Wife admitted to affair

[nightshift]

My wife and I have been separated for some time now. If any of you are familiar with some of my previous posts, or have gone thru this, you will know what an ugly mess it is. She is dealing with the consequences of the accident she caused and the subsequent DUI conviction. Friday night she was popped for driving on a suspended license and had the vehicle I'm paying for impounded.

On top of all this, she admitted to me that she had an affair with someone I know. While I had suspected she was cheating, I did not expect this guy to be involved. Needless to say, this s**t storm just got worse. The topper is, this guy is my sons best friends dad(he's divorced). I know this sounds like a cheesy soap opera and I guess it is.

This is foreign territory for me and I don't know what to do. The kids are living with me and I want to be honest with them, but where do you draw the line? They are 15 and 11 and are doing well. Also, I am going to see this guy at school functions throughout the year. What then?

Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent a bit. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks

[lennoxchi]

My wife and I have been separated for some time now. If any of you are familiar with some of my previous posts, or have gone thru this, you will know what an ugly mess it is. She is dealing with the consequences of the accident she caused and the subsequent DUI conviction. Friday night she was popped for driving on a suspended license and had the vehicle I'm paying for impounded.

On top of all this, she admitted to me that she had an affair with someone I know. While I had suspected she was cheating, I did not expect this guy to be involved. Needless to say, this s**t storm just got worse. The topper is, this guy is my sons best friends dad(he's divorced). I know this sounds like a cheesy soap opera and I guess it is.

This is foreign territory for me and I don't know what to do. The kids are living with me and I want to be honest with them, but where do you draw the line? They are 15 and 11 and are doing well. Also, I am going to see this guy at school functions throughout the year. What then?

Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent a bit. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks

the first thing i would do is get the car out of impound if you haven't done that already. she doesn't live with you, have you gotten the locks changed?

[PumpDogg]

From just reading this I can see you are stronger than I would have been already.. Im vengeful bro, and i would have already paid him a visit..

I'd probably have one of my boys help me keep tabs on him then catch him out when I could, and beat his A S S to the point where he would not be making any phone calls to the poe poe

Then I would just deny deny deny when questioned by anyone..

Definitely not the best choice when you have kids man, and I know that my above post would be considered the wrong way to handle business.. Just sayin is all bro..

I have 3 kids myself and one on the way, so I truly dont know what I would do in the situation until faced with it..

Would you happen to have any Biker friends or Thug friends lol lol?? I should probably quit posting on this before I give you an idea you run with..

I dont know what your beliefs are my man, but prayer would be a good place to start in my opinion.. Best of luck to you bro

[CrazyChemist]

Reps to lennoxchi for remembering about the car in the middle of all that! Definitely get the car out of the impound cause those fees are expensive. As far as the rest of it..... I remember being about 11 or 12 when my parents started their very messy divorce and they tried to keep my sister and I rather sheltered to the details. However, the entirety of the situation (and it was equally as "soap opera"-esque) eventually did come to light and I resented them both for not being honest with me from the beginning. First off, kids are more resilient then given credit for. Second, if they are going to be mad at one or both of you for awhile then they have that right. You still owe them the truth in my opinion, at least the 15 year old - he can handle it, he'll be in college in 36 months! Good luck bro.

[CrazyChemist]

From just reading this I can see you are stronger than I would have been already.. Im vengeful bro, and i would have already paid him a visit..

I'd probably have one of my boys help me keep tabs on him then catch him out when I could, and beat his A S S to the point where he would not be making any phone calls to the poe poe

Then I would just deny deny deny when questioned by anyone..

Definitely not the best choice when you have kids man, and I know that my above post would be considered the wrong way to handle business.. Just sayin is all bro..

I have 3 kids myself and one on the way, so I truly dont know what I would do in the situation until faced with it..

Would you happen to have any Biker friends or Thug friends lol lol?? I should probably quit posting on this before I give you an idea you run with..

I dont know what your beliefs are my man, but prayer would be a good place to start in my opinion.. Best of luck to you bro

While the logical side of me advises more self-control than those suggestions (except for the prayer - that's good), it would be o-so-sweet to have a good ole fashion beat down...... but ultimately you'd probably end up in prison along with your wife who could be jailed for DUI, then the kids end up in foster care...... IDK..... baseball bat to the back of the head would feel good.

[SilentBob187]

Dang nightshift that's a horrible series of events for anyone to have to deal with. I thought you were just rocking out in my old Diablo account. But seriously, it's good to see that you're keeping a level head through this.

You may want to talk to some counselors or professionals who can advise you on the best action to take for the well-being of your children. As much as I'd like to say 'drop her' about your wife, her being in your childrens' life may be valuable for their development. You don't have to like her but you need to stay civil around her, and you should try to do your best to avoid sharing your anger with your kids. I'm not speaking as any sort of professional, just commenting as an outsider who's witnessed something similar to this with a friend back in high school.

Keep your head on man, let me know if you need anything.

[Beau]

My wife and I have been separated for some time now. If any of you are familiar with some of my previous posts, or have gone thru this, you will know what an ugly mess it is. She is dealing with the consequences of the accident she caused and the subsequent DUI conviction. Friday night she was popped for driving on a suspended license and had the vehicle I'm paying for impounded.

On top of all this, she admitted to me that she had an affair with someone I know. While I had suspected she was cheating, I did not expect this guy to be involved. Needless to say, this s**t storm just got worse. The topper is, this guy is my sons best friends dad(he's divorced). I know this sounds like a cheesy soap opera and I guess it is.

This is foreign territory for me and I don't know what to do. The kids are living with me and I want to be honest with them, but where do you draw the line? They are 15 and 11 and are doing well. Also, I am going to see this guy at school functions throughout the year. What then?

Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent a bit. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks

My ex wife cheated on me about 11 years ago with the father of my son's best friend. Oh, he was also the husband of HER best friend. And Oh yah, he was also MY assistant coach on two sports.

I tried from that point until Spetember 2007 to forgive, re-establish trust etc. But she did nothing, while we (the kids and me) ate a 10 year long crap sandwich.

What happened in September 2007? She did it again. THIS TIME while she was the Director of Contemporary Praise Music at our Church in So. Cal, and her Affair partner was the CHIOR DIRECTOR.

We are now - thankfully - divorced.

My advice is this: Unless you are willing to go through hell (you will anyway, you know that - right?), and can learn to trust a cheater (one a cheater, always a cheater?) bite the bullet now and leave. If you stay, start pulling money outside of your joint savings account and build a nest egg - it just might fund your divorce.

[TexasTitan]

Cut ties and run while you can man. Im sure you loved her but the person you probably loved and the person she is are probably two different people. Ive dealt with a serious girlfriend who was cheating. I can only imagine the pain from your wife cheating. Good luck or kill the bitch.

[lennoxchi]

Dang nightshift that's a horrible series of events for anyone to have to deal with. I thought you were just rocking out in my old Diablo account. But seriously, it's good to see that you're keeping a level head through this.

You may want to talk to some counselors or professionals who can advise you on the best action to take for the well-being of your children. As much as I'd like to say 'drop her' about your wife, her being in your childrens' life may be valuable for their development. You don't have to like her but you need to stay civil around her, and you should try to do your best to avoid sharing your anger with your kids. I'm not speaking as any sort of professional, just commenting as an outsider who's witnessed something similar to this with a friend back in high school.

Keep your head on man, let me know if you need anything.

start the divorce proceedings. lawyer anyone? it doesn't have to be ugly unless you want it to be....

[Beau]

Oh, and get tested for STDs. ASAP.

[Kristofer68SS]

My wife and I have been separated for some time now. If any of you are familiar with some of my previous posts, or have gone thru this, you will know what an ugly mess it is. She is dealing with the consequences of the accident she caused and the subsequent DUI conviction. Friday night she was popped for driving on a suspended license and had the vehicle I'm paying for impounded.

On top of all this, she admitted to me that she had an affair with someone I know. While I had suspected she was cheating, I did not expect this guy to be involved. Needless to say, this s**t storm just got worse. The topper is, this guy is my sons best friends dad(he's divorced). I know this sounds like a cheesy soap opera and I guess it is.

This is foreign territory for me and I don't know what to do. The kids are living with me and I want to be honest with them, but where do you draw the line? They are 15 and 11 and are doing well. Also, I am going to see this guy at school functions throughout the year. What then?

Sorry for the rant. I needed to vent a bit. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks

Get the car back in your possession. Get all the money you can in your control. Get all locks changed. I would separate from this woman, she is in a rough spot in her life and looks to be going downhill fast. DUI ,accident, DWS, etc......... This stuff is going to cost big bucks.

As far as vigilante justice goes-
Be a man........Unless he raped her, he doesn't deserve a beating......She does.

Lets get real, I just dont see the point of hurting or killing someone else when a spouse cheats............The spouse is the one cheating........

WTF? Just redneck ignorance gone mad if you ask me.

Document it and anything else you can.......it will serve you well in the divorce if you so choose......

Dont get sucked in and remember to think with the right head.

Prayers your way and

Good luck.

[Jordinator]

She just came out of nowhere and told you about the affair for no reason? Definitely wouldn't tell the kids.

[rubberring]

1. Don't tell the kids.
2. Go get the car.
3. Change the locks.
4. Lawyer up.
5. As for the other guy... f#ck him. Your wife's infidelity does not reflect on your character. However, his actions reflect on his lack thereof. He's the one who should feel weak and ashamed. Continue to be the bigger person, continue to focus on your kids' well-being, and move on with your life.

[EasyEJL]

As far as vigilante justice goes-
Be a man........Unless he raped her, he doesn't deserve a beating......She does.

totally true. he wasn't married at the time, he's not responsible for her marriage vows she is. Is it a lame thing to do? Sure, but who knows the real details or if it even was him? You are trusting the word of the alcoholic whore.

[Zero V]

Nightshift, I remember your old threads, I was thinking of you recently for some reason and wondering where you went, even said a prayer.

I am sorry things are going so rough. You are a strong man, I hope you can last through this bro.

This is not an area capable of me to advise in, but there are others who already have, or will give you their best.

Best wishes mate.

[bigmoe65]

1. Don't tell the kids.
2. Go get the car.
3. Change the locks.
4. Lawyer up.
5. As for the other guy... f#ck him. Your wife's infidelity does not reflect on your character. However, his actions reflect on his lack thereof. He's the one who should feel weak and ashamed. Continue to be the bigger person, continue to focus on your kids' well-being, and move on with your life.

Excellent advice. Repped.

[bioman]

Any more mention of assault/battery/murder out of anybody and they will be banned.

[keeper]

I say tell them no more than is necessary. If they have questions, answer them honestly. Just temper what you say carefully.

I know this won't be easy, but don't let bitterness take root. Regardless of the circumstances, bitterness is like sipping antifreeze daily. It's horrible for you and accomplishes nothing positive. It is impossible to hide from the kids b/c it eats at you so. My mom screwed around on my dad (who was a wonderful guy) til she left in search of greener pastures when I was 5 and my lil sibs in diapers. My dad never spoke ill of her, though he had every reason to. He helped us deal with it in as healthy a way as possible. He knew it was in OUR best interest to think well of her. He was right. If he'd not handled it so well, Id be a different person today. I was bent toward bitterness but Dad was wise in helping me get past it.

[brk_nemesis]

1. Don't tell the kids.
2. Go get the car.
3. Change the locks.
4. Lawyer up.
5. As for the other guy... f#ck him. Your wife's infidelity does not reflect on your character. However, his actions reflect on his lack thereof. He's the one who should feel weak and ashamed. Continue to be the bigger person, continue to focus on your kids' well-being, and move on with your life.

Agreed.

[texaswolf]

1. Don't tell the kids.
2. Go get the car.
3. Change the locks.
4. Lawyer up.
5. As for the other guy... f#ck him. Your wife's infidelity does not reflect on your character. However, his actions reflect on his lack thereof. He's the one who should feel weak and ashamed. Continue to be the bigger person, continue to focus on your kids' well-being, and move on with your life.

Best advice in here so far.