Funny stuff...even Beelzeboob might laugh :D
- 01-19-2006, 04:01 AM
Funny stuff...even Beelzeboob might laugh :D
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach,
California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in
a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping
around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
and lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn’t discovered for three days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before
he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer…$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinderblock
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief
was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,
that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5
a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the
cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he’d had in years.
- 01-19-2006, 04:12 AM
01-19-2006, 04:23 AM
Yeah, that one had me rolling.
BTW, credit is due where it is due....original post by Phil Hernon at millenium-muscle.net
01-19-2006, 07:24 AM
Reminds me of a true story:Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
used to work in a restaurant outside Atlanta; one of the "associate chefs" was about 4'8" with a pissy temper & the worst case of short-man syndrome I ever saw (outside of a 10-year-old); this particular cherub carried a small-caliber automatic pistol in a crotch holster, and he was prone to show it off to the waitresses.
So one night, after work, the little prick was drinking in a local bar & took offense at some patron's remark, went for his pistol...and shot one of his nuts...OFF.
Thanks for the morning laughs, kwyck - good for the soul!
01-19-2006, 08:19 AM
01-19-2006, 08:33 AM
01-19-2006, 11:30 AM
Hey Kwyck when there is a blizzard dont park anywhere you know you didnt shovel, its an unwritten Chicago Law !!! She didnt deserve to be shot, but i have seen ass whipins because of it. Anyway the rest were hillarious !!!
01-19-2006, 01:59 PM
01-19-2006, 05:33 PM
LMAO I've read them somewhere before but still too damn funny.
Just like they say "smart people learn from someone else's mistakes, dumb people shot their nuts off"
01-19-2006, 05:39 PM
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