I was once one of the top posters here... You all know me
I ran labs on myself while on everything under the sun. I became friends with and tested lots of things for Matt (DS). I was totally in love with bodybuilding, and seeking info about it and helping others with their pursuit.
And somewhere I changed...
A lot of my motivation for attaining a perfect body came from being a fat kid, a really, really fat kid . I got to a decent body by 10th grade, disgustingly skinny by 11th, and then I started to pack on some mass in 12th. This is gonna sound lame so be prepared... A girl dumped me who at the time I was completely in love and obsessed with. We graduated high school and didn't talk, and I had the ridiculous notion that I could become big and completely ripped and tan, then she would see me and be swept off her feet. ( I wasn't quite the pimp back then that I am today ).
Anyway I became big and ripped, but that girl thing fell through. Then I went to the Army. All through Basic I was severely depressed not only from the girl thing, but mostly from withdrawl from years of severe ECA and NYC abuse. You remember the old Biotest MD6 ? I actually had severe mental problems (not that I don't now ) for months, an eating disorder, blah blah.
Off to A.I.T... I decided it would be good for me to get back into BB'ing. I discovered prohormones (Mag-10 BABY YEAH!!! ), and I was on my way...
I kinda fell for another girl in D.C., that didn't work out when I left, but we talked every now and then. We made plans to go to the DMB concert in NJ last summer. I was pretty built when I was with her, but nothing like I was when we made the plans. So the couple month cycle that I was on turned into a couple month more cycle, again with the stupid ****ing notion that she would be blown away by my body. Well that **** didn't work out either
So at that point I was on for 7 or 8 months... all depressed that it didn't work out, plus the girl I had wating for me left. My motivation dwindled. I stayed on for a couple more months, almost 11 in all I think. With all the hormones and ECA, ect. I was taking, I felt totally crazy again, like I was losing my mind. I hardly knew who I was anymore.
Around the middle of December I took my last shot of 1-test cyp, and ceased all ephedrine taking. It took a while but I finally started to feel "normal" again. I went home and discovered poker. And that was it... That's pretty much all I do now. I worked out pretty consistently for a while, but my heart was just not in it anymore, and little by little I trained less and less and the diet went down the tubes.
It's weird, I've been happy for a while. I used to do nothing but bodybuild. I would work off shifts, eat, sleep, ****, train, and shoot xPH-cyp. I would go through phases where I would party a lot, and get with random girls, but that never did it for me. Now I live a more normal life, I have more friends, a beautiful girlfriend (I hope I still have her), and I enjoy doing things other than deadlifting a quarter ton while Slipknot is screaming in my ear to kill people, or staring in the mirror at the veins bugging out over my abs.
I knew that I had to change my lifestyle but I never wanted to give up bodybuilding all together, which I did. So it's time to get off my ass and get back. I feel that I've lost a lot of respect and friendship from most of you guys and I wanna get it back. Especially Matt, I feel really bad for not doing everything I was supposed to do with the RXT. I was going through some tough times, I'm sorry bro.
So I'll be around. Don't mind if I ask some bonehead Newb questions about some of the new supps. I'll have some projects and threads in the weeks to come.
I missed you guys...