How to get her and my motivation back?

[KenTheEagle]

Hi! Its been a while and I know this may be a stupid thread, but I would like to share this here because you guys dont know ppl around me so its easier!

First of all I have 0 motivation and here is why...

On july I started a new job, and everything was going great, I also met a very hot woman at work that caught my eye (5 years older than me, she is 32), we both were hired at the same time.

so after 2 weeks on a friday night (after work), we went to a bar, me, her and a female friend of us (coworker too).we both got really drunk that day, at 3 am we called a taxi for us so while we were on the taxi my girl got uncounsious, she was sleeping so I decided to bring her to my house.... once we arrived we fell asleep in my bed....then we woke up at 12 pm and thats when it all started... we were in bed talking and laughing about what happened while holding our hands...and then I started to kiss her and yes... we had sex and it was amazing (thanks to the Tren!).... so after we finished, I bought her a coffee and took her back to her place... then that weekend we didnt talk at all...

On monday she wanted to talk to me so we went out for lunch and we had a conversation, she started crying and told me that she felt guilty because shes been in a relationship for 8 years, but now she cant stop thinking about me.... I felt guilty at that moment,... then after that day, we were going out together, we spent so much time every single day, we also texted each other everyday..... and I knew that on weekends she was still seeing her boyfriend (and I was ok with that).... so for 2 months everything was good except that some times she treated me badly... not sure why... but still we were always together... then I started to feel something strong for her... it was an obsession and suddenly I was in love with her... and thats when all problems started... I was going crazy and felt jealous if someone apprached her at work (I was almost involved in a few fights at work)... and she told me that she hated that--- so then one friday night she went out to a party with her boyfriend (a birhtday of a mutual friend of both) and I told her that it was ok as long as she allow me to pick her up after the party... that night she didnt call.... and I started to text her a lot like a psycho.... thats when she broke up with me.... after that night, wverything was virtually the same but she was distant at the same time,however she told me that she had strong feelings for me, but after that we didnt have sex anymore, she would just ocasionaly allow me to kiss her.....

on october, everything started going down.... we went to a party and she was distant.... she danced with 2 different guys (co workers) and that really pissed me off so on the way back home we had a strong argument and and little by little everything was fading.... on november we had a strong fight and after that she stopped talking to me for like 2 weeks.... then we decided to be just friends but on a friday night we had sex again.... then after a week she didnt talk to me at all and to this day I dont know why..... but then we had a party at work.... and thats when it all ended.... she was extremely drunk and could barely walk... so she danced with a co worker and kissed him in the cheek and then I lost it..... I grabbed a full jack daniels bottle and I was going to smash it in his head but a supervisor stopped me....

after that night I sent her a horrible message, I told her that when I was working at a bar I used to work with whores and that I never saw anything like that... specially because the co worker was xremely ugly... he really loooks like a chimp.....after 2 weeks I sent her an apology text and she said that she could not forget what I said, then on christmas she texted me with a "merry christmas, you".... but thats it then I couldnt stand seeing her everyday so I decided to quit my job


Now I cant find a motivation to train.... and I really want to be her friend again.... I would hate to lose her.... I sent her a song via text (I wrote it myself)... I knew that she spent new year with her friends, including that chimp that danced with her that night and I am not sure if she slept with that "man" I called her in new year and also sent her a message... and I got no response from her.......

is it possible to get her back? its been a month!!!! also, any tips to keep my motivation up..... I have no job and no girl..... she was extremely cool

I really hope someone can give me any advice here.... It may be a stupid thread but It also feels good to write it down...

 

[MK9]

Hey Ken,
I read what you wrote, and based on personal experience and serious reflection on myself you have some options to dig yourself out of this hole..

1. Work on yourself.. Pure and simple.. You had game before you met her, and you still do after. This is just a hiccup

2. Look at the dynamics of how this "relationship" started i.e. She is involved with someone for 8 years, she was a co-worker, and you ended up getting a wicked case of "the One".. Not healthy, now ask yourself if this is the type of woman *you* would want to form a strong long term relationship with.. I'm not referring to this woman specifically, but the type.. It's all about needs and wants, she has a man who probably has no backbone, does what she says, is compliant bla bla bla... Yo came along, she got excited all was good, and it was short lived..

3. Take it easy on yourself, you arent the first nor the last to go through this, yeah it sucks, it hurts on multiple levels, but don't ever forget that you are your first priority.. No one and I mean no one will have your back and care about you like your parents and/or siblings.. Women are a dime a dozen, and this experience should definitely be a reason to open up your eyes at relationship dynamics.

4. Take everything you did, replay that mental tape and try and pinpoint *when* you noticed she got distant.. i.e. you started developing feelings for her, you got jealous, started getting obsessive... To her, you looked desperate, you put her on a pedestal, and it came crashing down... Don't worry, it happens, just learn from this.

5. Don't even try and get her back... You aren't giving yourself time to process this.. You need to get busy looking for work, start eating a bit more, and start working out, and focus on being better than the previous desperate dude who you knew a month ago... Seize the Throne!

If you choose to I can point you in the right direction so you can really see the reality of whats going on, it will be a lot of reading, and it will give you the knowledge and wisdom of many others who have and are going through this.

I just recently had a similar situation, but due to my state of mind I bounced back fast, not saying it didnt hurt, it sucked for about a week and change, but throughout that time I knew deep inside the outcome and prepared mentally.

Go easy on yourself...

MK9

 

[T-Bone]

Is this high school?. Adults don't live like this or talk like this.

 

[toddmuelheim]

It would definitely be easier to give good advice if you uploaded a YouTube video of you singing the song you wrote to her. Without seeing your true raw emotion we are all just guessing here.

 

[puccah8808]

Love makes you do stupid things. Take her down from your pedestal and take a seat up there. It's time to focus on yourself and always remember... Self improve after a relationship, don't self destruct.

 

[toughchick401]

Move on let her go.

 

[Mkgain1]

A rule of thumb for me is personally, never get serious about someone that cheated on someone else with you. You said she was in a relationship for 8 years prior to sleeping with you (the morning after you woke up none the less so you weren't drunk anymore) and continued to cheat for months after.. What would ever stop her from doing the same to you? Honestly man, you're separated now, I'd stay that way because there's "heartbreak" written all over this girl.

 

[GreekTheBrick]

She will never come back. Just accept this and get on with your life.

If she ever returns it will be to play with you as she did before and then leave you completely wrecked.

Quit being her puppet. Sorry for being harsh but thats the way it is

 

[smith_69]

It would definitely be easier to give good advice if you uploaded a YouTube video of you singing the song you wrote to her. Without seeing your true raw emotion we are all just guessing here.

kind of like booba booey did. best f'ing thing i ever heard-

 

[smith_69]

guys are right here, and let me shed some wisdom here. most of us have been there before. your crushed, the world is over shoot me now- bla bla. this is your man talk. grab your coin purse and get a hold of those little marbles bro. chicks think so much differently and in her mind, the night was to make a connection now, because down the road she knew it wasnt going to work. for whatever reason.

you need a guys night, not to go out and bang revenge or hate on every girl out there. but just to get back out. hang with your friends. the longer you sit alone and ponder about the clam that closed up will make you insane.

from a guy whos been there, trust me and trust us- you will get passed this. matter of fact, you will not regret this down the road- reason? because this is what you needed in life to make you stronger. im sure the boys here will help kick you in the pants as well.

dont f' up your training or anything else. i promise it will pass

married now with 2 beautiful girls 8 and 7 years old. if i would have wasted an extra minute of my life, i may have missed what i have now

peace bro

 

[TheMovement]

I mean do you have no self worth? Why are you a fallback...and your fine with it???

Your aggression issues need to be addressed because that's just childish. Bottom line no way around it. Drinking and the party social scene doesn't sound like your cup of tea but there's other options out there.

You really gotta reflect on what you can offer a woman. Stability,m, unwavering strength, patience, and love that all starts within your own heart for yourself. Best of luck man!

 

[Aleksandar37]

Honestly, you never had her so there is nobody to get back. She had somebody else, so she was never yours. I agree that you should focus on yourself and moving on because you will find somebody else. It sounds like she has a lot of issues that she needs to work on herself. My advice is to cut her off completely and she will eventually stop contacting you.

 

[RegisterJr]

I agree, you never had her. No offense to your feelings because I know they are real, but you have to get over this whore. Just stop reaching out or responding and eventually your feelings will subside.

Until she grows up she'll treat every man like this.

 

[UCSMiami]

I read the title only because that is all I need to read on this one.

Re: Her. Forget about it. No woman is worth any emotional turmoil
Re: Your motivation. Look in the mirror and look at what a weak POS you currently are compared to before and do something about it.

That is all.

 

[puccah8808]

In Pumping Iron, Arnold talks about getting rid of anything that will distract you from your goals.

 

[TheMovement]

In Pumping Iron, Arnold talks about getting rid of anything that will distract you from your goals.

Great Watch!

 

[KenTheEagle]

Guys thank you very much for the comments.. I feel way better now, Ive read these comments before and really helped me, but at the same time I didnt want to post because I felt extremely deppressed thats why I am posting until now.... and thats because yes, I found she was going out with that monkey man....I was devastated and never felt so humiliated by a woman.... terrible experience, when she leaves you thats one thing, but when she leaves you to be with a guy thats not worth a half of a penny thats the worst experience ever!......... So it took nearly 3 weeks to start feeling better, I started taking herbal blends, ashwagandha+yerba mate+rhodiola and it really really helped, so I recommend it if you feel down. specially the ashwagandha!

I met 3 women already, but the one I met last week is the one I want LOL she really helped me to forget about that cheap whore, it was a first date and we held hands and all (no kiss yet) hopefully things will work out with this new woman (she is 8 years older than me, I like mature women for whatever reason haha)

I am training hard again, mostly MMA will start lifting weights in about 2 months more, for now just MMA until I get shredded.

Again thank you guys, Ive just read the comments again and I can say that I dont feel bad anymore... I love this forum

Lesson learned: Never fall in love with someone because of her looks or because you have fun with her, specially if you f...kd her on the first date... In other words, never fall in love with a whore

 

[smith_69]

Guys thank you very much for the comments.. I feel way better now, Ive read these comments before and really helped me, but at the same time I didnt want to post because I felt extremely deppressed thats why I am posting until now.... and thats because yes, I found she was going out with that monkey man....I was devastated and never felt so humiliated by a woman.... terrible experience, when she leaves you thats one thing, but when she leaves you to be with a guy thats not worth a half of a penny thats the worst experience ever!......... So it took nearly 3 weeks to start feeling better, I started taking herbal blends, ashwagandha+yerba mate+rhodiola and it really really helped, so I recommend it if you feel down. specially the ashwagandha!

I met 3 women already, but the one I met last week is the one I want LOL she really helped me to forget about that cheap whore, it was a first date and we held hands and all (no kiss yet) hopefully things will work out with this new woman (she is 8 years older than me, I like mature women for whatever reason haha)

I am training hard again, mostly MMA will start lifting weights in about 2 months more, for now just MMA until I get shredded.

Again thank you guys, Ive just read the comments again and I can say that I dont feel bad anymore... I love this forum

Lesson learned: Never fall in love with someone because of her looks or because you have fun with her, specially if you f...kd her on the first date... In other words, never fall in love with a whore

glad your back bro- va6ina will do that.

just remember, dont rush anythng man, take time for yourself, date 10 and make sure when you meet them, you tell them you are dating other people,

why? simple, girls want what other girls dont have, YOU

but dont play that game to long because at some point you will need to make a choice on who to stay with and let go. DONT SLEEP with them either.
why? if you bang one and lets say things are good, good se6 and good looking, but you think things might be a little better, so rather than keeping what you have you bet the bank. at some point bro, the house wins and the ones you thought might be better have moved on.
the one that you thought was good is no longer interested in because you banged her and now, well she aint gonna be happy.

never tell them youre not sure of what you want- chicks dont want guys who have no clue

she asks, so what do you want

i know what i am looking for- say it looking into her eyes and pull away

shelll ask, oh whats that

ball is now in your court, kiss her on the cheek and smile or if the mood is going south, "ill tell you when i find it"

again, even if the date goes bad, at some point she will come back to this and ask herself and her friends wtf does that mean- as long as you werent a d bag, you have the door open for another date.

be good bro

 

[Aleksandar37]

Glad everything turned around for you. Hard times happen, but if you focus on yourself and getting better, the hard times pass.