Cuffs' Road To Recovery...Let The Healing Begin!
- 08-18-2005, 12:00 AM
- 08-18-2005, 12:11 AM
08-18-2005, 12:33 AM
And her true colors show through. One way or the other, this isn't new; it was there all along in some form. Funny how these little 'accidents' happen at times like these and help us move in the right directionOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-18-2005, 01:26 AM
Hate to say I told ya so... You---> <---The "ex"Get this, as I'm talking to her on the phone a few ago, I get a text message from her saying "I'm talking to the ****head right now."
Good luck knocking the ladies dead Bet you feel like
08-19-2005, 06:55 PM
Dudes, I'm really starting to see the true colors of my soon-to-be-ex. She is just freaking out about the split of assets and money. I have maintained a level head, never raising my voice, or using profanity while we talk. She on the other hand does all of which I spoke of. She thinks I'm being influenced by others and am trying to make life miserable for her.... I already spoke to a couple of attorney's I know. They gave me a little advice and basically that's what I'm following. My soon2bex threatens to fight this using attorney's so neither of us gets the money I want to split 50/50. She's willing to let the attorney's bleed the money dry before giving in to an even split. Although, I think she's just talking out of her ass right now. She thought I was just going to roll over and give in, but is now realizing I'm not doing that.
I'm really at the point now that I don't want her back, and am looking forward to moving on with my life.
08-19-2005, 07:14 PM
The final step is acceptance... sounds as if you are well on your way!Originally Posted by Cuffs
Denial->Anger->Bargaining->Guilt->Depression = Acceptance.... not always in that order and not always neccesary to move through each phase!
08-19-2005, 07:37 PM
Yep, I've been experiencing each of those stages. Anger not so much, but there is some. Actually, a little more-and-more each time I think about what she is doing I still feel a little flustered, but am accepting things much better now.Originally Posted by EEmain
08-19-2005, 08:01 PM
(((HUGZ)))) sounds like your going to be ok......keep strong..and good things come to those who wait..
08-19-2005, 08:58 PM
08-20-2005, 09:14 AM
Next step: stop reacting and take the lead on filing for divorce. If you are in a "no fault" state, it may not matter (too much) because joint assets will be spilt right down the middle (although the devil will be in the details). However, if you are in a state other than a "no fault," you need to file first thing Monday morning, regardless of whether she does or not, and take the initiative to set the agenda. If children are involved and she is currently the custodial parent, this makes it doubly important. Otherwise, you are going to continue to smolder because you've fallen into a passive role based on an unwillingness to accept a certain reality: when a wife or girlfriend leaves, takes off the ring, says "it's over," swears it's not because of anyone else but you eventually discover there is someone else, then it's time to take the legal initiative because you are already playing catch-up with everything else!Originally Posted by Cuffs
This is especially urgent when you eventually discover that most-probably the soon-to-be ex has been involved in fairly long term planning, effort, and deceit to break away from you so she can be with the next "love of HER life." All the details may never come out, but understand this - by the time she verbally revealed her so-called unhappiness with you all's life as a couple, she was at least two steps ahead of you with regard to what she was planning to do, who she was planning to do it with, and with regard to having already gotten outside, and possibly professional, legal and personal advice that would keep you in the dark. This is the real reason she never wanted to attend counseling - she was afraid that a good counselor would have either gotten her to admit these things before she was ready to do so or at the very least, the counselor's bull**** detector would have been blinking and blaring, and the counselor would have shared her concerns and impressions with you! Just remember the text message to someone else you inadvertently intercepted, and act accordingly.
08-20-2005, 12:57 PM
Thanks Cardinal. Yeah, I'm in a no-fault state so assets get split down the middle. She's freaking over money made on the sale of a house she had, that we lived in, and later while we were married, that we sold. We put some of the money made from that sale as a down on our new home. She wants 100% of the money we used as the down payment, and I told her it needs to be split 50/50. She's all freaked and pissed, saying I have no rights to that money. Well, I already spoke to a couple of attorneys I know, and they told me she can pound sand all she wants, that it's a 50/50 split in this state without a contract.
I am soooo lucky there is not a child involved. Just my son from my previous marriage, who I have custody of. He's taking thi swell, and his mother is supposed to be moving back to the area to take a mo positive role inhis life. That will help me out a great deal.
08-20-2005, 12:58 PM
08-22-2005, 12:09 PM
Okay...I need to do something here I think. I'm having a blast with this girl I've been seeing for the past week or so. We are so compatible and comfortable with each other, it's not funny. We spent last night at a house she is watching for a friend. After we finished up with some great sex, we were laying there kissing and feeling each other's bodies. She looked straight into my eyes and said "it could be so easy to fall in love with you." Although that made me feel good, it also brought up the radar warning. I absolutely do not want to hurt this girl. We set ground rules before we started this, but I know how emotions can change. I don't want to just cut this girl off, but I don't want there to be any mixed emotions or problems between us down the road. I guess I'll have to sit down and talk to her tonight and just be straight with her, which I have been all along.
08-23-2005, 07:14 PM
Although we say we wont get attached.....sex is different for most girls, (unless your lose)we tend to develope emotions for the guy...it happens..and before i offend anyone..yes it happens to guys to ( feelings)...good your going to talk to her....Originally Posted by Cuffs
08-26-2005, 01:25 PM
Well, things are very cool with the girl I'm seeing. She is just too amazing of a find. I know I don't really "know" her yet, but what I do know of her, is very good.
Now, my soon-2b-ex keeps calling me. 5-10 times a day. I have told her repeatedly to stop calling, but do so if there is an emergency or something very important. She calls me the other day because she found the economy size box of condoms I planted for her to find. She freaked out and asked who I was ****ing. I told her and she wanted to know all the details, if she was better than her, if we talked dirty, the positions, etc. I asked her why she wanted to know all this and she said it was turing her on. She said she was starting to masterbate and wanted to hear it. I'm sorry but... She then changed her tune and said I was dirty now because my dick has been in another girl. I just told her I'm sure she and her new boyfriend were doing their thing and I wasn't questioning, nor did I care.
She then tells me she was having second thoughts and didn't know if she wanted to stay away or come back, that she has been making comparisons between me and the other. Guess she's seeing the grass isn't greener on the other side. I told her she needs to make up her mind so we could both take a step back and see if it even worth working out. I told her at this point, I'm not sure if I want to try, but I would talk about it. Later the next day she tells me she doesn't want it to work between us, and she is going through with the divorce. I told her that was fine.
Well, later that day she calls me 10 more times. I would not answer. Then she text messages me while I'm at the house with the girl I'm seeing. It said to call her because it was important. So, I call and she basically tells me it was for the break down of the assets. Telling me we will be getting around $43,000 each after the sale of the house and paying everything off. She then asked where I was and why I didn't end up going home. I told her I was with some friends and needed to end this conversation because I was needing to have some fun, and to stop calling with things like this. She then began trying to pry asking if my "girlfriend" was there. So, I told her she was. She then made the comment "well, I hope you and your **** buddy have fun" and other ones. I then hung up.
It's obvious that my not answering her calls, me having fun and not coming home, and seeing someone is really bothering her. At least now she is open to spliting everything 50/50. Guess the attorney she talked to set her straight.
08-26-2005, 02:41 PM
It's kinda neat when you set aside preconceptions, go with the flow, and someone surprises you in ways you never woulda guessed, huh? Anyhoo, continue to enjoy life on your own terms, and I think you'll be fine. I said earlier that I thought you seemed like a decent guy, and IMHO, you continue to reinforce this by the way that you're dealing with the soon-to-be-ex. Best thing you can do for her at this point is to wish her well, just nod while not believing anything that she says, and to tell her "I don't know what you're looking for, but I've decided I don't want to be there when you find it." [Approximate quote from a character in a James Lee Burke novel].Originally Posted by Cuffs
08-26-2005, 04:45 PM
08-26-2005, 05:32 PM
This is good to heardOriginally Posted by Cuffs
And...dude...that soon-to-be-ex-wife of yours is whacko
08-26-2005, 05:42 PM
Brand 'em and get bells around their necks and their yours for keeps...Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
08-26-2005, 05:43 PM
yeah, this is good to 'heard'. WTF cali-boy? can't spell on the west coast?Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
08-26-2005, 05:44 PM
[QUOTE=B5150][QUOTE=kwyckemynd00]This is good to hearddamn, you beat me to it. now, mine just isn't as cool.Brand 'em and get bells around their necks and their yours for keeps
08-26-2005, 05:46 PM
The planted condoms is childishl but somewhat justified since from what you said earlier, she is trying to be difficult with the splitting up the assets. It definitely irritated your ex but at this juncture its kindof pointless.Originally Posted by Cuffs
08-26-2005, 10:13 PM
Hey bro, so far things are panning out as you'd mostly expect.
Be ready for a phone call in the middle of the night. It will be her with tearful pleading to get back together, etc. etc. Probably will happen in another 4 weeks from now as your ex's emotions oscillate more strongly.
Good to see you aren't answering calls, seems to me that your life is on track. The sooner you get everything squared away the sooner you can initiate "no contact" or "contact only by email" and truly get on with things.
08-27-2005, 03:29 AM
Nah...ainthca heared this thyngs?Originally Posted by Beelzebub
Are ejucashun sistim iz fayling in Cariafornia....
08-27-2005, 08:15 PM
Well...the house sold to the first people who looked at it. They made a full price offer and now I have 30 days to find a place for my son and I to live. Dude, I thought I would have at least a couple of months to get everything going.
My soon-2B-ex and I had it out about the money split. I told her I wasn't budging and if she wanted to fight it out with attorney's, then so-be-it. She cussed me out a few times and got all crazy. She later called and told me she decided to do the 50/50 split. I'll believe it when I see it.
Going to the coast here in a couple of hours. Spent a crap load on a kick ass inn that has a fireplace and a spa on the private balcony. Time for some fun! I told the chick I'm taking that we could go to the restaurant on the pier, which is very nice. She told me all she wanted to do is stay in the room, use the spa, and "****" (<----her words) all night.
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