Run - Don't Walk; Female Characteristics that are Red Flags

[Beau]

This thread is not intended to bash women in general. I want to get that out of the way.

This thread is about the character attributes and background issues that I believe are a red flag for someone looking for a serious relationship with a woman. This thread is the result of personal experience, and discussions with other men; it is the outgrowth of a discussion I had recently regarding what red flags I would suggest a man look for when dating a woman.

Here is my list:

Narcissist– a woman who has an inflated sense of self-importance, egotism, vanity, conceit; in short, a woman who selfishly seeks only what is best for her.

Adopted w/ Attachment Disorder – This needs to be conditioned because I am sure there are many well-adjusted adopted men and women. More specifically, I am referring to an adopted woman who has Attachment Disorder. Those having Attachment Disorder develop feelings of detachment, fail to form long and lasting relationships with anyone and find trusting even their close ones difficult. Those having Attachment Disorder, may display impulsive behavior, a strong desire to control their surroundings and manipulate people, and are willing to lie and cheat to do so. These people frequently have a lack of ability to connect, empathize or sympathize with anyone, and fail to develop trusting relationships with others.

Poor Relationship w/ Parents (Especially Father) – A woman who generally holds her parents, especially father, in low regards and evidence a failure to bond and form long and lasting relationships.

Superficiality– A woman who can appear charming and who can often easily engage one in long and interesting conversations, when in reality the woman in question is merely doing so disingenuously and only to “look good”. Think “two-faced”.

Lack of Responsibility: A woman who refuses to take any responsibility for their negative actions and are unable to handle conflict with others. For this person, someone else is “always to blame.

Small Breasts – As with adoption, this one needs to be conditioned. I am sure there are many well-adjusted women with small breasts. More specifically, I am referring to a woman who has small breasts and who is very self conscious of her small breasts and who is jealous of women with larger breasts.

Sexually Selfish – This does not suggest that a woman must be the perfect sexual partner and willing to do whatever is asked. Instead this refers to a woman who uses sex to control her man and who withholds sex as a means to control him.

Integrity and Truthfulness – Any issues of a deficiency in these areas are a “must run”

Adultery/Cheating – Any woman with a known history of having committed adultery and/or cheated on a man during a committed relationship.


Except for the last three, I am not sure anything on this list is, by itself, a deal-breaker; although the more that exist, the greater the risk.

What are you opinions? Are there other red flags?

PLEASE NOTE - I AM SURE THERE CAN BE A PARALLEL LIST DRAFTED FOR MEN. MOST OF THE ABOVE ATTRIBUTES CAN APPLY EQUALLY, REGARDLESS ON GENDER. IN THAT CASE, READ THE ABOVE LIST BY REPLACING "WOMAN" (OR ITS GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENT) WITH "MAN" (OR ITS GRAMMATICAL EQUIVALENT).

[rugger48]

This is not going to go well.

[David Dunn]

This thread is not intended to bash women in general. I want to get that out of the way.

This thread is about the character attributes and background issues that I believe are a red flag for someone looking for a serious relationship with a woman. This thread is the result of personal experience, and discussions with other men; it is the outgrowth of a discussion I had recently regarding what red flags I would suggest a man look for when dating a woman.

So what you are try to suggest is that "it is them and not you?"

[Beau]

So what you are try to suggest is that "it is them and not you?"

Not at all.

A good relationship needs to be based on two whole, complete and emotionally mature/healthy individuals.

Most of the traits can apply equally. And as for the one re small breasts, the parallel would probably be Napoleon's complex.

The point, if there is one, is just that long term successful relationships are usually based on character attributes, not some of the more superficial things men look for.

Each one of us has to be responsible for ensuring we are the right person on "our half" of the relationship.

[DerickVonD]

You forgot to add women who don't give head to that list.

[Torobestia]

What a great, level-headed list. Prior to the thread, I had never thought of the girl's relationship with her parents as a red flag. However, what you said makes a lot of sense.

Anyways, I don't really have any others to add - don't have much long-term relationship experience. I could probably provide some advice on personal attitudes that are conducive or toxic to maintaining healthy, long-term relationships, though. Each one I've had has been much better, so I feel like I'm on to something there.

[David Dunn]

What a great, level-headed list. Prior to the thread, I had never thought of the girl's relationship with her parents as a red flag. However, what you said makes a lot of sense.

Most in particularly her relationship with her father and the relationahip her father had with her mother (or multiples of woman).

[Beau]

Most in particularly her relationship with her father and the relationahip her father had with her mother (or multiples of woman).

I agree 100%. If her father treated her mother poorly or if he generally held women in low regard, she should not tolerate that in her own life. Likewise, if her mother needlessly had disdain for her father, then she should not also treat men that way. It goes both ways.

The relationship between a father and a daughter is a primary model for the daughter (and sons) in future relationships.

So, if that model was not a good one, and if she does not have favorable relationships with her mother and/or father, it may well be a signal.

[David Dunn]

Dad's are destiny!

[mugen112]

This thread is fukced up dude...

Small breasts, really??

What about a woman with normal breasts then she works out and gets smaller breasts because of fat loss but ultimately she has better self esteem because she is in better shape than before and also feels better from the exercise mentally.

You should have titled the small breast one self esteem...

[Torobestia]

This thread is fukced up dude...

Small breasts, really??

What about a woman with normal breasts then she works out and gets smaller breasts because of fat loss but ultimately she has better self esteem because she is in better shape than before and also feels better from the exercise mentally.

You should have titled the small breast one self esteem...

Apparently you failed reading comprehension in middle school.

[owlicks]

A red flag of mine would be someone who tries to pigeonhole an entire gender into a generic list of ridiculous negative attributes. Sounds like someone is suffering from a small penis complex. Don't worry, I'm sure you can find details regarding your potential for long-term relationships despite suffering from such a trait on some woman's list out there.

[mugen112]

Apparently you failed reading comprehension in middle school.

What I'm comprehending is that whomever made this list has an extremely small penis.

[Beau]

I suggest you go back and read what was written. The comment as to small breasts only applied when there was "breast envy". That was made very clear. But in the example you gave (i.e., normal breasts reducing size due to weight loss), it would not apply apply, and especially if the woman gained self esteem from having an overall better perception. I was not casting aspersions toward small breasted women; in fact, this has nothing whatsoever to do with my preferred breast size (if I have one).

I was married to a very small breasted woman; she was always trying to "compete" with woman having "normal breasts". She felt her body "looked like a little girl's"; and this was NOTHING I did. But, she was almost obsessed with having small breasts, and it was a continuing source of insecurity. And that raised other issues.

The entire thing is a list of things to consider, it is not an indictment.

I don't think its "F"'d at all; I believe it is a mature offering of character traits that we need to think of, as do women (in the reverse role).

[mugen112]

Why don't you just throw all the blondes in one category, the brunettes in another, and red heads too. Just cram all the women into little groups that don't do them any justice the way you put your wife in the small breast category. There aren't a handful of women types. Everyone is different. Think about exercise and the principle of individuality. You start putting people in groups and u will end up old, crippled, and alone!

[Beau]

A red flag of mine would be someone who tries to pigeonhole an entire gender into a generic list of ridiculous negative attributes. Sounds like someone is suffering from a small penis complex. Don't worry, I'm sure you can find details regarding your potential for long-term relationships despite suffering from such a trait on some woman's list out there.

Fair enough.

I don't agree that anyone was trying to "pigeonhole and entire gender into a generic list of ridiculous negative attributes". Apparently, I assumed that sharing observations could be taken in context and dealt with intelligently.

And the small penis comment was so very well intended. Not to mention mature. It added a great deal. Congrats.

So, let me ask this - if this list was aimed at men (except the small breast comment, which was replaced with Napoleon's syndrome), would it be viewed the same way. To say that some men might have one or more of these attributes and, if they did, it might be a concern - would that be viewed as someone trying to "pigeonhole and entire gender into a generic list of ridiculous negative attributes", and (if the list had been drafted by a female) would she be accused of having small breasts or be a man hater?

I wouldn't care; unless some of it applied.

[Beau]

Why don't you just throw all the blondes in one category, the brunettes in another, and red heads too. Just cram all the women into little groups that don't do them any justice the way you put your wife in the small breast category. There aren't a handful of women types. Everyone is different. Think about exercise and the principle of individuality. You start putting people in groups and u will end up old, crippled, and alone!

I listed attributes or traits, not categories.

[Spaniard]

A red flag of mine would be someone who tries to pigeonhole an entire gender into a generic list of ridiculous negative attributes. Sounds like someone is suffering from a small penis complex. Don't worry, I'm sure you can find details regarding your potential for long-term relationships despite suffering from such a trait on some woman's list out there.

What I'm comprehending is that whomever made this list has an extremely small penis.

If it hurts your feelings dont read it...
It's a list of red flags and a lot of what he said ARE red flags calm the F down. Hes not condemning a whole gender hes giving *warning signs* to look for. And being in relationships with women who have some of those characteristics youd be wise to watch out for them when considering a long term relationship.

[owlicks]

Listen, I'll try to be patient with you. The problem with your "analysis" is that you're taking specific issues that you have experienced in relationships and projecting them onto an entire gender. Do you know why these situations were created in your relationships? How can you be sure these are epidemic issues? What if they are, gasp, perhaps issues that you created? From your vantage point, the best argument you can make is "here are the things that, in my experience, I believe you should strive for with your partner in an ideal relationship." Not some sophomoric argument that basically says "these womenz are bad, they needin' to fix themselves."

I suggest you go back and read what was written. The comment as to small breasts only applied when there was "breast envy". That was made very clear. But in the example you gave (i.e., normal breasts reducing size due to weight loss), it would not apply apply, and especially if the woman gained self esteem from having an overall better perception. I was not casting aspersions toward small breasted women; in fact, this has nothing whatsoever to do with my preferred breast size (if I have one).

I was married to a very small breasted woman; she was always trying to "compete" with woman having "normal breasts". She felt her body "looked like a little girl's"; and this was NOTHING I did. But, she was almost obsessed with having small breasts, and it was a continuing source of insecurity. And that raised other issues.

The entire thing is a list of things to consider, it is not an indictment.

I don't think its "F"'d at all; I believe it is a mature offering of character traits that we need to think of, as do women (in the reverse role).

[Beau]

Listen, I'll try to be patient with you. The problem with your "analysis" is that you're taking specific issues that you have experienced in relationships and projecting them onto an entire gender. Do you know why these situations were created in your relationships? How can you be sure these are epidemic issues? What if they are, gasp, perhaps issues that you created? From your vantage point, the best argument you can make is "here are the things that, in my experience, I believe you should strive for with your partner in an ideal relationship." Not some sophomoric argument that basically says "these womenz are bad, they needin' to fix themselves."

"you're taking specific issues that you have experienced in relationships and projecting them onto an entire gender" - Untrue. I have not had many of these issues in my relationships. My comments reflect input from many others.

"How can you be sure these are epidemic issues?" - I am not sure they are. They are concerns I have had, or others I know have had. Maybe they don't apply, maybe they do. If they aren't epidemic issues, I would still consider them concerns, REGARDLESS of gender.

"Do you know why these situations were created in your relationships?" - Most weren't, they do not apply to me. But, in the case of something like an attachment disorder, that isn't something created in a specific relationship; it is something that an individual (male or female) may have based on their past. If a relationship with someone who, based on prior issues, cannot bond properly isn't a concern, then don't look out for it.

"What if they are, gasp, perhaps issues that you created?" - If they were, or I contributed to them negatively, then I need to change that. I would own that, as we all do with all of our actions.

"From your vantage point, the best argument you can make is "here are the things that, in my experience, I believe you should strive for with your partner in an ideal relationship."" - Finally we agree. If you opt to draft a list, I will endeavor to read it with an open mind and comment without name calling or genital references.

"Not some sophomoric argument that basically says "these womenz are bad, they needin' to fix themselves."" - I am sorry you believe that is what this list is all about. The list is neither sophomoric nor does it say that "these womenz" (and that was really cute) are bad, they needin' to fix themselves (hey, that is more high-brow intellectual humor)". In fact, the list says nothing about the women being bad, or needing to be fixed.

Thank you for your patience. Its very kind.