She said "I love you"
- 05-25-2009, 01:57 AM
She said "I love you"
I like this girl. She makes me laugh, she's sweet, she makes me food ect...
I just don't see a real future. The sex is great, she has a sexual appetite, more than I do and that says a lot.
today, after we woke up, she rolls over and says "I think there's cocain in your skin, everytime I'm with you I cant leave you, I love you"
Keep in mind this has been a very casual relationship for 6 months, and she "put out" on the first night, which is a rule of mine. I can't have a meaningfull relationship with any woman that does that on the first night....
So, how do I hanfle this one?
- 05-25-2009, 02:37 AM
Ahh, man, you keep ****ing it up over and over again. You keep sleeping with the girls on the first date and then complain about relationships. C'mon, you slept with her on the first date too, what does it tell about yourself? You are as big of "whore" as she is. Right?
If you are looking for a serious relationship, but know it's not gonna be with her, then why are you still with her then? But if you just want to **** and have a good time with someone, then why didn't you make it clear to her long time ago?
You got to figure out what you want first, man.
- 05-25-2009, 02:52 AM
It's times like these that I am embarrassed to be a member of the male gender of our species.Look at all these little kids takin' care of the music biz don't their bus'ness take good care of me...
05-25-2009, 03:02 AM
05-25-2009, 08:53 AM
You gotta have some courage and have a talk with her...Six months is a relatively long time to be in a casual relationship with no future. You owe it to her to do it quicky, so you both can move on.
05-25-2009, 09:07 AM
just something to consider.
I think your thinking that you SHOULD have a problem with the; not that your ACTUALLY having a problem with this.
My advice. Do Nothing. Why would you? Let her love you.. she already has been, she just didn't say it until now. You already knew she was into you. Nothing has changed. You dont HAVE to say I love you back (HArrision Ford had it right in Star Wars -lol- just say "I know" :P)
Just respond with something smart-ass and move on.
Dont make an issue where there is none.
Be smart-ass; kiss her on the forehead and get on with your day
05-25-2009, 09:09 AM
05-25-2009, 09:49 AM
One thing: She was not the only one to put out on the first night. With you doing so, pointing a finger at her is a hypocritical thing to do. There should be no double-standards, period.
Secondly: If you have been with her for 6 months, I hate to break it to you but that constitutes a relationship, no matter how you look at it. If you share you bed with her, what does really say? (Rhetorical question)
It sounds as if you are afraid of being loved and/or loving someone. Stop being selfish and either end all ties with her, or continue onward with the intent to be honest and faithful to her. Karma's a mother f*cker, just remember that.
05-25-2009, 10:42 AM
I have to agree with IL on this one...To many guys have a retarded double standard that makes it ok for them to **** anyone and anything but if a female does the same she is a useless piece of trash...Real life does not work that way. If you have been dating this female for 6 months then you have led her on...End it now.
05-25-2009, 11:08 AM
I agree with so many others here. Did you tell her up front that you did not want anything more than a casual relationship? And if thats what you wanted then why is she staying with you at nights?
You need to be honest with her, as it is as much time has passed you are going to hurt her! And it seems she is one of the good ones and she has treated you well.
05-25-2009, 11:29 AM
I love the use of the word "rhetorical"!!!
What can I say that hasn't been said already?!?!
Think training's hard,. try losing!
05-25-2009, 11:46 AM
get rid of her. its gonna flip on you. you gonna like her and be to together for a year or two then she's gonna rip out your heart and feed it to whatever miniture dog breed she has. happened to me once..never gonna happen again
05-25-2009, 11:57 AM
05-25-2009, 11:58 AM
05-25-2009, 01:23 PM
alot of guys are being hypocties sp? on here. first of all speaking for any single guy if ur prolly are going to **** a girl given the chance... yea u hook up have a good time.. but look at it this way.. what are the chances its JUST YOU that got lucky the first and what are the chances that she just gives it up easy to guys? any girl worth having is gonna be hard to get it. A girl who gave it up in the first night must be easy, a girl that would take a couple months imo and plays hard to get those are the girls who are worth it.
05-25-2009, 01:44 PM
Well **** yall... I know Dmitry and 5150 remember my past threads, and yes I do deserve what is being said...to a point.
I did want more than a casual thing with her, and yes I did sleep with her. And yes again, I will not be in a serious relationship that started like that.
Its not a double standard, once that happened (and I told her even before it happened) we could never be serious.
Am I a "whore"? Perhaps and thats something thats going to change.
The purpose of this thread was not to pile on me, but thats neither here nor there, the purpose was to get advice on how to handle a situation where you have a VERY casual realtionship, with the ground rules being set, then she wants to change them.
I appreaciate all of you guys, and gals. I mostly appreciate the ones who asked a few questions first like Crader, before ripping me.
I'm a big boy, and I can handle it however...
05-25-2009, 02:13 PM
A relationship that involves sleeping together and sexual intercourse invalidates the concept of it being a casual relationship. You are not in a casual relationship. People in casual relationships go out to dinner and a movie, go for walks, hold hands and even maybe make out. They don't share and exchange body fluids, sleeping quarters and the likes.
So you contradict yourself in a sense when you say that you "have a rule" and that means you can't have a serious relationship. Sleeping with a woman and having sexual intercourse is serious whether you chose to recognize or validate that or not. Furthermore you have classified her by this and yet you see no declassification of yourself in perpetuating this behavior with her.
Now judgment aside...there is a saying that my grandfather once said to me and he is not the first to use it - "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". My reply to him was - "suppose that cow happens to be my daughter; your grand-daughter, or my mom; your daughter". He acknowledge what a hypocritical saying it was in light or the reality that women, females, girls, are someones daughter - his or mine.
So now you have a situation where your cow is delivering milk for free. Even a cow needs to be nourished and fed in order to produce milk. It a natural process that simply cannot be overlooked. Your cow is not a whore and want's money, nor is she a slut that just wants to bone in the way men do. She is an emotional creature and wants emotional relationship nurturing. Your cow is making statements that suggest so.
So you can be a man about it and show respect for her and discontinue the relationship because you have already determined that she is not relationship material and she is making such statements.
Or you can become serious with her - but it is unlikely that this will be the case because you have already classified her as non-serious worthy and I don't see how that has changed.
Or you can lie to her and make her believe you care so you can continue to get your milk for free.
In the end your penis is dictating (punn intended) your integrity and your character. Sometime in a man's life he realizes that he needs to let the head on his shoulders and not the head of his penis direct his life and relationships.
So if she is looking to change the ground rules and you don't want to agree to the conditions are you going to move on?
If you want like minded men (boys) to encourage and endorse your choices and actions you will easily find them. If you want mature men to encourage you to maturity in your sexuality and relationship behaviors they may be few and far between.
I'm not judging you, just the behavior. I am a man and and have made my mistakes.
Look at all these little kids takin' care of the music biz don't their bus'ness take good care of me...
05-25-2009, 02:28 PM
True, and thank you. But, to my defense I did call myself a whore in my last post. I also said that was going to be adressed.
My "cow" in this situation went into this knowing full well my intentions.
Okay, you took the term casual wrong and I apologize for not being more discriptive. I guess the term should of been "sexua" or "fwb"
My penis has need, as does her Va JJ...but now that there are emotion involved I will stop.
I thank you for your insightfull respose.
05-25-2009, 02:30 PM
First off what B5150 said=perfecto
I am looking for a WOMAN, but this world is only filled with immature girls...and immature boys who frolic along the daisy's of stupidity with em. Though I may have found one, time will tell ^.^ patience is paying off.
Imagine still controlling yourself while on Drive/IGF-2 or DTH.....>.<
05-25-2009, 02:35 PM
And to the OP, I see you understand there were a few mistakes. But bro if you are gona toss out a relationship with a girl who you like, who makes you laugh, and feel good over a stupid technicality like you are trying to... You are either
B: lack balls to commit
Love me, hate me....thats ur options.
Then again forgive me inherent rudeness, I find people who believe in casual relationships with no meaningful outcome to be...one of Americas problems...to put it lightly
05-25-2009, 02:41 PM
05-25-2009, 02:43 PM
Believe me, I am a man and a pig at heart and am just now starting to get the stink of the sty off of me. It's just that today I chose to practice more self control, even if it takes all the strength I can summon. It ain't easy behaving like a grown up
Look at all these little kids takin' care of the music biz don't their bus'ness take good care of me...
05-25-2009, 02:48 PM
05-25-2009, 02:52 PM
Needless to say it caused our demise becuase I didnt trust her at all, once a slut always a slut, not to say your girl is just something to keep in mind.
``you cant make a hoe a housewife``
05-25-2009, 02:52 PM
05-25-2009, 03:03 PM
ps to above post, as soon as I saw her I knew she would be mine, and yes I did sleep with her first night, but I had every intention of making her mine form that day forward.. and i did, we never missed a night together in 3 years, it was intense love for sure.
Im 27 and Ive never had a one night stand
05-25-2009, 03:37 PM
and the reason you're not together is because she errrrrr you gave it up on the first night?
Sounds pretty lame :-) JK
05-25-2009, 03:41 PM
I just now got a text from her inviting me to the lake house for 3 days wakeboarding....
Be strong refrieddreams, be strong....
05-25-2009, 05:30 PM
ok yea u gave in to temptation and ****ed her but like you said u werent in a serious relationship.. i mean ur human testosterone flowing u had sex and she seems like a cool girl who likes to have fun... but maybe that just bothers you that she was that easy on the first night? thats why were ALL DIFFERENT!
i know ive talked to a couple girls things got going and then they had a bf but liked me more and i knew at the end of the day am i that special ? prolly not shed cheat on me just like shes cheating on him.
i get ur situation bro now if this girl made u wait a while to get some and was still fun and sweet then you would prolly wannabe serious with her right?
u sound just like me... sorry easy girls for fun but when it comes to that time in ur life its time to settle down u want a good girl.
05-25-2009, 05:41 PM
05-25-2009, 07:08 PM
05-26-2009, 12:32 AM
Like I said before, you need to figure out what you want first. You are not a little boy anymore.
05-26-2009, 05:12 AM
You sound pretty sensetive to me. I mean you got a picture of yourself holding a baby (assuming that is you). You screw her and she cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. You probably share your feelings with her too. You can tell her all you want is sex probably because you enjoy the attention of a puppy dog begging for your love. You got a low self esteem bro.
Also you are right about boning a girl on the first night. I agree with that theory. Men and women are different so that is not a double standard. It is a womans job to control the vagina, that is just how they are anatomically wired. On the other hand, we are wired to spread our seed.
05-26-2009, 07:23 AM
05-26-2009, 09:09 AM
Still mad huh?
So i noticed that you bolded the sentence about women controlling vagina. The last time I checked, just about any girl gets hit on about 50 times a night. The common factor is that every guy that attempts to create conversation with her wants to put his penis in her vagina. Who controls that vagina........(drum roll) she does. She decides which guy will get it, if any of them at all. Thats the facts of life man.
What issue do you have with this?
Also I noticed the bolded comment about low self esteem. If a person is in a relationship just because they could use the company not because they like the person, tells me that they may not feel good about themselves.
what issue do you have with this one?
05-26-2009, 01:15 PM
Besides sex, you said she makes you laugh, she's sweet, she makes you food........isn't that what most guys look for in a woman? I think you are afraid of a commitment......If she is all that to you, you need to keep her.
05-26-2009, 01:42 PM
What did you expect bro? You let the girl sleep over and probably see her way too much per week to be classified as purely a fwb relationship.
Theres certain rules you have to set early in the relationship to ensure **** like this doesn't happen. Even then it will still happen (the ILY part and wanting to get more serious) but when it does you remind the girl of the rules you set down. You said you laid down these rules but it sounded like you didn't back them up when pushed.
The thing you have to realise is that she will eventually leave you for a guy who she can get a commitment from. So you can't be afraid to lose her and you shouldn't since she's only a fwb. However it sounds from your post that you have more feelings for this girl and your not willing to risk losing her to make your position clear (just fwb).
05-26-2009, 01:49 PM
You know you shouldn't have told a forum about this. Just tell her. Communicate. Problem solved. At the end of the day, even if its goes bad/ends, you still have the respect, even if its just for your own sake, for being honest, and in that way also showing that yes you do care. Maybe not like she came to, true, but she needs to know that. Honesty is always best, no matter the outcome, because its the right thing to do.
05-26-2009, 02:06 PM
05-26-2009, 02:21 PM
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