My World Is Crashing Around Me

[Cuffs]

Well dudes, I am writing to to let you all know I may be absent a little from the board for a while. Things in my life took an unexpected twist yesterday. Feels as if my world is crashing down around me, and I just need to pour out some words here.

I've been married to my wife for 2-years, dating and living together for over 7. My wife let me know a few weeks ago that she wasn't happy, that she wanted us to do more things as a couple, and with other couples. She flat out told me she was board with our life, and with me. That news hurt real bad, as it came out of the blue. She told me she had felt that way for several months, and that she just didn't know how to approach me with it. We had some long talks, and both agreed to make some changes. After that, things seemed to be running good.

Well, last night my wife and I spoke on the phone. She is away for a week at a nursing training update course. She told me that she is confused, as she does not know what she wants out of life. She told me she thinks she's going through some sort of early midlife crisis. Hell, she's 28 years old. We talked a few more times, and she finally said it. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you right now." She told me there is nothing I can do to change things, that it is her problem to deal with. She told me she is unsure if she will file for divorce, or try to work things out. I brought up counselling, and she flat out refused. We were supposed to try to have a child this May/June, but she put it on hold because she said she was scared and not ready yet. A couple of months later told me the actual reason was because she didn't want to have a child with me while our relationship was unstable.

I know I/we became too comfortable with our relationship. I have taken her love for granted. I used to write her notes, send her flowers, messages, etc. I still do those things, just not as often. But more important, I don't let her know how much I actually love her, and how I watch her sleep, thinking to myself how lucky of a man I am to have such a great
woman.

God...I love this woman deeply. I have never cried so much in my life, like I have this past day. I laid in bed last night, not sleeping at all. My heart just pounded loudly, and I felt hot, and restless. I am used to situations where I can do something to either fix it, or **** it up even more. This is one where I have no control right now. I won't even see her until Friday. I requested time off to drive up where she is and stay with her for the week. I told her this, but she told me she needs the time alone. Although I don't like it, I understand it.

I told my wife that I love her too much to not let her go, and if that's what she decides to do, then I'll live with it.

I have been married before (11 years), and this marriage doesn't even come close in comparison. I never thought I could love someone, the way I love my current wife.

Another thing that hurts is, if we divorce, I will more than likely lose custody of my son, and he will move 6 hours away.

I just don't know what to do right now. I am a complete mess. I haven't slept since Sunday night, and haven't eaten since yesterday afternoon. I'm trying to choke down a protein shake as I type this. I told my wife things last night, about how much I love her and care for her, and other little things. She told me she wished I had told her these things before, that they really don't mean anything right now because I'm saying it out of desperation. I don't know, maybe I am. I have always had a problem with opening up to people, and saying to them what I feel.

Anyways...I'm not looking for pity. I just needed to tell someone how I am feeling right now. I feel comfortable telling you all about the crap going on in my life. And, maybe it will help others in relationships.

 

[Matthew D]

I am sorry to hear this Cuffs.. hang in there and I hope that things get better

 

[Cuffs]

I am sorry to hear this Cuffs.. hang in there and I hope that things get better

Thanks Matt. I'm really hoping to be able to talk it over with her this weekend, and start on a road to recovery. But I don't know, she talks to me like she dislikes me right now, and that she has already made up her mind. It's like she's trying to distance herself from me so it's easier for her to deal with. For now, I'm going to give her some space, and not look at my phone every few minutes to see if she sent me a message or not. This is really killing me.

 

[TheCrownedOne]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Cuffs. I wish more than anything that I had a great answer for you, but I suppose that the best I can do is tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as often as I remember. Just try to remember that God wants what is best for you in every situation, and He is ultimately in total control. So if things don't work out the way you'd like, take comfort in knowing that He cannot ever make a mistake and no matter how much it doesn't make sense to you it makes absolute sense to Him. Each new day will bring with it infinite possibilities, and there's no telling where the path will take you.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Stick it out Cuffs...I'm sorry to hear this, but this is not how she should have responded. In all honesty, if there is a problem in a relationship address it before it gets too far along. From an outsider reading your post, this just doesn't sound right at all...

Best of luck patching things up, I sincerely hope everythign works out for the best!

 

[VanillaGorilla]

Damn sounds like you are going threw a rough time. Something happened to me that was some what similar. We ended up staying together and now our relationship is better than it ever was. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[VanillaGorilla]

Is she coming home after her course?

 

[glenihan]

i'm truly sorry man, that really is a horribly tough thing to go through, but don't let it kill you ... there is a lot of time for you two to work things out and just because things are in the pits right now doesn't mean they will stay there for too long ... i sincerly wish you the best my friend

 

[Cuffs]

Stick it out Cuffs...I'm sorry to hear this, but this is not how she should have responded. In all honesty, if there is a problem in a relationship address it before it gets too far along. From an outsider reading your post, this just doesn't sound right at all...

Best of luck patching things up, I sincerely hope everythign works out for the best!

I've been suspicious about another dude, or at least interest in one, since she brought all this up a few weeks ago. However, she assures me this is not the case. I really hope not. I want to believe her 100%, but I am holding a small percentage that there may be. SHe told me that if this were the case, she would have an easier time leaving and going on to her rebound.

 

[tabish121]

Sorry to hear that man. I went through a very simillar experience about three years ago when my wife walked out we were together for 3 and 1/2 years of marriage and lived together for three years before we got married.

We are all hear for you man, you are not alone.

My advice is to definitely back off for a little bit, give her some space and get things clear in your head so that you don't say something that you might regret later.

 

[Cuffs]

Is she coming home after her course?

She says she's coming home. I just don't know for how long.

I've been acting like a little bitch, calling her every hour, asking her if she's coming home, asking her to at least tell me she is willing to work things out. So, I'm going to stop begging and pleading with her, and give her some space.

Another thing that really hurts is what she told me last night. She told me that she could not give me an answer as to if she is willing to try and work things out or not. She told me she doesn't know, and if she gave me an answer, she'd be lying, and she doesn't want to keep hurting me. She told me she feels nothing right now, that she could care less if the relationship works, or fails.

 

[Cuffs]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Cuffs. I wish more than anything that I had a great answer for you, but I suppose that the best I can do is tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as often as I remember. Just try to remember that God wants what is best for you in every situation, and He is ultimately in total control. So if things don't work out the way you'd like, take comfort in knowing that He cannot ever make a mistake and no matter how much it doesn't make sense to you it makes absolute sense to Him. Each new day will bring with it infinite possibilities, and there's no telling where the path will take you.

Thanks CrownedOne. The words you have said were words that went through my mind last night. I know this in my heart, it's just hard to take and understand when you're the one it's happening to.

 

[kwyckemynd00]

...She told me she feels nothing right now, that she could care less if the relationship works, or fails.

Argggh!

This is where I stop reading this thread, dude. That is just not right.

How can you just devote 10 years of your life to someone and then feel "nothing" and not care?

Best of luck, and I hope this all works out. But, I may be in the minority here when I say this is NOT AT ALL fair to you and something is up on her end, IMHO.

Was she able to name "one single thing" that she wanted changed or was it a general compaint? There should be at least some specifics or else its just all bullshit. You cannot resolve a problem if you cannot address the issue, and if there is no issue(s) there is not problem "between" you.

I would be crushed, too...so I don't blame you one bit. But really, step back for a minute and take a look at what's going on. Is there really any good reason for all of this, or is she putting your through HORRIBLE bullshit and pain because she can't grow up.

This isn't something she should be doing to you as someone she loves. A break I can understand, but the things she is telling you and the timing is just plain hurtful, careless, selfish, and inconsiderate.

I don't care what anyone says. If you can't resolve an issue through communication, the relationsihp isn't giong to work. You have to communicate, period!

 

[VanillaGorilla]

She says she's coming home. I just don't know for how long.

I've been acting like a little bitch, calling her every hour, asking her if she's coming home, asking her to at least tell me she is willing to work things out. So, I'm going to stop begging and pleading with her, and give her some space.

That's probably the best thing to do until she gets home.

Another thing that really hurts is what she told me last night. She told me that she could not give me an answer as to if she is willing to try and work things out or not. She told me she doesn't know, and if she gave me an answer, she'd be lying, and she doesn't want to keep hurting me. She told me she feels nothing right now, that she could care less if the relationship works, or fails.

Damn......... that is harsh. That's just really weird. Usually things don't come out of the blue like that. Any way to find out if she was or is seeing another guy?

 

[Iron Warrior]

Damm Cuffs, that's sad to hear I wish I had an answer for you but I've never been in that situation though. Sometimes I've felt God has tested me with adversity to make me stronger in the end, I hope it works out good for you in the end.

 

[Jeff]

Damn dude, sorry you have to go through this. I couln't make it through the whole post, because it was making ME upset, I can't fathom what you must feeling.

Best of luck to you, you're a tough dude and will pull through it.

 

[Y2Jversion1]

Hey Bro, sorry to hear this man
I hope that everything works out for you all for the better.
God bless & be strong.

 

[Cuffs]

I'm sure I'm at fault as well. I do have a temper at times, and I express myself when I'm at my worst by breaking something. Pretty childish on my part. I keep things bottled in, and explode when I can't take anymore. I have recognized this problem, worked on this area, and have progressed. However, it has come out again after hearing the news a few weeks ago, then last night. You should see my cell phone. I was able to put it back together and it actually works...LOL.

A few weeks ago I asked my wife if there was someone else. She denied it. I checked her cell phone and found a co-workers number and asked why he was calling. (Don't worry, this guy is not anyone I need to be leary of), (and she always checks my phone, and I would go through hers every so often). My wife then placed a lock on her phone so I can not get into her calls or messages. One morning, I asked her to please unlock it so I could check it, for my own piece of mind. I should note that she had been placing her phone on silent, so it would accept calls, but not ring while we slept. She refused to give me the password. In fact, she laid in bed with the covers over her head, ignoring me. I pulled the covers off of her demanding her to unlock the phone. She just laid there. I then pulled the pillow from her head. That's when she flipped and said that was a form of abuse. It was like she was waiting for me to do something, so she could have a reason to leave. She started to pack her things, but I was able to talk to her. She never did give me the password, and I never asked again.

I really think there's something more to this. I just don't want to believe it.

 

[CDB]

It's a shitty situation. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, I know it too well. I hope things do work out between the two of you. From past experience, be as honest as possible, think things through and never say anything in way you might regret.

The eating gets easier.

 

[jminis]

Sorry to hear all this Cuffs but from what you said below it sounds like she's been seeing another dude. I'm sure that's not what you want to here but from my experiences with similiar situations happening it's almost always pans out to be someone else is in the picture. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck bro.

I'm sure I'm at fault as well. I do have a temper at times, and I express myself when I'm at my worst by breaking something. Pretty childish on my part. I keep things bottled in, and explode when I can't take anymore. I have recognized this problem, worked on this area, and have progressed. However, it has come out again after hearing the news a few weeks ago, then last night. You should see my cell phone. I was able to put it back together and it actually works...LOL.

A few weeks ago I asked my wife if there was someone else. She denied it. I checked her cell phone and found a co-workers number and asked why he was calling. (Don't worry, this guy is not anyone I need to be leary of), (and she always checks my phone, and I would go through hers every so often). My wife then placed a lock on her phone so I can not get into her calls or messages. One morning, I asked her to please unlock it so I could check it, for my own piece of mind. I should note that she had been placing her phone on silent, so it would accept calls, but not ring while we slept. She refused to give me the password. In fact, she laid in bed with the covers over her head, ignoring me. I pulled the covers off of her demanding her to unlock the phone. She just laid there. I then pulled the pillow from her head. That's when she flipped and said that was a form of abuse. It was like she was waiting for me to do something, so she could have a reason to leave. She started to pack her things, but I was able to talk to her. She never did give me the password, and I never asked again.

I really think there's something more to this. I just don't want to believe it.

 

[knox]

Sorry to hear this cuffs, though it sounds to me something is fishy. But i wouldn't start assuming anything just yet, assuming always gets me into trouble. Be patient and the truth will surface. But just like kwyck said, communication is the key in any healthy relationship. i say keep the space and try to be patient, things will work out for the best. Good words Crownedone.

 

[Cuffs]

Sorry to hear all this Cuffs but from what you said below it sounds like she's been seeing another dude. I'm sure that's not what you want to here but from my experiences with similiar situations happening it's almost always pans out to be someone else is in the picture. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck bro.

I know this in the back of my head, and if this thread were writen by someone else, I would say the same thing. I've had it happen to me before, and ignored the signs. This time I didn't ignore them and confronted her. That's when she became defensive, and things began to get ugly.

She has called me a couple of times to update me of when she is out of class, and such. She has talked to me better, and even ends by saying "I love you." Maybe I'm just reading into things, but I'm holding out for hope here.

 

[Cuffs]

I used to trust my wife 100%. I never questioned where she had been, or why she was going to any certain place. She goes on trips with her best friend all the time. It's just been recent, since her job change, that things have been weird. She has even admitted this to me. She told me she wants to make sure of our relationship, and that we just didn't "settle" for what we each have to offer one another. She said she wants to make sure she is happy further on in life....WHATEVER.

 

[BigP0ppa3]

The eating gets easier.

Having been there and done that, I can tell you that the eating DOES get easier, no matter what the outcome.

Be cool brother, we're all praying and hoping the best for you on this one.

BP

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Keep holding out for hope, man. We all wish you both a happy life. We're just saying what it "sounds" like to us.

Just let her do the talking I guess...sometimes **** flips around and she'll start thinking "what the hell am I doing? (oops)" So, whatever you're doing, I guess keep it up because it sounds like you're making progress.

 

[Cuffs]

never say anything in way you might regret.

That's what started the whole day off yesterday. I shot my mouth off when I was upset. My wife told me she was going to call me while on her way to class. I called her a couple of times, but received no answer. She then called me, angry that I had called her 3 times, as if I was checking up on her. Mind you, her last training class she was involved in a traffic accident that totalled her vehicle, and injured her. This is what I was fearing happened. Well, she yelled at me, and I did what I do best...I hung up on her. Another childish move on my part. She text messaged me with "U R Pyscho." I text messaged her back with "go suck off your new boyfriend." As soon as I sent it, I wanted to take it back. It's so easy to say something like that, on a text message, and the person being hundreds of miles away. well, that did it all in, and brought up all this mess. My fault?...for the most part. Is there truth to my comment?...I don't know, but I hope not.

Another thing she told me was "haven't you wondered if you would be happier with someone else, that we just settled for each other because we were comfortable?" I told her "no", and that being comfortable with one another is a good thing, just not when we take each other for granted.

 

[Cuffs]

Having been there and done that, I can tell you that the eating DOES get easier, no matter what the outcome.

Be cool brother, we're all praying and hoping the best for you on this one.

BP

I know what you're saying. My last marriage, I got down to 172lbs. during our split. Lost 30lbs in a month.

 

[wranglergirl]

WOW!!! First off ((((HUGZ)))))) cuffs.....I wish I could make it better for you......

Love is so great on one end but on the other so damn painful......I hope this works out the way you want it to...and remember nothing is dealt to you that you CAN NOT HANDLE......I def belive

 

[James]

Sorry to hear about your rough time. Hang in there!

 

[kwyckemynd00]

That's what started the whole day off yesterday. I shot my mouth off when I was upset. My wife told me she was going to call me while on her way to class. I called her a couple of times, but received no answer. She then called me, angry that I had called her 3 times, as if I was checking up on her. Mind you, her last training class she was involved in a traffic accident that totalled her vehicle, and injured her. This is what I was fearing happened. Well, she yelled at me, and I did what I do best...I hung up on her. Another childish move on my part. She text messaged me with "U R Pyscho." I text messaged her back with "go suck off your new boyfriend." As soon as I sent it, I wanted to take it back. It's so easy to say something like that, on a text message, and the person being hundreds of miles away. well, that did it all in, and brought up all this mess. My fault?...for the most part. Is there truth to my comment?...I don't know, but I hope not.

Another thing she told me was "haven't you wondered if you would be happier with someone else, that we just settled for each other because we were comfortable?" I told her "no", and that being comfortable with one another is a good thing, just not when we take each other for granted.

Ahhh....ur killin me bro :rant: "Go suck off your new boyfriend" and hanging up....*sigh*

this is just too much R U cutting right now? If so, go get some ice cream and be nice!

 

[EEmain]

Whoa sorry to hear this Bro...you are one of the truly good peeps here..

In AA we have a saying "Let go and let God" not much advise but it`s all I got...

 

[Cuffs]

Ahhh....ur killin me bro :rant: "Go suck off your new boyfriend" and hanging up....*sigh*

this is just too much R U cutting right now? If so, go get some ice cream and be nice!

It was a text message, and yes, I'm cutting right now and hadn't had any form of carbs (except veggies/lentils) in two weeks. Still, no excuse for the behavior on my end.

 

[jmh80]

We're here for ya bro. Good luck with the situation. Hope all ends up well.

 

[DmitryWI]

I don't have much to say, Cuffs, I've never been in love... I believe God gave you this challenge for a reason and in the end you'll become better, stronger and happier person. But I don't think it makes you feel better right now. Stay strong, bro.

 

[DieTrying]

Keep your head up bro. I'm actually going through a rough 48 hrs with my girl as well. Its tough man. All you can do is hope things will work out for the best one way or another.

If you two end up staying together, remember this situation and how it feels. I know I take my girl for granted a lot and a good fight between us can sometimes be a good thing in terms of how I treat her.

 

[bigpetefox]

Damn brother, I don't know what to say.. I hope things work out for you, it sucks to feel that way, I know for a fact..

 

[stalemate]

i feel i have to say something about this in EVERY situation such as this, as this is how something started that has lead to the last week of my life being the worst ever. whatever happens man, NOTHING is worth taking your own life over. maybe you have NOT even considered this, BUT, i feel convicted to tell you that NOTHING is worth taking your life. PERIOD. No matter what this leads to. My oldest brother took his own life 8 days ago, the day after Father's day. He was 33. Nobody saw the signs, he had hid them so well. It started with his divorce about 2 years ago, then depression, drinking(he was a recovered alcoholic), gambling, and cancer/crohn's disease. everything started crashing down around him, and all the lying was catching up to him. after the final push over the edge last Sunday(father's day-not being able to be with his 7 year old son), he committed suicide. worst day of my life. you have a child Cuffs, that, and that alone, is reason enough to go on. don't ever forget about him/her. please, man. everything will turn out like it is supposed to. give it time. be patient. don't leave anyone wondering "why"? i wonder this every night now.

i hope you understand where i'm coming from. this last week i have just realized ya never know what is going on in someone's head, and i try to not take any more chances in letting people know how important they are to this world and people in it. i don't know you. but i know you have family, and most important, parents and a child. hang in there and keep your chin up. you get angry, need to vent, get to the gym or go for a run. helps me. take care!

 

[Cuffs]

I know and appreciate what you're saying slatemate. Let me say, that I would never even consider taking my life, or anyone elses...unless it was to protect anothers life.

I came to the decision that I am going to give my wife her space, and let her call me on her own. I just spoke to her for about 90 minutes and I told her that if she wants to leave, then I understand and will not cause a scene. I also told her that I will be here for her at any time, and will always hold a special place in my heart for her. I told her that I did not want to feel any hate towards her, or make this ugly in any way. Basically, the ball is in her court, and I'm not going to be a bad sport when it's over.

She will not tell me what her intentions are right now. She says she is still unsure, but I believe she has made up her mind to leave. She just doesn't want to say at this time. She still says she loves me, but feels like there is no reason to go on with this relationship.

I spoke of my faults to my wife that I have recognized too late. I told her that I will work on these, whether it's for this relationship, or to make me a better person in the long run.

A good bro here, SJA, gave me some good advice. To concentrate on the "ME". Make sure I'm staying healthy, and keeping occupied to make me stronger. He also said some other very good things.

I really appreciate the advice and the responses I have received from the board members and Mods here.

I will keep you all updated as much as I can. If nothing else, I hope others will learn from my relationship mistakes, and keep communication at a high standard. Don't take the one you love for granted.

I feel this is only the bump in my rough road ahead. I'm really not looking forward to this ride.

 

[James007]

Western culture is on the decline. Man has lost everything he has created. Affirmative action, equal rights, gay rights, separation of church and state? What the **** is going on? Where are the principles of the founding fathers?

Women are leaving men. **** that. Divorce should be NO option. When you vow "till death due us part" that should mean that. There should be no remarriage bullshit. If your spouse dies, fucking suffer. Christ suffered and so did every other human on earth. Is society that backwards that if there's any sign of trouble we bail? That's pretty sad.

19/20 slowest growing nations are located in Europe, which are in fact experiencing negative growth.
50% divorce rates.

The future does not look good for western civilization.

 

[James007]

BTW your a pussy for acting like that.

 

[James007]

How is your wife going to respect you if you don't respect yourself?

 

[IntensePump]

Hey Cuffs, I don't know you as I am relatively new to the board but I want to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Stay strong, stay smart.

 

[Malek256]

Cuffs, you have my respect for trying your best to still be a caring person and to let her go if that's what she wants.

It almost sounds like your wife has a chemical imbalance or depression. Either way, whether this is the cause of troubles or not, you're right -- there is nothing you can do about your relationship except to let her be or to end the relationship yourself. BUT there is a LOT you can do for yourself!

I have been through something pretty similar (10 year relationship). After we split I had just transformed from thinking "of two" all the time to feeling very alone. Then suddenly I made a decision -- recognizing Freedom for what it could be.

I remember thinking about what I wanted to do, to take advantage of having some time to actually get up and DO THINGS, to ACHIEVE things assuming that I was going to be single for a very long time. Few people get a chance in life to spend time working on their novel, pouring themselves into something, travelling -- whatever.

You may have that time right now -- so find that passion you had to do something FOR YOU and go do it. If you don't know what it could be -- STRETCH. Do something that will amaze yourself, trapeze work, parachuting, something you wouldn't believe. It's a chance to grow.

Be very, very busy. It helps you deal with the anxiety and it helps you recognize that you are still in control of most things in your life. It's extremely important to let your subconscious recognize that as well, and important that it opens up the possibilities of amazing and wonderful things still to come for you.

Respects,
Malek.

P.S. I met my soulmate only 3 months after that huge split. I took a chance, went online to a dating service just to get out and meet people (STRETCH you see!) I happened across someone who's bio looked like I'd written it. So we emailed, then chatted, then met. I proposed six months later. You NEVER KNOW what can be around the corner. In my case, it was the best part of my whole life that was around the corner -- but before that great stuff arrives, you can only hope that good things are coming. So hold to hope bro. What I'm trying to say -- my life has literally never been better but I didn't think that would be the case even the week (hell, the DAY) before it changed!

 

[Cuffs]

BTW your a pussy for acting like that.

Well, I don't know if name calling was called for, but as I said in my posts, I did not condone my behvior in certain situations. But, at the same time, I have to agree with you. Things can easily get blown up in a relationship. I can go on-and-on about things my wife has said to me to "push my buttons", or just in general, but what good would it do? The bottom line is, I know I could have made a difference in this marriage if I had sat back and looked at the picture every so often. IMO, complacency has no place in a marrige. Marriage is something that needs to be routinely worked on. I became too comfortable, and never saw the big picture, I guess.

I could easily have made my wife out to be the bad person here. I could make things up to post in here, but for what good? I am not perfect by any means. I made this thread for a support crutch for me, and so others can learn from my mistakes.

 

[Cuffs]

Thanks for the words of advic Malek. Very solid advice. I went through this over 8 years ago with my first marriage, which was 11 years, and 13 years together. I discovered she was having an affair with my best friends brother-in-law, who was the husband of our babysitter, and one of her coworkers. I kept myself very busy, and was suprised at the level of focus I had. Everything seemed clearer at that time.

My current wife, was a very good friend before we got together. Up until the other day, I thought she was my soul mate. I still think she is, but I'm reluctantly willing (two words that probably don't belong next to each other) to let her go. We lived together for over 5 years, engaged for 2-3 years, before getting married. We just recently purchased a new house, new furniture, a new car, and our pool was just finished last week, and we consolidated a bunch of bills into one loan last week. By saying purchased, I should say financed. It would have been nice to know all of this before these purchases were made. Not to say money or material possessions mean anything to me. Because they don't. Now on the other hand, they do mean a lot to my wife. She is just that way.

I do think she has some sort of chemical imbalance right now. I spoke with a few other women who told me some women go through a change between 27-32, where they are depressed and feel lost. This may be the case, but it doesn't excuse my actions of frustration at times.

 

[natedogg]

Sorry to hear about this. Even my wife took the time to read the posts. Hang in there and focus on the task at hand, being a Cop. Like I, you seem to have a bad temper. I'd hate to see you take that anger out on an unsuspecting citizen and get yourself in trouble that could ruin your life/career. I know when I'm pissed/upset I'd like to take the first asshole I see and bash him. Just thought I would give you a different perspective. Good luck.

 

[Cuffs]

Sorry to hear about this. Even my wife took the time to read the posts. Hang in there and focus on the task at hand, being a Cop. Like I, you seem to have a bad temper. I'd hate to see you take that anger out on an unsuspecting citizen and get yourself in trouble that could ruin your life/career. I know when I'm pissed/upset I'd like to take the first asshole I see and bash him. Just thought I would give you a different perspective. Good luck.

Thanks Nate. My temper has always been a problem at times. However, I have never let it affect my career. I'm not a fighter by any means. Although there are times I get into tussles on the job, I always maintain a cool head. It's the frustration levels I reach in my personal life. I never act out to hurt anyone, and I am always quick to apologize for my actions. When I do go off, I always feel like **** afterwards. Although it's a little too late then. I had been proud of myself for keeping my cool and thinking about my actions before responding. It was until recently, when levels of frustration reached an all-time high, that it came out again.

Being a cop for so long, I have learned to keep my emotions bottled up. I have to while at work. Hell, it's in our policy and proceedures maual that we must abide by. Then it spills into the home life. I wish there was a built in switch that I could flick on when I go to work, and off whn I get home. I think that is the biggest problem with people in this career.

 

[wranglergirl]

Cuffs ((HUGZ))))) your in my thoughts...

 

[joecski]

Hey Cuffs, been following your threads for a long time and wanted to let you know to just hang tough. I went through an eerily similar situation about 9 years ago with my wife, right down to having a young son. We talked for a few weeks, she expressed the same ambiguous problems such as not knowing what she wanted to do with her life, and finally she decided to leave. I offered her everything under the sun once she left, I helped her move, gave her my car, and even gave her half my weekly paycheck to help her out under the condition I could see my son every day. So, I basically played it up that I wanted to see her happy while being in my sons life constantly. That was the best possible solution for me, and I accepted the fact that she was gone. We maintained a friendly relationship throughout, and we never really got nasty after she had left. Anyway, after about two months we had some serious discussions about the future, and before long she decided that she was wrong to leave and desperately wanted to come back. So, I took her back, although not exactly with open arms and with many reservations. Once bitten, twice shy. Since then, our relationship has grown steadily closer and is probably better now than it ever would have been if we had not spent that time apart.

So, my advice would be to try and give her some space, let her know you love her and support her because you really want to see her happy, and let her know how important your son is to you. Decide what is important to you as a person and what you can do to make her happy. Anyway it goes, know you have the support and prayers of many people here at AM.

 

[okboy63]

Thanks Nate. My temper has always been a problem at times. However, I have never let it affect my career. I'm not a fighter by any means. Although there are times I get into tussles on the job, I always maintain a cool head. It's the frustration levels I reach in my personal life. I never act out to hurt anyone, and I am always quick to apologize for my actions. When I do go off, I always feel like **** afterwards. Although it's a little too late then. I had been proud of myself for keeping my cool and thinking about my actions before responding. It was until recently, when levels of frustration reached an all-time high, that it came out again.

Being a cop for so long, I have learned to keep my emotions bottled up. I have to while at work. Hell, it's in our policy and proceedures maual that we must abide by. Then it spills into the home life. I wish there was a built in switch that I could flick on when I go to work, and off whn I get home. I think that is the biggest problem with people in this career.

Once things settle down go to www.doclove.com and buy this guys stuff and read it, it is by far some of the most truthful stuff you will hear on realtionship issues and how to deal with these things in the future.(you won't hear this stuff on oprah).
The bottomline is the only way to get over a woman is with another woman. The problem is your hurt and needy at the moment(which won't make you to atractive to most women). Begging never works and no matter what women say they respond to guys who can definetly live without them. Go find another woman,take no ****,be confident.
You have to start taking steps now. Never try to keep someone who doesn't want to keep you.
Best of luck(we have all been there)