attn: protective fathers!!

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

as many of you know me and kwyche are engaged...but we still have to tell my extremely protective father. we've been together for 4 years and he still literally turns shades of red when kwych's name is brought up and likes to pretend that his only little girl is still single. how should i bring up the fact that im engaged without him just passing out on the spot?

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Ooooh yeah....shades of red and he's a dark brown normally....lol. But, he can't say **** b/c his wife, his kids, and grandma all think im the shiznit :rasp: :lol: Now...gimpy my lady, I'm sorry to say, there is probably nothing you can do to keep him from going nutz in his head, so this thread probably won't be too productive :sad: You've just gotta do it, and forcefully break his spirit. If that doesn't work...when he finds out that he made daddy's only girl very sad, its over and you win :rofl:

 

[B5150]

Mrs. Gimpy!: Have you inquired exactly why he has a problem with you fiance and or boyfriend (in the past tense). I have my assumptions on the matter but will reserve my opinion until I have more information or am asked.

kwycke: have you made any attempt in the last 4 years to bridge the gap between the two of you?

Also, let me get a fact cleared up. You two have been together since 16 and 17 now at 20 and 21 you are engaged to be married.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

basically, 16 & 18, now 20 and 22, and we're (long term--like 3-4 years) engaged. Yeah...I've tried to talk to him. He doesn't dislike me. Its not that at all. He just wants his daughter to be a nun :blink: Gimpy has never really taken the initiate to talk to him though. For some reason, her and her mom are petrified of him when he gets the look of "disapproval" on his face. I dunno...maybe its an asian culture thingy?

 

[B5150]

basically, 16 & 18, now 20 and 22, and we're (long term--like 3-4 years) engaged. Yeah...I've tried to talk to him. He doesn't dislike me. Its not that at all. He just wants his daughter to be a nun :blink: Gimpy has never really taken the initiate to talk to him though. For some reason, her and her mom are petrified of him when he gets the look of "disapproval" on his face. I dunno...maybe its an asian culture thingy?

He does not dislike you the individual...this is good. Do you really believe that he expects her to be a nun. Could it be that he in his 'infinite wisdom' may believe that, though she is an adult and mature and does love you, she may be 'limiting' her individual life experience horizon by attaching herself in a serious lifetime relational commitment at such an early age. Not that he is questioning her love for you or vice versa but rather his 'expectations' of her and her choice to deviate from his ideal. I am a father of a 17 year old HS senior daughter who I have encouraged to avoid excluse based realtionships until she has been an adult for several to more years and has had the opportunity to 'become herself' more completely before binding herself and her future life experiences to an individual that she met at a age that is realtively a child. Please, I assure youI am not challenging your relationship or love for eachother. I just happen to have hindsight and insight at this place in my life. Do you have a real understanding of his disaproval or is it an unspoken left for interpretation. I assume he loves his daughter and only wants 'what he believes' is best for her.

 

[EEmain]

Probably, I work with all different cultures, mostly first generation immigrants.(Indians,Vietnamese,Korean,Polish ect...)

Seems each one of the older Guys want their children to marry the same.

One guy will not bring a girl friend home cause his mom is hardcore Polish and he is 39 and still worries she won`t approve if she isn`t Polish:blink:

Treat her right and dad will see you are the best thing for her... all I want for my girls is to be happy and well taken care of.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

He does not dislike you the individual...this is good. Do you really believe that he expects her to be a nun. Could it be that he in his 'infinite wisdom' may believe that, though she is an adult and mature and does love you, she may be 'limiting' her individual life experience horizon by attaching herself in a serious lifetime relational commitment at such an early age. Not that he is questioning her love for you or vice versa but rather his 'expectations' of her and her choice to deviate from his ideal. I am a father of a 17 year old HS senior daughter who I have encouraged to avoid excluse based realtionships until she has been an adult for several to more years and has had the opportunity to 'become herself' more completely before binding herself and her future life experiences to an individual that she met at a age that is realtively a child. Please, I assure youI am not challenging your relationship or love for eachother. I just happen to have hindsight and insight at this place in my life. Do you have a real understanding of his disaproval or is it an unspoken left for interpretation. I assume he loves his daughter and only wants 'what he believes' is best for her.

I see where you're coming from...but he met his wife when she was 17. And, I'm pretty sure he knows how happy we make each other...the rest of the family does. The only thing I can think of is that he needs to hear it from her. He never "says anything" about US. He tries to ignore it altogether. If he had a qualm with the relationship, or with me, he would have said something. This is where its weird. He can't complain about anything, he just refuses to accept his daughter isn't 15 anymore. And, it is something that has gone pretty much unspoken...I "personally" think that's a problem. Gimpy knows I'm big on talking things through with people and addressing the issue...so its definitely something I would love to do or have done. I / We appreciate the input guys!

 

[Jayhawkk]

Sorry but there's no real way around it. We're protective regardless so it's sort of a , "just listen dad" sort of thing. If you have been with him for 4 years your dad should have a good idea of who he is. Either he is gonna like him or not. However, if he likes him it'll go a lot smoother. if he doesn't like him then you may want to find out why(unless it's just because he's with you).Wish I could help more but my wife keeps me in line for the most part because i don't approve of anyone for my daughter

 

[Jayhawkk]

Oh and don't let him find this forum with her pic in her underwear up cause if he's anything like me, will lose any chance of having a working conversation

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Hahaha....no kidding! That and with the AAS talk he'd flip his lid....

 

[foo.c]

Kwycke, I think you should do the old fashioned thing and ask his permission to marry his daughter.

My father in law is a really nice guy, but I was shaking like a whore in church when I asked him for his daughter's hand.

You will probably earn a lot of respect from him. It worked for me anyways, LOL.

If it's a culture thing, how would someone from his culture go about it traditionally? Maybe you should do that.

Good luck, and congratulations to you both.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Oh, I am going to ask permission....Gimpy wasn't supposed to find out about the ring so early, but that's a different story I've been planning on asking him before hand for a long time. See...its completely unofficial right now, and as far as her parents are concerned, gimpy doesn't know. I've told (and asked) her mom in advance and she's excited! So, that's no problem...I was hoping she could offer advice in the dad situation....well, she just basically laughed and said "good luck!" I'm definitely asking her dad before hand.

 

[TINYTOAD]

Here's my take on the whole thing...

You love each other... Get married, move away, and live your own life (seperate from your parents.)

My father-in-law didn't even send us a card, much less a wedding gift, when we got married 17 years ago.

Gimpy's father should be happy that his daughter is happy. What more could a dad ask for?

Just treat each other right, respect each other, and work as a team, to make a great future and keep a great environment for your future children. It's quite a challenge.

Best wishes,

-Tinytoad

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Well, we're both pretty tight with our families. She's realy tight with her dad. That's why i'm pretty sure she just needs to give those puppy dog eyes daughters have and things will start getting better

But, you're right TOAD...she's happy, we'r eboth going to school, getting good grades, we ahev a good relationship (great), we are a team, and best friends. He should be very happy. I will honestly say I believe our relationship is damn near 1/1,000,000.

We figure this is the best thing to do, just say we've done all we can do, and if that's not good enough for him, its his fault...

 

[Jayhawkk]

Forgot to give you both a congratulations before but congrats man. Nothing like marrying the person you know is your other half. Dads are supposed to be protective and you will be too when you have children and you'll just nod and shake your father-in-laws hand and smile...it's what I did Here's to a beautiful life with your future wife and making a family of your own!

 

[The Experiment]

Just give it to him straight. He's going to have to accept that his daughter is becoming a woman who is free to be with whomever she wants. As long as you are a good guy and remain that way, there shouldn't be any issue.

 

[Grmlock]

Well, we're both pretty tight with our families. She's realy tight with her dad. That's why i'm pretty sure she just needs to give those puppy dog eyes daughters have and things will start getting better

But, you're right TOAD...she's happy, we'r eboth going to school, getting good grades, we ahev a good relationship (great), we are a team, and best friends. He should be very happy. I will honestly say I believe our relationship is damn near 1/1,000,000.

We figure this is the best thing to do, just say we've done all we can do, and if that's not good enough for him, its his fault...

I am in the same boat w/ you 2here. I have been w/ my girl for 4 years and her dad has an extreme dislike for me. I have tried to smooth it out but anytime my girl makes a bad grade or does something they don't approve, they automatically blame me and I absolutely HATE being blamed for something that I did not do. The main reason he dislikes me is because I am honest w/ him and don't suck up or try to impress him. I have my own theories as to why he really dislikes me but there is only so much you can do until you must realize that you have done your part to help things out. I am not saying to disregard his opinion, but realize that this is your life and very few things are as fulfilling as being w/ the one that you love.
:thumbsup:

 

[CROWLER]

I think I can help you here as I am a father.


Do it together infront of the Mom, Dad and grama. Mrs Gimpy just go ahead and say "Mom, Dad, Grama I am pregnant with Kwick-do-me's baby.

After they go Bizerk say actually we are just getting engaged.



CROWLER

 

[kwyckemynd00]

LOL...classic CROWLER. Oh, that reminds me of the old sales trick..throw the kitchen sink at them and then give them the lesser product and it doesn't seem so bad.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

I am in the same boat w/ you 2here. I have been w/ my girl for 4 years and her dad has an extreme dislike for me. I have tried to smooth it out but anytime my girl makes a bad grade or does something they don't approve, they automatically blame me and I absolutely HATE being blamed for something that I did not do. The main reason he dislikes me is because I am honest w/ him and don't suck up or try to impress him. I have my own theories as to why he really dislikes me but there is only so much you can do until you must realize that you have done your part to help things out. I am not saying to disregard his opinion, but realize that this is your life and very few things are as fulfilling as being w/ the one that you love.
:thumbsup:

best of uck to you....he doesn't dislike me, he dislikes the idea of her not being a lesbian :blink: :lol:

Gimpy made sure she got good grades b/c she knew the exact thing would have happened with her parents blaming me if she got bad grades. She got a 4.0 the entire last year of HS and maintains a 3.5 in college--she got lazier :lol:

 

[CROWLER]

WOW that is impressive GPA nice job.

I wish my gf was doing that well in her last year of HS.


lol


CROWLER

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Yeah, ahha...he can' tcomplain at either of us for being screw offs. Gimpy is a smart girl, so she can get good grades even giving 80% ya know?

 

[Iron Warrior]

Kill him with kindness kwyck

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Kill him with kindness kwyck

I'm good at that!

(for a while....:blink: )

 

[Iron Warrior]

I'm good at that!

(for a while....:blink: )

Damn if that doesn't work than you may have to run away with Mrs. Gimpy like they did in old days

 

[refrieddreams]

I don't really think he wasnt her to be a nun, or a lesbian. I am pretty sure he just doesn't want her to make a mistake at such a young age, I mean what's the rush? You both will change so much in the next 5 years it will be crazy.

And...no offense but if my future son-in-law supported the fact that my little girl has piks of her in her underwere on a 'steroid' board on the net, I would not want her to marry either.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

I mean what's the rush? You both will change so much in the next 5 years it will be crazy.

And...no offense but if my future son-in-law supported the fact that my little girl has piks of her in her underwere on a 'steroid' board on the net, I would not want her to marry either.

we arent getting married for about 3 years at the earliest. so there is no rush. by the time we are married we have been been together for about 7 years.

about the avatar...i will be changing it soon. i just posted it for a hm...amusing comparison...thats all... its not in my nature actually to post such avatars like that on the internet.

 

[refrieddreams]

I am in no way judging you because of your avatar, don't get me wrong. Just giving my opinion, I'm a dad remember? Yes a protective dad too.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

I don't really think he wasnt her to be a nun, or a lesbian.

I know...I was being sarcastic

I am pretty sure he just doesn't want her to make a mistake at such a young age, I mean what's the rush? You both will change so much in the next 5 years it will be crazy.

What is a bigger mistake...leaving a person you are perfect with because you think "I'm too young to settle" or making a commitment a few years earlier than planned? He's a wise man, I'd trust he'd say the former is a bigger mistake. I'd go so far as to say that making a commitment earlier than planned, one thats based off of reason, is not only not a mistake, but admirable. Do you know any 20 year olds how WANT to settle down?....Didn't think so. It wasn't in my plans.

And...no offense but if my future son-in-law supported the fact that my little girl has piks of her in her underwere on a 'steroid' board on the net, I would not want her to marry either.

No offense to you, but if that is something you'd be worreid about as a spouse / boyfriend, I'd say that youre overbearing personality and insecurity are the bigger issue.

For Gods sake, it's 1/4 of her body, her "privates" are covered, and its no more revealing than wearking a bikini to a beach. not to mention, her damn face isnt' evne in the picture. I'd normally nto take offense to that, but it seemed like a bit of a reach to me. So, I'll take offense.

And, as far as the AAS comment is concerned, I find it hypocritical. Obviously you don't think AAS are a big issue or you wouldn't be here. And,if you are here and DO think AAS are a big issue when it comes to a couple, maybe you should evaluate your own life.

And to clarify, this ISN'T an AAS board. Its a bodybuilding board that doesn't ignore the AAS aspect. Cound the number of forums for AAS...then take a ratio.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

I am in no way judging you because of your avatar, don't get me wrong. Just giving my opinion, I'm a dad remember? Yes a protective dad too.

And that's fine, but dad's aren't the only people qualified to give advice

And, at 20 years old, I'm sure you looked at yourself as an adult, right? She's old enough to be your sister, I'd suggest you allow her to make adult decisions.

She's not the only person posting pics like this on the board. I don't see the difference in a 20 year old and a 30 year old posting a pic like that.

 

[refrieddreams]

And that's fine, but dad's aren't the only people qualified to give advice

No but it's the name of this thread...

Like I said, if she wants that pik up, or you do, I don't care, why would I? I am talking from a "overprotective fathers stance"

I know that nothing can or will change your mind about your upcoming nuptuals, I just have seen soo many people make mistakes at that young age...myself included. So in no way am I trying to slam you guys and wish you the best of luck. If I thnk how much I have changed since I was 20...holy crap...

I realise this isn't an AAS board, and no I do not have a problem with AAS all though I am natty. I was just pointing out the fact that his (remember I am whereing the overprotective dad hat again)...that his little girl has that pic as an avatar on a board where there is plenty of talk about illegal drug use, sex, porn ECT...thats it. I don't think that if you as her fiance didn't want that pik up, that wouldnt be over controlling or whatever term you used...just a thought.

On the other hand, I had gotten my lady(at the time) in extremely good shape (fitness chik) and posted plenty of piks of her at the time, so I do not want to sound like a hypocrit, I am just thinking of her as my daughter...just as her dad does.

As far as checking myself, I know who I am and what I stand for...

 

[kwyckemynd00]

LOL...Yeah, from reading some of your posts, you seem a bit bitter toward relationships, etc. sorry you had to endure a mistake and I hope I'm never in your shoes.

http://anabolicminds.com/forum/370468-post3.html <-- natural is a very maliable word. A few PH cycles makes you a persno who has taken drugs which are now illegal.

Well...glad to hear you believe you've found yourself.

 

[EEmain]

Just to throw this out there.. I was 24 and my wife 19 when we married. Everyone told us "NO! DON`T DO IT! YOUR WAY TO YOUNG"

That was 19.5 years ago.. when it`s right it`s right.. listen to your heart!

 

[refrieddreams]

ok man...sorry for the misunderstanding. I am not natty in terms of since the ban on 1ad and 4ad...

please remeber I am here to give constructive advice, take as you will, I will never dog you or your lady however...

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Just to throw this out there.. I was 24 and my wife 19 when we married. Everyone told us "NO! DON`T DO IT! YOUR WAY TO YOUNG"

That was 19.5 years ago.. when it`s right it`s right.. listen to your heart!

My thoughts exactly

 

[kwyckemynd00]

ok man...sorry for the misunderstanding. I am not natty in terms of since the ban on 1ad and 4ad...

please remeber I am here to give constructive advice, take as you will, I will never dog you or your lady however...

Hey, its all good bro.

Its just that she wasn't asking for anyone to say "you're too young".

She was asking for protective fathers for advice on how to let him know "its right" and we're making a decision.

And yeah, natty is a stupid word. All that matters to me is "look good and healthy" and "dont' look good " and/or "not healthy"....

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

ok man...sorry for the misunderstanding. I am not natty in terms of since the ban on 1ad and 4ad...

please remeber I am here to give constructive advice, take as you will, I will never dog you or your lady however...

its okay. thank you for the advice though. lol, i should change my sig to "caution: may bite" ..lol, thanks.

 

[spatch]

as many of you know me and kwyche are engaged...but we still have to tell my extremely protective father. we've been together for 4 years and he still literally turns shades of red when kwych's name is brought up and likes to pretend that his only little girl is still single. how should i bring up the fact that im engaged without him just passing out on the spot?

Tell him that your 20 and he cant controll you any more...


atleast thats what my sister says :lol:

 

[refrieddreams]

Nice...It's funny..I know people get pist at their parents for being overprotective or whatever. BUT...do you realise he is protecting his only daughter for a reason? Is he going about it wrong? Perhaps, but at least he cares, think of the parents out there there expose their kids to crazy stuff.

My last and final advice then I won't comment on this thread again, I promise... do two things...

1) Ignore the post above this
2) Treat your dad with respect, understand where he is comming from, be thankfull that he actually cares, and talk with him as an adult....

OUT.

 

[diminuendo]

I am 27 and have known my fiance since 2nd grade. We dated alot of other people in between and even went to different colleges. I listened (for a long time) to all the advice to to sow my wild oats and be independant yadah, yadah. Then I realized that when it comes to love, there is no sense being rational and adults make the same mistakes in love that junior high students do. Just follow your heart and piss on the nay sayers that had a bad relationship or grew up alot in their 20's or whatever they are saying this week. Congratulations.