I'm Coming Back
- 07-04-2005, 01:54 PM
I'm Coming Back
I was once one of the top posters here... You all know me
I ran labs on myself while on everything under the sun. I became friends with and tested lots of things for Matt (DS). I was totally in love with bodybuilding, and seeking info about it and helping others with their pursuit.
And somewhere I changed...
A lot of my motivation for attaining a perfect body came from being a fat kid, a really, really fat kid . I got to a decent body by 10th grade, disgustingly skinny by 11th, and then I started to pack on some mass in 12th. This is gonna sound lame so be prepared... A girl dumped me who at the time I was completely in love and obsessed with. We graduated high school and didn't talk, and I had the ridiculous notion that I could become big and completely ripped and tan, then she would see me and be swept off her feet. ( I wasn't quite the pimp back then that I am today ).
Anyway I became big and ripped, but that girl thing fell through. Then I went to the Army. All through Basic I was severely depressed not only from the girl thing, but mostly from withdrawl from years of severe ECA and NYC abuse. You remember the old Biotest MD6 ? I actually had severe mental problems (not that I don't now ) for months, an eating disorder, blah blah.
Off to A.I.T... I decided it would be good for me to get back into BB'ing. I discovered prohormones (Mag-10 BABY YEAH!!! ), and I was on my way...
I kinda fell for another girl in D.C., that didn't work out when I left, but we talked every now and then. We made plans to go to the DMB concert in NJ last summer. I was pretty built when I was with her, but nothing like I was when we made the plans. So the couple month cycle that I was on turned into a couple month more cycle, again with the stupid ****ing notion that she would be blown away by my body. Well that **** didn't work out either
So at that point I was on for 7 or 8 months... all depressed that it didn't work out, plus the girl I had wating for me left. My motivation dwindled. I stayed on for a couple more months, almost 11 in all I think. With all the hormones and ECA, ect. I was taking, I felt totally crazy again, like I was losing my mind. I hardly knew who I was anymore.
Around the middle of December I took my last shot of 1-test cyp, and ceased all ephedrine taking. It took a while but I finally started to feel "normal" again. I went home and discovered poker. And that was it... That's pretty much all I do now. I worked out pretty consistently for a while, but my heart was just not in it anymore, and little by little I trained less and less and the diet went down the tubes.
It's weird, I've been happy for a while. I used to do nothing but bodybuild. I would work off shifts, eat, sleep, ****, train, and shoot xPH-cyp. I would go through phases where I would party a lot, and get with random girls, but that never did it for me. Now I live a more normal life, I have more friends, a beautiful girlfriend (I hope I still have her), and I enjoy doing things other than deadlifting a quarter ton while Slipknot is screaming in my ear to kill people, or staring in the mirror at the veins bugging out over my abs.
I knew that I had to change my lifestyle but I never wanted to give up bodybuilding all together, which I did. So it's time to get off my ass and get back. I feel that I've lost a lot of respect and friendship from most of you guys and I wanna get it back. Especially Matt, I feel really bad for not doing everything I was supposed to do with the RXT. I was going through some tough times, I'm sorry bro.
So I'll be around. Don't mind if I ask some bonehead Newb questions about some of the new supps. I'll have some projects and threads in the weeks to come.
I missed you guys...
- 07-04-2005, 02:07 PM
07-04-2005, 02:39 PM
07-04-2005, 02:47 PM
Glad to have you back SS! It was actually your blood tests that led me to AM (through some Googling). Everyone goes through tough times; if it weren't for bad times, there'd be no reason to appreciate the good times. I know it may not mean much, but you've lost none of my respect. Just glad you're getting back into the game! Good luck man.
07-04-2005, 03:04 PM
Some of your old post's on this board and the bloodwork you ran is some of the most informative stuff on here.
I hope you get a chance to test some of the new ALRI stuff and post your lresults
07-04-2005, 03:17 PM
07-04-2005, 03:51 PM
I'm not sure that it is accurate to say that you've lost a lot of respect around here. You are still quoted and spoken about (in a good way) from time to time. Not only here but at other boards. Although I can see how you feel that way having split for so long.
You are a very welcome member here....at least I feel that way. I'm glad that you are back and I hope that your approach is a little more sane. We'd like to have you around for a while
BTW.....I'm sure that you've learned this, but ****ing yourself up for a girl is ridiculous. If they don't like you for who you are then it's not worth having them around for more than an ass pounding. The muscles get the immediate attention.....but if you are looking long term, you're better off wearing blankets and surprising her later on with the physique. That way, you know that her intentions aren't so shallow
Glad that you are back.
07-04-2005, 04:08 PM
07-04-2005, 04:34 PM
07-04-2005, 10:55 PM
You were missed, glad to see you
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07-05-2005, 10:37 AM
welcome back and SJA is right.......never try to be something your not..your you...like who you are and so wont others
07-05-2005, 11:02 AM
07-05-2005, 11:18 AM
Welcome back SS! Like everyone else mentioned already your test results and posts are still used as reference points for cycles.
Glad to have you back!
07-05-2005, 11:25 AM
07-05-2005, 11:41 AM
07-05-2005, 12:24 PM
Good to see you back, well all have a problems... And you dont lose respect for that, you did a lot for a lot of people here and thats not easily forgotten.
07-05-2005, 12:39 PM
Glad to have you back SS I doubt anyones really anything but glad your in good health. Keep your head up and welcome back.
07-05-2005, 01:55 PM
You were gone dude? Where the hell was I? LOL
Glad to see you posting back up in here bro. We missed our very own lab rat.
07-05-2005, 03:36 PM
SS you are welcome back here any time. You are a valuable member to this board and we all thought of you as our miracle lab rat like Cuffs mentioned, glad to see you here again
07-05-2005, 05:40 PM
It's good to see you are back SS. You seem to have an addictive personality, no? "On" for 11 months....obsessive habits.....maybe poker.... etc. Maybe I am wrong, but I hope that is under control. With that said, I would strongly advise you do not use gear again for quite some time, if at all. Not because of the gear, but rather what I'm deriving from your personality from your own postings.
As far as "losing respect" or whatever..... no drama needed, just hope you are OK and back on track. AM helps those who help themselves
07-06-2005, 02:09 AM
Welcome back SS.
I'm with you Jweave.
I missed you SS-bro but I could also discern you were on an unhealthy path both physically and mentally. I was worried about you but that doesn't involve any loss of respect.
I think we both have addictive personalities and it's tough to find an avenue where going overboard won't harm you. I screwed myself up pretty bad staying on for a 12 weeker. That's normal for many but since I'm uber-sensitive to androgens it wrecked me mentally and physically for several months..so I kinda know where you're coming from. I bulked up to 200 last January but quickly lost it due to a test crash and cortisol rebound that no product seemd to be able to stop. I am now happily down to a svelt 170 and have discovered vitamin/amino therapies for depression.
Watching 30 pounds of mass disappear is hard to take but in the end, happiness is what counts and that should never ever solely depend on muscle. You and I both now know that our core of happiness needs to revolve around something more substantial...and don't let a girl determine that for you either punk
07-08-2005, 05:55 PM
07-09-2005, 07:04 PM
07-10-2005, 08:43 AM
07-10-2005, 11:50 AM
the soldier returns! Isn't the same around here without you. Glad you're here! (Plus, I never feel bad about all the sh!t I take knowing your regimens...)
07-10-2005, 01:11 PM
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