A reminder to guard your heart

[TheCrownedOne]

Just a friendly reminder for those of you in relationships or considering beginning one. If someone, for no apparent reason begins acting differently - namely, not making any effort to be with you, not calling as much, acting aloof, etc. - then it is likely due to their not being completely forthright with you.

Guard your heart and demand honesty and respect all the time, every time. No relationship or person is worth condescending yourself and accepting anything less than the equal respect and love you deserve.

Two pertinent verses to remember:

Jeremiah
17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Luke
6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Be wise, friends, and Godspeed.

-Stephen the Great-

 

[rhinochaser48]

I hope this doesn't mean what it sounds like it means. Hope everything is alright in your world.

My philosophy on this matter - be open with the person from day one. With my current girlfriend, we talked openly about things about a month after we started dating; I most honestly told her that certain worst case scenarios would be the absolute end to the relationship. I would not be hanging around in such instances. There are some things I would never do to a significant other, and I expect the same in return.

Best wishes to you.

 

[B5150]

Stephen,

Remember what you learned, grow, and continue to be salt and light. Everything under the sun [son] has it's purpose.

 

[jcam222]

ill pray for you

I hope this doesnt mean you have had some trying relationship issues now but sure sounds like it. Either way I will pray for you.

I sure know how that is. I have been interested in a girl I workout with for the last two and a half years. When we met she was married and I really wanst even all that attracted to her. somewhere along the way I realized she was all I thought of. Of course she was married early on. by the time i found she was going to be single a casual friend jumped and they had been dating for the lsat two years. I never betrayed that casual friendship yet grew to love her. I found a few weeks ago that he treasts her like ****, verbally abuses her and then he dumped her. She was so down that I let her stay a night .....I ended up telling her how I felt and we spent the most perfect week of my life togehter (I am 43 and never have felt about someone like I feel for her) Long story short he stalked her and believe it or not she is back with him. I quit that gym as I didnt want to deal with his conditions (he is the owner) nor could I stand seeing her with him right now. So basically all about the same time I lost my ongoing workout group who were like family to me, I spent 6 days a week there, lost seeing her everynight, lost her as a friend and more , at the same time I had just came off SD and t3......I gotta tell you I have had some BIG pity parties mixed with anger. Anyway sorry for the rambling and didnt even plan on saying it here but it sure felt good to vent.

I will pray for your for sure crowned

 

[bigpetefox]

So very true..

 

[refrieddreams]

UGH....my heart is too cold and bitter to be guarded.

 

[EEmain]

UGH....my heart is too cold and bitter to be guarded.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love. -Khalil Gibran

 

[DmitryWI]

Me and my girl broke up this morning... We've been together for a year, she is first girl I've ever been in love with... I've cried for 4 hours straight, I still am as I'm typing this... I prayed... I am right now... I see no future without her... I'm praying for all of you with broken hearts... Do so for me...

 

[DmitryWI]

Thanks, man, for your support. I just change my signature, this is where I made big mistake, but God witness, how hard I've tried to make this relationship work, but I had no help from her.
Being in love is the best feeling, but **** does it hurt! when it's over...

 

[TheCrownedOne]

A major catalyst to the ending of my relationship was hearing Staind’s “Right Here” and fearing that I could honestly say that I had written the song. My biggest problem is a fear of being alone. I even told her the night before I ended things that I would rather face the worst disrespect she had to offer than to spend the remainder of my life alone. Later, God reminded me of my saying that, and I cried because I couldn’t believe that I had lowered His creation so far as to willingly accept less than what He would offer me. Granted, no one will be able to provide what He does, but they should at least attempt to come close in some ways.
You just have to remind yourself that every single thing that happens apart from your control is allowed to happen by God. He absolutely cannot ever make a mistake and desires the best for you above all things. He would only allow you to suffer if it was for a greater purpose and a better day ahead.

My appreciation to everyone here is beyond words. But I gave everything to God, saying that I trusted Him alone to get me through this. Yesterday I awoke with a renewed perspective. I see it as simply a lesson learned and another piece of the template I’ve been forming from each relationship, a template to be used as a guide to finding the love of my life. I pray you may all find the same peace in whatever sadness befalls your lives.

Joshua
1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

Thanks, man, for your support. I just change my signature, this is where I made big mistake, but God witness, how hard I've tried to make this relationship work, but I had no help from her.
Being in love is the best feeling, but **** does it hurt! when it's over...

noo! didnt you just ask me what would b e a nice anniversary present? im so sorry

 

[Cuffs]

Hope things are well with you Crowned. You were there for me during my ****, and I appreciated it very much.

D...dude, sorry to hear of your break up. Last time we talked it seemed like things were going good for you. You as well were there for me during my time, and I will be here for you. Things will take a turn for the better. Just give it some time. Me...I jumped right into it head first and never looked back. Mistake???...maybe, but I'm having a kick ass time.

Now its my ex's turn to be feeling it. She's all sad, confused, and even wearing her wedding ring again. But, I won't give her the time of day abd haven't seen her in like two months.

Best of luck with you dudes. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need anything, shoot me a PM

I have the book you sent me. I found it boxed up the other day after my move. Shoot me your address and I'll get it back to you.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

He absolutely cannot ever make a mistake and desires the best for you above all things. He would only allow you to suffer if it was for a greater purpose and a better day ahead.

My appreciation to everyone here is beyond words.

beautiful.

everything in life has a purpose, and everyone that has ever been important in your life has a purpose. im glad that you realized that you should never lower your standards. i tell people all the time that relationships that are not...hm...at least 90 percent happiness are not worth keeping. love can be so perfect. it might take a long time to find a perfect love and it also might just be around the corner, but i swear to you its out there. something better WILL come along.

for a long time i put up with a jerk of a boyfriend. i learned from him to treat my future husbands, boyfriends, etc... with respect and kindness AND i met my fiance through him. i am happier than i have ever been in my entire life. me and kwyche have one of those amazing relationships where we dont fight and are smiling and laughing all the time. perfect, fairy tale love does exist, but many people just "settle" for "perfect enough".

 

[kwyckemynd00]

...but many people just "settle" for "perfect enough".

And, they confuse infatuation with love.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Me and my girl broke up this morning... We've been together for a year, she is first girl I've ever been in love with... I've cried for 4 hours straight, I still am as I'm typing this... I prayed... I am right now... I see no future without her... I'm praying for all of you with broken hearts... Do so for me...

I'm sorry to hear that, bud.

Just remember this, when the person you love is "taken" from you, you should be lost.

BUT...When the person you thought you loved leaves, THEN you were just spared from more time living a lie and you can take some more steps toward where you are supposed to be.

If you did everything right, and it wasn't good enough, it was her loss. People like that are never happy, and you dont' want to be with someone who is never happy.

 

[DmitryWI]

noo! didnt you just ask me what would b e a nice anniversary present? im so sorry

Yes, her birthday next week, I already bought that present, I won't return it, it'll be something special for me.

 

[DmitryWI]

A major catalyst to the ending of my relationship was hearing Staind’s “Right Here” and fearing that I could honestly say that I had written the song. My biggest problem is a fear of being alone. I even told her the night before I ended things that I would rather face the worst disrespect she had to offer than to spend the remainder of my life alone. Later, God reminded me of my saying that, and I cried because I couldn’t believe that I had lowered His creation so far as to willingly accept less than what He would offer me. Granted, no one will be able to provide what He does, but they should at least attempt to come close in some ways.
You just have to remind yourself that every single thing that happens apart from your control is allowed to happen by God. He absolutely cannot ever make a mistake and desires the best for you above all things. He would only allow you to suffer if it was for a greater purpose and a better day ahead.

My appreciation to everyone here is beyond words. But I gave everything to God, saying that I trusted Him alone to get me through this. Yesterday I awoke with a renewed perspective. I see it as simply a lesson learned and another piece of the template I’ve been forming from each relationship, a template to be used as a guide to finding the love of my life. I pray you may all find the same peace in whatever sadness befalls your lives.

Joshua
1:5 There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Word... but as of today I'm having hard time to accept it. I will some day though.

 

[DmitryWI]

I'm sorry to hear that, bud.

Just remember this, when the person you love is "taken" from you, you should be lost.

BUT...When the person you thought you loved leaves, THEN you were just spared from more time living a lie and you can take some more steps toward where you are supposed to be.

If you did everything right, and it wasn't good enough, it was her loss. People like that are never happy, and you dont' want to be with someone who is never happy.

In order to make our relationship work one of us had to compromise, I want her to change some things in her life and she wanted me to accept things they are right now. I've done everything in order to make this work, God witness to that and I was willing to do anything to help her, but she said she couldn't go that route right now. It takes two people to make relationship to work...

 

[DmitryWI]

Cuffs, thanks, man, I consider you as one of my friends... and Kwyck, Gimpy, Stephen and everyone else, thanks for being here for me.

 

[chasec]

sorry to hear all these sad stories; you all have my prayers

 

[TheCrownedOne]

perfect, fairy tale love does exist, but many people just "settle" for "perfect enough".

I agree completely. I think it would be thinking too little of God to assume that He would only have a mediocre relationship in store for us. He feels equal love for all of us - evidenced by His only begotten Son's sacrifice - has equal expectations, and desires a perfect, epic life for each and every human being He took the time and care to craft and die for. For more on that I highly recommend a tiny book called Epic by John Eldredge.
We really shortchange ourselves sometimes by settling for less than we deserve because we have this fear shared by Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good as it Gets" where we wonder, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
Follow God and there's no limit to how good it can get.

 

[DmitryWI]

Stephen, I'm sorry if hijack your thread, Imight start my own and explain whar happened will see.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

Use mine if you want bro, you know I don't mind at all

 

[DmitryWI]

She is a beatiful angel lost in the dark, surrounded by demons, I tried to pull her out of it, but couldn't do it without her help. She gave up on it and was ready to spend the rest of her life in the dark, but I didn't want to give up... I was hurt too many times, but God gave me strenth, patience and faith to keep going and not give up on her, but I couldn't do it without her help. She broke up with me last tuesday and said she's going back to the darkness, she didn't know what she's doing. I couldn't understand her and couldn't accept it.
I happen to know a very spiritually gifted guy, Gary Spivey, some of you might heard of him, he has own tv show in Las Vegas and he is on many radio stations all over US. A I called him next morning and asked him to help me. Later that day I got together with her and got Gary on speaker phone, he talked to her for almoust 1 hour, got rid of all her dark energy and opened her eyes on many things she couldn't see or feel in the dark. But she still had to make a major step on her own and leave her previous life. She did... We are back together, she is completely changed person. I'm praying for her, afraid she will turn around and go back to her previous life. But she promised me it's not going to happen no matter what.

 

[B5150]

But she still had to make a major step on her own and leave her previous life. She did... We are back together, she is completely changed person. I'm praying for her, afraid she will turn around and go back to her previous life. But she promised me it's not going to happen no matter what.

Please remember the change that you desire the most for her is that she leave the darkness. This path, and continued travel upon, toward the light need to be for herself first, with or without you...if you TRUELY desire her to be in the light. Love her completely and unconditionally...regardless.

Please keep close to your heart your first sig. below. It is often helpful in times like the ones your are passing through now.

Peace to you.

 

[DmitryWI]

She doesn't do drugs or drink, someone might think.Thanks for your advice, Brian. I keep my feeling close to myself untill I see she completed that step. But she started that step last night and it was the most difficult move, now at least I know she's willing to work with me.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

See how the tide can turn Who knows what tomorrow can bring.

 

[B5150]

She doesn't do drugs or drink, someone might think.Thanks for your advice, Brian. I keep my feeling close to myself untill I see she completed that step. But she started that step last night and it was the most difficult move, now at least I know she's willing to work with me.

Didn't think she did, and not really what I was getting at. I have found that the accept, changing and knowing the difference is a univresal principle in a lot I do and work through. Not exclusive to sobriety. Good to hear things are brighter for the two of you.

 

[DmitryWI]

I might post more details, because we'll need advice on how to handle some situations or she might do so herself under my username.

 

[DmitryWI]

I've met Shannon about year ago, we hit it off right away and always had wonderfull times when we together. She has 2 kids 9 year old beautifull girl and 10 years old boy. She's been in relationship with their father for 11 years, they never been married though.
A little about him... I've never met him (and hope never will), so everything I will say is based on what I was told by people know him. He is control freak, very abusive person, not physically but mentally. Shannon been miserable with him for all these years, but he had total control over her and she could not leave him. Then he started doing drugs, gamble and all other stupid **** comes with it.
She left him about 6 months before we've met, she had to move away from him because he was after her and didn't want to let her go. She sold her house and moved 60 miles away, so he won't bother her, but they still had to see each other because of kids. Year later he was not over her and did everything to get her back, not because he loves her or cares about her, but because he wanted to control her again. He threatened her if she sees someone he will kill him. He was after her. She gave up... We broke up last summer and she went back with him. Few months later when things got really ugly she left him again and we got back together. She promised me she won't go back to him...
We weren't in serious relationship in the first place, we just were having fun and she told me I can date other women if I want. I did. This is when I realized how much I'm in love with Shannon and I told her I want to be in serious relationship with her. I gave her enough time to make a decision.
Two weeks ago she said she can't do it and she don't want to hurt me and she's going back with him. It was the worst and dumbest decision on her part and she knew that but she didn't have any strenth and power to fight him, he had total control over her.
You know the rest...
She is changed person now, she's not controlled by him no more. We just spent 3 the most wonderfull days together and things going great, well, almost great...
Of course, he calls her every day, leaves her dosen messages, wants her back. Shannon stays strong and ignores him, she tried to explain, but he is not type of person who listens. Now he tries to control her over her kids, since he still see them. Also he threatens her he will kill if she sees anyone. And I know he will...
I need help, I need advice.

 

[DmitryWI]

This is my gorgeous girl and sexy me of course

 

[B5150]

You guys look great. I recommend at least speaking to a lawyer. I am not one who believes that mothers should have sole custody when there is a man of good character and integrity who is responsible to share parenting. My ex and I share legal custody. In cases where there is evidence of the abusive behavior that he is perpetrating against her and indirectly her children I feel that the system need be involved to protect them. Worst case it could send him over the edge, best case a third party may be the intervention that is needed for him to get a wakeup call. I am an advocate of 'health' father child relationships. The system may be able to actually help him to be a better person if he is able to recognize how serious his behavior is and how it effect his kids. The man has issues (which I can empathize with) and needs help. But first seek the advice and guidance of a lawyer and or law enforcement if necessary. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[DmitryWI]

Thank you, Brian. The problem is he will never realize he has problems. I told her don't let her kids see him at least for now, till things will cool down, but they want to see their dad and she doesn't want to take dad away from them. We just spent 3 wonderfull days together, wilst kids where at dads. He tried to control her through kids again and make them call her and ask where she is and bunch of other BS. Shannon tried to talk to him and explain he can't put kids in between, but he is too selfish and dumb to understand and accept the fact that they no longer together.

 

[DmitryWI]

P.S. He left message yesterday, saying he will go to jail for killing anyone she's seeing. I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[snakebyte05]

Sorry to hear about everyones problems on here, seems recently many on this board have had relationship problems. Me, well I was away from here for about 3 weeks from my own relationship problems. My girlfriend and I took a break for a while, we were very serious and it was heading forward, she was scared of goign to fast and wanted to take a break and see what else is out there because she didn't want to go to far and regret her life. Well 3 weeks went by and she was sort of seeing another guy and it was VERY difficult on me. They weren't actually dating, it was more like friends that may become dating. Well it ended up that she came and spoke with me and told me she found what she needed and that she was sure she wanted to be with me. I had no Idea this was her test for herself to see if she really wanted to be with me or anything. I was very relieved to hear this and we are better than ever. This is actually the second time I have had a tough experience in this relationship and I honestly believe it to be the last. I see our relationship as great, we can both be who we are, act any way without worrying about what the other says, just lay around together not doing anything and still have a great time with each other. We both respect each other and how we feel and it is easy for both of us to tell the each other when something bothers us. I wish you the best of luck crownedone and dimitry. You will be suprised what can happen, I thought it was over for me, I didn't know what her intentions were that she was making sure she wanted to be with me. These times you find out who you really are. I analyse myself and seem learn a lot about what bothers me that I do and things I need to change. Try to learn from the experience, sometimes you make the best changes in yourself during trying times. Good luck guys.

 

[B5150]

P.S. He left message yesterday, saying he will go to jail for killing anyone she's seeing. I don't know how to deal with it.

Save message...call police.

 

[DmitryWI]

If we do so right now, I think it'll make things worse. He doesn't know about me and he doesn't know she's seeing someone. She hopes that with time he'll get over the fact they not together. It's already hard on kids, if police will get involved, they will freak out. I don't know, just my way of thinking.

 

[snakebyte05]

If we do so right now, I think it'll make things worse. He doesn't know about me and he doesn't know she's seeing someone. She hopes that with time he'll get over the fact they not together. It's already hard on kids, if police will get involved, they will freak out. I don't know, just my way of thinking.

What if he decides one day to take a trip up to where she lives and just happens to see you there? I mean then what? What if he has a gun with him? I would not take the chances, if he's serious, this is your life you are talking about and not worth leaving to the chance it might get better and he keeps taking her word she is single. Eventually I am guessing he will want to find out for himself and if you haven't done anything about this it could be a BIG problem with you possibly getting very hurt or even dead.

 

[bigpetefox]

Just a friendly reminder for those of you in relationships or considering beginning one. If someone, for no apparent reason begins acting differently - namely, not making any effort to be with you, not calling as much, acting aloof, etc. - then it is likely due to their not being completely forthright with you.

Guard your heart and demand honesty and respect all the time, every time. No relationship or person is worth condescending yourself and accepting anything less than the equal respect and love you deserve.

Two pertinent verses to remember:

Jeremiah
17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Luke
6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Be wise, friends, and Godspeed.

-Stephen the Great-

Quoted again, very true..

 

[DmitryWI]

What if he decides one day to take a trip up to where she lives and just happens to see you there? I mean then what? What if he has a gun with him? I would not take the chances, if he's serious, this is your life you are talking about and not worth leaving to the chance it might get better and he keeps taking her word she is single. Eventually I am guessing he will want to find out for himself and if you haven't done anything about this it could be a BIG problem with you possibly getting very hurt or even dead.

She doesn't tell him she is single, she doesn't talk to him about it at all. We don't live together and her kids don't know about us, I've met them before as just Shannons friend. If they will find out about me, they will tell their dad, it's why we keep it secret for now. I hear what you and Brian saying I'll talk to her about that again, but what cops can do at this point? Put him in jail for a week? Talk to him? Then I better watch out for sure. He is brain dead and he's on drugs, he'll kill someone without thinking twice.

 

[DmitryWI]

Pete, are you saing she is not honest with me or I just misunderstand you?

 

[B5150]

but what cops can do at this point? Put him in jail for a week? Talk to him? Then I better watch out for sure. He is brain dead and he's on drugs, he'll kill someone without thinking twice.

not that they will or need to do something right now, but by communicating and documenting these episodes you have a ally on your behalf who will know the history of his behavior and will know that your concerns are valid and require serious and immediate response if and or when something happens.

Also, take some time to seriously consider what you are getting yourself into with this relationship. Not to sound calous, but the secrets and fear are not something you should jump into off the deep end. Consider the investment you are making and be sure it is being recipricated. She needs to make it abundantly clear that they are not together and that she is single to live and love as she pleases. It will not just go away.

Combine the informing the authorities of the deatails of the history they have and have her begin to be more direct with him about where they stand. Document with them all that tranpires as a result.

 

[bigpetefox]

Pete, are you saing she is not honest with me or I just misunderstand you?

Misunderstanding, brother.. I hope things work in your favor, and you come out happy amd blessed.. I was just moved by the verses, that's all..

 

[DmitryWI]

Cool, Pete. It's why I put this into my sig.
Thank you, Brian, for all your help and advices. I'm NOT going to give up on her as long as she is with me. She has made clear to him they are not together, he just don't want to accept it. Shannon checks this thread from time to time, I'll tell her to read it tomorrow for herself.

 

[B5150]

I guess all I'm advising is that you cantact the authorities (if indeed these threats are real) about the phone messages. Like I said, not so they can do anything right then and there, only so they are 'informed' so they can be her advocate in seperating herself from him without there being incident. It may never come to that, but it would be nice to have a third party involved to keep the peace if needed. The threatening behavior may never actually escalate, but protecting herself from these threads is reasonable and justified.

 

[DmitryWI]

Ok, sounds like a good plan. It's what i'll do if threats will continue.
She had a long talk with him last night, I don't know many details, but he said he understand why she don't want to be with him and he's going for a treatment. And I hope he'll become a better person for himself and for his kids.
I'm away again, be back on wednesday so i didn't want to ask her too many details over the phone, but I think she's making good progress in solving this problem.