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    So frustrated


    I look to drs to help me understand why my body refuses to work, or why I am sick....I do..I need to be told, and explained to why things happen....

    The last few months, i have been living with the whatever happens, happens theory, as in what ever god;s plan is for me is ok? I need to accept it, or try....

    I AM A PERSON THAT NEEDS ANSWERS!!!! (yelling out loud)

    At the drs office again, the new dr who is conferencing my lupus dr. (you know its a bad sign when you bypass the exam room and get lead to the office)...I am told that they have to wait to do the biopsy and that its only a 90%chance of not being cancer, so wait till jan 25, for the procedure and try not to stress....AS i sit there a nd cry and tell them, HI, young girl here, ok looking, fighting like hell to keep my body in shape, had to get a GI jane haircut due to my hair falling out(internal crap going on), throwing up everyday, cant sleep, stressed...sure why not wait,its not there stress its mine......So as I pay my 5th copay in less than 4 weeks of 30dollars for a **** answer, and leave i n tears again, i just shake my head.....no answers here and i am not looking for any here either, just needed to vent...

    I cant tell my family, dad is having heart surgery the 10th of jan, and i have to wait so he dosent worry about me, and well the rest of the fa mily has enough to worry about with dad, and friends, well.......some know and some don't.....funny thing about medical issues, find out who your true friends are....

    <sigh> i dont feel the rage anymore....thanks
    RIP Ryan, :(

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    i just got work and relized how much the "kids" i work with, which given there stature you would assume to be adult responsiable citazens,but given circumstances and underlying observations were actually infact a mere lazy peice of **** to the sub-atomic level.
    who greatly, greatly, piss me off.
    fustrated, on the verge of merely exploding, i decided to get online and read up on my upcoming stress induced and anger exorbitant workout ahead.

    my problems, worries and woes were droped like a ton of bricks after this thread.
    i am truely sorry.
    this whole day at work i could only think of what was to the men that faced perlious danger, iminet death for our saftey.
    "when going through hell... keep going" Winston churchill

    good day, my fair lady and may your struggle turn into pure strength and innocence.
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    I have a relative going through chemo right now (breast cancer) and I just lost my Grandmother last week. Watching them both recently going through medical problems (large ones), my heart really goes out to you <hugz>. The only thing that you can do is enjoy every moment that you can. Little things will matter more now than ever. WE all take things for granted but when you go through a traumatic event such as this, you realize that you are missing out on the real beauty of life (I know that I do). It's ashame that we don't think of the pleasurable little things every day that we think about when faced with death/illness. It's like missing 80% of life.
    I know that waiting for a test result such as that is so F'D....nothing anyone says can take away the hole in your stomach. The only advice that I would offer is what I said above. You are mentally tough (and physically) and this is the true test of grit IMO for anyone. Hold your head high knowing that you are facing things head on and not hiding. I wish you the best and if you need to vent further....feel free. I know that I'll listen to you
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    Some one once told me "Chin up" Do you know who that was...You know I am here 24/7 as you were for me.

    Not to quote a disney movie but...

    "A flower that blooms in diversity is the most beutifull indeed"
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    I went through this with my wife and her Lupus and i'm going through it now with a friend that they can't find out what's wrong with him. He keeps getting worse and more and more depressed. He was in better shape than guys half his age and now he can't even do a push up without being in pain for days.

    Personally I don't even think doctors diagnose anymore. they just give blood work and tell you to come back if it doesn't get better.


    My opinion is see as many different docs as you can and even print stuff off of the net and bring it in. Hell, look for answers anywhere you can get em and I wish ya the best of luck and you pull through this as quickly as possible.
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    Thanks all (((((HUGZ)))) some days i just need to vent, most days I am fine but today got to me.

    Everytime i think i might get an answer from a dr, they don't seem to have a damn thing, which is ok. but tell me this dont say, We think it might be this,,,,( not a guiena pig)

    SJA, whats your addy? lost it.....

    Thanks again.
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    hey tough chick


    Doesn't life just have a funny way reminding us how fragile we are? I am a firm believer we have to know where we've been to know where wer are going. And it is such a dark moment when we can't see our own path. How do you fight a fight when you can't see your enemy or; how do you know which way to direct your efforts and talents? Feeling ill and not knowing all the answers must be tough.

    You have our encouragment to meet whatever challenge head on and with our support.

    My girlfriend was looking for some answers the other day and I emailed her your sig. You have helped me encourage some one and didn't even know it. You may really live up to your name, but you've really probably got heart mostly chicka.

    Feel well. And peace.
    My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
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    Toughgirl VENT and VENT well, take your fear ,anger and confusion and use that to find the answers that you need then the solution will come. These are a great bunch of people on this board and I can say with no hesitation that we will all be here for you anytime.

    may the powers that be walk beside you on your journey!!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by SJA
    I have a relative going through chemo right now (breast cancer) and I just lost my Grandmother last week. Watching them both recently going through medical problems (large ones), my heart really goes out to you <hugz>. The only thing that you can do is enjoy every moment that you can. Little things will matter more now than ever. WE all take things for granted but when you go through a traumatic event such as this, you realize that you are missing out on the real beauty of life (I know that I do). It's ashame that we don't think of the pleasurable little things every day that we think about when faced with death/illness. It's like missing 80% of life.
    I know that waiting for a test result such as that is so F'D....nothing anyone says can take away the hole in your stomach. The only advice that I would offer is what I said above. You are mentally tough (and physically) and this is the true test of grit IMO for anyone. Hold your head high knowing that you are facing things head on and not hiding. I wish you the best and if you need to vent further....feel free. I know that I'll listen to you

    I love you Steve... I'll try and place a call this weekend.

    As always, you're in my thoughts and prayers.


    TC, just hang in there.

    I believe the single most significant decision you can make on a day-to-day basis is your choice of attitude.

    Attitude keeps you going or cripples your progress. It alone fuels your fire or assaults your hope.
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    Quote Originally Posted by motiv8er
    Doesn't life just have a funny way reminding us how fragile we are? I am a firm believer we have to know where we've been to know where wer are going. And it is such a dark moment when we can't see our own path. How do you fight a fight when you can't see your enemy or; how do you know which way to direct your efforts and talents? Feeling ill and not knowing all the answers must be tough.

    You have our encouragment to meet whatever challenge head on and with our support.

    My girlfriend was looking for some answers the other day and I emailed her your sig. You have helped me encourage some one and didn't even know it. You may really live up to your name, but you've really probably got heart mostly chicka.

    Feel well. And peace.

    feel free to have her email me, cuttebratt@yahoo.com, just ID who she is as I delete all unknown mail.

    ((((hugz))))) I like helping people, its who I am, and what I do day in and day out. glad i might have helped some...

    thanks for the support, today is a better day, tired as hell but a better day.
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    speaking of people emailing someone.. I did email you the other day TC
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    i emailed,you x2, and nothing...
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    U R in my thoughts TC, stay strong.....
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    Quote Originally Posted by toughchick401
    feel free to have her email me, cuttebratt@yahoo.com, just ID who she is as I delete all unknown mail.

    ((((hugz))))) I like helping people, its who I am, and what I do day in and day out. glad i might have helped some...

    thanks for the support, today is a better day, tired as hell but a better day.
    TC you've been quite a trooper in dealing with all the screwballs getting thrown at you. I know you know I'm around if you need to vent.

    You'll be ok. I've got confidence that you'll come out just fine... all it is, is stress compounded on more stress with your life's situation. You'll deal with it all fine and you'll be an even better person because of it.

    Remember, someone always has it worse than you; keep confidence in yourself and remain optimistic; if not for yourself then do it for someone else ok?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bean
    TC you've been quite a trooper in dealing with all the screwballs getting thrown at you. I know you know I'm around if you need to vent.

    You'll be ok. I've got confidence that you'll come out just fine... all it is, is stress compounded on more stress with your life's situation. You'll deal with it all fine and you'll be an even better person because of it.

    Remember, someone always has it worse than you; keep confidence in yourself and remain optimistic; if not for yourself then do it for someone else ok?
    Thanks bean, your right, i spent the day at the hospital in the children;s wing ( Hasboro children;s hospital) reading to the kids, and visiting. made me feel good, and even became friends with a little girl, emily, emily is 4 and has cancer, most gorgus smile I have ever seen, and a sweetie!
    Of course when I left I cried, just because it's sad, being 4 and being in the hospital for so long and so often(her mom was there and we got to talking).....Emily and I traded doo rags, and I plan on going back to see her again this week. Might be hard this week with my dad (operation) but i promised her i would go back and read her a story......
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    "Might be hard this week with my dad (operation) but i promised her i would go back and read her a story......"

    It will not be easy, but I know your Dad sure would be proud. When I am suffering or in pain, I've found giving myself sometimes is the closest remedy I can find. And not at all is that the reason for doing it of course. I say go for it! Sure Emily would too!
    My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
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    Quote Originally Posted by toughchick401
    Thanks bean, your right, i spent the day at the hospital in the children;s wing ( Hasboro children;s hospital) reading to the kids, and visiting. made me feel good, and even became friends with a little girl, emily, emily is 4 and has cancer, most gorgus smile I have ever seen, and a sweetie!
    Of course when I left I cried, just because it's sad, being 4 and being in the hospital for so long and so often(her mom was there and we got to talking).....Emily and I traded doo rags, and I plan on going back to see her again this week. Might be hard this week with my dad (operation) but i promised her i would go back and read her a story......
    Thats awesome! I'm sure it means the WORLD to Emily that you're spending time with her. When you're feeling horrible and "woe as me"; a kind and genuine word can feel like heaven. I can speak from experience, do you remember that?

    Don't cry over her; I'm sure her mother has cried plenty for everyone. Be glad, because she is alive, and still self-aware. And still humble enough to trade doo rags with a mere heffalump

    Hope your days get better
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    If there are any physicians reading this thread, please don't take offense to the following, BUT...

    It seems as though some doctors will just throw out an 'educated guess' rather than just admit they don't know or refer you to someone else. I know someone that saw 5 different doctors and was told she had a different condition by each one. Don't just f'n guess! If you don't know, then you don't know!! Recommend more testing or refer the patient to a specialist!

    God bless you Tough Chick. I wish you the very best.
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    My heart goes out to you TC, Ive prayed for you and I will again. I can't imagine what a great person you are and have to go through such a tough times.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DmitryWI
    My heart goes out to you TC, Ive prayed for you and I will again. I can't imagine what a great person you are and have to go through such a tough times.
    thanks as you have been in my thoughts with your pain ( break up)...things will get easier...Promise
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    Thanks to you too
    Thing are getting better, my heart still broken but this is God's will and I'll never doubt God about His intensions.
    Your story makes me realize how little my problems are... I've never ever met a person with such a big heart and such a strong will power like yourself. I'll try to help you as much as I possible can. God bless you.
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    I sent you E-mail.
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    I hope your dads surgery went ok, call me if you need to talk...
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    Quote Originally Posted by refrieddreams
    I hope your dads surgery went ok, call me if you need to talk...

    awww thanks he made it ok, but some issues so I am here to shower, and get my pillow and i am going back to sleep there, I mean he is a daibetic, no one knew, and my mom made sure she told everyone before she left, his blood sugar was 345 tonight, so I am sleeping there, mom is taking 1st shift and my sister is 2nd shift......
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    You are a very good person...
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    Quote Originally Posted by refrieddreams
    You are a very good person...
    nope, only one dad, one mom...you do what needs to be done...called in sick today so i can veg and hang with my nephew before going to the hospital...
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    My dad got hit by a car the other day, (I may have told you this)...I know what it's like.

    My lil brother is my hero, always the guy that takes care of everyone, and he is out of town right now, so I need to step up a bit, and seeing you, do what you do, especially in light of the situation you went through last week when your friend came over to pick you up and your parents pulled that **** on you...you inspire me, and I hope you inspire everyone else!
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    [quote=refrieddreams]My dad got hit by a car the other day, (I may have told you this)...I know what it's like.

    My lil brother is my hero, always the guy that takes care of everyone, and he is out of town right now, so I need to step up a bit, and seeing you, do what you do, especially in light of the situation you went through last week when your friend came over to pick you up and your parents pulled that **** on you...you inspire me, and I hope you inspire everyone else![/quote

    funny, you bring that up..with all this crap with my dad, i forgot about it, and how annoyed I was at the little mindedness ( i word I think) of both my parents...Please dont think i don't love them, I do but sometimes there wrong, like last week,.....
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    Sorry to bring it up then...
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    hey tough chick, i just wanted to say ive been following your posts and really feel for ya, i dont know if you remember but my girlfreinds father was the one going into gall bladder surgery and had lupus as well. the surgery had some complications and turned from a 45 min operation into a 4 hour one. recovery has been tough for him, but hes actually been experiencing minimal pain and symptoms from his lupus (although i know the have him taking medicine for it), i guess bottom line is i see him SLOWLY progressing (obviously this operation hasnt helped) and thats better then nothing, and i know that changing docs all the time and having to get reaquainted every time sucks but if you live on the west coast and want i can try to get more info on his doc (supposedly hes pretty good and personally i can tell he's very involved and takes an honest interest in his patients). either way know that we are all here for ya and youll be suprised at how many people can feel and relate with your situation, so stay strong as always and dont let the world overwhelm you, your above it all.
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    Refried and Touchchicka


    Isn't funny when we are right now and our parents are wrong? Kinda like when did we assume the intellectual authority? My question is do your parents listen to you?
    My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
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    I just got off the phone with my sister and she was with my dad. He is all hopped up on drugs, from his acccident. She said the same thing, when did the roles shift?

    The other day, my lil bro and I worked on my sisters car all day, then drove up to the OC to get one of those chairs that lift you out of it, for my dad.

    We brought it in, he was hammered from his drugs, blabbing about whatever. He was like, "Moms out buying you beer now I promise" He repeated that like ten times. Then one of his friends came over and this dude was ripped out of his mind...I mean gonzo...we were just sitting there like when the hell did we grow up and they turned into kids.

    Does he listen to me...hell no. I may have to ground him, or take away his TV priveledges.
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    Quote Originally Posted by motiv8er
    Isn't funny when we are right now and our parents are wrong? Kinda like when did we assume the intellectual authority? My question is do your parents listen to you?
    I was at the hospital tonight with my dad and he asked me to shave his face for him, As he layed there he looked at me and said, "thanks sara"....I started to cry, knowing he has a long road ahead and its now my turn to care for him and my mom....Do they listen, no...but neither do I
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    It is much more interesting for us to take the leads. I don't want to. I am not sure I am ready, but I suppose we are meant to. My conversations with my parents have flipped the script so to speak. I am not being harressed now, now it is a matter of me needing to not let them feel unloved. When did we accept it as our job to nurture??? I don't think I could raise a pet rock; but wow am I accountable now. Damn.

    Glad I am not alone in this realization...
    My The 1 LOG: http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/254164-my-one-log.html
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    Quote Originally Posted by toughchick401
    said, "thanks sara"....
    I don't get it.
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    LOL She didn't want to say her real name, silly.
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    Quote Originally Posted by refrieddreams
    I don't get it.
    actually its a joke between my dad and I....knowing sara isent my real name but the one my dad always calls me..and I have one for him as well....its the silly little things
    RIP Ryan, :(
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    Now I get it Joannna...
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    Quote Originally Posted by toughchick401
    actually its a joke between my dad and I....knowing sara isent my real name but the one my dad always calls me..and I have one for him as well....its the silly little things
    A lot like Stan is called "Billy" on southpark even.

    Glad to see you still kickin TC. My father's bday was today; he turned 58!!! His father died at 66 so it bothers me a lot sometimes

    Glad to see you remaining strong. Talk to you later.
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