Something Funny - AnabolicMinds.com

Something Funny

  1. Senior Member
    LCSULLA's Avatar
    Stats
    5'8"  197 lbs.
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Age
    43
    Posts
    1,759
    Rep Power
    1021

    Reputation

    Something Funny


    I got this in an e-mail. I know it's corny but it is funny.

    Lizard Birthing Story
    > If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet
    > syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story
    > below will have you laughing out LOUD!
    >
    > Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
    > Here's what happened:
    > Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there
    > was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner
    > in his room.
    > "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious,
    > Dad. Can you help?"
    > I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed
    > him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on
    > his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
    > "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
    > "Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having
    > babies."
    > "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie,
    > Mom!"
    > I was equally outraged.
    > "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to
    > reproduce," I accused my wife.
    > "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"
    > she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
    > "No, but ! you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,
    > (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
    > together).
    > "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
    > "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,"
    > she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
    >
    > By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was
    > going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is
    > going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about
    > to witness the miracle of birth."
    > "Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
    > "Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a
    > litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really
    > do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
    > We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked
    > like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
    >
    > "We don't! appear to be making much progress," I noted.
    >
    > "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
    > "Do something, Dad!" my son urged..
    > "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot
    > when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug.. It disappeared. I
    > tried several more times with the same results.
    > "Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe
    > they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with
    > the females in my house?)
    > "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
    > We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
    > "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
    > "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.
    > (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me
    > is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
    > The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the
    > little animal ! through a magnifying glass..
    > "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested
    > scientifically.
    > "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may
    > I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my
    > son to step outside.
    > "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
    > "Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in
    > labor.
    > In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen.... Ernie is a boy.
    > You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into
    > maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the
    > way he did, lying
    > on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know
    > what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
    > We were silent, absorbing this.
    > "So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
    > "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
    > More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle.
    > And giggle!
    > And then even laugh loudly.
    > "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that
    > the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless
    > manliness.
    > Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that... I'm
    > picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for
    > more air to bellow in laughter once more.
    > "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly
    > bundled the lizards and our son back into the car.. He was glad
    > everything was going to be okay.
    > "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he
    > told me.
    > "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with
    > laughter.
    >
    > > >> > 2 - Lizards - $140...
    >
    > > >> > 1 - Cage - $50...
    >
    > > >> > Trip to the Vet - $30...
    >
    > > >> > Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's
    > wacker.....Priceless

  2. Board Supporter
    cable626's Avatar
    Stats
    5'8"  190 lbs.
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Age
    28
    Posts
    711
    Rep Power
    12837

    Reputation

Similar Forum Threads

  1. YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY ?
    By no reason in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-29-2011, 11:54 PM
  2. Something I found funny.
    By Aggravated in forum Supplements
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 10-01-2007, 11:41 AM
  3. Something funny I'd like to share with you guys
    By luke1984 in forum Anabolics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-30-2006, 05:35 AM
  4. found something funny on spotinjections
    By french_muscle in forum Anabolics
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 12-07-2005, 10:57 PM
  5. Something for the head shavers
    By Matthew D in forum General Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 10-26-2002, 01:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Log in
Log in