Can you Love more than one?
- 03-25-2005, 06:41 PM
Can you Love more than one?
Ok Bros and Bras....
Do you think it is possible to love more than one person at the same time? I am not talking about family, I am talking about a meaningful exchange of caring and affection that is both intimate and sincere? And if so, how does a person confront monogamy and exclusivity with a lover in the midst of this kind of life multiplisity?
- 03-25-2005, 06:51 PM
- 03-25-2005, 07:05 PM
I am not necisarily saying that you have to have a full blown relationship with 3 women at the same time (although, it has been done), but with one and perhaps still love others in a meaningful way...
03-25-2005, 07:17 PM
You can love a lot of women, but only be in love with one.
03-25-2005, 07:18 PM
Depends on your definition of eros love, I suppose. This guy once wrote: " There is Love and there is Love, one is a serpent and one is a dove, choose ye well !"
03-25-2005, 07:34 PM
I really believe you can love more than one woman. There is no book or rules that say you can't.
Now going out with two or more women at the same time, that's another topic.
03-25-2005, 08:50 PM
I think you'd have to love both equally, which is imo impossible. We always like someone better for whatever reasons
03-25-2005, 11:03 PM
I agree. I think there are degrees of how in love you are with someone.Originally Posted by cobra1414
03-25-2005, 11:19 PM
I believe it's possible to love more than one at a time.
In reality though, keeping them both happy would be a full time job. I don't think you could have true love with 2 people at the same time without major conflicts of interest.
At one point, I tried to "date" as many women as I could at a time. During any given week, I would have been seeing up to 5 women. Sometimes two in one day. NOBODY stuck around for more than about 2 weeks. I got good at meeting them and shuttling them into the bedroom, but keeping them happy is a whole nother story.
Dating that many people was very stressful for me. I couldn't do it. I kept meeting women who I really liked, and wanted to spend more time with them, only to find out they weren't willing to wait in line behind all my other dates.
I have a friend who does just this, and has, for about 9 years straight now. I think he is deficient in the right neurotransmitters or something because he doesn't care about anybody. He lusts for women and once he's got them, he moves on. He's got a few women who put up with what he does and "love" him, but most are thrown away like garbage.
Monogamy, to me, is something you do for comfort and security. Some people require it to be happy, others prefer it, and others don't care for it. My taste for it comes and goes. I currently am seeing someone I love enough to provide her with the comfort and security she desires. I would never cheat on her, but I desire a lot more than one person can offer.
I think any women who would be willing to "share" me with another women would be too much of a hippy for my tastes.
03-26-2005, 12:29 AM
Being in love with someone and loving someone are two completely different things. If you don't know, then it is damn near impossible to explain.
I loved my ex-gf but on reflection, I never was "in love" with her.
03-26-2005, 01:30 AM
I guess I am asking if you can really be in love with more than one woman. I think you can.
03-26-2005, 06:21 AM
I'd say no. You can love a lot of women to varying degrees, but only truly be in love with one. Putting two people at the top of your list like that, so to speak, puts them and you in inevitable conflict. My girlfriends have to deal with the fact that most of my friends are women. They're just more fun to spend time with. While I love all of them, and to be honest was at one time trying to sleep with all of them, cheating on my gf or being in love with another woman on the same level is impossible because I know how much it would hurt her, and that would kill me.
03-26-2005, 08:52 AM
Well in retrospect then... anybody ever truly been IN love and know how it feels, im going through a "break up" of sorts right now and im trying to find out if it's real love or not
Too confusing if you ask me, but i can't seem to get her off my mind and wondering if anyone can throw me a bone here, cause im lost ha
03-26-2005, 10:15 AM
Well, I will throw my voice in - as a woman......I think that is very possible to love two woman - to want them both - and to be torn. Ultimately, you just have to decide, but the feelings for both would remain. I think that it requires a really mature kind of love, one that doesn't mean just getting in our pants, but feeling that this ONE OR TWO people are the most important to you......... Remember, careful what you wish for though, for you will surely get it.
To truly, truly, hopelessy love - you must pick one, or you are shortchanging yourself and the one that you are meant to be with.
THERE IS A LID FOR EVERY POT - this is what I say when I see a really ugly couple that look so happy in the mall.
See - woman are as shallow as you - deep as a dime, boys, deep as a dime.
03-26-2005, 10:40 AM
I have known this for years. More shallow if you ask me.Originally Posted by wheystation
03-26-2005, 10:45 AM
Another girl good.......
I would argee with you though, you can be in love with 2 women, just as women can be in love with 2 men but in the end you must decide who is right for you and let the other go.....Dosent mean you dont love them but means that you see something more with the one you choose....
Seems to be the month for relationship questions.....I wish you all well, its a hard spot to be in.......Sometimes it works out and sometimes it dosent....I also give you credit for being out there....and trying....
Hope it helped sour in the mind......By the way cute avatar..
03-26-2005, 10:46 AM
Originally Posted by ryansm
I disagree with that, men are some of the most shallow creatures out there, agreed SOME women are as well but men.......you take the cake......
03-26-2005, 11:00 AM
There will always be arguments about this. I suppose I'm the type that always meets the shallow women.
03-26-2005, 11:07 AM
And i seem ( for the most part) to meet the shallow men who comment on things they know nothing about .........ie,.... red face...
03-26-2005, 11:36 AM
Cake? Did someone say Cake? - Seriously, lets all privately agree that we, and only us, are better than the rest and we just can't meet anyone that could possibly understand our greatness............. personally, I love men, I just don't try to understand them anymore and that has been my big breakthrough. Now, I accept them-warts and all.Originally Posted by wranglergirl
NOW if you keep ordering from my company All The Whey - I promise to find us ALL the perfect mate.
03-26-2005, 02:06 PM
all i have are little sweet tarts in the shape of chickens and bunnies... they comfort me
03-26-2005, 03:34 PM
No...you WOULD have a favorite and that doesn't work out wellOriginally Posted by sourinthemind
However, I see nothing wrong with "making love" w/ more than one at a time
03-26-2005, 03:41 PM
Tisk, tisk, tisk....see, you don't understand men, do you?Originally Posted by wranglergirl
Men (as whole) aren't shallow....we're just extremely simple!
All a man wants is sex, food, and a good ego stroking now and then. A woman who gives those three to him will basically have magical powers over him. Anything above and beyond those three is a major plus
03-26-2005, 04:11 PM
I don't understand men.......they give me a headacheOriginally Posted by kwyckemynd00
03-26-2005, 04:14 PM
Another girl !!!! finally but as the perfect mate goes I had one, he melted to my dashboard in my accord yrs ago....( he was a little plastic man holding flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other, my friend gave him to me when I broke up with an ex of mine... ) I had to throw him out hehehehehehehOriginally Posted by wheystation
03-26-2005, 05:25 PM
LOL. Just remember those three things: sex, food, ego in that order and you're good to go.Originally Posted by wranglergirl
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: GUYS DON'T CHANGE! So, throw that silly notion out of your head (IF it's in there).
03-26-2005, 05:45 PM
. Just remember those three things: sex, food, ego in that order and you're good to go.
Okay - I am going to have sex with him, in front of a mirror and he can eat a sandwich while I moan about how big he is -------does that cover it all?
03-26-2005, 06:50 PM
I think you got it, lol.
03-26-2005, 06:55 PM
Sandwhich? Sandwhich!?!? What's this **** b1tch! *smack* Get me a ****in' steak!Originally Posted by wheystation
j/k, I think you got the idea!
03-27-2005, 02:22 AM
I really do think it is possible to love more than one, more than two even. In the same way? I don't think so. Every experience is different of course. But I guess if this stuff were easy to figure out we would all master the reationship game. For me, I have a tendency to find fear my biggest nemisis. I think I may hold on too long to some when I should let them go for fear that I will loose that precious peice of myself that each has helped me find. So I end up having a life of multiples, if you will. To be honest, there really is just so much to love in most women. Truely a gift to the world. I have been lucky and unlucky I guess....
03-27-2005, 03:29 PM
I think you need to spend some time with yourself and find out what YOU truley want. Do you really love these women, or do you adore and like certain qualities in them? You can love many aspects of everyone, but you can't possibly be IN LOVE with all of them. True love is too emotionally consuming for you to love multiple people at once, IMO.Originally Posted by sourinthemind
03-27-2005, 06:03 PM
I agree with Elizzards statement concerning a romantic relationship. Menage a trois is something you do when you are very young and naive. Adults inherently know that you can only love one person in a (romantic) relationship. As far as shallowness of genders; granted there are some really shallow women out there that I have met but the majority of my male friends are just as shallow. On the other hand if a guy could have a loving relationship with more than one wife in the open, I wish them the best.
03-27-2005, 08:36 PM
I disagree KnowBull, I think you can love more than one person in a romantic relationship. I don't think you can successfully have more than one at a time. I think what I and most others struggle with is the social unacceptability of the notion that you can deeply love more than one person. I think having a menage trios is a bit out of my realm. That sort of thing just doesn't do anything for me. But I know that I have loved more than one at the same time. Some of this may be contingent on who you define love also.
03-27-2005, 09:32 PM
I think you are an idealist, and that is good, to love is good, to love romantically without sex is the real test, in my opinion anyway. You speak of struggling with "social unacceptability" I would like to know what that is comprised of: do others look down on you because you love? Does it bother you that they do? Do you really care what others think about your love life? If you are in love with 2 women be proud of it! Proclaim it from the rooftops man!
03-28-2005, 01:02 AM
Let me tell you bro, I've had many loves. Yes, it is possible to love up to 5 or more, seriously. I'm happily married now but still to this day will see a woman and think "I could really love her". She may be beautiful, or even not so pretty, but usually it's a mental impression or a smile of sincerety or a weekness I see that I'd like to defend her with that I connect with. So I totally hear you. But in the end, a steady and uncomplicated source of food, sex and emotional happiness are a man's motives so he just makes 1 choice and that's it, no turning back. Once you choose, that one girl deserves everything you've got.
03-28-2005, 12:22 PM
Absolutely I am an idealist, but I am also a realist. To love a woman is wonderful, to love more than one woman at the same time is confusing, frustrating and heart wrenching. I think it is our ideals, placed high enough, that make us greater than what we are today. Wether it be love, work, bodybuilding or spirituality.Originally Posted by Knowbull
The social unacceptability I speak of is the idea that you can really only love one person and if you make any claims to the contrary you are just interested in the sex. Or you really don't love you just don't have it right yet.
03-28-2005, 12:26 PM
I like this...but what if you are already in the midst of loving more than one woman. Try choosing just one to love if you love more. For me that is like choosing to drop my heart on the floor and step on it. I didn't choose to fall in love, I don't see how I can choose to fall out of it either. But I do agree that what you talk about is what a woman and a man both desearve.Originally Posted by DR.D
03-28-2005, 12:37 PM
I used to think this were true.Originally Posted by LCSULLA
It is not.
Don't really want to go into details because the flaming that will insue isn't really worth it but it is possible to not only love two women but be IN LIVE with two women.
Also, I am 28. I know the different between being in love, infatuation, and lust.
03-28-2005, 12:38 PM
Agree with you but easier said than done.Originally Posted by DR.D
03-28-2005, 02:02 PM
Bingo! This is at the heart of my question.Originally Posted by houseman
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