Cuffs' Road To Recovery...Let The Healing Begin!
- 08-13-2005, 02:48 PM
Originally Posted by wranglergirl
And you need to keep the distance -- after about 2 months, I just said "communicate only by email please so we can move on". That lets you both get on with things.
Then like Kwyck says, the ugliness may start (it usually does) because the ex realizes "**** he's REALLY REALLY GONE and I am NOW ALONE" so they try to push buttons to piss you off -- that gets your attention.
Keep your head up, get set to put the phone on "ignore" and stay above it -- water off a duck's back and you get through it.
You are not the only confused one and you and your ex will both vascillate but dude -- give yourself a break here too. Be sure to forgive yourself if you do some "dumb stuff" in the next while. And her too.
But you both turned the corner and walked away and it's over. The bandaids' coming off whether it's slow or fast it's a big one and it's going to hurt you both for a while.
You now have to make the distance really happen for you both.
- 08-13-2005, 05:01 PM
I am just in a place where I am yearning for some form of physical comfort, I guess. I know whoring around will not help, but rather make me into the person I don not wish to become. That happened during my first marriage. However, I do look back at the 3-way opportunities that I passed on then, and kick myself today for not participating...LOL. The 24 year old knows it's only for booty calls and not to get tied down. ****, she told me that. Also, she is not one to bring home to Mom, or to become involved with for me. Just the fact of the age difference alone.
My wife caled me today and said she misses me, loves me, and would like to come back, but she feels it is just her comfort zone with me. She then ends it by telling me she does not foresee herself coming back, and for me to move on. I'm going to take the advice and just not talk to her for a while again.
I have some friends looking out for me, and they are trying to find some "nice" ladies for me to start going out with. I'm not looking for anything serious at all. My main focus is on myself and my son at this time. He's back from his mothers for school, so he is with me until vacations. That will help keep me busy. Maybe I'll even find a few single MILF's who have kids at his school...LOL.
I'm going to a party tonight. There's supposed to be a single nurse a girlfriend wants to introduce me to. I'm just going to hang out and have some fun this evening.
My girlfriend who is going through issues with her husband wants to meet up with me for a drink later tonight so we can talk. She's been a great help with me, and I for her during this time. I guess misery loves company. I just need to make sure that we stay friends and don't get all mixed up in the moment. So, I'll probably just have a non-alcoholic drink with her.
The wisdom spoken here has been a great help. I see both sides of the board, but know the path I need to follow. Basically, Brian gives the sound advice. Not to say you other dudes are wrong. I will have fun, but will also be responsible. Whatever it is I end up doing, I will post it here, jucy or not. I want to be able to share with this community for others to follow. Maybe it will help someone down the road when they see the right things I do, and the mistakes I will make.
- 08-13-2005, 05:07 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention this. I ran into a chick I have known for years. She is a tri-athlete and has a killer body. She used to be married to a pro football player. Anyways, I see her and she asks how I'm doing, so I tell her what's going on in my life. She tells me, "I'm sorry, but you are looking very good, very fit, you'll have no problem finding someone." A compliment like that, from a person such as herself sent me away smiling. It was nice hearing that compliment. ****, I'm down to 215 lbs right now. I feel freakin small...LOL. My Dad even said I was looking "skinny". That pissed me off. But, I am still cutting, and my muscle measurements are the same. Just my face and torso have really lost the fat and bloat.
08-13-2005, 05:07 PM
Originally Posted by Cuffs
If you do anything else....dont take your wife's phone calls...infact change cell numbers..sounds stupid but its your heart, your pain and now you need to move on........((((HUGZ))))))
08-13-2005, 05:08 PM
Yeah...that wife-lady is crazy man....I'm glad to hear you're going to cut off the communication for a bit, that's the best thing.
And, you know what I"ll say about the threesome Sex is sex is sex is sex. There is nothing mystical or magical about it. You do it, its fun...like going to an amusement park......but only your weenie gets to ride. Dont' whore to be a whore, but I wouldn't blame you for taking a good opportunity.
The love is in the hug, the kiss, and the little things.
08-13-2005, 05:20 PM
True, but those are the things I missing right now. I believe what the others were trying to say with their messages was, don't get caught up and **** up your emotions more than they already are. If I start to think the love is in the booty call sex, or clinging to the first thing I hook up with, then I'm on the path to failure. I know to not do this, but human emotions are nothing to screw with. The threeway???...well, I will not pass that up again. Unless the chicks turn out to be baggers, or something I need to drink pretty. I don't mean to sound shallow WG, so don't please don't think any less of me. I'm just going to be picky who I am with. I do have some standards.Originally Posted by kwyckemynd00
08-13-2005, 05:29 PM
It sounds shallow, but its true. Being attracted to somebody does matter. And attractiveness is subjective and really depends no how attractive a person is, or thinks they are. A good lookin' person can see a not-so good lookin person and won't be attracted. Whereas someone who is not-so good lookin' themselves can see that same person and see someone totally different and be attracted.
I can understand you missing those things...I would, too...well, I DO and my g/f has only been gone on vacation for 5 days (3.5yrs together, so its a looong relationship--we'd be married if it werent' for school, etc....you know Mrs. Gimpy ) But for now, go ahead and live life like you would as if you were single.....cuz..uh...you are Dont' act married if you're not, ya know? Maybe just keep this one chick for booty-calls, and date around. Yo udon't need to be a whore, but people usually need sex ya know...and, if you need it, you might as well get it from a freak who will screw your brains out
08-15-2005, 03:28 PM
I agree you have to be attracted to someone,,,,its nateral....Originally Posted by Cuffs
I wish u well cuffs, you have been through to much...time to move on and start to heal.......
08-15-2005, 03:56 PM
Yeah, I just found out my wife is dating a person from her work who is going through a divorce. I knew it had to be something, but was holding out until I knew for sure. At least now I know. I'm doing okay with it at this time. She is already starting a list to divide our property and all. She wants to do this quickly. I'm sure her, and his, "rebound" will last forever. She's affraid I'm going to find out who he is and beat him down. I guess he's kind of a frail guy and he saw a picture of me and became concerned. Oh well, just working on me now. Not anything to lose my job over.
I actually have an attorney who wants to go out on Thursday night with me. Also have the 24 year old hottie who wants to hook up for a night of sex. I need to make a choice here. Hell, maybe I'll go out with the attorney, then go bang the 24 year old afterwards...LOL.
08-15-2005, 04:00 PM
Just be careful, the meeting with the attorney might kill your libido!Originally Posted by Cuffs
Best of luck to you Cuffs, have a great time, you deserve it !
08-15-2005, 04:10 PM
LOL...I know what you mean there. Actually, she is a prosecutor for the District Attorney's office in the county I work in. She's not a wild chick at all. Just nice, quiet, intelligent, very conservative. The kind of lady you'd bring home to mom. It may be nice just to go out and have dinner and a movie type of date. Just to hang out, talk, and get to know one another. Although, she may be the type who is looking for more down the road.Originally Posted by joecski
08-15-2005, 04:35 PM
And as a prosecutor she is probably working 80 hours a week for $40,000/yr. Down the road she will be working 30 hours a week for $250/hr. I think I would probably go to dinner with her too and walk down that road!Originally Posted by Cuffs
Then after dinner I would hook up with the 24 yr old to make a stop on that road!
08-15-2005, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by joecski
08-15-2005, 09:58 PM
Great minds think alike...LOL!Originally Posted by joecski
08-15-2005, 10:18 PM
Okay dudes. I'm posting up a pic of the 24 year old who has been talking to me. Am I bragging...maybe a bit. Had some phone sex with her last night. Kinda different for me. This girl is a pretty wild party chick. Anyways, she's the chick in the black and white stripe shirt. The others are her some of her friends she wants to hook me up with as well. A couple of them are cute. But, who the hell cares if it's 3 on 1??? Damn, this is going to be hard to resist. WG...please don't think any less of me...
Last edited by Cuffs; 09-30-2005 at 05:19 PM.
08-16-2005, 01:10 AM
BWaaqahahahahahahah........... .......YES. Give in to the dark side, Cuffs!Originally Posted by Cuffs
MmmMMMMm is all I've got to say. Do you get to take all of them?
I'm so very excited that you're recognizing the power and greatness of the dark side of the force, Cuffs
08-16-2005, 07:56 AM
Wanted to stop you there Cuffs. That's a "slip of the tongue" and it's a dangerous one.Originally Posted by Cuffs
As of a few days ago, any sentence like that you need to use "ex-wife" or "soon to be ex-wife". Yes, I know divorce has not yet happened, etc. but even though it sounds like you really have got your stuff together you need to keep your head straight and keep walking that tightrope. You need to see it as "done". Helps with you moving forward, insulates you some from any possible heartache.
So, keeping with it the next thought to yourself is: "Why should that person's dating bother you? She's not part of your life now..."
That mentality is what kept me sane. I hope this message doesn't come off as high-handed or something, there really was power in this (for me and a couple of friends who went through similar stuff).
It sounds like you've already got that together based upon your posts but your subconscious needs a LOT to get itself programmed and small stuff adds up in it. The wrong words reinforce what you don't want, the right ones slowly reinforce what you do want.
Damn right....Not anything to lose my job over.
P.S. nice pic...lol now us married dudes will live vicariously through you!! But you might want to reconsider posting it. Your (and her) anonymity is lessened and you may find later that you wish it were not.
08-16-2005, 09:28 AM
Best advice for yourself yet. And Cuffs.....dump the Ex.Originally Posted by Cuffs
08-16-2005, 10:12 AM
Bro', you seem like a pretty decent guy, so here's advice from another arm-chair observer -just frickin' do it!!! Forget all the B.S philosophy about whether you should or you shouldn't and and enjoy frickin' life!!! I'm saying this as one of the OLDER guys on this board (older than 45, but younger than 60!) What's wrong with just being a decent, red-blooded male who enjoys consensual sex with an adult female (or females, as the case may be) whom he finds intriguing and attractive? I mean, am I missing something here? If you are truly too mentally and emotionally f'ed up to do so, then you should seek professional help rather than the opinion of people on this BB (like MYSELF, LOL!). As far as I know, you are a healthy, hetero, American male who enjoys female companionship - duh! That female companionship need not be the next love-of-your-life - she can simply be someone that you enjoy sharing sex, conversation, ****-talking, or whatever with in the here and now. However, if it somehow turns out that way, that's cool too. And as an aside, the comments about one woman's suitablity (or lack thereof)for introducing to family as oppopsed to another woman's is not only premature, but it's immature. Until you've spent time with a person and engaged them in more than just casual conversation or observed them through more than casual observation, you can't even begin to guess at this! It's that old, male double standard in your own head that causes you to categorize these women as lady or not-a-lady based on your perception of each one's sexual attitude, number of past partners, etc...which may or may not translate into how each one will behave in a steady relationship (see your Ex for a reference point). As you know, everyone is multidimensional, and what each individual chooses to present to another is often determined by what they perceive about that particular person, and not necessarily "what they are all about."Originally Posted by Cuffs
It really seems like your confidence has been shaken by the soon-to-be-ex and the "revelation" that she's seeing/involved with someone else, which is pretty normal, BUT... you've got to get past that and focus on YOUR NEEDS. You're making a straightforward proposition by the 24 y/o into something that is wayyy too complicated. If there is a mutual physical attraction, AND both parties are being upfront about the "hey, this is just sex thing," then just frickin' do it. Otherwise, YOU are the one jerkin' the 24 y/o around because you are simple using her interest to pump up your ego and confidence by engaging her in talk, but not following up with action!!!
Keep it simple, don't lie, don't lead people on. and enjoy your health and good looks the way that any normal male would. Finally, you don't need to try to impress anyone else (yes, that includes all of us on this BB) with how desirable various women find you (and about one gazillion other men - duh!)- you simply need to be honest with yourself about what you can or cannot handle, what you desire or you don't, on a day-to-day basis and stop behaving as if any and every encounter with an attractive woman has to lead to your next "permanent" relationship!
Roger willco, over and out...
08-16-2005, 11:33 AM
wordOriginally Posted by the Cardinal
08-16-2005, 01:23 PM
I won't..... just be careful, sometimes in our pain we do things we regret later.......((((HUGZ))))Originally Posted by Cuffs
08-16-2005, 01:57 PM
Empty meaningless sex... couldnt hurt I suppose.Originally Posted by Cuffs
Btw... she looks like she will eat you alive....hehe
08-16-2005, 04:27 PM
Do what you want to fill the void you feel... it`s your choice... just remember no matter where you go... you can`t run away from yourself...
and in time you will need to deal with "Life on Lifes terms."
08-16-2005, 06:17 PM
08-16-2005, 07:04 PM
I totally hear you E. I haven't made up my mind with what I'm going to do. It's just weird getting these proposals all of a sudden. I'll be sure to be responsible with whatever my decision is.Originally Posted by EEmain
I contacted my cousin today. She is a principal at an elemtary school. I told her about my ordeal and she said there were a few cute teachers she knows of who are looking to date a nice dude. These are good ladies who you would be proud to take home to mom. I may start the slow dating thing to pass the time, get to know different people, and have new experiences, while I continue to heal myself. Not rush into anything.
08-17-2005, 01:16 AM
aww cuffs im soo glad ur moving on.....about the casual sex thing, do it!!! nothing wrong with it as long as ur careful and hurting anyone. besides ur only single for so long usually. oh and that girls' cute
ur wife, yes shes what makes me ill, women who mess with nice guys make me "upset".......
08-17-2005, 01:30 AM
Its official...you've got Mrs. Gimpy tellin' you to bone that 24 yr old....you've gotta do itOriginally Posted by Mrs. Gimpy
08-17-2005, 05:13 PM
Okay, so I'm working late last night and I get invited over to a house to have a couple of beers. While I'm there, my phone rings. It's my wife. As we're talking, a couple of girls at this house start saying their going to talk **** to make my wife jealous. I looked at them and shook my head no, to just leave it be. Well, they began saying some **** and I had to hang up quickly. My wife tried calling me back, but I would not answer. I spoke to her the following day and she is upset that I'm with these girls, saying I had them lined up all along, and how I couldn't wait for her to leave me before moving on. ****...give me a ****ing break here. I tried to explain, but it didn't help. Anyways, then she tells me it's none of her business, and how she is dating this guy now and going out of town with him. She then starts to question me on who the girls were, where I was, what we did, and so on. She then tells me she's filing for divorce come Monday.
And the weird part of this whole deal...I'm not all that upset. I kinda feel a little crappy, but I think I'm about over the hump on this.
I'll fill you all in on what took place last night with me. Let's just say, I'm a bit dehydrated today.
08-17-2005, 05:17 PM
This is definitely the right move. Let the old voicemail pick it up. If it's important, you can call right back. Most of the time it's not important.Originally Posted by Cuffs
Glad to hear things are moving right along Cuffs! Can't wait to hear the story!
08-17-2005, 05:40 PM
Sorry for your troubles Bro You know I told you things sounded like they would work out but we never know what the other is thinking... have to go with the others here man... you do not need her ****ing with your head... move on so YOU can heal and put this behind youOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-17-2005, 06:34 PM
Get this, as I'm talking to her on the phone a few ago, I get a text message from her saying "I'm talking to the ****head right now." I hit her up about it. Obviously she sent it to the wrong person. She ment to send it to her new boyfriend. She began apologizing and I made her feel like ****. I have never said a bad word about her to anyone. I still won't stoop to that level, but this helps me to get over her, and to finally become a bit angry.Originally Posted by EEmain
I have my next counseling session tonight. Thank God!
On a good note, I did get laid a couple times early this morning. I'll fill in later, via a link from the adult section. I don't wish to offend anyone.
08-17-2005, 06:44 PM
Sad / glad you got to / have to see the person on the inside coming out.
I still don't believe her that she didn't have anything going on previously. Crazy woman
08-17-2005, 07:01 PM
look on the bright side, at least u discovered that she was alittle crazy before u were 80 and couldnt find anyone elseOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-17-2005, 08:47 PM
So much for neverOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-17-2005, 10:39 PM
Had my counseling session and told my therapist everything. Even about the night of wild sex. I told her that I almost feel a bit guilty for the sex. She told me that was normal, but I'm a healthy male who is looking for sex and companionship. As long as there is an understanding between both, then there's nothing to feel guilty or worry about. Then she dove into how these are new days and condoms are important...lalala. LOL. She said she supports what I am doing, andit seems I'm finally coming out. She's glad I'm starting to get angry as it's the next step I needed to get to.
I feel much better after this last session.
Now...off to the adult side to talk about my coming out. I'll post a link here when it's finished.
08-17-2005, 11:00 PM
wow. Consider yourself the luckiest man. ever. haha but damn. lol hit that! hahaOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-17-2005, 11:11 PM
08-17-2005, 11:33 PM
And her true colors show through. One way or the other, this isn't new; it was there all along in some form. Funny how these little 'accidents' happen at times like these and help us move in the right directionOriginally Posted by Cuffs
08-18-2005, 12:26 AM
Hate to say I told ya so... You---> <---The "ex"Get this, as I'm talking to her on the phone a few ago, I get a text message from her saying "I'm talking to the ****head right now."
Good luck knocking the ladies dead Bet you feel like
08-19-2005, 05:55 PM
Dudes, I'm really starting to see the true colors of my soon-to-be-ex. She is just freaking out about the split of assets and money. I have maintained a level head, never raising my voice, or using profanity while we talk. She on the other hand does all of which I spoke of. She thinks I'm being influenced by others and am trying to make life miserable for her.... I already spoke to a couple of attorney's I know. They gave me a little advice and basically that's what I'm following. My soon2bex threatens to fight this using attorney's so neither of us gets the money I want to split 50/50. She's willing to let the attorney's bleed the money dry before giving in to an even split. Although, I think she's just talking out of her ass right now. She thought I was just going to roll over and give in, but is now realizing I'm not doing that.
I'm really at the point now that I don't want her back, and am looking forward to moving on with my life.
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