this is from the latest issue of muscle and fitness...i'm sure we'll all recognize some familiar patterns here...and i particularly like what happens when someone doesnt follow the rules ...enjoy....
Rule #1
In answer to the question, "What are you working today?" under no circumstances--ever--is "glutes" an admissable answer.
Rule #2
Real men do not take Yoga classes. (As for all of you Sting wannabe's who are in said classes, go ahead, untangle yourself and write in to complain. Whatever.)
Rule #3
When asked about your maximum bench press, it's ok to add 20% to your total. If a female is present, add 40%.
Rule #4
Spandex pants...do I even have to tell you?
Rule #5
Stretching is ok--just be sure to do it in an out-of-the way place where no one can see you. The corner of an unused cardio room or a broom closet, are good choices.
Rule #6
The following exercises should never be done by a male bodybuilder: the "glute blaster" machine (see rule #1), plie squats, walking dumbell lunges.
Rule #7
Its ok to flex your biceps in the mirror proudly between sets, it is not ok to talk to yourself, saying, "I am the man" as you do so.
Rule #8
Acceptable beverages to drink at the gym while you're working out: water, gatorade or any similar sports drink (except pink-colored ones), protein or protein/carb suppement shakes. Unacceptable : Kool-Aid
Rule #9
Running shorts aren't cool on runners, and they're certainly not cool at the gym. Long basketball shorts are ok, pants are preferred, however, especially if you dont train legs.
Rule #10
Bring a damn towel to wipe up your sweat. Thos who leave disgusting pools of sweat on a bench can be legally pummeled to death in 38 states. (Legislation is pending in 4 others.)
Rule #11
Never use the phrase, "Hey, wanna take the Cardio Pump class with me?" as a pick up line.
Rule #12
Even if you invnted it, you are not allowed to name an exercise after yourself.
Rule #13
Grunting loudly on the last rep of a heavy set of squats or deadlifts is ok...grunting loudly while you squeeze out reps involved in any cable exercise is not.
Rule #14
No matter how bad another guy smells, you cannot tell him he smells. You can, however, talk about the smelly guy as a way to bond with hot women. ("Man, that dude smells, doesn't he? That's gross.")
Rule #15
Thou shalt not read women's fashion magazines while doing cardio--even if someone else left them there and you're completely bored as you trudge through 25 minutes on the treadmill.
Rule #16
You are required to give your driends a heads up when a babe is spotted in the gym, but only after getting her phone number. When referencing location, the clock method is the universal method of choice, "Dude, hooters, 3 o'clock."
Rule #17
Asking to work in on a machine is intrusive and irritating, but ok as long as you dont adjust the seat. Asking to work in on a bench press, however, is pure sacrilege, especially if you have to take plates off to do your pansy ass set.
Rule #18
ALthought not necessarily a good idea if you want your arms to grow, you are within your rights to work your biceps every day of you really want to.
Rule #19
People are never, ever to speak ill of while at the gym: Joe Weider, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Monica Brant. People you can make fun of incessantly: Richard Simmons, Tony Little, Susan Powter.
Rule #20
If it's your idea to wake up at some God-awful early hour to workout, under no circumstances are you to blow off your training partner and not show up. Olny allowed exception: You send Timea Majorova in your place.
Those who do not adhere to the rules shall be cursed with one or more of the following:
-> Arms 14" or smaller
-> The smelly guy always working out at the same time, on the same bodypart split as you.
-> Gyno.
Rule #1
In answer to the question, "What are you working today?" under no circumstances--ever--is "glutes" an admissable answer.
Rule #2
Real men do not take Yoga classes. (As for all of you Sting wannabe's who are in said classes, go ahead, untangle yourself and write in to complain. Whatever.)
Rule #3
When asked about your maximum bench press, it's ok to add 20% to your total. If a female is present, add 40%.
Rule #4
Spandex pants...do I even have to tell you?
Rule #5
Stretching is ok--just be sure to do it in an out-of-the way place where no one can see you. The corner of an unused cardio room or a broom closet, are good choices.
Rule #6
The following exercises should never be done by a male bodybuilder: the "glute blaster" machine (see rule #1), plie squats, walking dumbell lunges.
Rule #7
Its ok to flex your biceps in the mirror proudly between sets, it is not ok to talk to yourself, saying, "I am the man" as you do so.
Rule #8
Acceptable beverages to drink at the gym while you're working out: water, gatorade or any similar sports drink (except pink-colored ones), protein or protein/carb suppement shakes. Unacceptable : Kool-Aid
Rule #9
Running shorts aren't cool on runners, and they're certainly not cool at the gym. Long basketball shorts are ok, pants are preferred, however, especially if you dont train legs.
Rule #10
Bring a damn towel to wipe up your sweat. Thos who leave disgusting pools of sweat on a bench can be legally pummeled to death in 38 states. (Legislation is pending in 4 others.)
Rule #11
Never use the phrase, "Hey, wanna take the Cardio Pump class with me?" as a pick up line.
Rule #12
Even if you invnted it, you are not allowed to name an exercise after yourself.
Rule #13
Grunting loudly on the last rep of a heavy set of squats or deadlifts is ok...grunting loudly while you squeeze out reps involved in any cable exercise is not.
Rule #14
No matter how bad another guy smells, you cannot tell him he smells. You can, however, talk about the smelly guy as a way to bond with hot women. ("Man, that dude smells, doesn't he? That's gross.")
Rule #15
Thou shalt not read women's fashion magazines while doing cardio--even if someone else left them there and you're completely bored as you trudge through 25 minutes on the treadmill.
Rule #16
You are required to give your driends a heads up when a babe is spotted in the gym, but only after getting her phone number. When referencing location, the clock method is the universal method of choice, "Dude, hooters, 3 o'clock."
Rule #17
Asking to work in on a machine is intrusive and irritating, but ok as long as you dont adjust the seat. Asking to work in on a bench press, however, is pure sacrilege, especially if you have to take plates off to do your pansy ass set.
Rule #18
ALthought not necessarily a good idea if you want your arms to grow, you are within your rights to work your biceps every day of you really want to.
Rule #19
People are never, ever to speak ill of while at the gym: Joe Weider, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Monica Brant. People you can make fun of incessantly: Richard Simmons, Tony Little, Susan Powter.
Rule #20
If it's your idea to wake up at some God-awful early hour to workout, under no circumstances are you to blow off your training partner and not show up. Olny allowed exception: You send Timea Majorova in your place.
Those who do not adhere to the rules shall be cursed with one or more of the following:
-> Arms 14" or smaller
-> The smelly guy always working out at the same time, on the same bodypart split as you.
-> Gyno.