Cuffs' Road To Recovery...Let The Healing Begin!
- 08-12-2005, 07:07 PM
don't do it, Cuffs -
I really *DO* understand the temptation, but you've been seriously jerked around, and this woman isn't going to help you over that...and as generous as her 'offers' no doubt feel, there are regrets down that road that you may not want - and you don't need - to bear.
You have poured yourself out in the name of love; to heal, you need to fill yourself back up again - you need to remember how to be happy being yourself. Give yourself a year, I'd say, before you start letting females pull at you. Your strength and your heart need it, and need you to be a warrior in your own cause. Be a friend, be a brother, be a father - but be yourself, in your own way and at your own speed. Strong and clear boundaries can be your best friends now. You will be kinder and more nurturing to yourself now than she or her friends, and you need what they would take from you
When you're where you need to be in heart and mind, you'll have no trouble finding a better, truer her.
I wanted so much to get in on the other thread...but it was too personal: our lives are very parallel right now, and we seem to be similar in how we're holding it all, too. I got the final word from my wife this week, too; and I have had the freakazoid hottie 15 years younger make offers I could hardly believe, too (not this week); and already had some of that play out and paid some on the cost; and I am doing my best to stay centered, stay focused, and stay strong for myself and my daughter. not trying to climb on board here, just saying that we're not so far apart.
anyway, I have total confidence that you can do this - just keep an eye on the long view, forgive yourself for all the might-have-beens, and keep breathing...let yourself grieve. Brian is SO right - there's so much wisdom in every word he posted. let it happen, stay with it!
be well, my brother.
- 08-12-2005, 07:59 PM
Wow Brian, you're a pretty wise man "Buddies tell you what you want to hear, friends tell you what you don't" BUT maybe Cuffs just needs to satisfy his needs. I know I do from time to time and it makes me feel great. Do what's best for you Cuffs. That 3 some sounds very juicy.
08-12-2005, 09:41 PM
This is where the age gap comes in. You hear the older gentleman saying don't be hasty and take your time while us younger guys would go out and hit this chick off along with her freaky ass friends. In the end it comes down to you and where your priorities lie. Obviously you shouldn't expect any sort of a long term relationship with this woman. And who knows what kind of diseases she might possibly have. Then again when are you going to have the chance to participate in a threesome. A dilemma indeed. Sounds corny, but follow your heart. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.
08-12-2005, 10:59 PM
The age gap plays a large role in this. If I was younger, I wouldn't have thought twice and already made the arrangements to hit it. ****, the chick tells me there may even be a 4-some, that 3 of her girls may be interested. Also, she has an attorney who is interested in going out with me. As far as I know she is clean, but who can say for sure. She stressed the fact that she gets physicals every 6 months, and has always had a clean bill of health, always uses condoms. Oh yeah, and she said she swallows.
I'm leaning towards backing off a bit, and maybe just keeping he flirting going on a tad longer. My wife is confusing th **** out of me. She leaves me a note saying she misses me, but it may be because she is out of her comfort zone. She tells me she loves me, calls me and text messages me all the time. She also says we don' know what the future holds and we may get back together, but she doesn't want to give me false hopes. ****, just when I thought I was moving on, I'm crying once again. That's why I need to hold off on things a bit. The sex, or orgy if you may, would be only a temporary fix for my problem. Basically a bandaid on a broken leg. Thanks for the advice Brian (B5150). We'll see were this all takes me. I don't know if I will have the will power to say no to the orgy though. I do have some viagra laying around too.
08-12-2005, 11:08 PM
Stay away from the crazy wife....she's nuts. Forget her ****in' notes. I believe many of us (or at least me) said she'd be doing weird **** like this. NEXT it gets ugly. I'm sorry, but it will, and that's regardless of how nice you are to her. She is no longer the puppeteer and she is gonna get pissed. Look at my age, disregard my info for that fact, but I'm pretty damn positive in this.
Screw the viagra...get some cialis and make a weekend out of the orgy on one dose
08-12-2005, 11:46 PM
If you were the vindicative type you could have some real fun with the ex right now...Just a thoughtOriginally Posted by kwyckemynd00
08-13-2005, 01:06 AM
I say you go for it brother. Whats the worst thing that can happen? Like you said, as long as you both understand that its not going to turn into anything serious, than theres no pressure. Have some fun man. You deserve it!
Either way, best of luck to ya!
08-13-2005, 01:29 AM
I agree...you're officially 20 something again for a few months Live it up!Originally Posted by DieTrying
08-13-2005, 06:15 AM
have fun, start having fun again!!!
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08-13-2005, 07:02 AM
Perfect analogy. B5150's advice is sound. As far as the orgy, you just need to to decide if you want to live a life that revolves around external pleasures and fleeting happiness or are you looking for something a little more permanent and fulfilling. It's tough to deny the flesh, but that's character building for ya. I still stand by my advice in your last thread. Do that first and you will find that decisions like these become no-brainers. I am not saying you wouldn't chose the orgy; just different motives behind the decision. Need or " for free & for fun". It currently sounds more like the need @ this moment, but that's IMHO.Originally Posted by Cuffs
Try some reading, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz is a good place to start. I figure you already have the book I was talking about in your other thread.
08-13-2005, 10:15 AM
for your own sanity....i would not accept phone calls from your wife, move on..she is mentally messing with you........Not ok......Originally Posted by Cuffs
it's like "dont want the toy in the sandbox until another kid is playing with it"......sadly your the toy.....
((((HUGZ))))) time to move on.......for your own sanity
08-13-2005, 10:54 AM
Originally Posted by Cuffs
Look Cuffs you need to drop your ex. She's just ****ing with your head at this point. And why would you want to be with someone that makes you miserable? If you keep the 24yr old around.. She's a booty call nothing more. Make sure you keep that distiction. She's a little to "free" with her goods to make a long term, meaningful realtionship with her.
08-13-2005, 11:18 AM
08-13-2005, 11:57 AM
08-13-2005, 01:06 PM
I want to make a point clear. I'm not saying that banging 3-4 chicks ain't going to be a freak show and a blast. But what will it accomplish in you reaching or achieving what you want to be as a person. You make statements like the ones I quoted, but yet your thinking gets distracted by the other carnal issues. You are struggling with double mindedness that will really mess you up if you are not careful. If you truely desire to become the person you profess to want to become then you need to walk a path that will lead you to the tools and growth opportunities that will elevate you to becoming that person. Hanging and banging with loose and promiscuous people are not the opportunities that will afford you this growth.Originally Posted by B5150
Again, don't get me wrong, I am not, in this case, judging being a man-whore by any means. If that is what you desire to be than the associations that you have been keeping will surely aide in your success.
But if you desire to recover, become a man of greater character and integrity, greater self respect and pride, you may need to reconsider your playmates.
Pursue the people places and things that will support and encourage you to become who you want to become. Avoid those things that will be unproductive or destructive to you achieving your goals.
You cannot walk two paths. Choose the path that you want to follow, get on it, and stay on it. Don't look back. It would be better to be sitting still, stuck and stalled, on the right path, than to be making good time on the wrong path.
You plan cycles, you plan diets, you plan your training. You acquire the (insert AAS or not), you acquire the food and you acquire or utilize the equipment. Without the correct choices and application of the above you will not succede at achieving your goal. Your life is not different. Without the correct choices and applications and tools you will not succede at achieving your goals.
It's your life. Plan your work and work your plan.
If we stay in the middle of the road too long the odds increase that sooner or later we will get hit by a bus.
My prayer for you my friend is that the Holy Spirit will knock you so hard, off to the right side of the fence you are sitting on, that you will be unable to find your way back to straddle it again.
There are many different views and opinions that people can and will share. Mine is not necessarily the right or best one...just mine. I have some life experience, but that experince is worthless if I have not gained some wisdom, and useless if I did not share it. So I share it with you, humbly and grateful for your consideration.
Last edited by David Dunn; 08-13-2005 at 02:57 PM. Reason: spelling
08-13-2005, 03:48 PM
that is bang-on advice. Sounds exactly like when my ex and I split...all of a sudden I was infinitely desirable, midnight teary phone calls, etc. I just said "I have a different life now, call me this weekend". That enforced that there would be days without any contact -- which is what we both needed. I suggest you do the same, like WG says -- don't take the calls unless it's a weekend or some other pre-determined time.Originally Posted by wranglergirl
And you need to keep the distance -- after about 2 months, I just said "communicate only by email please so we can move on". That lets you both get on with things.
Then like Kwyck says, the ugliness may start (it usually does) because the ex realizes "**** he's REALLY REALLY GONE and I am NOW ALONE" so they try to push buttons to piss you off -- that gets your attention.
Keep your head up, get set to put the phone on "ignore" and stay above it -- water off a duck's back and you get through it.
You are not the only confused one and you and your ex will both vascillate but dude -- give yourself a break here too. Be sure to forgive yourself if you do some "dumb stuff" in the next while. And her too.
But you both turned the corner and walked away and it's over. The bandaids' coming off whether it's slow or fast it's a big one and it's going to hurt you both for a while.
You now have to make the distance really happen for you both.
08-13-2005, 06:01 PM
I am just in a place where I am yearning for some form of physical comfort, I guess. I know whoring around will not help, but rather make me into the person I don not wish to become. That happened during my first marriage. However, I do look back at the 3-way opportunities that I passed on then, and kick myself today for not participating...LOL. The 24 year old knows it's only for booty calls and not to get tied down. ****, she told me that. Also, she is not one to bring home to Mom, or to become involved with for me. Just the fact of the age difference alone.
My wife caled me today and said she misses me, loves me, and would like to come back, but she feels it is just her comfort zone with me. She then ends it by telling me she does not foresee herself coming back, and for me to move on. I'm going to take the advice and just not talk to her for a while again.
I have some friends looking out for me, and they are trying to find some "nice" ladies for me to start going out with. I'm not looking for anything serious at all. My main focus is on myself and my son at this time. He's back from his mothers for school, so he is with me until vacations. That will help keep me busy. Maybe I'll even find a few single MILF's who have kids at his school...LOL.
I'm going to a party tonight. There's supposed to be a single nurse a girlfriend wants to introduce me to. I'm just going to hang out and have some fun this evening.
My girlfriend who is going through issues with her husband wants to meet up with me for a drink later tonight so we can talk. She's been a great help with me, and I for her during this time. I guess misery loves company. I just need to make sure that we stay friends and don't get all mixed up in the moment. So, I'll probably just have a non-alcoholic drink with her.
The wisdom spoken here has been a great help. I see both sides of the board, but know the path I need to follow. Basically, Brian gives the sound advice. Not to say you other dudes are wrong. I will have fun, but will also be responsible. Whatever it is I end up doing, I will post it here, jucy or not. I want to be able to share with this community for others to follow. Maybe it will help someone down the road when they see the right things I do, and the mistakes I will make.
08-13-2005, 06:07 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention this. I ran into a chick I have known for years. She is a tri-athlete and has a killer body. She used to be married to a pro football player. Anyways, I see her and she asks how I'm doing, so I tell her what's going on in my life. She tells me, "I'm sorry, but you are looking very good, very fit, you'll have no problem finding someone." A compliment like that, from a person such as herself sent me away smiling. It was nice hearing that compliment. ****, I'm down to 215 lbs right now. I feel freakin small...LOL. My Dad even said I was looking "skinny". That pissed me off. But, I am still cutting, and my muscle measurements are the same. Just my face and torso have really lost the fat and bloat.
08-13-2005, 06:07 PM
Originally Posted by Cuffs
If you do anything else....dont take your wife's phone calls...infact change cell numbers..sounds stupid but its your heart, your pain and now you need to move on........((((HUGZ))))))
08-13-2005, 06:08 PM
Yeah...that wife-lady is crazy man....I'm glad to hear you're going to cut off the communication for a bit, that's the best thing.
And, you know what I"ll say about the threesome Sex is sex is sex is sex. There is nothing mystical or magical about it. You do it, its fun...like going to an amusement park......but only your weenie gets to ride. Dont' whore to be a whore, but I wouldn't blame you for taking a good opportunity.
The love is in the hug, the kiss, and the little things.
08-13-2005, 06:20 PM
True, but those are the things I missing right now. I believe what the others were trying to say with their messages was, don't get caught up and **** up your emotions more than they already are. If I start to think the love is in the booty call sex, or clinging to the first thing I hook up with, then I'm on the path to failure. I know to not do this, but human emotions are nothing to screw with. The threeway???...well, I will not pass that up again. Unless the chicks turn out to be baggers, or something I need to drink pretty. I don't mean to sound shallow WG, so don't please don't think any less of me. I'm just going to be picky who I am with. I do have some standards.Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
08-13-2005, 06:29 PM
It sounds shallow, but its true. Being attracted to somebody does matter. And attractiveness is subjective and really depends no how attractive a person is, or thinks they are. A good lookin' person can see a not-so good lookin person and won't be attracted. Whereas someone who is not-so good lookin' themselves can see that same person and see someone totally different and be attracted.
I can understand you missing those things...I would, too...well, I DO and my g/f has only been gone on vacation for 5 days (3.5yrs together, so its a looong relationship--we'd be married if it werent' for school, etc....you know Mrs. Gimpy ) But for now, go ahead and live life like you would as if you were single.....cuz..uh...you are Dont' act married if you're not, ya know? Maybe just keep this one chick for booty-calls, and date around. Yo udon't need to be a whore, but people usually need sex ya know...and, if you need it, you might as well get it from a freak who will screw your brains out
08-15-2005, 04:28 PM
I agree you have to be attracted to someone,,,,its nateral....Originally Posted by Cuffs
I wish u well cuffs, you have been through to much...time to move on and start to heal.......
08-15-2005, 04:56 PM
Yeah, I just found out my wife is dating a person from her work who is going through a divorce. I knew it had to be something, but was holding out until I knew for sure. At least now I know. I'm doing okay with it at this time. She is already starting a list to divide our property and all. She wants to do this quickly. I'm sure her, and his, "rebound" will last forever. She's affraid I'm going to find out who he is and beat him down. I guess he's kind of a frail guy and he saw a picture of me and became concerned. Oh well, just working on me now. Not anything to lose my job over.
I actually have an attorney who wants to go out on Thursday night with me. Also have the 24 year old hottie who wants to hook up for a night of sex. I need to make a choice here. Hell, maybe I'll go out with the attorney, then go bang the 24 year old afterwards...LOL.
08-15-2005, 05:00 PM
Just be careful, the meeting with the attorney might kill your libido!Originally Posted by Cuffs
Best of luck to you Cuffs, have a great time, you deserve it !
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