Daily Fun!

[Rhinoman]

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</B> close header -->A man calls his house and a little girl picks up the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, honey, it's Daddy." "Hi Daddy" "Where's Mommy?" "Shes upstairs in the room with Uncle Frank." After a brief pause, he replies. "You don't have an Uncle Frank sweetie." "Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now." "OK, this is what I want you to do honey. Run upstairs and tell Mommy that Daddy just pulled up into the driveway. Can you do that for me?" "OK, Daddy." After a few minutes, she returns to the line sounding somewhat shaken. "OK, Daddy, I did it." "What happened?" "Well, Mommy jumped out of the bed yelling with no clothes on, put on her robe, and was running towards the stairs when she tripped on the rug and fell all the way down the stairs. Now she's just lying there with her neck at a weird angle. I think she's dead." The man was shocked. "Oh my lord! What about Uncle Frank?" "Well he jumped out of bed too. He grabbed up his clothes and jumped out the back window into the swimming pool...but I guess he forgot that you took out all the water last week to clean it. Now he's just lying there and not moving. I think he's dead too." After a minute of silence..."Swimming pool? Is this 555-1360?"

 

[Rhinoman]

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</B> close header -->Smart women
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. the rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. she said that she will voluntarily let go off the rope, because as a woman she is used to give up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. as soon as she finished her speech, all men started clapping their hands........

 

[Rhinoman]

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</B> close header -->TWO GUYS WERE ON LAKE FISHING, USING WORMS. ONE OF THE GUYS GETS A NIBBLE AND REELS IN HIS LINE. HE CAUGHT A BOTTLE. SO HE UNCORKS THE BOTTLE AND OUT COME A GENIE. HE GRANTS HIM ONE WISH, SO THE GUY THINKS AND THINKS, FINALLY HE SAID. I WISH THIS WHOLE LAKE WERE BEER. POOF THE LAKE TURNS TO BEER. THE OTHER GUY LOOKS AT HIM AND SAID,"YOU IDIOT, NOW WE HAVE TO PEE IN THE BOAT.

 

[Rhinoman]

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</B> close header -->By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problems with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed snoring away when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said 'Goodnight beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

 

[Rhinoman]

<!--prv--><!-- open header <B>

</B> close header -->My wife just bought a new "Mood Ring". When she is in a good mood it is a beautiful "jade color". When she is in a bad mood it leaves a red mark on my face"! 

 

[Rhinoman]

<!--prv--><!-- open header <B>

</B> close header -->A little boy asked his daddy.... "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Dad answers..... " I don't know son, I'm still paying!". 

 

[Sheesh]

lol...love the first one

 

[DarCSA]

The first one was the best followed by the fishing one. Man you have my permission to keep posting those. Nothing better than a good laugh after a long day.

 

[bigpetefox]

A waitress walks by a table of Japanese business men, jerking off furiously.. "Excuse me!", the waitress said. "Why are you masterbating at the table?" 'We very hungry!' said one of the business men.. "And why are you whackin' off?" the waitress insisted.. The business man answered, 'Menu say, "First Come, First Served!'

 

[Sheesh]

A waitress walks by a table of Japanese business men, jerking off furiously.. "Excuse me!", the waitress said. "Why are you masterbating at the table?" 'We very hungry!' said one of the business men.. "And why are you whackin' off?" the waitress insisted.. The business man answered, 'Menu say, "First Come, First Served!'

Hahahahahaha..nice one...i feel some karma



btw - r u really YJ's roommate?

 

[sage]

-pick 3 guys you know before telling this joke, one (guy #3 which you want to make fun of....(i was going use 3 member's name however you'll get the point. the way one delivers this joke is what makes it-

three guys are in front of line in hell, waiting to meet satan for their punishments. the first dude goes up to satan and asks him "so whats my punishment for the sins?" Satan points and replies "you see that door...you must have sex with whom ever is it that room for all eternity." Guy #1 is like "thats it...great!!" he opens the door and the girl behind it is the most brutal female he has ever imagined. Noooo!!! he says while being dragged in by this mammoth of a female by his collar

the 2nd guy goes up to the devil and asks, "so whats mine?" the Devil points and replies, "you see that door down there? you must have sex with whom ever is hehind that door." Dude #2 replies, "thats fantastic. this underworld place aint bad at all." He walks and opens the door and realizes that there is this obese chick, more rolls than a french bakery, so much zits you can you can play connect the dots on her face, more facial hari than he has of a lady. Noooooooo!!! he screams while being headlocked and dragged into room for infiinite number of years of humpin'

So guy #3 stumbles up to where satan stands with his book of all the sins of the world and asks satan, So what do you want me to do? Satan points to this Dime (a "10"), an enchanting female, most gorgeous ridiculous body ever, perfection of a girl and tells him...you that girl walking this way? you must have sex with her forever." Dude #3 says, "thats my punishment??" Satan replies, "no dumbass, that's hers" Sage

 

[Sheesh]

-pick 3 guys you know before telling this joke, one (guy #3 which you want to make fun of....(i was going use 3 member's name however you'll get the point. the way one delivers this joke is what makes it-

three guys are in front of line in hell, waiting to meet satan for their punishments. the first dude goes up to satan and asks him "so whats my punishment for the sins?" Satan points and replies "you see that door...you must have sex with whom ever is it that room for all eternity." Guy #1 is like "thats it...great!!" he opens the door and the girl behind it is the most brutal female he has ever imagined. Noooo!!! he says while being dragged in by this mammoth of a female by his collar

the 2nd guy goes up to the devil and asks, "so whats mine?" the Devil points and replies, "you see that door down there? you must have sex with whom ever is hehind that door." Dude #2 replies, "thats fantastic. this underworld place aint bad at all." He walks and opens the door and realizes that there is this obese chick, more rolls than a french bakery, so much zits you can you can play connect the dots on her face, more facial hari than he has of a lady. Noooooooo!!! he screams while being headlocked and dragged into room for infiinite number of years of humpin'

So guy #3 stumbles up to where satan stands with his book of all the sins of the world and asks satan, So what do you want me to do? Satan points to this Dime (a "10"), an enchanting female, most gorgeous ridiculous body ever, perfection of a girl and tells him...you that girl walking this way? you must have sex with her forever." Dude #3 says, "thats my punishment??" Satan replies, "no dumbass, that's hers" Sage

ow ow...

oh, and is that karen mcdougal on your avatar?

 

[bigpetefox]

Originally posted by Sheesh
 


btw - r u really YJ's roommate?

No, I'm not... I just needed a good rib on someone, who better than YJ?

A middle-aged couple are driving along.. "So, how'd your physical go today?" the husband asked.. "It was great! My new doctor is such a sweetheart.." says the wife. "He told me I have the breasts of a 20-year old." The husband then quips, "Yeah, what'd he say about your 50yr. old ass?" The wife said, "Funny, he never mentioned you.."

 

[sage]

ow ow...

oh, and is that karen mcdougal on your avatar?

you know it my friend....!! you know it. Sage

 

[Biggs]

lol first one is a killer bro

 

[Rhinoman]

<!--prv--><!-- open header <B>

</B> close header -->One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour,after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence ... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge!!!! 

 

[Rhinoman]

[<IMG height=254 src="http://skins.hotbar.com/skins/mailskins/fun/010003/010003_26_Funny picture_prv.jpg" width=489 border=0>[

 

[Rhinoman]

 <IMG height=332 src="http://skins.hotbar.com/skins/mailskins/fun/010003/010003_18_Funny picture_prv.jpg" width=368 border=0> 

 

[Rhinoman]

 <IMG height=382 src="http://skins.hotbar.com/skins/mailskins/fun/010003/010003_6_Funny picture_prv.jpg" width=270 border=0> 

 

[Rhinoman]

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

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[bigpetefox]

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None, a good woman would handle that for you...

 

Q: What's worse than hearing from your doctor that you have VD?

A: Hearing it from your dentist..

 

A woman goes into a hardware store to buy a door hinge.. When she brings it to the counter, the cashier asks, "Miss, would you like a screw for this hinge?" The woman says, "No, but I'll blow ya for the toaster in the window!"

 

[DarCSA]

This keeps getting funnier. ROFLMAO Guys keep it going. Incredible to see the guys humor here.

 

[bigpetefox]

A young man is walking thru his apartment lobby when he bumps into a gorgeous woman wearing a loosely tied robe..

She begins flirting with him, and after a inute she places her hand on his chest and says," Let's go to my place. I hear someone coming"

He follows her into her apartment, and once inside she immediately slips off her robe.

"Tell me," she purrs, "what do you think is my best feature?"

"Umm, I guess it would be your ears" he says nervously..

"My ears?" she says. "How can you possibly think that the best feature of this body is my ears?"

"Well," he stammers, "back in the hall when you said you heard someone coming? That was me..."

 

[Rhinoman]

<!--prv--><!-- open header <B>

</B> close header -->A high-rank police officer walks out the bar, pissed, to his car. Suddenly he phones car theft unit to claim that his car's steering wheel, pedals and dashboard has been stolen. About 2 minutes later he makes another call to stop the police. He said "I apologise for inconvenience, I was actually at the back seat"

 

[Rhinoman]

<!--prv-->Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly,I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

 

[Sheesh]

A young man is walking thru his apartment lobby when he bumps into a gorgeous woman wearing a loosely tied robe..

She begins flirting with him, and after a inute she places her hand on his chest and says," Let's go to my place. I hear someone coming"

He follows her into her apartment, and once inside she immediately slips off her robe.

"Tell me," she purrs, "what do you think is my best feature?"

"Umm, I guess it would be your ears" he says nervously..

"My ears?" she says. "How can you possibly think that the best feature of this body is my ears?"

"Well," he stammers, "back in the hall when you said you heard someone coming? That was me..."

ow ow

 

[bigpetefox]

[font="verdana, arial, helvetica"]target=_blank>[/font] 

http://www.reyndogg.com/video/Group X video.swf

You can thank me later!

 

[Rhinoman]

A duck walks into a store & asks do you have any grapes? The man says no I don't have any grapes. Second day same duck same store same question do you have any grapes same answer no I don't have any grapes. Third day same duck, same store, same question, this time the man says if you ask me one more time do I have any grapes I'm going to staple your feet to the floor. Fourth day the duck walks into the store & asks do you have any staples the man say NO I don't have any staples , the duck asks do you have any grapes.
 

 

[Sheesh]

A duck walks into a store & asks do you have any grapes? The man says no I don't have any grapes. Second day same duck same store same question do you have any grapes same answer no I don't have any grapes. Third day same duck, same store, same question, this time the man says if you ask me one more time do I have any grapes I'm going to staple your feet to the floor. Fourth day the duck walks into the store & asks do you have any staples the man say NO I don't have any staples , the duck asks do you have any grapes.
 

that was on a tv commercial wasn't it? heh..

 

[Rhinoman]

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. 

 

[Rhinoman]

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting any. Then he discovered the problem - a 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a big hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a big sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change. (And we used to just sell lemonade.)
 

 

[wojo]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

 

[wojo]

A wealthy hospital benefactor was visiting the local hospital. During her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my GOD!" said the woman. "That's disgraceful. Why is he doing that?"
"The doctor that was leading the tour explained, "I am sorry, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they'll explode and he will die within minutes."
"Oh, that's terrible," said the woman. In the very next room they could see that a female nurse was performing oral sex on a different male patient.
OH my GOD!" said the woman, "How can that be justified?"
The doctor replied, "Same illness, better health plan."

 

[wojo]

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!

 

[wojo]

Bathroom Wisdom

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
----Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
----Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
----Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas
Beauty is only a light switch away.
---- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
----Revolution Books, New York, New York
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
----The Irish Times, Washington, DC
Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light.
----The Janitor
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
----Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
----Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands.
----Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY
No wonder you always go home alone.
----Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

 

[wojo]

Vampire

there was a young vampire named mable
whose periods where really quite stable
and every full moon
she'd get out a spoon
and drink herself under the table

 

[wojo]

CIA interview

The CIA needs to hire a new agent and lines up three applicants for interviews.

The first applicant gets great marks on the interview and then says:" Your wife is in the other room. To get this job you'll have to take this gun, go in there and shoot her". The applicant says:"You're crazy. We just got married and I love the woman" and stormed out.

The second applicant also has a great interview and to the request about shooting his wife says: "You're nuts. We've been married 15 years, have three lovely children and I love the woman" and stormed out.

The third applicant also has a great interview and when asked to shoot his wife, pauses a bit, picks up the gun, goes into the room and closes the door. After a few seconds gunshots were heard and then nothing. And then the sound of furniture and lamps being tossed around. About a minute later, he walks out looking disheveled. The agent asked him what the hell went on in there and the applicant answered:" It turns out the gun was loaded with blanks so I had to beat her to death with a chair!"

 

[wojo]

Weird Habit

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft,wonderful and larger than a "real one".
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."

 

[wojo]

last one
Oops

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the **** out of a ghost."

 

[YellowJacket]

Nice plate...