Funny stuff...even Beelzeboob might laugh :D

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    kwyckemynd00's Avatar
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    Funny stuff...even Beelzeboob might laugh :D


    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
    intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach,
    California, would be robber James Elliot did something
    that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
    barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it
    worked.

    Honorable Mentions
    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in
    a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping
    around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
    The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
    and lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

    3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
    space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
    returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
    Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
    patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
    his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
    and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
    then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
    telling the staff that the patients were very
    excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
    deception wasn’t discovered for three days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering
    from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
    train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
    lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
    close he could get his head to a moving train before
    he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
    bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
    clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
    asked for all the cash in the register, which the
    clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
    the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
    counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
    drawer…$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
    you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
    badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinderblock
    through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
    run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over
    his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back
    and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
    unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
    Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
    store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
    called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
    them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
    minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
    him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief
    was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
    for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,
    that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
    walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5
    a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
    turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the
    cash register without a food order. When the man
    ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t
    available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
    away.

    A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
    motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
    more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
    scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
    motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
    said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
    and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s
    sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
    declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
    laugh he’d had in years.

  2. Senior Member
    Mrs. Gimpy!'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
    Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
    patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
    his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
    and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
    then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
    telling the staff that the patients were very
    excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
    deception wasn’t discovered for three days.

    lolol LOVE it..... lol i can soo see that happening
  3. Registered User
    kwyckemynd00's Avatar
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    Yeah, that one had me rolling.

    BTW, credit is due where it is due....original post by Phil Hernon at millenium-muscle.net
    •   
       

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    Quote Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
    1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
    Reminds me of a true story:

    used to work in a restaurant outside Atlanta; one of the "associate chefs" was about 4'8" with a pissy temper & the worst case of short-man syndrome I ever saw (outside of a 10-year-old); this particular cherub carried a small-caliber automatic pistol in a crotch holster, and he was prone to show it off to the waitresses.

    So one night, after work, the little prick was drinking in a local bar & took offense at some patron's remark, went for his pistol...and shot one of his nuts...OFF.

    Thanks for the morning laughs, kwyck - good for the soul!
  5. dead sexy wino
    SJA's Avatar
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    cherub
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    natedogg's Avatar
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    Hooray for stupid people! They're always good for a laugh.
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    Hey Kwyck when there is a blizzard dont park anywhere you know you didnt shovel, its an unwritten Chicago Law !!! She didnt deserve to be shot, but i have seen ass whipins because of it. Anyway the rest were hillarious !!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by BodyWizard
    Reminds me of a true story:

    used to work in a restaurant outside Atlanta; one of the "associate chefs" was about 4'8" with a pissy temper & the worst case of short-man syndrome I ever saw (outside of a 10-year-old); this particular cherub carried a small-caliber automatic pistol in a crotch holster, and he was prone to show it off to the waitresses.

    So one night, after work, the little prick was drinking in a local bar & took offense at some patron's remark, went for his pistol...and shot one of his nuts...OFF.

    Thanks for the morning laughs, kwyck - good for the soul!
    ooh
  9. I know nothing...
    DmitryWI's Avatar
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    LMAO I've read them somewhere before but still too damn funny.
    Just like they say "smart people learn from someone else's mistakes, dumb people shot their nuts off"
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    This belongs in the evolution thread
  

  
 

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