[David Dunn]

A post by Dr.D in LO's resurgence thread hit home (or affirmed some of my thinking) this very morning.

I always say that only a fool doesn't plan for his future, but only a bigger fool assumes he even has a future. Look ahead, but live for the day my friend! Be happy with the work of your hands, it's one of the few satisfactions a man gets in his limited number of days he calls a life.

Here is my scenario. I live in one of the fastest growing cities in the country. I believe Phoenix (and subs) is rated around the 10 largest city in the country. Here is a sample of the huge rise of the cost of living. In May of 1998 I bought my 2000sqft house for 129k. Today my house in on the market for 329k. In 7.5 years my house has appreciated about 200k. Now if and when it sells the scenario is as follows. Because of the past struggle (other topics cover this) I have had a home equity, I re-fy'd, and now, I have a home equity and that previous re-fy (btw, it has a car payoff in it this time) for mortgage payments. I have a total of ~160k in total mortgage payment.

With my (voluntary) child support, two sets of braces and health care expenses I see about 3 of 4 of my paychecks a months. Basically ~65% of my net is take home. I balance my life from week to week just getting by week to week. In the 7.5 years that the cost of living has risen here I have seen no rise of the glass ceiling that my career has hit. In the last 7 years my anual gross has been just about the same (include lay-offs, seperations ets.)

So, I sell my 2000sqft house for 329k. Gross 170k and net about 150k after realtor fee's etc. Now guess what. The same 2000sqft is gonna cost me 330-400k. Lets just say I find something for 350k. I need to put down all of my equity to bring my mortgage amount to 200k. That will be 40k more than the mortgage I am busting my ass to just bearly support (less my dependent expensess). The same amount of house with more mortgage and likely more miles to and from work. And keep in mind that is assuming I can find 2000sqft for 350k.

Now in a job/career that has little to no fulfillment at best, and makes me completely miserable otherwise. Not to mention that at the current rate of living expenses I put in a minimum of 50-55 hrs a week to just get by. I am always disgruntled with my work conditions and environment. To add to this, I do all of this struggeling to living in a city where only my immediate family still resides. My kids live in NC and I see them for 8 weeks of summer (working 50-55 hrs a week) and Christmas (two weeks). The family I have here I see once every couple few months (everyone has their own lives).

But...that 150k will buy several to many houses in NC within 20 miles of my kids....cash. I have researched the area and a modest house in the area of the school district of my kids can range from 100-125k, depending of size and year built. This means if I wanted to I could pay cash for my home and still have between 25-50k in the bank. Be able to see my daughter finish her senior year of HS. See and be with my son for his Jr and Sr years of HS. Have an at home wife/mom who has no need to work. No longer be bound to a life of the never ending cycle working for nothing more tham paying bills in the end.

You see I have looked at this very closely. I am busting my ass to just get by. Will likely have very little, to nothing more than SS when I retire, not seeing much of my kids and being miserable all the while. In the end I will have just been a sad use of the 'LIFE' in the life I have been given.

Or I can change what I am doing...TODAY!. I can move to NC, pay cash for that home, spend time with those blessings of children that I have been given, be free of the constant rate race that I will never even place in. I may or may not have much of anything when retirement time comes, but along the way the taxation on my life to just get by will be reduced significantly. I will be able to have LIFE and share more of my life with the ones I love. I will be able to provide more of me to my family TODAY because today the only real asset all I have today is me. When it is all said and done my little girl cares not about the upwardly mobile life but rather the upwardly loving and sharing dad she has. My son will not care about the mediocre life insurance policy that is left behind for him but will consider those fishing trips that were missed and thos eball game that were never attended. My oldest daughet will have know a dad who SPENT all of his life rather than lived it.

People, I post this in this forum for a reason. Most of you and I are in the same place in life. Dr.D, thanks for saying outloud what I have had on my heart for many years. Lean One, follow that direction that your heart leads you.

Thanks for letting me share my rambles

[mab904]

NC is an awesome place to live!

[CROWLER]

HI B5150,

We have never really 'talked' before but I have always respected your posts and you are only 1 of approximately 20 members I do NOT have on my 'hide posts' list. lol

I never would have known how rough things have been going for you from your posts over the years. I am troubled that you are in such a tough situation.

I wish I had some good advice but perhaps my well wishes and prayers will help more than anything I could try to think up to say.

Best of luck and keep us up to date on what you are thinking.


CROWLER

[David Dunn]

NC is an awesome place to live!

It is quite beautiful. BTW...I changed my 'closing statement' from 'Men' to 'people'. I forget that there is a woman or two out there aound us old men's ages. Thanks for being on board.

[David Dunn]

CROWLER,

Thanks for the respect and moreso for the kindness of your post. Really things are not bad. I am in the age group and catagory of what most all 'normal' fathers and husbands are living. It is really OK. I am doing pretty well with all the the adversity and folly I have had in my life. But I want more than OK with the number of breaths I may have left on the planet. I want serenity and peace knowing that there is LIFE in my life.

Thank you friend...you do make a difference.

[Matthew D]

I really like down south.. B, come down to Alabama, you will like it a lot especially if you like to hunt, fish, or enjoy the lake

[chasec]

the south is where it's at. a little bit slower paced and a lot more laid back. plus the real estate market is wonderful here for buyers.

[ryansm]

I'm not 35 or older, but it sounds to me like you have already made your decision, and it's the one I would choose as well. Move on bro, it's time.

[David Dunn]

I'm not 35 or older, but it sounds to me like you have already made your decision, and it's the one I would choose as well. Move on bro, it's time.

I tell you ryan...the depth of the connection you and I have made is a God send. It is precious to me.

[ryansm]

I feel the same Brian, I actually see myself in you down the road some day.

[Bering C]

B5150 move closer to where your children are. I live in Alaska everything is going crazy up here also, my wife and I talk alot about maybe moving but to "where" the best place is where your family is. take your equity move out of the 60 square miles of pavement they call phoenix and really enjoy your life, I just went to Vegas for the O and was blown away by the " keep up with the jones's drive the Hummer $400,000 starter homes" lifestyle . I'll take little ol Homer Alaska any day. Do what is in your heart and you can never regret it. Good luck!

[Beelzebub]

I can move to NC

or you could go one state up to VA and we can train in the same gym.

i like to put on hurtin' on the old ppl.

[David Dunn]

Actually there is a Stihl plant in VA (Virginia Beach area) that I did some work in a long way back earlier in my career. Spent a few weks ther during one of those hurricanes you guys get. Grew up driving up and down the east coast with my folks on vacations and remember the Chesapeak Bay Bridge and Tunnel...good times. Myrtle Beach, Virginia Beach, Busch Gardens, Kings Dominion.

(moved this thread to the General Conversation board)

[Beelzebub]

about 30 minutes from kings dominion. south end of richmond.

myrtle beach....ahhh. many good times there. VA beach has cleaned up a lot and is starting to resemble myrtle.

[toughchick401]

I lived in NC when I was a kid, I remember the house we had was a mansion, and the price was very low, I say follow your heart life is to short, belive me I know!

[DmitryWI]

Brian, do what God tells you to do, but you already know that.

[WATERLOGGED]

B5150 ,very good idea , i made sorta the same decision myself i sold my house and property and moved ,bought a cheaper house close to where my wife works and now i spend more time with my children and spend on my kids instead of a big morgage and instead of buyin that new truck i bought my kids a pool. ,so yeah follow yer heart man "there only kids once" !and they should have good memories growin up !

[jonny21]

Whenever following spirit look for the path of least resisitance. Best way I ever heard it put was "walk out the door, when you hit a wall turn left"
Hey B, we have a similar history from what I can tell. I have been waking up one day at a time for a little over 6 1/2 years feeling like Lazarus. I don't have the family concerns as you do, but nonetheless I always do my best to stay on the path my Father lays before me. I know it is the true path when things flow.

[TINYTOAD]

B5150,

What’s there not to like about Phoenix… the 5th largest city in the U.S.
We have dust storms, “Valley Fever” disease, lots of auto theft, lots of property theft, lots of mail theft, and lots of ID theft, scorpions, and summer temperatures that are hard to beat (115+ for three weeks in a row in July this year alone), unless you live in Death Valley.

I'd really like to leave Phoenix myself.

There's a really cute "you know you're in Phoenx when" list here: http://www.joke-archives.com/youmaybe/inphoenix.html

You're a man of great character, and i'm sure you'll do just fine, wherever you decide to go.

-Tinytoad

[natedogg]

I love and miss the west coast, but you absolutely cannot beat the cost of living here in the south east. I'm actually looking into purchasing a 2 story, 4 bedroom house in a brand new subdivision here in SC for under $100000. In Cali, the same house would go for 4 times that. Not only that, but you'll be close to the family and that's what's important. Just do it.

[Jayhawkk]

Out of the many US states i've lived in Colorado has to be one of the more beautiful althougth expensive places to live.

Maryland is nice and as you move towards PA the cost of living isn't too bad. As long as you stay out of Fayetteville in NC you're okay

[SJA]

I feel the same Brian, I actually see myself in you down the road some day.

"in you"?? You two need to take your sex life out of this thread

B - sounds like you hit the mid-life my friend. If you didn't have that cute little girl of yours at home...you'd be in full throttle my (like me) . I've been having those "life is ticking by" thoughts lately as well. It's true...you could be 80 years old and ****ting in a diaper by tomorrow (of course you'll have a pin up of me posing for Depends) Be sure to research it (duh....like you won't) so that you are set up well. See what the job market is yada yada yada. But most importantly....ACT on it. No more shoulda woulda coulda. You've come such a long ass way since we've met. It's time to enjoy the things that you missed out on previously. Be sure that your Wife is on board so that you do not taint your dream with attitude. I certainly hope that you find what you are looking for.....you definitely deserve it.

[natedogg]

"in you"?? You two need to take your sex life out of this thread

I was going to say something, but I didn't feel like being an *******. J/K. I find my myself inside you too someday.

[David Dunn]

Some great input guys. Speaking of input...nate you may consider going first...you see the size of Beelzebub. Thank goodness though...he'll be done in 90 secs or less. But he's a cuddler... that is soooo not me.

Steve...yes to all of what you said. Midlife? If it was only just happening now it would be new. You know I'm well into the research as we speak of it. But yes, the ACT on it is important. My wife and I have discussed it and we are begining to have an 'understanding'. She has seen us through some bad times in the past. She is a strong woman and will stand by me reagrdless. But I do have a plan of action in mind and part of it is helping her embrace it as our plans not just mine. BTW...we were out for the day yesterday at a pumpkin festival up north of here. Missed your call and will get back to you ASAP.

[ryansm]

"in you"?? You two need to take your sex life out of this thread

I knew sowmone would catch that.