't put much thought into this did you? Not only does hell hath no fury like a short man scorned but it has even less fury than a woman scorned. Don't be surprised if you are finishing yourself off after your next romp in the bedroom.

A sincere apology with gentle & kind act would do wonders i.e. brushing her hair, back rub... to remedy your situation. Besides, they are excellent lead-ins

As guys we never think how it appears. Its basically like we are standing there with our dicks in our hands saying "come on let's go"

Go do some research on Tantric Sex. :study:

 

[somewhatgifted]

WOw you are standing up for men with cold boxes everywhere, good one the moral of the story for me is why should i listen to you talk and eat your cooking if your not gonna put out later.

 

[Beelzebub]

You didn't put much thought into this did you? Not only does hell hath no fury like a short man scorned but it has even less fury than a woman scorned. Don't be surprised if you are finishing yourself off after your next romp in the bedroom.

A sincere apology with gentle & kind act would do wonders i.e. brushing her hair, back rub... to remedy your situation. Besides, they are excellent lead-ins

As guys we never think how it appears. Its basically like we are standing there with our dicks in our hands saying "come on let's go"

Go do some research on Tantric Sex. :study:

you're gay

and it was a joke.....try laughing instead:trout:

 

[toughchick401]

i thought it was hysterical....

 

[Beelzebub]

i thought it was hysterical....

 

[jonny21]

Thought it was funny as a true story.

Just felt poorly thinking about any unforseen ramifications.

Sorry for my wasted concern. Hopefully calling me gay made you feel better about yourself

 

[Beelzebub]

quite happy actually

 

[DmitryWI]

LMAO That's funnier than joke itself.

 

[BodyWizard]

Damn, Beelz - that shouldn't have been so funny... but thanks!

BTW, if you're thinking this will teach her about teasing and frustrated expectations...well, I'll go start the popcorn.

Go do some research on Tantric Sex. :study:

yeah - then go find a woman who isn't threatened by your new sexual expectations... :twisted:

[EDIT - how did I miss that big ol' shaggy dawg? :thumbsup:]

 

[snakebyte05]

that was funny as hell, good read/joke

 

[revodrew]

quite happy actually

Only reason your happy is now your not the only homo on here!:nutkick:

 

[Beelzebub]

Only reason your happy is now your not the only homo on here!:nutkick:

since when did it become a crime to enjoy a good showtune every now and then???:woohoo:

 

[Bigdaddyandy]

Funny story, I read a joke very similar a few years ago on the back of Playboy centerfold.

If you actually did this(and I hope for your sake you're joking), you are going to be playing flog the nazi for a very, very, very long time.

 

[Bigdaddyandy]

And for the record, showtunes are, well only kind of gay.

 

[zaph123]

i like your style. Good **** thanks for making my day

 

[bosco]

:icon_lol:

 

[Beelzebub]

And for the record, showtunes are, well only kind of gay.

it's not gay if you like it...............:run:

 

[mab904]

:toofunny:

"I don't feellike it, I just want you to hold me."

Don't feel like it?...hold me? What was she thinking. The only time I want my husband to hold me is when we are wrestling...:woohoo:monday night smackdown!


And since he wasn't having sex anyway, I say, he might as well get some payback on her.

 

[Beelzebub]

LMAO, good point mab, good point

 

[BodyWizard]

since when did it become a crime to enjoy a good showtune every now and then???:woohoo:

*ahem*
Tha-a-a-a SUN'll come out, to-MORrow, BET your bottom dollar THAT to-morROW, there'll be SUN....:run:

 

[delta314]

you're gay

and it was a joke.....try laughing instead:trout:

:toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny: :rofl: :dance:

 

[SJA]

So what did Nate say when you told him that? Did he hold you tight?

Now....Beelz isn't really taking a ride on Brokeback mountain and this isn't a story about him....this one has been circulating for a while guys. It's a JOKE!!!

 

[Beelzebub]

So what did Nate say when you told him that? Did he hold you tight?

Now....Beelz isn't really taking a ride on Brokeback mountain and this isn't a story about him....this one has been circulating for a while guys. It's a JOKE!!!

wait wait wait......you're telling me that every joke that i post isn't a true story?????? ludicrous.

this is actually a story of chuck norris and mr. t.

 

[SJA]

rrrrrrr.....gimme another one of those round house kicks little man....rrrrr.....now give it to me hard....rrrrr.....that's it fool......I pitty da fool that ain't Chuck Norris....rrrrrr

 

[Beelzebub]

.

 

[Beelzebub]

it must be true.

 

[SJA]

I saw this one too

 

[Sunder]

LoL - that's a good one Beez.

FYI - for those of you who haven't realized it - it was a joke.

Just like when standup comedians say "I told me wife this or the other day I went up to a police officer and..." - it's a joke.

 

[Truck 44]

That was too funny, made my day.

 

[bigboobiecrew]

i have to laugh at this one...

why are you stealing my pictures, "TOUGHCHICK". if you're so tough, why don't you use your own freakin pictures. you are PATHETIC. a woman in her 30's STEALING other people's pictures. i would expect something like this from a pre-teen! instead of LYING and pretending, you should have just not used a picture AT ALL and left you appearance as a mystery. not all people are so superficial that they won't talk to you because you're fat/ugly/etc. and you should have learned that BY NOW considering the fact that you're 10 YEARS older than me. why don't you fucking grow up.

http://www.myspace.com/bigboobiecrew (MY PAGE!)

 

[revodrew]

CATFIGHT:woohoo: :head: :duel: :saw: