Went against all my ethics...
- 09-16-2009, 10:33 PM
Went against all my ethics...
I've always been one to go after women that didn't have a boyfriend and by all means not married. Well until this girl. Not only was she married but also a client. No I'm not a doctor, just an engineer and she's a designer. Well I worked with her on a few projects for over a year and knew she was married and never thought another second about anything more. We always had interesting flirtatious phone conversations, but if you saw the projects we worked on and how we both interacted with everyone this is just my normal personality and hers too. Well, we finally agreed to meet for drinks at a kick ass lounge that we designed together. I brought one of my friends along and told him the whole situation to help prevent anything escalating because I did not want to cross that line. Well he ditched me for a date of his own and left her and I alone. Well after a whole bunch of shots and drinks with her and the lounge's owner, I told her I would walk her to her car. Next thing I know she bites the back of my neck, catches me completely off guard and spins me around and starts kissing me. One thing leads to another and she ends up back at my place and we get it on.
Now is when it gets complicated, she calls wants to see me the next night too, I give in and say yes. That night she explains how the last 8 months she has been living in the guest bedroom and has not had sex with her husband for over a year and she was completely miserable. She comes over the next night too. The following night I wanted a guys night and told her to stay home, well her husband goes through her phone and sees her texts and they get in a huge fight and finally everything comes to a head and she tells him its over and he should have realized that 8 months ago when she started sleeping in the guest bedroom. for the next month and a half she basically lived at my house and we were inseperable. She keeps telling me how much we have in common and I don't even know. Then slowly I see exactly what she means and she finally somehow is the first woman ever to get me to drop my guard down and actually feel something... I have never had a girlfriend or a relationship if that is what you would call this for anything more than 3 weeks (except for friends with benefits). Welleverything was going great, she hasn't worn her ring for the entire time, and even sat down and told her parents about everything except me. They are wayyy indebt and says thats the reason they have not gotten divorced because he is flipping houses and only needs a few more to get them out of it.
Well all of this is fine, except now another monkey wrench gets thrown into things, she starts grad school and goes away for a week back east for this online school that has a week intense orientation. When she gets back she tells me she can't keep living like this and can only see me on the weekends due to her 50-60 hour work weeks and school. She knows she needs to move out and get her own place and stop living in the guest bedroom but she does not have time to pack up all of her stuff. We talk all the time and text all the time, but she hasn't seen me in 3 weeks. On top of everything I get laid off.
Now friends have told me I should just walk away, but I love this girl and she has told me she loves me just that school and work are making her life sooo extremely chaotic right now she is only getting a few hours of sleep a night as it is during the week and the weekends and doesn't have time for anything else...
What do I do, do I give her a couple more weeks for her to finish up 2 of her 4 classes or do I just stop all contact from my end and let her come find me as I should not put my life on hold for when if when she finds time in the future weeks or month to include me in it. After a lot of self discovery I did come to the resolution that while she is still married, I am single this whole time until she moves out and actually makes some sort of move to show she does actually want to be with me...
Any comments would be greatly apprciated...
- 09-16-2009, 11:02 PM
It sounds like she has too much stuff on her plate to be worried about a relationship. I'd say give her time to get her life in order. That goes for you too, if you just got laid off then focus on getting in another job and getting back on your feet. Bill collectors don't care if you've found the love of your life.
As the saying goes, "If you love them let them go. If they come back, they are yours. If not, it never was".
If she has those personal things on her plate, she probably doesn't need relationship worries added into it. At least I wouldn't. Just give it some time, life always works itself out.
Anyways, that's my two cents. Hope all works out for you.
09-16-2009, 11:10 PM
I don't think you should be putting too much energy into this. Keep doing your thing as a single man, get yourself together, let her get herself together, and just roll with it. If she wants to come by for a roll in the hay, cool. Otherwise, do your thing as a single man (as in, if I were you I'd be talking to some other ladies in the meantime) and keep it moving.
I can tell you're really emotionally attached to this woman, but I would advise against being so attached as it seems like there's a lot of drama in this situation. Till she gets herself straightened out, just stay friendly but back off on the intensity of it.
09-16-2009, 11:25 PM
09-16-2009, 11:46 PM
Good advices here! You both have a lot on your plate. You'll just have to be patient and see how things unfold over the coming weeks and months. If you're right for each other, you'll get through these turbulent times. If not, you'll both move on and you haven't lost anything.
09-17-2009, 01:55 AM
I obviously don't know the entire situation here, but did she do anything to try and save her other relationship? Or just let it die and f*ck you? With all the other stuff going on in her life she is probably scatter brained as all hell, like other guys said, give it time and both of you need some space right now. It it was meant to be, it will be.
09-17-2009, 03:01 AM
09-17-2009, 09:08 AM
As "the husband" of an eerily similar situation I would suggest you forget about this girl. Does she have kids with this guy? How long have they been married? Are you certain she is telling you the truth?
A couple years ago my wife pulled the same crap was telling all kinds of lies...the whole problem stemmed from her being bipolar. Now she is on meds and the "other" guy is history. If she does in fact get a divorce then I would say go for it, but until then I would keep my distance.
Just my 2 pennies
09-17-2009, 11:08 AM
09-17-2009, 12:10 PM
She has no kids with him and they have been together for 4 years. She said that she knew going into the marriage that he lacks any physical affection towards her and she thought he would change, it never happened and they had arguements upon arguements of her needing him until finally she couldn't take it anymore and moved into the guest bedroom. Being in your 20's and not having sex with your significant other for over a year brings a lot of things into question. And trust me she was telling the truth about this part... As every guy can tell if a girl is loose as a goose or not...
You guys are right though, I need to ease back any intensity. Get my life in order and let her get hers in order. If its meant to be it will be. Thanks for all the insight as I have never been seeing a girl this long before and never in this drama filled situation.. I've always stuck to my guns about never going after a girl with baggage...
09-17-2009, 12:26 PM
You may want to discontinue seeing her, or even thinking that something of value can be gained by trusting a woman that stepped out on her husband. I am willing to bet that she is seeing someone else, too.
A wise man once said, "Life is a b*tch to those who cannot get the p*ssy. So buy a scooter and eat grass."
09-17-2009, 12:38 PM
personally run, but thats just from my experience.
you're going to have to have your own experience.
09-17-2009, 01:12 PM
I am amazed as i read your story..It was like reading my own life..In 2006 I was in the exact same situation..I was fresh out of a divorce, she was as she claimed unhappily married and was the office manager at the company i worked for..1 thing led to another after a busniess function and then it happened. I had all the exact same feelings you do and I am telling you as a man that experienced your exact same situation listen to everyone on this thread and completely cut off ALL comunication with her starting now!! let her come to you if it is meant to be! several things could have happened A: her relationship with you may have been all that was needed for her and her husband to rekindle their marriage or B: like one dude said on her it is HIGHLY possible that she is playing victim with someone else...But I can almost assure you it's one of the 2...
Dude I am terribly sorry you're in this emotional situation and i know it can be tough, But you seem like a smart guy. there are a TON of good looking woman out there so just enjoy being single like you always did before..get out and mingle and eventually you WILL find the right one that IS meant to be!
09-18-2009, 07:31 AM
I'd say drop her and for a couple of reasons...
1. She cheated when she wasn't happy instead of doing the honorable thing and either figuring out the issue with her husband or getting a divorce.
2. Once a married, unhappy woman gets divorced they usually go through a immediate cling phase which includes some unlucky guy who gets dumped once they start looking at their options.
3. She cheated... That right there is a red flag that wouldn't allow me to get passed a FWB sort of situation.
09-18-2009, 06:15 PM
OK I dont say this lightly but I happen to agree, stop all forms of speaking, let her miss you, let her come to you....If your truely meant to be, somehow fate will happen and you will be with her...........
I am sorry for your pain................
RIP Ryan, :(
09-18-2009, 08:37 PM
Plenty of good advice in here. What TC said in particular as far as letting her come to you is absolutely on the money. Right now you can only do things that make her NOT want to come back. You have to stay away from her and show her that you can put your life back together on your own and be your own man.
You gotta focus on you though bud. It's all about positive mental attitude. Sounds to me like you've lost a bit of focus and are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy as a result of this. Time to get up, dust yourself off and move forward, to quote the great man;
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1tXhJniSEc"]YouTube - ROCKY BALBOA: IT AIN´T ABOUT HOW HARD YOU HIT ...[/ame]
09-18-2009, 10:17 PM
Remember why you started.